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im sick of this
18/female
ok so i have this best friend, well i don't even know if i can call her that anymore...we've been best friends for two years, and like any normal set of best friends we've had our fair share of fights. The last year has been running pretty smoothly and we we're inseparable. Then she started tafe, she was doing a music course and she met this girl, they quickly became good friends and soon enough all i would hear about is how close she and this other girl were getting. they even started a band together, when my friend knew how much i wanted to be in a band with her. Months had past and i still hadn't met this other girl yet, but apparently we were ridiculously alike. So we met one day, and i became that awkward third wheel, they would bring up personal jokes between them two that i didnt understand and i felt awkward to say the least.
as the months began to pass, i was slowly fading into the background, the new girl was a better me then me, well thats what i feel like anyway. My friends band has become really successful and its only brought them two closer together. Me and this other girl tried to get along but she thought i was weird and whatnot and i found it hard to talk to her even though we were so much alike personality wise. my friend is no longer calling me her best friend and now i feel so alone and replaced. Just to top it all of the two of them keep on rubbing it in how awesome their band is every time i talk to them.
but what really upset me happened two days ago. Me and my friend first became best friends over the love of a band that not many other people liked two years ago, ever since that day we went to see them in concert we had attended every single one of that bands gigs and meet and greets. So anyway i went to this gig unsure of whether she was going or not. only to get there and see her there with my replacement. the one special thing we used to do together and now it was no more. Just to top it all off, i had an AMAZING experience talking to the band members, as one of them that i have a little thing for actually remembered me. This was a HUGE deal to me because they see thousands upon thousands of faces every day, yet he remembered mine. After i had finished talking to them (and holding up the cue i might add) i waited and watched as my friend and her new bestie went and talked to them, the then came over and i told them that Bradie remembered me. they then rubbed it in that the band was obsessed with their band and that they were listening to their song on the car trip to the meet and greet.
The whole car trip home i had to listen to them talk about how awesome there band is and making my experience seem like nothing, when it meant the world to me. I just don't know what to do really. I mean its really hard for me to make friends and whatnot. I'd love to start a band too, on a side note so i can at least pursue that. Do i still even make an attempt to hang out with her?
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Heyyyy!
Firsties, let me just say , you sound like an awsome friend! It's her loss that she seemed to have replaced you. I'm sorry if that sounds mean, but its true. My advice is always 100% honest, so please don't mind! You both have actually drifted apart, further as time went buy. She probably spent so much time with you as you both were inseparable, that she might have felt she needed a little more space? Thats usually healthy for best friends, because if you're always together, you'd run out of things to talk about, whereas if you both are like separated for a while, then you can always catch up with eachother and hear something different. If you know what I mean? But it seems that you're best friend has been too caught up in her new friend that she forgot her other one. This is crucial and you have to do it, if you want her back. You tell her how you feel. Trust me, this is from experience-successful! Tell her how left out you feel, but don't seem "needy"..and she might feel bad and whatever, then if you feel she STILL isn't giving you enough attension, then you move on. Hang out with others, and ONLY speak to her when she speaks to you. Okay? That way when she gets bored of her new friend she will miss you and come back to you. Thats a definate! She won't even need to be bored of her new friend to come back to you, she will just realise that she hasnt been seeing you around as much as she used to and regret the fact that she's pushed you away and think "oh my gosh, what have I done! i need my best friend back!". Sounds unreal, but guess what? It'll happen. She will miss you, let you in on a little secret, If you've been bestest friends, then that Chemistry that bestfriends have, doesn't disappear just like that! good luck!
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In breakdown mode...Its seems that you and your friend have outgrown each other, for no "apparent" reason (stated or otherwise), or at least she's "outgrown" your previous friendship. It suited her for a period of time and for some reason... it doesn't any longer. I agree the transition is not fair to you but you shouldn't have to live trying to read every emotion of another (aka ur ex bestie). Especially when they're not, looking into the best interests between the both of you.
If possible, I would say remove yourself from the fold. If you "feel" like a third wheel around them... it's probably intentional. (unless you find a way to even the field, of course..)
Another thing? During your previous friendship, was either of you, like the "spotlight" of your group? It may be nothing... but then again...(shrug*)
I ask because some people........ needs certain kinds of attentions. This really impacts people actions and reasoning skills.
I know you mention, that making friends is a little difficult for you and all, but would you truly like to attempt to rekindle what you've already stated has been "replaced" with someone that "replaced" you?
I don't believe that's the greatest idea (totally against it...)
but if that IS your preference... then I would suggest that you make a playdate with all "3" of you and introduce your thoughts on the matter in full. Then request the audience of your former bestie alone to reiterate & review (keep notice of the "better you" as you do this, cuz she'll set the tone as to whether this 3way bestie friendship is possible... or not considering your friend still would like a friendship with you of course).
OR
Maybe you can invite the "other you" out with you... without your former best friend, to just shoot the breeze and learn more about each other. I'm sure you can create some insides jokes as well naturally. Talk about the band and whatnot.
Be forewarned that reamining in this friendship can get a bit... intertwined.
As for the band, considering that you weren't asked to join their band..... It would be likely that you should invest your time in creating one that personally satisfies your musical needs and personal happiness.
Lastly, I would like for you to consider this for yourself,
"If you had a "boyfriend" for two years and he did the same exact thing as your friend did by substituting you for another female, would you consider remaining in that relationship?" Hope not
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