marinemom24's advice column

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Q: background information: i am 17 i have a job and a busy life. I love animals. I am a slob. I spend one third of my life grounded for dumb stuff such as a messy room, eating the last bit of cereal, leaving my shoes out, or taking my stepmothers shampoo.( mind you i am 17 years old )
today my stepmother decided to go in my room and take my charger. When she did my room was messy. Now the first friday ive had off in months im grounded. Also the sick cat that ive been taking care of and have paid 400 dollars in vet bills i have to give away. Last one more screw up and im grounded for the whole summer and not allowed to go on my mission trip or trip to chicago that ive paid for and i have to quit my job.

I honestly think your parents are being a bit too hard on you. You have a job, which is admirable in someone your age. You also seem to be paying for your cat, which you've accepted responsibility for. Also admirable. The "offenses" you list here are not out of the ordinary for a 17 year old to commit. 17 year olds are messy. If these are the worst things you can do I consider your parents pretty fortunate. Goodness knows you could be doing alot worse things right? I raised 3 kids on my own and learned very early on to pick my battles. I can honestly say I would not be battling with any one of my children over the things you've mentioned here. You could try having a serious talk with your parents, but chances are you're just going to have to bide your time until you're off to college or out on your own. Hope this helps a bit. Good luck!

Q: this boy told asked a friend of mine if he should ask me to prom. She unknowingly of what i wanted told him that i was a nice person and that he should. I reallly dont like him the whole thing would be akward. Also hes kinda wierd going with him would not help my social rank and i dont have all that many friends to start. But id feel way to mean saying no. I was friends with his older brother and since he doesnt have friends really he sits with me and my friends at lunch. I dont mind him there since he is a sweet boy and all but prom.also my mom really wants me to go it would make her happy but my sisblings would mock me. Last i secretly want to go and i know that no one else will ask, but i dont want to be a complete loser or have a bad memory of prom.ps im a junior.

I think you should go with him to the prom. You've already said you consider him a sweet boy, so what's the problem? Who cares what other people think? If you turn this boy down and don't go to the prom you'll regret it. Your high school prom is a once in a lifetime event that you'll remember forever. Give the boy a chance and make up your mind to have a good time. You'll be glad you did. Hope this helps! Have fun and relax!

Q: Last night, I hadd a dream that I was with my family and we were grocery shopping. After we finished, I saw two guys that looked suspicious and they were staring at us. I started to get scared but we just kept walking up to our car. When we were in the car I told my dad that they were staring at us and they were getting in another car to follow us. My dad said we should go to another city, so they can stop stalking us. Then throughout my dream we lost our car and we started walking to who knows where. Then I found myself in the car with the two strangers and they were asking me my personal info and if I didn't tell them the truth, they would abuse me, touch me & do things I didn't want.
What could this dream mean? i'm curiouus about it

Many times dreams that involve being chased or followed means that we have something in our past that we don't want to face and are afraid it will catch up with us. It doesn't have to be anything awful, just something that you may possibly regret. Driving can mean moving forward, but in this dream you've lost your car. Maybe this means you feel you've lost your way somehow? If these other 2 men were doing the driving, it could mean that you don't feel you are in complete control over your life and current situations; you're more or less letting others do the driving. I honestly don't believe in standard dream meanings. That is to say that I believe our dreams are specific to each of us and what's going on in our lives at any given time. I would suggest keeping a dream journal. Try to write your dreams down as soon as you wake up while they're still fresh in your mind. You may begin to see a pattern develope. Hope this helps!

Q: Omg thanks you soooo much!!!!!! honestly you have been the only person who has helped me so much and your word impact in so many ways. I really appreciate it. you know.. he texted me last night saying that if he doesn't text me i wont text him.. there is a guy he is 19 years old. he is a little bit immature but not that much of my type. he always text me , he tells me he likes me and wants to be with me. at first i felt something for him but now am kinda confused. i really don't know what i wan tin my life anymore.

I'm so glad you find my advice helpful! Love hits us when we least expect it. And, honestly you never know who "the one" will be. On the surface this guy who keeps texting you might not seem like your type, but you really never know. If you go into things with no preconceived notions, kinda like ho-hum...whatever, you might find that it turns into something wonderful. Take your time. You're young and should be enjoying yourself. Spend time with friends and family. Put love on the back burner for now and it will find you when you're ready. Feel free to write me and let me know how things are going! Take care :)

Q: Thank you so much. that really helped me. i really wishe di was like you. I have a job i have a family but i been so stressed out. now that my boyfriend has only been using me just to have sex. am 18 years old and he is 17 almost turning 18. i wished he loved me like i love him . he tells me he does , but he doesn't even call em or anything. so dissapointed. :( What hurts me the most is that i lost my virginity to him 2 years ago.

I’m so glad you were able to find something valuable in my previous advice. What you are going through now is a tough one. So many people will come in and out of our lives. Some people will enrich our lives and we'll be better off to have known them, but some people will hurt and take advantage of us. It's inevitable. The trick is to find out what someone's true motivation is before we let them get close enough to make an impact on us. If hurtful people had a sign over their heads life would be so much simpler wouldn’t it? Try to look at this as a learning experience. After all, absolutely every experience in our lives, good or bad, is a life lesson. Take what you’ve learned from this current relationship and make a pact with yourself to be aware of the telltale signs that someone’s intentions might not be so sincere. You can’t turn back time unfortunately but you can change the way you react in future situations and relationships. Realize that you’re a valuable person worthy of real love. Don’t settle for anything less. If it means being without a relationship for a while then so be it. Give yourself time to heal and grieve and then move forward. I know a lot of what I’m saying is easier said than done. Trust me, I’ve been there. But there will be someone in your future who will love you for you and not what he can get from you. I hope in some small way this helps you.

Q: It's true. hey if you ever had your hear broken by someone you love what will you do :( ?

Yes, I have had my heart broken. Well, at least I thought so at the time. It felt like my entire world ended and I felt completely lost and hopeless. I went through being sad, angry and just a little psycho (embarrassing to admit, but true). But, I realized that I had a life and people in it that needed me. I had a job and kids that depended on me, so I plugged on. Don't get me wrong, it was difficult to continue with my daily routine but I did it all the same. And you know what? Eventually the loss became less painful everyday. I dated a few losers, relocated to a new state, met a wonderful guy and now I'm happily married. No matter how bad you may feel at the time, there's always the possibility of something wonderful around the corner. It might take awhile to meet the right person but I truly believe the right person exists for everyone. Funny thing is, when I think about that jerk who I thought had broken my heart I think "what the hell was I so upset about? he was a jerk anyway". He ended up going thru a series of crappy relationships and last I heard he had decided he was gay. Kinda funny really. Anyway, hopefully this helps to answer your question. Have a wonderful day!

Q: hey. I just started using birth control 1 day go. i think am going to get my period. today my panties had discharged. do you think this is bad. should i keep drinking my birth control pill??? its only for 20 days.

When you first begin taking birth control it very often causes some funky things to go on with your body. Afterall, they are affecting and adjusting your hormones. A discharge instead of a regular period can often be a side affect of taking the pill. Most of the time it's a positive side affect since you don't have to go thru the usual bleeding for a few days every month. However, if you're concerned I'd make an appointment with your Doc to get an opinion. Call his/her nurse and speak with her over the phone and explain the symptoms. This should put your mind at ease. Hope this helps a bit!

Q: i'm 21 and i was a virgin til last night, i had sex with this guy we ued a condom but i had a question since it was all dark i could just feel it that the condom didnt got to the END of the penis so idk if this is normal, it was placed normal but i thought it had to conver the entire penis but there was this gap at the end so i wanna know if this is normal?...also i forgot all about menstrual cycle and fertile days etc...i just finished my period the day before we had sex, does that mean i have a fewer chance on getting pregnant or a higher one ?

It sounds like the condom was worn correctly. There's always a bit of room at the tip for the semen to collect. As for the menstrual cycle and the possibility of pregnancy, everyone's cycle varies and pregnancy is always a possibility, even during menstruation. If you're at all concerned I'd recommend getting a pregnancy test to put your mind at ease. Hope this helps.

Q: 16/f
it's going to be valentines day and one of my close friends wants to spend the day together. the thing is i don't really feel like spending time with her. on friday she made a very rude comment towards me, i just laughed it off. She's not the type of person you can talk to about how she makes you feel, it will just create an argument. I also recently stopped smoking weed in order to get myself together and she expects me to smoke with her every time we're together.
pros of going tomorrow:
-i might get to see the guy i like because whenever i hang out with my friend we usually invite him over since he lives close
- i get to get out of the house (very stressful house situation)

cons:
-i waste my money (i always pay for everything with her)
-part of me will feel miserable being with her
should i go? if so what should we do? any other opinions will be highly appreciated.

It sounds like this friendship has burned itself out and you no longer have much in common. As for the guy you're hoping to see while hanging out with this "friend" why don't you cut out the middle man, so to speak, and get his number so you contact him directly? Let this frienship fizzle out once and for all and find some alternate plans for the day. Hope this helps! Happy Valentine's Day!

Q: people ask me whats my religion and i look at them like'wtf are you talking about?' my mom automaticlly declares me catholic i look at her like shes nutts she's been forcing me to go to church and read the bible and i just don't get the point of having a religion. what should I do? I believe in faith and love but the rest is kinda hard to believe in.....

You don't say your age, but it sounds like you've arrived at the point in your life where you'd prefer to decide for yourself what you believe as far as faith and religion. Just about everyone goes thru this at some point. In my opinion, no one has the right to impose their beliefs on anyone else. Again, I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing you're still living at home with your mom. This makes it difficult not to abide by her rules, rules which seem to include observing certain religious routines. Have you tried sitting down with her and talking about your beliefs? Ask that she try to respect your thoughts on the subject the same way she wants you to respect hers. I honestly feel it's perfectly acceptable to have your own belief system exclusive of the most commonly recognized religions. A belief system that includes basic beliefs such as treating others the way you want to be treated and recognizing there are karmic consequences for bad behavior is important. I believe there is higher power in charge, be it God, Jesus, Buddah, whatever. It's important to remember that every action you make (whether negative or positive) has consequences that affect others. Read a bit about other religions. Do some online searches. You'd be surprised at how many religions there are. Maybe you'll find some things that make more sense to you. I hope this helps!

Q: Okay So I am on the depo shot. I get it every 3 months but I have pelvic pain, im tired , nauses and have even thrown up. Im scared I might be pregnant is that even possible. Ive had prego tests and just a month or so ago I was having really bad pain and the doctor i seen felt my stumoch and asked if i was pregnant i said not that i know of?? I am confused.

Okay, first of all the doctor should not just ask you if you're pregnant. He should have given you a pregnancy test. In my opinion, that was a bit negligent on his part. However, you should be aware of the possibility of ectopic pregnancy where the fetus develops outside of the uterus. This is a potentially dangerous condition that can lead to internal bleeding. While I'm not saying this is what you are experiencing, you should be aware of the possibility. Please see another doctor asap if your symptoms persist. Hope this helps.

Q: Hi.
parent,teacher conference is SOON.
and i dont want mine to go.
what do i do?!! mines bad..and i have
that sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about it
how do i get them to not go,
and reports are coming home too! im so dreading it!

Head it off before it happens. Come clean with your parents and tell them the conference will be less than satisfactory and then promise to do better. If you're struggling in your studies ask if you can get help such as tutoring. Don't wait for it to blow up in your face, be the one to bring it out in the open. Hopefully, your parents will see it as your being mature enough to go to them and they'll be more receptive to the fact that you need some additional help with your studies. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Q: Okay so I want to go on a mission trip to Africa through the program Global Expedition.

We're going to go to refugee camps, help do laundry, make mud houses, etc.

I REALLY want ot go but there are some problems (that my parents identified that I agree with but..):

I'm a huge germophobic.
Don't like bugs, dirty stuff.
I even freak out when the floor in our house isn't clean enough to my standards.
HATE public bathrooms.
I get sick really easily.
I have a compulsive to wash my hands freqquently.

I will go on the two week trip. i had a huge argument with my parents because I want to be a nurse in Hummanitarian Aid and africa is perfect to see what it could be like. And my dad agreed to let me go because he doesn't wnat me to go into hummanitarian aid and if going there for two weeks will change that, then so be it.
\In africa I will probablly not go to the bathroom where I think I will and there will be no clean water to take a shower.

They also think that I should get a job in the summer instead of spending lots of money helping out when I don't get any plagues, SOMETHING out of this (they don't think the rewards of helping people counts).

So now I'm wondeirng what do you guys think - should I go or not? All of this points to no I guess but i really want to go to Africa, I don't know why. Maybe it's because I want to get away from a place iwth spoiled kids and see real life. Or maybe it's because I want to get over my clean freakness and REALLY help. Or maybe it's because I really love Princess Diana and want to follow her footsteps.

There's a trip to Romania too to an orphanage but it starts at the same time. I could go to that one because I like kids but hey there's probably orphanages in Africa already AND defintiely kids so why not that?

Your opinion please!

I say to go ahead and do it. It's for two weeks so it's not like it's a huge time committment. I think it'll be an awesome experience that you'll remember for a lifetime. Do these things while you're young and have no other real responsibilities. You just might find that you can tolerate difficult conditions more than you even realize. You'll be helping other people while proving to yourself you can overcome your fears. I don't think you'll regret it. Good luck!!

Q: so one time i waxed my chest a lil bit, i am a female and im weird and i dont like to be hairy, ever! lol but so i defitnitly stopped because..i was getting these pimples? no becuase they werent pimples they were all these ingrown hair bumps, they look as tho they are pimples but are not becuase their is no puss or blackheads or anything. but if i scratch it try to "pop it" like a pimple it just looks red and bad. and they are above and on my cleaveage and below. HELPPPPPP! serioulsy i want to show off my chest with v-necks! Can you guys think of any home remedies, or skin care products that specifically deal with ingrown hair, or if u have ever had this problem? thank you so much

Okay, first thing...do not pop them. You could end up with scars and who wants that on their chest? Some people are just sensitive to waxing. I'm not even completely sure that waxing is advised for this area of the skin. You can try rubbing some hydrocortisone cream or even calimine lotion on the affected area, but then leave it alone. It sounds like it's something that'll go away in time. But you have to be patient and resist the temptation to scratch or pick.

Q: so i am a young female and still growing and stuff but i know girls and guys get pimples and what-not but i think this is a problem. I thought people get pimples here and there...but on like one side of my forehead i am getting alot i mean alot of pimples and its really bothering me. they are not huge they are actually not even that big or pussy or anything but there are lots on one side and i think its gross. what is happening?! i dont do anything differently for whatever reason from one side of my forehead to the other...i dont know why i am getting these pimples on just like one side...thanks for letting me know AND also because i havent used any acne solutions or anything but if you guys know of products that cure or help acne blemishes, please tell!!! thank you guys!

It might have something to do with side you generally tend to sleep on. If the pimples aren't bad you can save some money by staying away from those acne-specific lotions and such. Cleanse your face daily with a soft washcloth in the mornings and then again at night. Use Neutrogena soap (hypo-allergenic and has no dyes or chemicals) then follow up with some gentle astringent like Seabreeze using a couple of cotton balls. You should see an improvement fairly quick without breaking the bank. Hope this helps!

Q: How many stamps do you need to send something in one of those big yellow envelopes?

Your best bet is to go to the post office and have them weigh it. Alot of post offices have a machine as well where you can weigh and purchase postage without having to wait in the postal window line. The weight of the envelope is going to determine how much the postage will be. You don't want to waste postage by putting too many stamps on the envelope and you don't want to put too little postage and take the risk of having the envelope returned. Hope this helps.

Q: There is this really cute boy that I am very attracted to. I am 16, female and of course he is male and 17. Now, I only started noticing this boy and falling for him because he looks at me an awful lot. One of those discreet glimpses but I know that he is looking, you knew when you feel eyes on you. Then he keeps doing it, like checking to see if I'm still there. My friend and I have lunch the same period and after, we wait at a corner and talk and she says basically everyday, he looks at me in passing. Almost to the extent of tripping over something because he was to busy paying attention to me. Now, reading this you are probably thinking he sooo likes me. However, we don't talk. We exchange glances. I would like to talk to him and get to know him but we run if complete different social circles and I don't see myself as being "his type." However, my friend had messaged him on facebook and said that she hears he's diggin me and that he apprach me and he said that he doesn't even know how the him liking me rumor that would start because he doesn't even know me at all and its the weirdest thing he's ever heard. From his cute glances to denying it all. What is up with him? I want him to talk to me first and stuff but if he doesn't, he doesn't really like me, right?

Thanks.

Just think of something, anything you can say to him and do it. Who says the guy has to talk to the girl first? Those days are over, thankfully. What's the worst that can happen? Unless he's a real jerk he'll talk to you. It's alot easier to get an idea about how someone might think about you if you are actually talking. Bite the bullet and do it. Otherwise you'll keep wondering about the "what if's" and could possibly pass up a good thing. Hope this helps a bit! Good luck!

Q: I don't have bad acne, usually a very small handful of pimples at most. And most of those are barely visible, but my face doesn't feel smooth in that area, so it bothers me.

What is a good acne wash / treatment I can use to remedy this? I need something that works and isn't very expensive.

Since you say you don't have bad acne and just a handful of pimples I wouldn't suggest anything too medicated or acne-specific. These can be very drying and irritating to skin. Instead stick to a regimen of cleansing with Neutrogena soap using a soft wash cloth and then applying a bit of astringent (Seabreeze is good choice) with a cotton ball or two. Neutrogena is a natural, hypo-allergenic soap, with no detergents, dyes or preservatives and therefore won't clog your pores. The Seabreeze astringent will further clean your pores and get rid of excess acne-causing oils. Both of these products are very affordable and can be found at pretty much any drugstore or at Walmart. Hope this helps!

Q: At a recent anniversary celebration for my parents, a well-meaning but thoughtless in-law sent them a gift from my deceased sister, with a card signed with her name. She died of cancer two years ago.

Her loss has been difficult and heartbreaking for all of us, especially my parents. I am furious at this guest for giving such a "gift." My parents were visibly shocked, but thanked the person anyway.

I knew the in-law was planning something like this, and I asked that it not be done at the party. I wish I had just said, "No! Don't do it!" I'm not sure whether I am madder at the gift giver or myself. I feel like the work we have done to recover from the loss has been set back. I could use some good advice.

Try to view the gift by the intention in which it was given. Did the gift-giver think it would be a beautful gesture that would make your parents think fondly of their deceased daughter? Or was it meant as a cruel reminder of your sister's death? Hopefully it was the former and not the latter. I don't think you should spend alot of time dwelling on this. It's not productive for any of you. You can't change the fact that the gift was given. Try instead to remember your sister as she was in life and the good times you all had. I hope you can all heal and move forward. Good luck.

Q: My husband gave a friend of his -- I'll call him "Fred" -- a place to stay and nursed him back to health after Fred was critically injured while driving an ATV. Fred was drunk at the time.
That was six years ago, and Fred is still here. While he has helped my husband with a few chores, he does not work. My husband provides him with a travel trailer, utilities, food and beer money. Fred is 47 years old and perfectly capable of working. I feel he is being disrespectful, and I want to set some ground rules -- getting a job and staying out of our house when we are not home, for starters.

My husband doesn't seem able to have a discussion with Fred. Am I selfish and un-Christian? This is straining my marriage. Please help.

Holy cow! Are you being selfish and un-Christian? Absolutely not! This is a ridiculous situation. Your husband is not helping Freddy the Freeloader one iota. What does the bible say about teaching a man to fish? Your husband needs to teach this guy to fish and kick him out ASAP. What does the bible say about marriage? Your husband needs to start paying more attention to his marriage and his wife's needs and cut this bum loose. And, it shouldn't require a long, drawn out discussion with Fred. It's your house and your money and he's overstayed his welcome for about 5 1/2 years. Put your foot down and tell your husband that either he tells Fred to go or you'll do it. Then follow through. Hope this helps! Good luck!

bio

Merry Meet!
I'm a mom of three grown children. I've been married, divorced and now recently remarried. I've had more than my fair share of life's hard knocks and have been knocked down more times than I can count, but still manage to get back up and go at life again. All this gives me tons of experience to draw upon when giving out my advice. I love people and honestly want to help. Please feel free to ask me questions directly if you like and I promise to answer each one of them.

Brightest Blessings to All!!