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what should I do, babys dad is so confusing
My boyfriend is living at my parents house, with no job. he takes care of our baby until I get home. But always gets angry in the morning bc he doesnt want to get up so he trys to make her sleep more when she should be unswaddled and eating cereal. I am lucky to have a family business to work at, so that is how we make our money. Problem is, he isnt really looking for a job at all. and he is planning on driving to another city with my car 3 times a week for school. which is no biggie, but we need the money for gas. When she was born I was so happy at home waking up with her in the morning, playing with her all day. Now im not allowed to look at her before I leave bc she "might go back to sleep". This cant be good for my daughter. Lately i find myself sobbing bc I am the one who shuld be home or even working part time. I did everything. He only cleans his area, never does laundry or wash bottles. and never gives her cereal. She loves him to death, but he is taking the role as mommy and sucking at it. I basically just dont know what to do. If i say anything then I am "a stupid bitch". I dont have to say a whole sentance before he starts saying "omg just stop your being crazy stop stop" like im not kidding you, i come at him calm..."hey...maybe you should get up with her shes ready to play" "omg shut up you dont know anything" God i dk what to do. I love him to death but he can be so mean, and my mom is going broke and he is always talking crap on her and her boyfriend bc they are always up our butts wanting to see the baby...he talks about my whole family...they are kind of annoying but they are helping us so much and he is so ungrateful. but he can be so sweet....i dont remember the last time he was but I know its in there and I just want this to work out so bad, I dont want the advice telling me to leave I want to know how to fix this. please, im so depressed and i cant handle it im bawling right now i just want to hold my baby and she barley even likes me anymore. this was not how it was supposed to be and hes completely oblivious.
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You may love him, I'm not sure he loves you. I'm also not sure he has the maturity to properly care for your child. What I do know, based on what you have written, that this is not a good environment for you or your child.
First, as you know babies need to be on a set schedule; this is how they grow. If he wants to sleep when she should be fed is wrong. Keeping you from playing with her prior to going to work is wrong as she needs this nurturing; it is also part of her growth pattern.
You may not want to hear this: From what you have written your boyfriend is a lazy, selfish, domineering ass that needs a wake up call. In his defense this may be all he knows as this may be the home life he came from. It does not make it right. He may also be suffering from some form of depression.
Two different scenarios could be at play here. The first that this is well planned by him to get you to kick him out so he has no responsibility for you or the baby. The second is that he needs a wake up call to get his life straighted out. Fortunately the answer is the same. Kick him out.
If he pleads with you to stay and that he will change he has to agree to go to parenting classes, be screened for depression, actively seek a job or be enrolled in school in course that will lead to future employment. While he is not working and you are he also has to keep house which includes laundry, dishes and proper child care.
You also need to find a family practice lawyer and have papers drawn up for his signature which acknowledge his responsibilities to the baby. The lawyer will advise you as what has to go into these papers.
Your most important responsibility is your daughter. She comes before anything else. If her safety and well being means throwing your boyfriend out then that is what you must do.
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My guess is that he's really depressed and doesn't know how to express it properly. Of course most men don't like to talk about their feelings and will most likely deny being depressed but if you can find an outsider to talk to him, he may open up about what's really bothering him. It's very hard for a man to feel like a man if he's not working and providing for his new family, especially since you're living at your parents and he's not working. I know you don't have a lot of money or time but try to make time for a cheap night out once a week or every other week with just the two of you. Being away from the parents and the baby will give you both a much needed breather and hopefully can start falling in love again. Plus, you may be able to get him to open up about his feelings when no one else is around and try to be open about his feelings and not get to defensive if he's negative toward you or your family. Just let him spill and get it out and then you can calmly let him know of your concerns without making him feel like a jerk. I wish you the best and hope this helps.
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Okay, you've already stated that you don't want to hear that you should leave him or kick his butt out. I'm not gonna lie, because that would have been my first response. But, seeing how you obviously love this guy and want to make it work then I would suggest couples counseling. Many towns and cities have teenaged parenting classes. If he doesn't want to go with you then make plans to go on your own. I know, I know, you're already saying that your time is so limited but if you want to make things better I see this as the only way. Honestly this guys sounds like a spoiled baby so essentially you are raising 2 children and that would overwhelm anyone. The fact that he yells at you and calls you names is abusive and shouldn't be allowed to continue. And if he's doing this in front of your baby that can be considered child abuse. Start by talking to your baby's pediatrician and tell him/her what's been going on. Your doctor can be a great source of information and can quite possibly know of some resources for you. I'd hate for your Mom to finally have enough of this guy's nonsense and kick you all out. Then where would any of you be? I hope this helps in some way. Good luck!
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