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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
As I have gotten older, my menstrual symptoms have gotten worse.
I first got my period when I was 12, and then it was the occasional cramps if anything.
Now I'm 18 and my period has always been regular, but the PMS is almost unbearable. For two days starting the day I get my period, I feel horrible.
I have back pain (I have scoliosis, so it feels more like my actual spine hurts then a back ache), cramps, and constipation all at once. I also have moments which I can only describe as like getting a hot flash, all of a sudden I'm sweating. I get shaky sometimes and find it hard to breathe. I have mood swings and the smallest things aggravate and overwhelm me.
It's all so much that I feel like I can't take it or make it through the day. This of course happens usually while I'm at school and can't do anything about it.
My question is, is there any medication that can lessen these symptoms? I've heard of doctors prescribing birth control that helps lessen heavy periods, but I'm not sure about my case.
I would really appreciate any answers here, thanks so much!
The only good answer to your question is to consult with a good GYN.
there are many different types of BC pills. There are some that if you are a good candidate for, will reduce the number of periods you have to only 4 a year.
Only your doctor after examining you can tell which BC pill is right for you.
Make sure to tell the doctor everything that is troubling you and any other long term medications you may be taking.
Ok I'm 15 f never had a boyfriend and have great friends and a normal person in rankings in highschool haha well anyways I did this group thing in the summer and I became the closest I ever been with a guy and I still like him to this day but I blewit in the summer I didn't take every chance I had I could have kissed him but I felt like I was waiting I don't know what's wrong with me but I just have a lot of feelings and usually everything is my fault like my dad is trying to book a flight for me and some friends but there's this other girl who butted in and I told her the dates when we were going and now her dad is callig my dad and she's 14 so she can't fly without a parent or whatever. I just told my dad forget bout her and he said it's your fault do it urslef. And it made me realize can't do anything right I'm stupid I'm an average grade student and I mess things up a lot I just want to be happy because I've been crying like every night because I want to be with a guy that I like and I think things way to much I expect more but I'm not getting anything I just wanna be happy I regret a lot of stuff I'm so alone:(
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I hope I can pass along some wisdom to you.
First let me assure you that you are a pretty typical 15 year old. The relationship problems and confusion you felt are very, very typical for someone your age. Some teenagers handle these situation better than others. Some teenagers learn and grow into these situation faster than others. Give yourself some slack here and give yourself some time to adjust to what has become an ever changing part of your life.
As for flying without a parent. Having worked for an airline; only those children under 12 must either be accompanied by an adult or pay a higher fair to be flown as an unaccompanied minor in the care of the flight attendant. As anyone over the age of 12 pays a full adult fare and flies just like any other adult passenger. Your friend needs not be accompanied by an adult. Check with the airline you intend to use to see if your friends father may be stretching the truth here just to keep his daughter from going.
As to relationships and being alone. You are at what one would call an awkward age. Here is a lot going on what with puberty and the physical changes in your life. The new social structure and what is expected of you in school. You have added your own expectations that you may not quite be ready for. You will get there and when you do you will forget all about this time. When will you get there. It could be next week or next month. It will come sooner if you stop trying to force it. So relax and just enjoy being you.
I am 21 and my boyfriend is 22. Him and I had an on and off relationship back in 08 till 10. We broke up for good for about 6 months a while ago. Him and I started dating again because we felt like we have worked out our problems. While we were broken up he had sex with Shannon and karen and I had sex with 1 guy who was my new boyfriend. While me and him started hanging out again I knew he did things with these girls because he told me.
While him and I were together Karen kept calling him and left a message saying “fu*k your gf and come see me.” so after this incident he stopped talking to her. I met Shannon at a football game where he didn’t introduce me and she didn’t talk to me. The next time I saw her was at another football game where she said hello and talked to everyone else but me. The third time was at the movies where not much was said being we were at the movies I understand that but when we left her and her friends trailed in front of my bf and I. The last time I saw her was at a party where I met my bf best female friend and I was very kind and friendly to her and Shannon was there and ignored me.
I told my bf before we started dating I didn’t like the idea of him still talking to girls he recently had sex with but I still allowed him to because its something I had to get over and couldn’t be jealous over. But they messed up and I told him I didn’t want to be disrespected and that’s how I felt. So he stopped talking to both of them for the past couple months because he agreed with me that what they did was wrong.
Recently we have been fighting about Shannon. Shannon and my bf go to school together so im sure he sees her around and talks to her for a bit. But today he asked me what we should do about it if he talked to Shannon again. I am very furious with this because I was treated bad but he doesn’t see it like that anymore. He says I was shy (which I am) and that I didn’t make an attempt to talk to her which I find false. he says that he knows her personality and shes not like how I described and that I am shy and I don’t talk to people and etc.
So am I being jealous? Do I allow this? Do we break up? And please just be honest with me because I know sometimes people on this site are very kind and wont be harsh but I have to handle the truth so please give me the truth just don’t be too harsh I guess. Thank You
I apologize but I am unable to answer your question. While I do answer some relationship questions; yours is not the type I specialize in.
I would suggest you either pick another advisor to submit it to. A better choice would be to submit your question as an open question and receive several different answers giving you several different points of view.
i have to take my life. i am worthless, hopeless, depressed for years, lost, my house, unemployed, not a penny to my name, both dogs died, father and brother are dead, don't know if my mother is alive, and my health is in the dumpster. I forgot to say my 25 year relationship has fallen apart, and i do not have a place to live. I see suicide as justifiable in my case. no one else has to, i don't care one way or the other.
I can't help you end your life if that isnwhat you are asking. That is not what we do on this site and it is against the law.
My suggestion is you either call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.
My parents have been heavily involved in anti-pornography movements and legislature since I was a teenager. I felt that they were somewhat obsessive and refused to talk about anything but "pro-family" issues-all day, every day. I became pregnant as a teen and was condemned and verbally abused by my father for this. I never really forgave him. Fast forward over 10 years-I walked in on my father masturbating and watching pornography in our home. He ran away and hid and I never mentioned it to anyone. It made me feel rageful. I wanted to tell my mom because I feel it is hypocritical for them to continue to condemn others while there is a dirty little secret going on. But I never did. I dont want to hurt her. Also, my father helps a lot with my children. He'd probably get mad and stop helping me. He would probably never talk to me again if I did such a thing. Not that it would really hurt my feelings. Most importantly, I have such conflicting views now on everything. Is everything my parents told me in life a lie? I am searching for truth...any advice?
Hi, I am probably old enough to be your father and maybe even old enough to be your grandfather. Hopefully what I am seeing in your writing will help you sort through your conflict.
Lets start with just the fact that your father was masturbating. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. All of the recognized formal religions approve or condone masturbation as a safe outlet for pent up sexual energy.
Why was you father masturbating? One reason could be that as we get older a mans sex drive re-emerges again while a women who may be entering menopause has a diminishing sex drive. Rather than cheat on your mother your father may have chosen masturbation as an outlet. Masturbation is not dirty. If you and your husband/sex partner manually stimulate each others sexual organs during sex you are having mutual masturbation.
I know you did not ask that question but I'm sure it was in the back of your mind. Now as to your main question: Have your parents lied to you all this time.
Based on what I just said I'm going to say no. As we get older are views change. Sometimes this is because we have become more educated on the subject and other time circumstances may cause us to take a different view. In your fathers case, again based on my explanation above, he may have found that pornography does have a place.
An other explanation could be that pornography has been mothers hot button and dad just went along with her. It may have been easier to do this then to try and educate her differently.
Everyone has there own view on just about everything. As to pornography I find most of it entertaining. There are some forms of pornography that I find disgusting and without any redeeming or artful meaning. If all pornography was of the later type I would probably appose pornography as well. This could be where your fathers' thinking is. Without talking to him you will ever know.
As to catching your father masturbating and watching pornography. I think it was a very embarrassing moment for both of you. Your father I'm sure never expected anyone, let alone you to walk in on him.
This will always be a wall between you until you let it see the light of day. You did not say what your feeling are on masturbation or how you fully feel about pornography. I will suggest you start a conversation with something like; "Dad I'm sorry I walked in on you that time, I think it was an embarrassing moment for both of us." I just want you to know that what you were doing is natural and did not make me feel any less for you." Then you can take the conversation in any direction you like.
I hope I have been of some help to you.
Agree my life sucks would love too have it over today would be good, I blaim my ex husband for no suport and three kids i do not like. I could have used help in making them better people, but he walked away . and lifes the life of a millionare littraly his house is worth 2 million please advices on way of getting rid of myself I offer nothing
First; no one on this site will offer you the type of advice you are asking for, it is not what we do. It is also illegal to do so.
To address the most immediate problem, that being where you are at the moment, somewhat feed up with life. Pick up the phone and dial 911. Tell the 911 operator you are looking for ways to kill yourself. They will send the appropriate help to you.
As to your second problem, which I see is the root cause of your first problem, there is help for this too. This help comes in two forms; first you have to feel better about yourself. To do so means also solving the second problem. The people who will be helping you feel better about yourself also have the means to help you resolve the second problem.
Should your ex-husband have the funds you say he does there are ways to squeeze the money he should be paying in child support an alimony if agreed to out of him. As long as the children are under 18 he is legally obligate, by both Federal and most States laws to pay child support. These laws allow the State and Federal government to attach bank accounts, earnings, investment and anything he owns to satisfy this child support payments.
Further more since you are in a condition at the moment where family services will be stepping in to assist you, all the legal work will be done by them. They know all the ins and outs of the system and are the best prepared to run the labyrinth of red tape and other problems stemming from the way the different laws are written and applied.
Instead of looking to end things; start to look at starting something. As the saying goes: :Today can be the first day of the rest of your life"; it starts by calling 911 and asking for help.
You may not what to accept my advice as being sound advice, but it is. It is the best advice for the protection of your children. I noticed you did not say you didn't love your children only that you didn't like them.
I have a sun who has grown into a great young man. I am very proud of what he has become and what he does. There are times though when I don't like something he has done or is doing and may not like him for it. But, whatever he has done or is doing never diminishes my love for him, just slightly tarnishes the pride I have for him.
It is okay for a parent at times not to like their child or children. Especially in situations of divorce. Children of divorce can be very mean and demanding on the custodial parent; making it very hard on that parent to deal with them.
19/f
I started university in September which meant living away from home for the first time. The lifestyle here makes it so easy to go out, get drunk and bring someone back with you and I've become really promiscuous. I'm starting to get a reputation and I've found myself lying to friends about whether or not I've had sex the night before because I'm scared of them judging me. Usually I use condoms and I'm on the contraceptive injection but there have been times when I've been too drunk to bother and have had to worry about STI's. I know it's stupid and I'm putting myself at risk but I can't seem to stop.
I really want to meet someone and have a proper relationship but guys never seem to want anything more than drunken sex with me. When it's happening I feel attractive and wanted but afterwards I just end up feeling worse.
How do I change?
It would have helped some if I knew you were from the UK. I also did not know that in the UK it was legal to Drink at 18. I was under the impression they had raised their drinking age to 21 one. Thanks for the information.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. Hopefully my age and with the wisdom that comes from being my age you will heed my advice.
As to why guys "never seem to want anything more than drunken sex with me?" That's an easy question to answer. Boy's your age in or out of College do more thinking with the head between their legs than the one between their shoulders. They are programed to procreate and it is much easier to do so when drunk and with a drunken partner.
How do you change? You start by stopping the drinking and going to drunken parties. Besides the problems you have already pointed out; there are other consequences that could befall you.
Many schools have adopted a zero tolerance for underage drinking. If campus police find you drinking or drunk on campus you could be expelled.
Then there is the legal problem of underage drinking. Most Campus Police Officers are certified Police Officers with all the powers of a State Police Officer while on campus. This means you are not only facing the schools punishment for underage drinking but whatever the law prescribes as well.
This is a lose/lose situation if caught. The fact is most underage drinkers will be caught sometime before they reach their 21st birthday. Being arrested for underage drinking is not something you want as it is an arrest record that will follow you for the rest of your life. Given the public's present lack of tolerance for underage drinking you will find it harder to find a job with this type of arrest record.
Being sober you will make better decisions. You will be less likely to jump into bed with some guy on the first date. You will look for guys that respect you and want to get to know the real you; as someone who has feelings, opinions, warmth and caring. Not someone who is just a vagina and breast to use to satisfy primal urges.
You should also go to the campus clinic to be checked for STDs as it is in your own best interest. You should also ask to be checked for the HPV virus as that too can be communicated from men to women even if a condom is used. If you haven't been immunized for the HPV virus you should consider doing so as doctors are finding that both men and women carry the virus. The virus can be transmitted through kissing, oral sex and intercourse even with a condom.
I hope I have been able to offer some useful advice. You also will find that there are clubs and activities on campus where you will be able to meet both men and women with whom you can make friend and build relationships with, that do not have as part of the activity any form of alcohol. All you need to do is look for the different clubs and activities that are offered, find the ones that interest you and go to their meetings.
Age: 20
Female
I need advice concerning my boyfriend. We've been together for nearly 5 years now. He has been depressed since he was a child, and he still remains depressed. He loves me very much and he treats me very well. Its not that I want to leave him because of any abuse. I want to leave him because I feel like he doesn't even want to live life. He plays video games all day everyday as a release from reality. Everytime we get in a fight he tells me, "if it weren't for you I'd be dead. I will kill myself because I make you so unhappy. I don't deserve you."
I care about him and I love him but I feel like there is so much more to life than I have. He wants me to marry him but I don't want to because I feel like I would always be longing for a better relationship. He doesn't work, or go to college so I feel like our future would be unsteady.
There is also someone else I've become very interested in. I can't get him off my mind. I feel like my thoughts are betraying to my boyfriend which creates my heavy conscious.
So what should I do? Thank you for your response. I feel irrevocably trapped.. I can't keep this up.
First I think your boyfriend is saying this as away to control you. It is possible that I could be wrong but I doubt it.
He is comfortable with the way things are. You a are warm hearted person who would do nothing to hurt him and he knows this. By staying with him you are allowing him to have his way and not face reality and seek help for the depression you believe, and I agree with you, he is suffering.
The best thing you can do for him is to force him to seek help. This does not always work as it falls under that old saying; "that you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink". The least you can do though is try as it is in his own best interest.
The first thing you can do is to do as you are wanting to do which is just to leave, but tell him why. Which is that his depression and the resulting lack of interest in life is not what you see as a future for yourself.
The other way to way to handle him is to turn the control table around on him. This is the horse to water part. Tell him that unless he gets of his butt and gets help for his depression; starts to live a better life. then you will leave him as the way you are presently living is again not the way you picture your future life.
He may play the "I'll kill myself card again"; if he does tell him that is not going to work anymore. He needs to get help. Now it is up to him as to whether you stay or go.
okay. so i dont completely understand what "popping the cherry" means. like i no it has something to do with sex but like whats the details?
The short answer is: Popping the Cherry
Refers to the first time a girl has vaginal intercourse and her hymen breaks from penetration;
im still in high school, a male, and recently my dad lost his job. He was getting paid really well and his company was paying him for 6 months, and now that 6 months is up and now he doesnt get paid anymore.
the thing is, hes working now, kinda, like he is working for an insurance company but he says he doesnt get paid and only get paid comission. lately i've been worried ass hell for him and our family. My mom still has her job and makes good money, but my dad is the one im worried about. i just dont understand it and why i have to worry about it. I mean, he is a smart guy, went to a good college, and got a degree in engeneering and have always managed to make it through. but lately i saw his mail and it says he hasnt been paying the mortgage on his condo lately and also that our car insurance has been cancelled.
all these things hasnt taken affect, at least i dont think so, but whenever i try to talk to my dad about it, he kinds ignores it and doesnt seem to care and just simply tells me not to worry. but i've been going crazy lately and i cant even think about anything else besides his money.
i dont get it, and what makes me more mad is that other people at my school are rich and have nothing to worry about, and they dont even deserve it. All they do is go to trash parties and get in their nice cars their parents bought for them, and im sitting here, not even thinking about going out with friends, but instead worrying about my dads money issue. I dont wanna be in a shithole or broke or anything, which we arent. I mean, out family has been pretty well of since like ever, but i dont know about now. My dad wont say anything about it and im really starting to worry.
Please help me, i dont know what to do, and i feel like i need to worry about it. Ive been crying and i just cant think of anything to think about or what to do.... please..
DearAbby92 gave you some good advice. I doubt I could have set it any better.
The best thing you can do for your dad is to be supportive. By that I mean try not to add to his problems. If you need or want spending money to date, try and find a part-time after school job.
Working after school is actually a good thing to do for yourself as it is a resume builder. These kids you talk about whose parents hand them everything are going to be in big trouble when they finish College and look for a job. Employers look for a lot of things when they look at a resume. The first thing I look at is work experience.
What I'm looking for in the early, teenage years is not the job, but the work experience. This tells me a lot about who and what you are. Those that have after school jobs are the first ones I call for interviews. In today's economy and even before the recession an employer is looking for stability and a work ethic. Those kids will not have anything to show on their resumes and will find it harder to find a job.
Finding and after school job will help you now by putting some money in your pocket or if you want giving it to mom and dad to put towards the bills. I don't see dad taking it though. It helps you in your future job search and it takes some of the stress of your father. To me it is a win/win/win situation.
Now that you are 16 depending on where you live you should be able to get working papers and be able to apply for after school jobs. Just remember one thing; the job cannot get in the way of keeping up your grades.
As to dad not finding a job within his chosen career field. The job market for engineering is starting to turn around. Depending on what type of engineering dad does it should not be long before he finds a job he likes.
As for dads bills: First, you should not be looking through dads mail. From what you have written dad sounds like a smart man, I'm sure he knows what he is doing and how long he can put a bill off before he must pay it. It is unfortunately something one must do in times like this. It is not something for you to worry about.
Im a 16 y/o male
I started to feel less and less, emotional since i was 11 and im now emotionally "dead." I have never told anyone because they'd think i was crazy or depressed. So i hide behind emotional "masks" living each day just for the sake of living. i can count the number of things that i might care to do on one hand, and its like i have to be constantly on guard. physical stimulus doesnt work either, im able to simply ignore pain and arousal. Im wondering if this can be reversed or im stuck like this. any advice is appreciated
I'm old enough to be your grandfather and your letter concerns me.
I can assure you crazy you are not. What concerns me is who would you be worried about thinking you were depressed. Depression in adolescents entering puberty is generally an hormonal imbalance brought on with the onset of puberty. Of course t age 11 you would not have none this and may not realize this even at age 16. In general most depression has nothing to do with being crazy and more to do with 2 chemical secreted within the brain to manage depression. It is for this reason, the secretion of the chemicals within the brain, that most people associate depression with being crazy. Hopefully now that I've explained this to you I have dismissed the thoughts of any type of mental illness.
Fortunately you can start feeling better rather quickly. You start by sitting down with your parents and telling them how you feel. Right know they probably feel this is some type of teenage phase you are going through and you will grow out of it. As they have no other reason to think otherwise this is the only thing they can think. You need to to tell them what is going on with you and how you feel so they can help you.
Next; is a visit with the family doctor. You are old enough that you can be examined without mom or dad being in the exam room with you. You are also old enough that the doctor by law must keep you medical confidentiality. Meaning anything you and your doctor discuss stays between you and your doctor. Your doctor cannot tell anyone anything about your medical visits or treatments without your expressed written permission. This is written in a law called HIPPA.
Your doctor will most likely want to do a complete physical just to rule out any other physical reasons for you feeling as you do. Then the doctor will either prescribe medication for you or refer you to another doctor for treatment.
The other doctor will be a psychiatrist,no as I said you are not crazy. Since the chemicals you are lacking are secreted in the brain a psychiatrist is better qualified to prescribe and treat depression. Most likely this doctor will only prescribe the medication and monitor you by what is called med. checks.
Talk therapy is the best treatment for this ind of depression to help you find the stressors that are causing the depression. Here again the therapist cannot say anything to anyone about what goes on in therapy without your written consent.
The medication, if prescribed, will take a few weeks to fully kick in as it has to build up within your blood stream just like tho hormone it is subsidizing. as it does you will start to feel better.
How do I know all this? I too suffer from this type of depression. It was brought on by a bad car accident and the physical results of the accident that I must live with.
So talk to your parents and arrange to see your family doctor. There is help for how you feel.
Since my job as a cashier doesnt pay enough , i started a small one-person cleaning business. So i get a request from some lady to clean her backyard. $240 is a pretty good price for her condo-sized Yard. So when im about to leave she invited me for coffee , and we sat and talked , but since i was wearing my orange skinnies and i kinda got hard she noticed it and she put her hand on it and said "your really big" and rubbed me harder and kissed me, I ran out .But shes really hot! why is this happening help!
I am old enough to be your grandfather and I too believe you were sexually assaulted.
If you are under the legal age of consent, generally 18 or younger; then you were also molested by this woman.
I'm not sure if you look old for your age or this women just gets her kicks from being with young men. The fact is she committed a crime. Anytime there is sexual contact without consent that is assault; this is a crime. When one person is a minor that is molestation; this too is a crime.
If you are a minor you need to tell your parents; for two reasons. First, because this women did touch you in a sexual manner which is a crime. Second, to prevent any other boy from being touched by her or worse.
Sure some other boys may think its great to be sexually wanted by and older women. These women are child molesters just as a male would considered a child molester for touching or having sex with a girl or boy. The problem comes later; sometimes much later in life, but it will come.
You were to young to suspect anything when she offered you more money than the job was worth. But that was a tip off that something was not right. All of this needs to reported and the police will believe you. Their are to many child molesters walking the streets today for the police not to investigate what you tell them.
Stop her from molesting another young boys. If you are a minor TELL YOUR PARENTS and have them call the police.
Just please remember one thing. You did nothing wrong here. This women is a sick person and needs to be stopped before she really hurt someone. Hot or not she is very, very wrong for making any type of sexual advances on you or for touching you in that way.
I am an 18 year old female who is a virgin. If I give a guy oral sex am I still a virgin?
Hi, Let me start by saying I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I am an advisor on this web site to answer questions just like yours so that you get the right answers based on my knowledge and my wisdom.
Description of virginity - American Heritage® Dictionary:
1.The quality or condition of being a virgin:
I would take this to be, for the female; that sexual intercourse and penetration of the vagina has not happened.
2.The state of being pure, unsullied, or untouched.
My definition of this would mean that you have not engaged in any sexual activity at all. This would mean. Any intimate sex act which involves nudity and stimulation with the goal of orgasm counts as sex; therefore a loss of virginity.
By definition virginity can either be emotional or physical. For most of us the physical act of first intercourse where they Hymen is broken is the definition of virginity.
So the answer to your question could be yes; if you believe that virginity is a physical act of first penetration of the vagina by a penis.
Should you take literally the definition as written in the dictionary then the answer is no.
The true answer to your question is what you believe. It truly does not matter what I or anyone else thinks or believes. This is your body, your beliefs. You can take the physical definition or the emotional definition of virginity and no one should think any less of you. You are an adult now and entitled to make your own decision about such things as your sex life.
If you want to remain a physical virgin then the giving of oral and receiving of oral sex is a good way to relieve pent up sexual desire.
Should you want to remain a true virgin then oral sex and masturbation should not be indulged in.
As I said the choice is yours and yours alone, no one else can answer this question for you.
My mom is always taking her anger out on me and my brothers for the smallest thing. She likes a clean house so if we leave a book or something on the counter she accuses all of us-my brothers and I-of making HER house dirty and a pig sty and leaving our crap everywhere. Also instead of going to the person who made the mess she just yells at all of us telling us how we should be smart enough to use our brains and to clean it up. She always goes on to my dad about how bad we are and how disobedient we are when she doesn't even give us a chance. One time I made Mac and cheese and I left the pot in the sink and was going to wash it when I was done and I told my mom that because she said she wasnt going to clen up my mess. In the middle of eating she cleaned the pot up for me. Then later when my dad got home I heard her complaining to him on how much she does around the house and how she had to clean up my mess. My mom has called me from my room-the basement-just to walk across the room and get the tv remote for her because she had already sat down. It wasn't even like she was tired sick or even old she just didn't want to get up. My mom doesn't trust me with anything she always thinks I'm lying even when I'm telling the truth. My mom has over reacted and has gotten so mad or the tiniest thing before that she has even hit me. Like on my back and arms. Sometimes she hits hard one but other times she hits hard several times in the same place. I've gotten bruises before. I've tried to stand up to her when I was ten but she lashed out and hit and yelled at me even more. I don't know what to do. I'm scared to tall to her because I never know how she's going to react. Someone please help me. I need to know what some of the things that I can do are.
I don't want to give you the wrong advice and I don't know you well enough to give you any real advice other than what I am going to suggest.
From what you have written I would say besides being scared you feel as if mom is abusing you. You may not have said those exact words; that's the feeling I get from reading your note.
If that is how you feel then talk to one of your teachers or school principal. If you have any bruises show them to either of them. By law if they feel you are being abused there are steps for them to follow to make sure you and your brothers are safe.
This is the best advice I can give you based on what you have written.
Okay, I have had sex numerous times. And I can always tell when I'm done. But I've never actually had an orgasm. I've been close. Never did though. I've heard that it might be because of the guy, but I think it might just be me. Idk, it really bother me...
Anyone have any ideas?
I cannot tell you why you are not achieving the big "O". What I can do is give you some tips that might help.
Just so you know I'm one of the older advisers on this site and your question is one of the reasons I chose to be an advisor to help with questions like yours and to pass along information I know to be correct.
Let me start by saying sex is a beautiful thing between two consenting partners. Nothing is weird or strange as long as both partners are willing. One example of what I am saying would be anal sex. If one partner wants to try it and the other partner is not wanting too then mutual consent is missing and the willing partner should not try to force the other partner.
The other thing about sex has mostly to do with the female. In order for the female to get the most out of a sexual experience she must fell safe in her environment, she must be comfortable and she must feel secure. In this instance safety and security are not the same.
Safety: Someplace that is clean, where you will not be seen or overheard by others.
Comfort: On a bed or a couch, not the back seat of a car or bent over a table for a quickie. Wile the last two can be exciting once in awhile as a standard method of intercourse it counter to all three rules.
Secure: Being disturbed or discovered during sex can take all the pleasure out of it for most females. If you are worried about being discovered getting to that big "O" is going to be just about an impossibility.
With safety comfort and security you can instruct your partner in what type of foreplay you need. If you know your partner is quicker on the trigger than you are than you need him to spend more time on foreplay. If your rushing to get sex done for fear someone will come home and discover you or interrupt you; then you will not have the stimulation you need.
If you are not physically comfortable, say in the back seat of a car or some other place where you need to be a contortionist then again you are not going to get full enjoyment.
For a guy sex is more physical stimulation. If his penis gets the right amount of stimulation he will cum, its that simple.
My feeling is that if you are having sex in a safe, comfortable and secure location and you TEACH your partner how to please you; you will have that big "O".
M/15 I feel like I have been stripped of emotions, or the good ones at least. I do not feel the same about things and people anymore. It is hard to explain. My parents ask me why I don't like hugging people and things of that nature. I have less friends now and I never feel like going out and doing things. I laugh and have fun but it seems the older I get, the more I'm stripped. I have no girlfriend either. It feels like I miss how I felt previously. A year ago, even earlier this year. A year from now, I'll probably miss the way I was feeling now. Its like I'm being blocked. I'm starting to lose care for certain things. I'm tired, I feel cold. On V-day, a friend told me I'm not human. I'm nice to people but I still feel lifeless and useless. I don't want to go crazy in my stupid house. What is this? What can I do to change? I wanna feel what I used to feel. Am I desensitized? I need a change in my life soon! I feel dead. Its hard to explain, especially when I myself barely understand what this is.
First let me tell you I'm old enough to be your grandfather. Which means I've seen and been through this with my son and his friends.
What is happening to you is pretty normal for some 15 year old boys. When I was your age way back in the dark ages when dinosaurs roamed the earth, our parents called it a phase and something we would grow out of.
Today we look at how you are feeling as possible signs of teenage depression. No, you are not crazy. Teenagers today have a lot of stress placed upon them. They have the stress of the hormonal changes going on within them, the social changes that come with high school, the higher expectations placed upon then for better grades so they can get into a good college and if that is not enough you are no longer children but you are not yet adults. When I was your age I called it limbo land.
With this much stress some teenagers do not have enough of the chemical produced by the brain to manage depression. This is not crazy depression it is chemical or chemical deficient depression; easily corrected with medication that you take for maybe a year. You could also benefit from having a counselor to talk to who would keep your confidence and teach you better ways to manage your stress levels.
Just based on what you have written I would say you are pretty much a normal teenager who is taking things just a little to seriously. Somewhat confused by the changes in your life, both internal and external. The not wanting to hug people is extremely normal for a teenage male. The listlessness and withdrawal are part normal and could be part symptom. I have yet to meet a teenager, male or female, that is eager to get out of bed in the morning. As for the friends comment; ignore it.
I understand what you mean by feeling dead and how it is hard to explain; you see I suffer from chronic chemical depression.
My suggestion:
1. Sit down with mom and dad and explain exactly how you feel. If you have siblings ask mom and dad if you can have a private conversation with them someplace where you won't be disturbed. Tell them it is that important.
2. You need to see your family doctor for a complete check up. You need the check up just to make sure there is nothing physically wrong. While you are with the doctor you can explain to him/her exactly how you feel. You are old enough that you can see your doctor with out parental supervision and your doctor by law must keep your medical confidentiality. So be open and truthful. There is nothing you can say to the doctor that he or she has not heard before so do not be embarrassed to tell the doctor everything.
3. Relax, if the doctor sends you to another doctor it will be a psychiatrist. The reason for this is this doctor is better trained to treat and prescribe for problems of chemical depression. It will take several weeks for the medication to fully kick in and just like the chemicals produced by your own body the medicine has to build up to a certain level before it is fully effective. Just remember you are not crazy, not by any definition of the word.
Should you have any questions that you think I can help with, feel free to contact me.
My son is having problems in the classroom. He is not listening, playing instead of working and not following directions. His teachers complaining that he always disturb others and play rough. If his friend hit him once for disturbing them he'll hit them back 3 times.
Recently, I receive two major written complaints against him within a week from his school. The 1st one was when he wanted to see his friend's book, his friend took a sharp pencil and poke at his back in return he poke his friend back at his head and the worst part, both were bleeding. The second one was when he drank finish his friend's water. His friend got angry and hide his bag. My son manage to locate his beg with others help but in return he threw his friend beg in a pond. I paid his friend for replacement of books.
He is always getting his name on the board and coming home with notes from the teacher regarding his behavior. Almost everyday the teacher will send him out to the counseling room. He misses his classes.
I would like to know how we can resolve these issues.
Please help....
Desperate
It would help to know how old your son is and what grade he is in. Since I do not have that information I will make a stab in the dark an guess he is in the elementary school grades.
If I am correct, and since I am not a doctor and cannot offer any medical advice, I'm thinking your son is displaying some of the signs of having ADHD. Attention Deficit/Hyper Activity Disorder. This is something that appears in children around the time they are in the elementary school years.
My suggestion is that you have your son tested for this disorder. The school could test him, they most likely will refuse. It is better to have your own doctors test him and then inform the school of the results of the testing.
ADHD can be controlled with medication and in some cases a child may need the help of a child psychologist. For the schools part they will need to offer your son special eduction classes with a teacher trained to work with children with ADHD.
Should your local school not be able to supply such service to your son then the law requires they pay to send you son to a school, public or private, that can supply such services.
Should your son be diagnosed as being ADHD and you get to the point of arguing with the school system over supplying the proper services; I would suggest you engage the services of a good lawyer to assist you.
I have been through this with my own child when he was in school. The school system was very helpful up to the point I asked for the forms for them to pay for the schools they recommended.
my boyfriend hits me and i love him alot he wasnt like this before we meant i dont know why hes like that he throws me his ipod he phone anything he can get right away we have a bby now and i love her but i dnt know what happen what i do for him to start hitting me i dnt want to break up i want help
No one, I repeat no one has the right to hit you or abuse you in any way. Each state has their own laws against domestic violence. You need to get away from him before he hurts you anymore or before he starts hurting the baby.
You start by calling an organization called RAINN; this stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. They have a hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE, which is staffed 24/7 by trained volunteers who can help you. RRAINN is a nationwide network of grassroots centers that you can be referred to for emergency housing for you and your baby.
RAINN also has people who can help you file the paperwork for protection orders against your boyfriend and the appropriate police reports needed.
Your boyfriend has physically assaulted you which is crime. You need to report this for your own safety and the safety of others. Just like anyone else with problems such as alcoholics; an abuser will not seek help until he hits bottom. You can force him to seek anger management help. You can help him hit bottom by filing a police report about his abuse of you and the baby if he has ever hit or shaken the child.
Standing in front of a judge can have a very sobering on a person and may be just the wake up call your boyfriend needs. Hearing a judge tell him that society will not stand for domestic violence and what the consequences could be for future offenses may be all that is needed to get him to ask for help.
By reporting his abuse to the proper authorities, in. the police, you will be doing more to help him rather than hurt him. Yes the police arrest people and judges send people to jail; but not always. The police and judges are also there to help people get their lives straight if the person standing before the judge realizes his/her mistake and asks for help. Jail is not always the best option; sometimes anger management overseen by the court, meaning probation, is better.
TO help yourself and your boyfriend you need to do three things.
1. You have to leave him to protect you and your baby.
2. You need to contact the police and report his abuse of you.
3. You need to contact RAIN to get the help you need to protect yourself from him and to see to it that you and the baby are properly provided for.
What do dentist's use to sedate patients? Is it
laughing gas?
If i ask the dentist to sedate me and they use
laughing gas will it knock me out completely like
anesthesia used for surgeries or will i be in twilight sleep?
Will i be aware of what the dentist is doing?
Thank you :)
Hi I'm someone who is old enough to be your parent. I am an advisor on this sight so I can make sure that people who write us get straight answer.
I'm sorry but 1xxcupcakexx1 is wrong in her answer. Laughing gas alone will not put you to sleep. It is meant to relax you and to help you not feel pain. If it was a sedative many of the EMTs and Paramedics that use it while transporting patients would not be allowed to as sedation medications are strictly for a Doctor or Nurse Anaesthetist to administer. You can get real giddy depending on the gas oxygen mixture.
1xxcupcakexx1 Dentist may have used laughing gas and light sedation in combination.
is it normal to feel like you have no clue who you are?
i'm a teenage 18 year old girl still in high school but have 3 months left until i'm on my own.
i thought high school was supposed to be the time when you experience who you really are.. well if thats the case, then that was a waste for me. i still have no clue who i am or what my interests are. my high school is very clique-y. theres the popular crowd, geeky crowd, jocks, band geeks, etc. I honestly don't fit into any of those groups.
I dont even have a group of friends. I have 2 best friends. my girl best friend, and my boyfriend. i spend every minute with them in school. of course i talk to others, but not like i do with my best friends.
another thing, most people say you experience a lot of things in high school and thats how you know who you are.. well i am super super busy with a sport, and my family. i dont really have time to do what i want. i'm interested in art, but dont have time to really focus on it. thats probably why i suck at art. but i love it. I like the drums (music) but i have no time for lessons, which is why i cant play. I love to read books, but have no time to read them.
its almost like i'm wasting my time doing useless things like sports when i could be out there figuring out who i am.
i'm going to college in a few months, i feel like i should have figured out who i am already by now. I dont want to go to college not knowing who i am or what i'm interested in.
gahH! i am just so confused and frustrated. there are so many things i want to do and experience but either dont have time or money or whatever.
who am i? someone please help. thank you
Hi, I'm someone who is old enough to be your grandparent. I'm hoping I can offer you some advice you will find useful.
First let me assure you that you are among the normal teenagers in the world today. It is unfortunate that High School today does not truly prepare students for what awaits them when they graduate. Today it is all the school system can do to teach you what is required to pass the tests required for graduation. This is the result of budget problems and laws such as no child left behind.
All is not lost. You do have some time to as some would say, find yourself". Regardless of what major you may pick many of the majors you can chose from have the same prerequisite for basic studies, especially in the first year. For your first semester or even your first year you can select a Liberal Arts major. Most if not all of the credits from this major will transfer to any other major you might select after your first year of College.
You also have an alternative to going off to college this fall. You can elect to stay home and take your Liberal Arts, AA degree at the local community college, which will save your parents money. While doing so you can work with the guidance counselors at the community college to find out just what you might be best suited for; what is most attractive to you. There are a variety of things the community college has available to them to help you, including testing, that you can take advantage of.
I would suggest that rather than go off to College and be lost or unhappy that you seriously consider your local community college. You can investigate this option now by visiting them after school or arranging a visit through your high school guidance counselor.