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Really paranoid when a guy grabs me...
Hey! I'm a fifteen year old girl, sophomore. Okay well the thing, I have this thing where I get really uncomfortable with people man handling me... Haha I'm around 5'5 and I wiegh a little over a hundred pounds (106?) so I'm not big and I'm not strong. See I wasnt exactly raped but oneof my ex boyfriends did force me to give him a hj and held ne down and fingered me against my will. He also hit me a few times.. Only my closest friends know about this. Its just made me really paranoid when a guy grabs me... I'm scared (irrationally,probably) that they'll do something to me even if it's one of my friends and were out in public.. My immediate response is I just shut down. I basically try to make myself as small as possible and shut my eyes and then it gets hard to breathe. I just don't know what to do. And I have one guy friend thar does this a lot and it really freaks me out, just the smallest thing like holding me back from getting shotgun... I don't wanna tell ppl what happened to me but they'll get suspicious of me being so uncomfortable with such a small thing... What's wrong with ne and what do I do??
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there is nothing wrong with you. i talk from experiance my ex abused me and now with the boyfreind i have i'm a little jumpy when he touches me. if you find someone who understands it isn't so bad he is teaching me to trust again but it takes time go slow and find people who can help it will get better so be strong
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First of all nothing is wrong with you. What ahppened to you was wrong and its not your fualt. You shouldnt let it ruin your life though. You may not want to but it may be best to tell your parents, and as for that kid explain to him either what happened or that it scares you when someone unexpectedly touches you and give space so its not easy for him to expectedly
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Okay, you need to tell your parents about what happened. They wont look at you any differently Then your ex boyfriend youll never see him and youll have a sence of security. This wuill allow you to get a therapist. Good luck.
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Hey,
first of all, its completely natural for you to behave that way, its understandable that you get paranoid. My advice to you? Is to just take a minute to calm down, when you're alone, think about what happened to you and you must think about how much STRONGER that experience must have made you. Its sounds like a stupid idea, but once you go through the whole thing in you're head and realise thats the worst that could happen, and you'll have got over this fear. Its gone now, and it'll never happen again. Do you understand? It's gone. & If you really dont want to tell people, then don't. You DON'T have to. As it would make it very uncomfortable. As long as a few friends now, surround yourself with people you know you will be safe with. This paranoia will disappear before you know it, next time just dont panic and always remember that, that experience has gone, and it isn't coming back! Good luck and dont worry, its only a fear. We all get over them sooner or later, no matter how long it takes, it depends how you handle it. You need to realise to calm down and remind you'rself that you're safe!
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Please realize you are NOT being irrational in any way. You were attacked and abused, plain and simple, and that is devistating to anyone. Of course this is going to affect the way you react to being touched. Your description of shutting down and making yourself small is common for people who have been raped, beaten or been in a violent situation and can also be a symptom of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). This is a very real disorder and I suggest you do not keep this to yourself. Please tell someone what has happened to you. Do you have a favorite teacher or school guidance counselor you feel comfortable with? There are ways of dealing with this but you will need someone's help. If you continue to ignore it and hope it goes away it can become a life long issue that will effect your relationships in the future. I hope this helps in some way. Good luck to you!
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I'm old enough to be your grandfather and what you have written calls out for a little grandfatherly advise. So I am going to offer some.
First; Yes you were raped; You were forced to commit a sexual act, the hj, against your will. You were fingered against your will and he hit you. These are all factors in a sexual assault. While actual intercourse did not occur you were sexually assaulted by your ex-boyfriend. Any sexual assault is part of the rape statues.
Now what to do about it? You were lucky, your ex did not use his overwhelming advantage to actually penetrate you. The next girl to refuse him may not be as lucky. You did not say how old this boy is and it does not matter if he is 15 or 50 he has committed a crime and needs to be held accountable for it before he hurts anyone else.
You may not have been the first girl he has forced to provide a sexual act, I am hoping you will be the last. I would like you to do the following not just for yourself, but for all the girls he might date in the future he could possibly rape and harm more than he has harmed you.
First I would like you to tell your parents what happened, all of it. The when,the where and exactly what you were forced to do. Then ask your parent to call the Police an help you file criminal complaint against this young man.
You did nothing wrong. Part of the reason you do not want to be touched, I feel, is because of what has happened to you by your ex boy friend. To help you deal with this I would like you to contact an organization called RAINN. This stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They have a 24/7 hotline you can call 1-800-656-HOPE. RAINN has centers through out the Country that can help you find trained counselors to help you deal with the problems stemming from rape.
You said it yourself; "Its just made me really paranoid when a guy grabs me". A trained clinician can help you deal with this. You can overcome what has happened to you and not go through life being afraid every time a male touches you. This is something you cannot do alone, with help you will learn to deal with this in the best possible way.
Please tell your parents, call the Police and contact RAINN.
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Ok.. you're young but that doesn't entitle you NOT to like something, especially when it has a bad memory attached to it. YOU ARE NOT PARANOID NOR IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!
Yes, you are a bit afraid of being in personal situations WITHOUT your consent. I'm going to presume... that you were unable to avoid or evacuate the situation with your ex. But seriously, its only because you believed you couldn't overpower or outsmart him. Whether this is true or not, guys do have... tendencies to want things that are not theirs, problems with rejection and dealing with circumstances that they are not allowed to have females and our feminine parts.
Depending on your situation, it can be a good thing to tell the people you're involved with and around about your prior situation. However, it is not a necessity.... unless speaking with the proper figure heads of authority (meaning people with power driven to CORRECT "improper" conduct(s)).
The other thing is... HARASSMENT is greatly discouraged.... however it is NOT "non-existent". If you've expressed to your "friend" that you don't appreciate his "man-handling" aggressive nature towards you and he ignores it, it now considered HARASSMENT. If it is not welcomed, it is embarassing and DOES make you feel quite improper. Overall, it's still WRONG.
I'll leave what I don't mention to other advice personnel, but... you can either continue to feel the way you do when this happens or you find a way not to allow it.
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