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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
My boyfriend is living at my parents house, with no job. he takes care of our baby until I get home. But always gets angry in the morning bc he doesnt want to get up so he trys to make her sleep more when she should be unswaddled and eating cereal. I am lucky to have a family business to work at, so that is how we make our money. Problem is, he isnt really looking for a job at all. and he is planning on driving to another city with my car 3 times a week for school. which is no biggie, but we need the money for gas. When she was born I was so happy at home waking up with her in the morning, playing with her all day. Now im not allowed to look at her before I leave bc she "might go back to sleep". This cant be good for my daughter. Lately i find myself sobbing bc I am the one who shuld be home or even working part time. I did everything. He only cleans his area, never does laundry or wash bottles. and never gives her cereal. She loves him to death, but he is taking the role as mommy and sucking at it. I basically just dont know what to do. If i say anything then I am "a stupid bitch". I dont have to say a whole sentance before he starts saying "omg just stop your being crazy stop stop" like im not kidding you, i come at him calm..."hey...maybe you should get up with her shes ready to play" "omg shut up you dont know anything" God i dk what to do. I love him to death but he can be so mean, and my mom is going broke and he is always talking crap on her and her boyfriend bc they are always up our butts wanting to see the baby...he talks about my whole family...they are kind of annoying but they are helping us so much and he is so ungrateful. but he can be so sweet....i dont remember the last time he was but I know its in there and I just want this to work out so bad, I dont want the advice telling me to leave I want to know how to fix this. please, im so depressed and i cant handle it im bawling right now i just want to hold my baby and she barley even likes me anymore. this was not how it was supposed to be and hes completely oblivious.
You may love him, I'm not sure he loves you. I'm also not sure he has the maturity to properly care for your child. What I do know, based on what you have written, that this is not a good environment for you or your child.
First, as you know babies need to be on a set schedule; this is how they grow. If he wants to sleep when she should be fed is wrong. Keeping you from playing with her prior to going to work is wrong as she needs this nurturing; it is also part of her growth pattern.
You may not want to hear this: From what you have written your boyfriend is a lazy, selfish, domineering ass that needs a wake up call. In his defense this may be all he knows as this may be the home life he came from. It does not make it right. He may also be suffering from some form of depression.
Two different scenarios could be at play here. The first that this is well planned by him to get you to kick him out so he has no responsibility for you or the baby. The second is that he needs a wake up call to get his life straighted out. Fortunately the answer is the same. Kick him out.
If he pleads with you to stay and that he will change he has to agree to go to parenting classes, be screened for depression, actively seek a job or be enrolled in school in course that will lead to future employment. While he is not working and you are he also has to keep house which includes laundry, dishes and proper child care.
You also need to find a family practice lawyer and have papers drawn up for his signature which acknowledge his responsibilities to the baby. The lawyer will advise you as what has to go into these papers.
Your most important responsibility is your daughter. She comes before anything else. If her safety and well being means throwing your boyfriend out then that is what you must do.
i'm 15 years old and my boyfriend and have been going out for 5 months now. we are now at the stage to start doing 'stuff' but i'm too embarrassed too because of my oversized labia. it is so disgusting and i want to find a way to shrink it. i know you might say that he won't notice it and if he does he won't care but all the guys at school talk about the over sized labias and call them 'granny flaps'. I'm not sure what to do, do i go ahead with it? or do i just refuse to do it? i really need some good advice.
I'm old enough to be your grandfather so I will offer you some grandfatherly advice. Don’t be embarrassed by what I say here. I believe in supply facts as I know them or have researched them. I believe the more facts a person has the better decisions they can make.
Not long ago the Discovery Channel did a story out of Great Britain about Women’s concerns over how their labia have looked. They even had doctors there who charged huge sums for a five minute procedure to trim their labia. The women who had the procedure said never again, it was a very painful recovery.
Search the Discovery Channel on-line you may be able to watch the documentary on line. You find out that you are not alone with having long labia or as some of the women interviewed thought they had an ugly vagina. Speaking for the male of the species; and after some research there are I have found four general types of vagina's, I have not yet met a vagina I have not liked.
So just what is normal? If you ask a guy he will tell you a guy with a big long, thick penis is normal. If you look at medical evidence the average vagina can only accommodate about 6", so is that what the normal length of a penis should be. Which one of the four types of vagina's is truly the norm?
The nice thing about the human body is we are all different. So you have a longer labia; big deal. All that means is there is that much more to suck and nibble on during oral sex. Unless the longer labia causes you pain or other problems during sex I wouldn't worry about it. If some boy should say something about it in a derogatory way he is not only a fool but sexually inexperienced.
Enjoy what you have; you have been blessed with a very special sex organ. As I said if you are not having any pain or other problem during sex caused by your labia just relax and let your guy enjoy you.
is it sinful to kiss the opposite sex.
I am old enough to be your grandfather and my advise to you will be in the form of that which a grandfather would give.
First the direct answer; NO.
Kissing is a way of showing your feelings for another person, be they of the same or opposite sex. There are some who believe that kissing leads to sex and that sex is sinful therefore kissing is sinful. They are wrong about both.
Sex at the proper time and with the right person is a beautiful thing and is meant to be enjoyed and not just for procreation. Still among us there are people who feel that sex is just for procreation and not for physical pleasure. These are the puritans among us.
These are the people who will tell you kissing is a sin, sex is a sin and kissing and having sex with a person of the same sex is an abomination. This is really not true.
When it comes to sex, and we will include kissing, whatever happens between two consenting adults is just the. As long as they both consent and neither is hurt by what they do it is theirs to enjoy and no one else's business.
So if you want to kiss someone go ahead, you are not going to go to hell. I would advise to wait on having sex until you are old enough to understand and accept the consequences that can arise from sex.
Hello. Hope y'all are well. This question is aimed for experienced personelles {Don't want to leave more confused than I am now}:
Well I want to enlist in the National Guard; however, I would like to fist go to college(perhaps a paramedic or flight school). How do I go about this? Would I enlist in the Guard first then enroll in college? Or vise versa? And will the Guard help pay my tuition? -- I inderstand I can do these two things at once I just don't know what steps to take to get where I want to be.
Your help is greatly appreciated. Hope to hear form y'all soon. Thanks for your time, God bless.
The National Guard are Generally considered to be weekend warriors just like the Army Reserve. The difference is that the Guard are not part of the U. S. Military. They are part of the State they live in or the Guard unit is Headquartered in and the Commander in Chief is the Governor not the President. The Guard can be federalized and used to augment the U.S. Military on orders of the President.
In general after basic and advance training a guardsmen returns to his/her home town and once each month reports to the armory for training. Two weeks each year the unit goes off someplace for further training. Unless called up by the Governor for assistance in some natural disaster or civil unrest, or by the President to augment the U.S. Military this is all that is required of the Guardsmen.
As for schooling. In general the guard will in return for your service provide different types of College assistance. In my state, my son who was both an Army reservist before transferring to the Guard, received 50% off his college tuition, books, labs and all other fees at any State school in return for his service. He received these benefits while he was actively enlisted in the guard and is still receiving these benefits know that he has completed his service. Because he was also in the Army reserve he was also eligible for benefits under the Montgomery GI Bill.
To receive benefits for college you need to be in the Guard or completed your 8 years of service to the guard. Each state offers different benefits so I would suggest you contact a guard recruiter and find out for yourself or google your state national guard.
how do i masterburate my girlfriend
Try looking at the following two websites. These sites are telling women how to masturbate but may be helpful to you as well.
http://www.clitical.com/female-masturbat…
http://www.clitical.com/female-masturbat…
Hey! I'm a fifteen year old girl, sophomore. Okay well the thing, I have this thing where I get really uncomfortable with people man handling me... Haha I'm around 5'5 and I wiegh a little over a hundred pounds (106?) so I'm not big and I'm not strong. See I wasnt exactly raped but oneof my ex boyfriends did force me to give him a hj and held ne down and fingered me against my will. He also hit me a few times.. Only my closest friends know about this. Its just made me really paranoid when a guy grabs me... I'm scared (irrationally,probably) that they'll do something to me even if it's one of my friends and were out in public.. My immediate response is I just shut down. I basically try to make myself as small as possible and shut my eyes and then it gets hard to breathe. I just don't know what to do. And I have one guy friend thar does this a lot and it really freaks me out, just the smallest thing like holding me back from getting shotgun... I don't wanna tell ppl what happened to me but they'll get suspicious of me being so uncomfortable with such a small thing... What's wrong with ne and what do I do??
I'm old enough to be your grandfather and what you have written calls out for a little grandfatherly advise. So I am going to offer some.
First; Yes you were raped; You were forced to commit a sexual act, the hj, against your will. You were fingered against your will and he hit you. These are all factors in a sexual assault. While actual intercourse did not occur you were sexually assaulted by your ex-boyfriend. Any sexual assault is part of the rape statues.
Now what to do about it? You were lucky, your ex did not use his overwhelming advantage to actually penetrate you. The next girl to refuse him may not be as lucky. You did not say how old this boy is and it does not matter if he is 15 or 50 he has committed a crime and needs to be held accountable for it before he hurts anyone else.
You may not have been the first girl he has forced to provide a sexual act, I am hoping you will be the last. I would like you to do the following not just for yourself, but for all the girls he might date in the future he could possibly rape and harm more than he has harmed you.
First I would like you to tell your parents what happened, all of it. The when,the where and exactly what you were forced to do. Then ask your parent to call the Police an help you file criminal complaint against this young man.
You did nothing wrong. Part of the reason you do not want to be touched, I feel, is because of what has happened to you by your ex boy friend. To help you deal with this I would like you to contact an organization called RAINN. This stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They have a 24/7 hotline you can call 1-800-656-HOPE. RAINN has centers through out the Country that can help you find trained counselors to help you deal with the problems stemming from rape.
You said it yourself; "Its just made me really paranoid when a guy grabs me". A trained clinician can help you deal with this. You can overcome what has happened to you and not go through life being afraid every time a male touches you. This is something you cannot do alone, with help you will learn to deal with this in the best possible way.
Please tell your parents, call the Police and contact RAINN.
I'm 19 and I've been dating this 24 year old guy for a few weeks now, we had sex last night and he didn't feel a thing. It was just a spur of the moment thing, it was the right time in our relationship, we wanted each other really badly. We have had oral sex before in the past, and he'll feel it when I'm giving blow jobs and hand jobs, he just can't feel actual sex. He's the type of guy that even though he's really nice, he's also very honest and I know that if it had something to do with me he would have told me, he said that when I asked him about it too.
I'm falling for this guy and he's falling for me, yet I'm worried that he might decide that it has something to do with me, like I can't sexually satisfy him enough, and he'll break up with me. I've had one other sexual partner and he's had two others, he's never had this problem with them. He hasn't had sex in two years, so he blames the fact that he's overweight and that the condoms aren't very good (we were using durex's, my ex boyfriend was very big on using trojans). I've also heard that health problems could be the reason why too, I don't know if he has any sexual health problems but he does have possible diabetes and possible sleep apnea. He also has depression and mild schizophrenia, however I haven't really noticed any of these and he's dealt with them when he was with his previous sex partners.
Does anyone have any ideas for what could be the problem? That way I can get some reassurance that it's not my fault. And what we could do to resolve this issue?
With his health problems the medications he is taking do come with warnings that they may cause some sexual dysfunction. Three of his health problems are treated with drugs that come with these warnings.
The reason he feels it more during oral-sex or a hand jobs is pressure is felt at different points on his penis then when in the vagina and he also can relax and concentrate solely on climaxing.
Your boyfriend needs to speak to his doctor about the sexual side effects of the medications he is on. From the list of illnesses he has he is most likely being treated by more than one doctor. While each of his doctors should be aware of what the other doctors have prescribed for him, his primary doctor is the one he should consult about the sexual side effects.
There are drugs available, of the type of Viagra, that his doctor might prescribe to help him. The other option is that one of the other drugs he is on can be changed that may be the main cause of this problem in which case if it is one of the other doctors the two doctors will consult on a new medication.
Talk to your boyfriend and have him talk to his primary care doctor. If you really like him you could offer to go with him.
20f
How can you tell a guy you have your period. Lets say they started touching you, wanting to hook up ..how do you basically tell them no because you have your period without grossing or freaking them out even though they shouldn't be in the first place or even without making it awkward.
First it is really up to you as to how far you want to go when having your period. If being touched or if having intercourse during your period is uncomfortable then tell your guy that this is not a good time and next weekend would be better. This tells him your open to his desire but not today.
I love making love to my wife when she is having her period and she also enjoys it. Her breasts are more sensitive, her clit is more sensitive and yes it can be a little messy.
If your like my wife then tell your guy that your having your period and he needs to be more gentle and guide him. If you don't want the messy clean up after let him play with your nipples and clit to get you off and then you get him of either orally or by masturbating him.
Just because you are having your period does not mean you have to put your sex life on hold for a week. It all depends on you and how you feel. If you are feeling all cramped up and bloated then of course having sex is probably the last thing you want, although my wife found that sex helped with the cramps; this worked for her it may not work for you.
My thoughts towards sex are simple: Anything that happens between two consenting adults that does not harm each other is not kinky and is no one business then theirs. So if you think you may enjoy sex at some point during your period and your BF is willing, go ahead. As I said my wife and I do enjoy sex during her period, maybe not on the first day but the rest of the time, well.... what can I say.
18/f and my boyfriend is 15
Well me and my boyfriend decided we would abstain from having sex. We've been dating for 7 months now and most of the time everything is great. While we may not be having sex we still do other things (pretty much everything but actual intercourse). His mom has come home and seen us messing around in my car before he went in the house and just told him later that she understands how it is but he needs to wait to have sex and he said we were so it sounds like problem solved. Well not really because he's been a few minutes late for curfew lately and apparently the other night she told him to "be careful in what he chooses to do because some things you cant take back" i think he thought she was talking bout curfew but i instantly thought she was talking about sex. Thats what it sounds like to me. I dont know if she saw us messing around again or what but what do i do to convince her that we arent having sex. It's hard enough to abstain so cutting off everything just wont happen. I get that he's only 15 but he is way mature for his age and is a really good guy. I guess im wondering if i should talk to her? I really dont want to but if i have to i guess i will. I think he should say something to her but i just dont know what he could say that will convince her to trust that we are abstaining.
I need to offer a word of warning here before I answer your question. Be very careful here; if you turn 19 while he is still 15 you come under the statutory rape statue in most states. The way it reads is that if there is 4 or more years of age difference between you and him you can be charged with statutory rape. It does not matter if sex has occurred or not. In some states the age difference is even less. You would be well served to check what that age difference is in your state before you consider speaking with his mother.
The first question his mother is going to want an answer to is why you are not dating someone your own age? It will matter not to her that you see him as mature for his age; she probably See's you as a predator.
Everything could be just as innocent as you portray it; unfortunately in today's society we do not see it that way. Today you are seen as a cougar of sorts. In the past nobody gave it much thought. My own in-laws had a 5 year age difference between them with my mother in-law being the older one.
We have become a very untrusting and sceptical society, possibly for good reason. This is what may await you should you decide to speak with his mother. On the surface your offer to speak with his mother is a good idea. A little reverse roll playing where you tell her what your intentions are towards her son. It may put her mind at ease or fuel her suspicions even more.
In a nut shell the problem is that you are letting your heart override your common sense. It happens all the time. I think you know this hence you thinking of speaking with his mother. I also believe you know what her thoughts are going to be and what she will most likely say to you. For both your own good and the well being of your boyfriend I think you should follow what you know to be the right choice here.
16/F
My sister was recently diagnosed with severe depression. I mean, I knew she was a little depressed because she always came into my room to talk to me. I tried to cheer her up and it worked, but only for a little bit. We talked a lot and we're really close. I was terrified the other night because she made a suicide attempt and it scared me so badly. I didn't know what to do. At first, I just thought she did it because she was angry with my mom, who got after her for wiping a can lid on my face after I accidentally spilled some soup on her. However, the more I think about it, the more I realized that the diagnosis is right. It's making me feel so broken up and terrible. I tried to help her, really I did and now I don't really know what to do. It doesn't help that the doctors won't let me see her! I miss her my sister sooo much and it's interfering with everything in my life and I feel really crushed. Please, help!
As someone who suffers from depression I feel I am somewhat qualified to speak on the subject.
There is a reason the doctors will not let you see your sister at the moment. This is temporary and will change as they uncover the underlying cause of her depression.
There are two main causes of depression: Chemical and environmental; with severe depression or manic depression as it is sometimes referred to, it can be caused by both. The chemical depression has to do with two chemicals in the brain not being secreted in enough quantity and is controlled through medication.
Depression caused by environmental factors is far harder to treat but begins by removing the patient from the environment that is the probable cause. With medication and talk therapy the underlying cause hopefully will come forward. Once it does, this is called the triggers, the doctors can work with your sister to realize what the triggers are to her depression and how to manage them.
For now the doctors are to some respect controlling your sister's life. As they get her depression under control; and she is not suicidal they will give her more control of her life and allow visitors as she is capable of handling.
For now you have to think of what is best for your sister as she is the one in trouble. I know it hurts and that you miss her. Give her time to heal and then with the doctors help you will get your sister back.
how to act with the guy your trying to forget?
At first I was going to reject this question or suggest you try another, possibly younger advisor. Then I thought I might have an answer to your question.
We all have people we would like to avoid for any number of reason. Depending on activities, such as social, school, work or church we may not be able to avoid this person altogether. There is also other people in our lives who may also be friends with this person.
When contact with this person is unavoidable: by this I mean you will be attending the same event. When this happens avoid contact with this person; do not make eye contact, do not wave at them. If they come up to you be cordial and excuse yourself as soon as possible. If this person is standing with a group of mutual friends find another group to mingle with.
If this is a planned dinner event, hopefully the event planner is aware of position and not seat you two together. If this does happen be cordial, do not try and ruin the event for others. If the other person takes a position of hostility you be the adult and either find another table, as a general rule there will be some no shows and an open seat can be found, or leave the party early.
It is always best to take the moral high road in these situations. If the other person wants to be childish let them. Your friends will see who is the adult and who is the child and respect you for being the adult.
Most importantly you should be cordial to this person. Do not let them believe you want them back in your life. If necessary tell them you are being cordial only so as not to ruin the even for others and would appreciate they do as well and to please leave you alone.
I'm 19 F, I live in Saint Louis, Missouri.
Right now I go to Saint Louis Community College, this is my first semester and it's ending fast. I want to be a coroner, and major in Pathology, but I really don't know how to get there. I've tried calling coroner's offices, but I understand that they cannot supply me with the answers that I need as they are busy.
I am interested in going to Missouri State University in Springfield.
I need someone (preferrably someone in my career choice) to explain the steps on becoming a coroner to me. I know it's an elected position, and I know I have to have police experience, but I am completely clueless on the rest.
In most states the Coroner is the Chief Medical Examiner. In general this means, that while this is an appointed position, this person will have a Medical Degree and Board Certification in Pathology.
My advice to you is: Check with your Student advisor as to what Schools and what courses you should be taking and what schools you should be looking to attend.
I would believe you will need to follow the following to reach your goal: Complete a BS in Premed Courses, Med School, Internship and Residency. Then work a few years as a Medical examiner to gain field experience before applying for a position of Coroner/Medical Examiner.
While speaking to your course advisor ask if an internship could be arranged with the medical examiners office. Working as a Coroner/Medical Examiner is challeging work. It also entails a great deal of personal fortitude as some of the bodies you will see are not what the average person sees. Not everyone can stomach what you will see. You'll see decapitatins, burnt bodies, mutilations and more. The bodies will range in age from infants to elder adults.
As a first responder, just when I think I have seen it all a call comes out and I see something new. We have a job to do and we have to push through the terror of what we see and so will you. An internship in the medical examiners office will allow you to know if you have the inner fortitude to be a Coroner.
I am The husband of a wonderful and understanding wife. As i write this i feel it necessary to inform all of you of a few things first. I am not a religious person I have my own faiths about god and morality but as open minded as I try to be I am at a loss and am coming to you all as a last resort.
My wife and I had discussed for a long time the possibility of including other people in are sex life and before long it became a reality. We stepped in to a new experience unaware of the out come. Are experience was with another couple, people we trusted, people that we knew would be open to the idea. Initially I was the one to bring it up but without hesitation everyone jumped at the idea. In the end we had swapped partners. The first time we were all intoxicated and it went seemingly well. After however I had began to have doubts and shared them with my wife. Although I was unsure of how to react after many discussions I had felt that it was necessary to do it again this time with a clear and sober mind. So my wife and I and our friends decided to go for it. Now before I continue I want to say that we entered into this activity with the agreement that if it was uncomfortable with any party involved we would stop and that there would not be any pressure to do it again. That being said we tried again this time instead of us all being in the same room we decided to separate.
I was unable to become comfortable enough with the situation to complete the task at hand. My wife and the other man involved were able to reach that level of comfort and enjoyed themselves thoroughly. At the end of the second time I knew that these activities were not meant for me and expressed my discomfort to my wife with the preconceived notion that there would not be any pressure to perform that sexual feat again. What I did not know then is that my wife enjoyed it so much and she was unable to identify with me in that regard so she produced the thought that we would do it again but I would just need time to come around.
Shortly after the experiences I decided to see a therapist not because f the experience by its self but more just because of the way my life was going. After many sessions we came to the above mentioned topic. It had become relevant again because my wife had decided to go hang out with the guy that had been involved now that by itself did not bother me what bothered me is that she would not discuss and was actively trying to hide what had been said during a conversation via text message. Eventually after a short debate she offered the content of the conversation to me and it was nothing that directly bothered me because I know this guy to be very strange and playful in regards to sexual content. My wife how ever thought that It would elicit an undesirable emotional response which it did but not because of the content her assumption that it would bother me bothered me more than the content its self.
Through this conversation and the one that followed with my therapist I decided that I needed to have a very serious conversation with my wife so that we could get on to the same page about the issue at hand. Over the next few hours my wife and I talked screamed yelled cried but no matter what we did we could not get on the same page. Leaving us with this decision either we stay together and one of us resents the other or we separate and we both resent each other. We have both expressed or feelings fully about the subject matter. And she wants to sleep with other people and encourages me to do the same (which I can and will not) and I want us to only sleep with each other. I do not know what to do I am lost and cannot see the way out I lover her to much to leave and I love my self to much to leave.
If there is anyone out there that has been through this or something similar please respond.
If you have read this far thank you.
I am old enough to be your father or possibly your grandfather. I offer advice on this Website as I feel there are times when fatherly advice or grandparent type advice is needed. I always try to offer advice as straightforward as I can.
When I offer advice on questions of sex I always include: that anything done between two consenting adults is is not kinky or perverted as long as both parties consent. The operative words here are "both parties consent".
There is nothing wrong with couples swapping; though for some reason you are not finding pleasure in swapping. Your spouse on the other hand is finding pleasure and has decided not to abide by your prior agreement to stop if either wanted to.
There are a lot of things I like that my wife does not, both sexually and non-sexual. The same is true of me for some of the things my wife likes that I do not care for. We both try to indulge each other in what they like even if it is something we don't care for so as the other dopes not have to do without and in the area of sex search out side our marriage for it. This is what marriage is all about, sharing and indulging in each others likes and dislikes.
Lets leave swapping out for a minute. Lets say your wife asked you to spank her during sex; could you do it? I love my wife and would not want to hurt her. Should she ask me to spank her and need to include spanking in our sex life to be able to fully climax and enjoy sex then I would find away within myself to occasionally indulge her.
So the question as I see it is how far are you willing to go to compromise with your wife. You may not have to sleep with another women to satisfy her desires. Would your wife be acceptable to an occasional three-way with another man? Would you be acceptable to a three-way with another man? In a three-way you are still having sex with your wife, she is still having sex with you and the second man is having sex with her as well.
This is just a suggestion. A good sex therapist can help you with whatever is bothering you about swapping or help your wife understand why you are against it. Together with a sex therapist will help you both find a place that is comfortable for both of you. Expanding a couples sexual practices can be fraught with danger; for s you have found out one participant may not be comfortable with the change.
If you both love each other, I can tell from your writing you are still in love with your wife, you will find away to work things out.
I'm not going into detail because I would end up writing over 10000 words. Short story.. I really dislike my life. A lot is going on and i cry myself to sleep almost every night because i don't like my life right now. I'm a senior in high school and a girl. People are usually stressed about college and where they want to go etc. but I have that figured out. SO i guess thats alright since i already know my future. I'm just not happy...
I have a boyfriend. BEen going out for a few months and he's great. sometimes he gets on my nerves and irritates me and we have some fights. but other times he's there for me and he's the best boyfriend i've had. he really cares about me and whenever i'm in a bad mood he knows how to cheer me up. i dont get to seem him often outside of school because i'm involved with other activities and so is he. my bff is irritating me. lately we havent been on the same page and been fighting a lot about random crap. parents are getting more annoying. i'm 18 so i am pretty sure i have some freedom and independence but according to them i dont because i still live under their roof :( a lot of people i know get to do things like drive downtown and go to parties and hang out at peoples houses until midnight but my curfew is still at 9pm or even 8. they wont let me do certain things like go to a friends house they dont know. or sleepovers. or go to a concert. or go to a friends cabin. or drive outside of my town.. pretty much no life and living in a bubble.. to make things worse, i dont really have many friends. i mean, i have friends but they're the people who i say "hey whats up" to in the hallways and then dont talk much outside of school.
i just dont know what to do anymore. i really dont like my life and no matter what i do to change it.. i end up making things worse. i guess all im asking for is some advice on how to be happier and cheer me up? i dont have much time for myself so my options are limited. dont have a job which equals no money. parents keep me in a bubble life. i feel like i'm suffocating and just hate my life right now. please help.
Im old enough to be your grandfather and this question screams for a little grandfatherly advise.
So your parents gave you the "while you live under my roof you live by my rules routine." I've heard it before; many many parents use this rule to try and rein in or smother their almost, or adult children. Is it fair, no.
What can you do about it. A good response to this rule when said to you would be: How am I ever going to learn to live on my own if you don't allow me the freedom to venture out in the world while you are close at hand to guide me and help me keep from making mistakes. Keeping me in a glass bubble may keep me safe but it is not preparing me for a future on my own. Is that not a part of a parents responsibility as well, to prepare a child to be a responsible adult and make their own way in the world. You should of course put this in your own words and not say this in anger or in a situation of combativeness.
You could put this in a note that starts out with something like; I am feeling smothered and depressed. While I realise you are only trying to keep me safe.....
I have mixed feelings about a curfew. If you are someone that has a problem managing time then a curfew on school nights is probably not a bad idea. The 8 or 9 pm curfew is way to early for someone your age though and should be rolled back to around 10pm. No curfew should be in place on weekends, though returning home at a reasonable hour is respectful on your part towards your parents. This time would vary based on your activity for the evening(s).
Is there a close member of the family or a friend of your parents who might be able to talk to your parents on your behalf? If so consider talking with them and asking them to do so. Your parents are good people trying to raise you in the only manner they know. Probably in the manner they themselves were raise and they turned out okay.
I know it is hard on you; you're 18, legally an adult forced to live under rules you consider childish. If it helps you are not alone in this predicament. The my roof, my rules saying is used by more parents than you would ever think. The biggest problem with this rule is a child will eventually live under another roof as will you when you go off to college.
Does this rule allow you or any other child living under this rule to learn the coping skills required to live out from under their roof. I do not believe it does. This is what you have to find away to present to your parents.
18/f
is it mandatory for me to get a pelvic exam/pap smear..?
like if i go to the doctor because of a cold, and then they say "we need to test you for pelvic exam" am i allowed to say no thanks?? because i'm really against it.
i remember one time i went to the doctor for a physical for school and my mom was with me and they said something about pelvic exam and i thought it was my hip or something and i remember my mom said no to it. is that allowed? do i have a right to say no to the exams? or am i basically forced into it by doctors??
don't tell me "its recommended". i know its recommended. i've tried searching online and thats all i ever get. "even if you dont like it you should get it" blah blah blah... i dont care if its recommended... i'm not doing it.
part of my problem with getting it done is because i've never had anything go up my vagina before except once. that was when i tried putting in a tampon and it hurt like a mother f**cker. from that day, i've never worn tampons because it hurt so badly and i never wanted to experience it again. i can't handle tampons. call me a baby. but there's no way i'm gonna let some doctor shove a giant Q tip up my vagina..
You have the right to say no to any medical exam or procedure that you do not wish to have done with minor exception.
Speaking to a pelvic exam and given the seriousness of the consequences if regular exams are not had, why would you refuse one. Being a male I cannot understand the procedure itself, but am told it is relatively painless. I can understand not wanting a male doctor to perform this exam. If this is the problem find a female gynecologist to perform the exam.
Ovarian and pelvic cancers are about 100% curable if caught early. Pelvic exams on a regular basis is the key to early diagnosis and treatment. Having just gone through Breast Cancer with my wife I am very mindful of annual check ups for women of this type. As part of the pelvic exam the doctors also do a breast exam and as you get older order mammograms. My wife was the one to find a lump. Our doctor was very aggressive in her diagnosis of the lump and supervising her treatment. Today, a year later my wife is cancer free. I credit this to the diligence of her doctor and what our primary care doctor has taught her to look for between exams.
Even if you a re a virgin you run the risk of pelvic and ovarian cancers, especially if there is a history in your family. This simple exam can and will save your life. Whatever you may fear of the procedure the doctor can and will make you comfortable. The results good or bad are in your best interest to know so proper planning and treatment if required can be started.
I urge you to reconsider having this very important examination.
Im a girl, and im 13. I am like in lvoe with this guy. But I am turned on by two girls kissing.l When ever I see a girl with big boobs or a round bum I get turned on,. I cdream about myself being with a girl and having sex with them. Am I a lesbian. Im a homophobic but I keep having these feelings please hlpe me!!!!
I am old enough to be your grandfather and believe in telling things like they are; straightforward and to the point.Knowledge is both power and safety.
To answer your question: No you are not a Lesbian or homophonic. You are a 13 year old girl starting through puberty, who is feeling out her sexuality. This may surprise you but both boys and girls at your age start to learn about sex and sexuality by first experimenting with the same sex. One reason for this is it is safer. Parents are not concerned with two adolescents of the same sex being behind closed doors or having sleep overs.
It is way to early for you to put a label on your sexuality. Their is nothing wrong with experimentation with both sexes. The only caution I would offer at this time is you are to young to have full intercourse with a boy. Sick to whatever you feel comfortable doing with a boy such as finger, hand-jobs and blow-jobs. Full sexual intercourse is something that should wait until you are older.
Boys your age are also going through puberty. You are more mature than a boy your age by about 2 years. Boy often confuse lust with love and do most of their thinking, at least when it comes to girls, with the head in their pants. As I said a bit ago their are ways to satisfy their hormonal urges and yours, without intercourse and the fear of unwanted pregnancy.
Back to your question. Enjoy being 13, don't worry about labels. Let your body mature and catch up with the changes brought on by the hormones racing through it. For now just enjoy being the girl you are.
My boyfriend and I tried anal for the first time tonight and it was HORRID. He would poke around my anus and it wouldnt hurt, but when he put ALOT of lube on his penis and my anus and shoved the head in, it was the worst pain ive ever felt in a very long time. i almost passed out, i was having cold sweats, i was dizzy and i came very close to throwing up a couple of times. And a few hours later, i have been cramping around my cervix and its been the worse day of my life.. what happend?!
I am old enough to be your grandfather and offer advice in a straightforward manner as would be expected from a grandparent.
To a certain extent I agree with peeps; you may have harmed yourself somewhat in your attempt at anal sex. I have my doubts as to whether the harm done is life threatening, given the time that has passed, but it is better to be safe and ask a doctor. There is nothing to be embarrassed about in asking to be checked out. You are not the first and you will not be the last person the doctor will see in the practice of emergency medicine with this request. No one will think less or ridicule you.
On the subject of sex itself: Anything done between two consenting adults, not meant to do physical harm to the other, is really no ones business but theirs. On the subject of anal sex, you will either love it or hate it. Also what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Meaning if your boyfriend wants to stick his finger, butt plug or penis up your anus their is no reason you cannot stick a finger, butt plug or dildo up his anus.
Once you learn how to properly accommodate a foreign object in the anal canal, anal sex can be very enjoyable for both sexes and is not considered gay for the male. One word of caution; in anal sex play a condom should be used at all times, even on toys. Then the toys and the penis should be thoroughly washed before allow it entry to the vagina. Nails on fingers should be trimmed so as not to cut or scratch the anal canal.
Since you were the subject of the anal invasion; given the poor results of your attempt, I'm not sure you would want to try again. Should you wish to do so I have found 2 websites you may wish to visit that will help instruct you in the proper way to go about having anal sex without harming you or your boyfriend.
First things first. See a doctor ASAP to make sure you have not been harmed. Then decide if you want to try anal sex again. Done properly anal sex can be very enjoyable. The recipient must be able to relax, feel secure in their surroundings and you must have time to relax and accommodate what is penetrating you. If you do not feel safe, if you are not comfortable in your surroundings or your sexual antics are being rushed for any reason; do not attempt anal sex.
http://sexuality.about.com/od/analplay/ht/anal_sex_how_to.htm.
http://www.babeland.com/sexinfo/howto/buttsexbeginners
so my boyfriend and i are becoming more and more sexually invloved. we really love each other. i am soo scared of becoming pregnant it's frightening. i don't wanna have a child at 15 or even think about it. yes, i am a virgin. i'm 5'2" and i weigh about 107 lbs. i want to get on birth control right away... i need to find an excuse for my mom to let me; i only get my period once a year. i've only every gotten it twice. once in jan 09 for a week and the second time in jan '10 for a week. now it is december '10. my mom says that she doesn't want me getting on any pills. idk why though but i needddd to prevent stuff....... help please any other good excuses???
Being old enough to be your grandfather I am going to offer some straight talk grandfatherly advice.
First I want to say how proud I am of you that you are putting responsible sex ahead of your feelings. This is a sign of great maturity. Being mature is one thing, being old enough for a responsible sexual relationship is another. At the end of my advice to you I will place a link to a website I would like you to look at. It is all about a first sexual experience and is better at saying things than I ever can say it.
Not being a doctor I am not sure that a responsible medical practitioner would offer you birth control pills until your periods are more regular. This is a discussion you and your doctor should have for some of the reasons others have stated. I would like to suggest that you continue to keep your mother informed about your bodies maturing as she is the best source of information you have.
I know you have this before but it is worth saying again: We were not born parents, we were all teenagers ourselves and have gone through what you are going through.
If you tell us what is happening we can tell you if it is normal or if we need to seek a doctors opinion. There is nothing new out there; your mother fought off boys when she was your age and your father did his best to get in girls pants when he was your age. It is a normal hormonal reaction to changes brought on by puberty. Mom may even enjoy reliving her youth through you while helping you develop the skills to fend off the grouping by hormonally charged young men. Hence the word horny.
When I was your age there was a saying that the best birth control pill was an aspirin held firmly between the girls knees. That saying is still true today. There are other ways to satisfy the sexual urges you are both feeling without running the risk of pregnancy. Fingering, hand-jobs, blow-jobs, mutual masturbation which is fingering and hand-jobs done to each other at the same time.
A girls best protection against unwanted pregnancy is not a birth control pill. It is her pants and panties held firmly in their proper place. While I am on the subject of protection; even if you are on birth control you must always use a condom to protect against an STD. BUT WE ARE BOTH VIRGINS: Does not matter. Start using condoms with your first sexual experience and make it a practice you do not stop until you are in a true monogamous relationship such as marriage.
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.
Ok, So... i have a large labia. it hangs outside of my outer labia. It looks like a purplish-peachy set of lips that can stretch really far but i have a boyfriend and ... he wants to finger me and i want him to. BUT i am so self conscious about my labia. My vagina is shaven, and does not smell bad at all. The only negative thing is my labia. Every time I don't let him go down on me or finger me he asks why. i just say i'm nervous cause i'm two years younger and i've never done that stuff before but he has. with his ex gf. he always says how his ex's vag smelled really bad and it was gross. so then that makes me self conscience and I never take off my underwear. My sister's make fun of it and call it "The penis." Sometimes even in front of him my sisters joke around and whisper "DID YOU TELL HIM BOUT YOUR PENIS YET?" and I don't think he ever hears them but on the phone i was about to tell him and he was like can i ask you an honest question?.... do you have a penis? i was like NO! and he always talks about how gross his ex gf's vagina was and he loves the fact that i tell him i shave mine.. he's one of those guys that actually care what the vagina looks like! i think that he figured out why i don't show him or let him down there because he's always like "You know that you can tell me anything, I won't care. You can tell me anything." He keeps reassuring if i'm hiding anything from him. ugh. How do i Tell him??? This can't go on forever he eventually is going to find out. My close guy friend told me not to mention it cause then he'll look for it. but my girl friend's think i should cause he'll probably be like wtf and shocked when he starts doing stuff to me. but he's one of those guy's that care about vagina's i think! so what do i do? or say? help me please thank you(:
I'm old enough to be your grandfather so I will offer you some grandfatherly advice. Don’t be embarrassed by what I say here. I believe in supply facts as I know them or have researched them. I believe the more facts a person has the better decisions they can make.
Not long ago the Discovery Channel did a story out of Great Britain about Women’s concerns over how their labia have looked. They even had doctors there who charged huge sums for a five minute procedure to trim their labia. The women who had the procedure said never again, it was a very painful recovery.
Search the Discovery Channel on-line you may be able to watch the documentary on line. You find out that you are not alone with having long labia or as some of the women interviewed thought they had an ugly vagina. Speaking for the male of the species; and after some research there are I have found four general types of vaginas, I have not yet met a vagina I have not liked.
So just what is normal? If you ask a guy he will tell you a guy with a big long, thick penis is normal. If you look at medical evidence the average vagina can only accommodate about 6", so is that what the normal length of a penis should be. Which one of the four types of vaginas is truly the norm?
The nice thing about the human body is we are all different. So you have a longer labia; big deal. All that means is there is that much more to suck and nibble on during oral sex. Unless the longer labia causes you pain or other problems during sex I wouldn't worry about it. If some boy should say something about it in a derogatory way he is not only a fool but sexually inexperienced.
Enjoy what you have; you have been blessed with a very special sex organ. As I said if you are not having any pain or other problem during sex caused by your labia just relax and let your guy enjoy you.
i'm 18 and still a virgin. i'm definetly not ashamed of it, actually i'm kinda proud. its not like i'm ugly, actually alot of people are surprised or don't believe me that i'm still a virgin i just refuse to give my virginity to someone who doesn't deserve it and i haven't met anyone worth giving it to yet (i know i'm old fashioned but whatever). i've had a few boyfriends and definetly many opportunities but i just didn't want to. but i feel like everyone my age and even a little younger has had sex. when i hang out with certain friends thats all they talk about. i mean somethings i can contribute because i've done everything else except actual intercourse. but i just feel like i'm alone. is there anyone out there my age virgins?
As someone old enough to be your grandfather my response is going to be somewhat along the lines of grandfatherly advice. I am also going to include some information that you may find useful that you might not expect to receive from some one my age. I believe in handing you the facts as I know them or have found them for you as the questions call for them. Then letting you make the proper decision.
First, you should be proud of yourself for not being forced into having sex just so you could be like everyone else. This say a lot about your values and principals.
second, You are not the only 18 year old virgin male or female. No your not old fashion, your not a prude; you have values something sorely missing in today's teenager. You have found other ways to release pent up sexual feeling that do not subject you to possible unwanted pregnancy or STDs. Let your friend talk about their sexual conquests. I'm sure you have heard your mother say something along the lines of; "just because Mary jumped off the bridge does that mean you have to also?"
The link to a website I will place at the end is something I found for questions we receive from girls who ask when do I know if I am ready for sex. I don't think that is your question. Your question is you'll know when Mr. Right comes along till then should I be embarrassed that I am a virgin. The answer to that is no.
A first sexual experienced is something that should be enjoyed, not a hurry up affair in the back seat of a car or some stolen moments trying not to get caught. This is what is so great about waiting. Your an adult now, old enough to make your own choices. When Mr. Right comes along you need to find a place that is secure, so you feel safe. A place that is comfortable, so that you both can relax and enjoy the experience. You also need to find a time and place that you won't be disturbed so that you can relax and take your time. Yes, you should already know each older and maybe you have already explored each others bodies. This is different lying in bed for the first time totally naked, knowing that you will fully complete the sex act you both need time to fully explore one another again or for the first time. Talk to each other and let each other know what feels good and what doesn't.
Most importantly is the fact that at any time if you say stop or no. No means NO! And Stop means STOP. You have the right to say so at anytime even if he is already inside you. Please remember that.
Enjoy your first experience. Until then maintain your value's you are a better person for your values.
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.