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he doesn't feel it when we have sex
I'm 19 and I've been dating this 24 year old guy for a few weeks now, we had sex last night and he didn't feel a thing. It was just a spur of the moment thing, it was the right time in our relationship, we wanted each other really badly. We have had oral sex before in the past, and he'll feel it when I'm giving blow jobs and hand jobs, he just can't feel actual sex. He's the type of guy that even though he's really nice, he's also very honest and I know that if it had something to do with me he would have told me, he said that when I asked him about it too.
I'm falling for this guy and he's falling for me, yet I'm worried that he might decide that it has something to do with me, like I can't sexually satisfy him enough, and he'll break up with me. I've had one other sexual partner and he's had two others, he's never had this problem with them. He hasn't had sex in two years, so he blames the fact that he's overweight and that the condoms aren't very good (we were using durex's, my ex boyfriend was very big on using trojans). I've also heard that health problems could be the reason why too, I don't know if he has any sexual health problems but he does have possible diabetes and possible sleep apnea. He also has depression and mild schizophrenia, however I haven't really noticed any of these and he's dealt with them when he was with his previous sex partners.
Does anyone have any ideas for what could be the problem? That way I can get some reassurance that it's not my fault. And what we could do to resolve this issue?
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With his health problems the medications he is taking do come with warnings that they may cause some sexual dysfunction. Three of his health problems are treated with drugs that come with these warnings.
The reason he feels it more during oral-sex or a hand jobs is pressure is felt at different points on his penis then when in the vagina and he also can relax and concentrate solely on climaxing.
Your boyfriend needs to speak to his doctor about the sexual side effects of the medications he is on. From the list of illnesses he has he is most likely being treated by more than one doctor. While each of his doctors should be aware of what the other doctors have prescribed for him, his primary doctor is the one he should consult about the sexual side effects.
There are drugs available, of the type of Viagra, that his doctor might prescribe to help him. The other option is that one of the other drugs he is on can be changed that may be the main cause of this problem in which case if it is one of the other doctors the two doctors will consult on a new medication.
Talk to your boyfriend and have him talk to his primary care doctor. If you really like him you could offer to go with him.
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Find out what drugs he is on and their side-effects as anti-psychotics and some anti-depressants have sexual side-effects attached.
He may have been fine in the past with intercourse but if any drugs were changed or something else has with treatment or the disorder you should ask his doctor. Same thing with diabetes.
I would venture to say it isn't you at all. He's obviously interested but frustrated but not in you. I doubt he has any intention of leaving you. You would have known by now. Have him see a doctor as it sounds medical to me.
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You said that blow jobs and hand jobs work for him but not straight sex. He could need a little spice in the bedroom to change things up. Using a more sensitive condom could help out also. There is an over the counter medicine at vitamin world called potent v that he can try to help out. I don't believe that the sleep apnea has anything to do with his performance but some of the drugs he's using could be. Try to be patient if you really love and care for him but talking and making him realize that you care should help him trough it. Hope this helps and good luck.
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There isn't enough details here to even create a working theory for you.
You don't have all the information yet - You need to ask him some follow up questions. What kind of troubles did he have before? What does he mean by 'not feeling it' exactly? Does he mean there is less sensation, or does he mean he just isn't getting as turned on as he would expect or want? Was he having trouble maintaining an erection despite wanting too? Was the condom too tight?
Between mental illness, overweight, poor condom choice (also a Trojan fan myself), diabetes, and the stress of having sex with a new person for the first time - it wouldn't be the least surprising if he experienced some sexual dysfunction. All of those things (and the medication that treats some of them) can contribute to poor sexual function.
Tell him straight up you need to be reassured. Obviously it isn't your fault, but it's fair for you to tell him that he needs to say that and take care of you a bit, because you are worried and stressed out.
As for resolving the issue - you have to remember that it's not your job to that. Of course you care! But it's not your job. He isn't afriad to talk to you, so listen to him and what he wants, support and encourage him. He needs to see a doctor (which, given what you told us, I hope he is already doing regularly) and talk it over with them
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It's very possible that his depression, diabetes or the medications being used to treat his conditions are responsible.
Have him talk to his doctor. Sexual side effects are very common when taking antidepressants, and there are other meds that can be combined with his current ones or taken instead that will cancel out the negative effects. Sure, it's embarrassing, but it's better than letting a relationship die for preventable reasons!
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