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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I am a girl and I am 13 and I haven't had my first period yet. I also haven't started to have a lot of breast development. I am confused about the signs. I have had discharge but nothing more. Please give me your advice.

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. It is questions such as your as to why I became an advisor on this site. Hopefully the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you.

Everyone starts through puberty at different ages. You have just entered you teen years, when your body is ready it will signal the different secreter to start secreting the hormones needed for the changes your body will go through.

I can see this from your point of view; all of your friends are starting to change. They are growing breast, loosing their baby fat and starting to get the body of a young women. You on the other hand still look like you always have. You see this as bad points.

Now lets look at this from say my view point. The older you are when your body starts to change the more mature and easier it will be for you to deal with the hormonal changes that come with going through puberty. Not to mention the cramps, bloating and down right irritability that come with your period each month.

Have you noticed your friends changing not just in body features but in how they handle situations, say in school. Are they getting in trouble with teachers more than they use to? Are they more irritable, short tempered and at times just hard to be with? This is all part of going through puberty at an early age. The older you are when puberty starts the better equipped you will be both physically and mentally to handle it.

My advice is to relax, puberty will come, when your body is ready. There is nothing you can do to rush it. Regardless at what age your siblings or relatives may have been wen they started to go through puberty you will start when your body is ready. Remember each of us is a unique individual and follow our own paths.

I hope I have helped.

Hello! I am wondering exactly what editors do, how much do they get paid, what sort of educations do they need, all the information I can get because I'm thinking this might be the career that I will enjoy... I'd try doing it alone, but I don't quite know how to start looking into this...

H i; I'm most likely old enough to be you grandfather. While I do not know much about being an editor I am hoping the wisdom that comes with age will be of help to you.

Being an editor can be a very rewarding career. I am aware that there are to very different although similar jobs for editors. The first is a newspaper editor. They edit the reporters stories, checking the story for facts, the content of the story for grammar punctuation and spelling. The various editors then help arrange the content of the paper for the pressmen for printing.

The book editor does some of the same things working with the author of the manuscript to bring it forward for publication.

I would suggest you contact an editor for a local paper, TV news organization and a book publication and ask them what you need in the way of education and work skills to work towards the goal of becoming an editor. As for the local newspaper and TV station you might also ask if you could visit and observe them as they they do their job.

I would be very surprised if you're request to job follow them was turned down. Most newspapers and television stations generally are only to happy to help develop the next generation of editors, producers and other staff.

You have picked a very rewarding career. Not every career is going to make you a millionaire. what is important about a career is that you are doing something you genuinely like. How much you earn is secondary, for you can earn a fortune and be miserable. The goal for most people is to do something you love doing and make enough money to comfortably support your family. That is the American Dream.

Then there is the book editor

school A is offering me a teaching job immediately.
Accepting means i cannot seek a better school (B)for the next 2 yrs.
Rejecting means i can seek job at school (B) with 50/50 chances of getting a job there but still get school A but forego 2 months salary in school (A).

Given the economic times and the budgetary belt tightening all school systems are under. My advice would be that a Bird in Hand is worth Two in the Bush.

Meaning take the position that is guaranteed and be happy you have a job. So many school systems through out this country are being forced to cut back. School "B" may be waiting for their budget to be approved before they offer anyone a position, where as school "A" has made you a firm offer which sounds like a guaranteed position for at least 2 years.

Should school "A" be forced to cut back at the end of this year you would be free to apply to school "B" at that time if you were laid off. Your contract with school a would be come void at the time of your dismissal.

So im 14 weeks pregnant and not sure of what im having yet. Im very worried, there is a disease in my family that is only shown in boys, I was wondering if i would carry this? Its called hirschsprung's disease not many people have heard of it, but the question is its on my dads side of the family My dad has 2 brothers, my one uncles 7 year old boy has it, and my uncles daughter's newborn son now has this disease. Would i have the same cells as my cousin? I dont really understand anything about cells and how the work but i need to know my chances of having this disease for my unborn child.
Also is it wrong to bring a sick baby into this world? The last thing i want to do is get an abortion but is that the best thing to do if my child will suffer from this disease.
Advice would be great thanks :(

You really need to research this disease before jumping to any conclusions. I did some research on Hirschsprung's Disease and find it is neither a not a life threatening disease or life shortening disease.

What causes HD?

Before birth, a child’s nerve cells normally grow along the intestines in the direction of the anus. With HD, the nerve cells stop growing too soon. Why the nerve cells stop growing is unclear. Some HD is inherited, meaning it is passed from parent to child through genes. HD is not caused by anything a mother did while pregnant.

As to whether or not to bring a child who is sick into this world? IF, and that is a big question as your child may not suffer from HD, were to suffer from HD, this would not be a reason to terminate this pregnancy. There are several different ways to treat this problem should your child be diagnosed with HD that will allow your child to live a long natural life.

Below is the URL for the website I used for me research:

http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/hirschsprungs_ez/#1

Okay, so recently my computer is being really stupid. It likes to make 'error' beeping noises randomly for no reason at all while I'm in the midest of typing or something. I checked for viruses and whatnot, but nothing's there. Also, while I type, sometimes it'll have me stop typing and it'll make more error noises and I have to retype because what I typed didn't show up. Or it will drag out the last letter through a whole paragraph and it's very irritating. Any ideas of what could be going on?
I hope it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I keep my computer on all day and all night, except on school days.

I agree with DangerNerd. I had the same problem and called the manufacturer of the keyboard to ask them what the problem was. After explaining the problem they told me I had worn out the keyboard.

I would suggest you too call the keyboard manufacturer not just to find out if the keyboard is the problem, but since I called them and since my keyboard was out of warranty they made me a fantastic offer on a new one. I was offered 50% of any of their keyboards and free shipping for the new keyboard plus the return of the old one.

I'm fairly certain the problem is the keyboard. It is rare that the problem you describe is a hardware/software problem. If for some reason it is not a hardware/software problem and it could be a virus call your virus software companys help line. They have update software that they may be able to use to find and eliminate the virus.

lately ive been feeling like ive been drifting away from my friends. i know that every body has this feeling but i feel like we have different morals now. I know that you have to get through differences to have that real relationship. Most of the time i feel like its my fault because i dont think i can hold a relationship very long. I always mess up and that one little thing can make a big diffence and let things drift away. I know a friendship or any relationship is two sided and not just ones fault but i just feel different and things are changing. I recently turned 18 and i think i am slowly revealing who i am but yet to fully show it. Life is to short to lose relationships over little things but yet i feel annoyed and want to get away. I dont particularly have a question i guess i just want you to give me advice or your opinions or friendships and life. Thanks

You've asked a wonderful and complex question. As someone who is old enough to be your grandfather I must have asked myself this same question dozens of times throughout my life. My feeling as to what life is, is just that; my feelings, yours will be somewhat different.

When I answer different question concerning life questions I usually start with: Life is what we make of it. We can be successful or we can blame others for our lot in life. If we choose to be successful then we will make a plan for ourselves. This plan is a road map to follow along the way we may want to make some detours to try other things, to sight see or we find a road hazard forcing us to make a detour. The one constant remains that we keep an eye on the goal and work to achieve that goal.

As we travel down this road we have mapped out for ourselves different things happen to us. We mature, our interest change, we educate ourselves to the ever changing environment we exist in. This could have an effect on how we see the goal we set for ourselves. We may even reevaluate our goal and rest our goal. This could happen; there is nothing wrong with extending your goals just as long as you remain goal orientated.

One thing that does not remain a constant is that as you mature and educate yourself some friendships will change. I believe there are two types of friendships, there are the friends of the moment, such as neighbors who are friends while you live near them; and lifelong friends who are among the fewest as they are the rarest. These are the friends that want nothing of you but your friendship and you want nothing of then but theirs. They may be childhood friend, someone you meet in college or someone you meet at work. They are someone you do not have to see every day or even speak to every day but know when you need comforting or help they are there for you.

Most childhood friendship don’t last into adulthood. They tend to start breaking up at just about the age you are now. You go off to different colleges; you start to find different interest and new friends with those same interests. Jealousies start to appear because someone was accepted to a college they did not get accepted to.

When we finish with high school our lives start to go off in different directions. Based on what you wrote I see a person that is a planner and not waiting for the moment. This tells me you may be more mature than some of your friends. Everyone matures at different rates. Some of your friends may be forcefully holding on to their childhood as they have no plan for being an adult. Being an adult means changing in many different ways, among them is moral standards. As your present friends mature you may reclaim some of them. For now the best thing for you is to continue to move forward; set your goals and map out a path to follow. As you travel that path you will make new friends.

From your writing I see a bright articulate young lady. If you set goals for yourself you will have a successful future. There is nothing wrong with you; you are maturing and becoming the adult you are meant to be. Please set your goals and follow your heart and you will never go wrong.

You guys i need serious help....
I am so scared of these people i met about a year ago... we got close, cause one of them made it her "mission" to be my friend because they "needed a pretty girl" in their crew... i could even tell how slick and psychopathic it all really was now... they have pictures of me partying and getting drunk and then sick everywhere... and i am so scared it would get out because it would ruin my career big time let alone my family (especially my dad's job would get effected) i don't trust these people and feel that should i leap into my new career (i just finished college) and leave them and make something of myself they might resort to blackmail or even just exposing me for publicity since they are stuck in a rut doing drugs and drinking all the time. i am over that phase and i've "seen the world and got it out of my system" and never want to go through what i went through (and wish it never happened) i admit i jumped into it being the naive overprotected girl that i am but i have learned my lesson with a biggg price tag plastered on it... how do i make these pictures go away? they have serious evidence! i don't want to hang around these girls and staying on their good side means having to play their game which is ruining my future! ditching them is digging my own grave.... time is sensitive and i don't know what to do!!!! please help me.

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I am hoping the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful.

I'm not going to lecture you as I see you acknowledge the mistakes you've made. Most teenagers make mistakes that do not follow them into adulthood.

From what you have written and the way you write it, you make it sound as if you are being blackmailed or strong armed into something, just what is unclear. Should you be being blackmailed, threatened or strong armed on doing thins you do not want to d then your only choice, and salvation is to make a police report and let the police handle it.

IT sounds to me like they are bullying you in some respect. Since you may be unable to stand up to these bullies yourself you need to find a bigger bully. This is where the police come in.

The act of blackmail does not have to be an overt act; meaning an actual threat or demand made upon you. The fact that they would use these pictures to blackmail you may, in many states constitute blackmail.

Talking with the police and having them get involved, whether charges are filed or not, may be all you need to get what you want from them.
You have nothing to loose by talking to the police.

I am 18 and about to graduate high school and I want to go camping with my boyfriend, but my mom don't want me to. So is it a bad thing to go camping with my boyfriend?

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. Hopefully the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you.

The problem your mom sees in you going camping with your boyfriend goes beyond the camping itself:

First: How experience of a camper is your boyfriend.

Second: Where will you be camping. Are you planning to just go off into the mountains or to a lake and pitch a tent; or does you boyfriend plan to go to a State or National Park where there are rangers who could check on you?

Third: This is the big one, the one that will be the hardest to overcome. While you are 18 and legally an adult; your mom sees this trip as an opportunity for you an your boyfriend to indulge in any sexual intimacy you two may desire. In mom's mind this is not a camping trip but a weekend of wanton sex. It does not matter if you and your boyfriend are sexually active, this is what your mom is seeing.

I can offer advice on the first two, the third well that is going to be up to you. I'll make a suggestion to offer.

As to your boyfriends experience as a camper. If he is an experienced camper you could have his parents assure your mom of this fact. That and combining it with going to a state or national park to camp should allay most of moms fears on those subjects.

As to the third problem. You could say to your mom; mom if you are concerned about Tom and I having sex: I'm 18, legally an adult. If I wish to have a sex life that is up to me. If I were to have a sex life I would take all the proper precautions to avoid getting pregnant and that is really all or more than I should have to divulge to you.

The other of course is that you are a virgin in which case you could say: Mom I am a virgin; Tom and I have discussed this and agreed that I will remain so until we marry, or words to that effect.

As I said the third objection is the hardest one to overcome. As a salesman for over 30 years identifying and overcoming objections are the keys to any successful negotiation, even with parents.

You of course can also throw out the fact that you are 18 and an adult now an can do as you please. Moms come back will be a parent favorite retort: "As long as you live under my roof, you live by my rules."

I've identified for you what mom's most likely objections are and possible answers to overcome them. Now it is up to you to sell mom on the fact that her objections may be meaningful but they should not worrisome.

Im 14 and my bf is 15,Im a virgin hes not.
I really want to have sex with him but i want to do it secretly.I am just scared of the pain,and if i mess up while doing and im also scared of my reputation being messed up.
He doesnt force mi into it but when ever I bring up sex as a subject he gets quiet and starts biting his fingers.
I want to but i am scared of pregnancy.
His friends tell mi he likes me badly and my friends say he wants you body badly girl
We have been dating 7 months.I need help.

I am old enough to be your grandfather. I hope some grandfatherly advice and the wisdom of my age will be helpful to you.

I found the website, shown at the end, while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”

On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible people. At your age sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than a partner would at the same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones.

The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always use a condom.

As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you that advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urges without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is generally apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. At your present ages you can have all the intimacy of sex using these alternatives without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.
My advice is to wait a few more years, let you and your bodies mature a bit more so that you can fully enjoy a sexual relationship. Don’t let pear pressure force you to do something you may not be fully ready for.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

Are you supposed to do homework by yourself, or with other people, so you can have a better advantage?

And why?

When people do homework together, without the teacher saying so, is that cheating? Or when people copy homework from other people. Or is that having the best advantage?

I thought you were only supposed to get answers from other people when you didn't understand something and needed help. But copying directly from someone else, or doing certain parts just to get the work done faster. It's not ethically right, and I thought that is not how homework is supposed to be either. But my mom thinks otherwise, and now I'm really confused.

I'm a 17 year old junior.. and it takes me longer to do work and everything cause I never cheat with homework like that. Honestly I'll admit I cheat occasionally on tests and quizzes, but I'll admit its wrong. If I spent more time studying, which I'm trying to do, to be a better student, I wouldn't have needed to do that. I only get answers when I don't understand something but I thought that's what the main point of homework was.. to only ask when you needed help. and there's a difference between having help and being lazy. at least admit its wrong.. people seem to act like its okay and everything. and then they wonder why our world is so f***ed up. from someone copying work from someone else to "get the best advantage" to a politicians avoiding taxes to "get the best advantage", its the same f***ing concept.

Are we supposed to try and have the best advantage or do what is ethically right? I am so confused.

Hi; I'm old enough to be your grandfather. Let me see if the wisdom of my age can help you with this question.

First, the purpose of homework is supposed to reinforce the lesson of that day or prepare you for the next days lessons. When the teacher tells you to read a chapter in the text book and answer the questions at the end; you are most likely preparing for the next days lessons where your questions will be answered. If at the end of the days classroom instruction a teacher hands out a worksheet or tells you to answer the questions at the end f a chapter; that is reinforcement of the days lessons. At least that is the way it is suppose to work.

As to doing homework with friends. Lets say you are really good in math but terrible in science. Your best friend or boyfriend is bad in math but good in science. There is nothing wrong with the two of you studying together and helping each other with your homework because if you do not understand the subject you will not be able to do the work. It is also sometimes easier if someone your own age explains the subject as they may be able to explain it in a manner that you can better understand. This is called tutoring.

When you get to college your instructors will suggest forming study groups. The purpose of the study group is that some of you will better understand the different subjects better than others. By forming study groups you will be able to shareyour knowledge and help each other better understand the different subjects. You will not only get better grades, you will spend less time on each subject and hopefully get enough rest so you can stay awake in class.

That was the long answer. The short answer is there is nothing wrong with giving yourself an advantage as long as it is a morally correct advantage. Meaning as long as someone is only helping you better understand the subject and not doing your homework; there is nothing wrong with doing homework with another person or in groups.

I'm not really sure if i put this in the correct category, but anyways. I am 16 years old and ever since i was about 11 i used cutting as a way to take control of stuff that is happening in my life. It has been used from the death of loved ones,boyfriend issues, friendship issues, school problems, cancer of my youngest brother and even sometimes when i get too happy. I always hide the cuts, and usually cut over scars that i already have made. A close friend of mine was recently sent to a special hospital for cutting and that made me realize that i have a BIG problem. I just didn't know what else to do so PLEASE help me!

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grand father and hopefully the wisdom that comes with age will help you.

You have crossed the biggest hurdle by realizing you have a problem. Now you need to take action and find away to get help. This problem has been going on for five years and are going to need professional help to get over this. That does not mean you need to be hospitalized as you friend has been. There are other ways to treat you in an outpatient setting.

You cut yourself as a way to deal with life's stressors and emotional pain. These are two symptoms of depression, but does not mean you are depressed. You could become depressed if you were to go untreated for what is bothering you.

My advice: You have admitted to yourself you have a problem. The next step is to tell mom and dad as you are going to need both their love and help in getting better. Your parents should arrange for you to see your family doctor first, who will want to do a complete physical and screening for depression.

When you see your doctor you are old enough to see the doctor alone without a parent in the exam room. By law you have full medical confidentiality. Meaning whatever the doctor treats you for is confidential and information cannot released to anyone, even your parents, without your written consent. The law is called HIPPA, this allows for free and open communication between you and any medical personnel you may come in contact with including a fire department paramedic should you ever need one.

Once your family doctor is assured you have done no physical harm to yourself a referral to a therapist for talk therapy is in order. This is where the real work and healing begins. The harder you work with your therapist; the more open you are, the faster you will start to feel better. The therapist doesn't heal you. You heal yourself through understanding. The therapist leads you and helps you understand.

In your case the understanding starts by understanding that none of what you have endured is your fault. You may think this consciously but subconsciously you may not. This is where the therapy works. Digging out what you have buried.

I read the earlier posts on emotionlessness and saw that some of the things put down were similar to what I'm going through. Sometimes, I find my self crying with out actually knowing why. I put on a mask everyday to play that body I walk around in. I tred explaining it to my mom but it took a while. It's sort of like never being able to be hurt by anything but then,... never being able to be truly happy. I can't remember the last time I have felt happy and I'm afraid that I never had that emotion in the first place. What if I never know what it feels like to be happy. I want my emotions back and there may be a few reasons why I don't have them. My life hasn't been all fun and games as my outward mask feigns it was. I had a father who neglected me and stepmothers who caused me both physical and emotional pain. In the end, my father dropped me off at a daycare center where i had spent most of my childhood at. Now I'm adopted but I don't think i came out of it all unscathed. If thats where my emotionlessness came from than how do i get it back? Oh and don't bother trying to contact my email. It's bumb anyway.

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and hopefully the wisdom of my age can be of help.

First none of the advisers see your email address. We ask for your email address only so you can be alerted that an adviser has answered you. By using a fake address you need to monitore for any answers.

I am truly hurt by the childhood you have had. The fact that you have been adopted means that you are also very special to the people who have adopted you.

I don't say this just to make you feel good. I have a cousin who was adopted. My parents told me what adoption was when I was very little and he has known he was adopted since he was old enough to understand. He and I have been closer than any of my blood relatives. He is also the son of my favorite Aunt and Uncle.

I feel, from what little you have written, that you have the right to feel as you do. You can feel better about yourself. It will take time, it will take the special love of your adoptive parents and the help of a good therapist.

Talk to your parent again. Tell them you have written to us and that someone, me, has suggested that you see a therapist for help in dealing with past issues. It is going to take more than their love to help you break free of your past. You can't hide from past or bury the past, which is what your doing and why you feel this way. While you may be mildly depressed at this time, if you continue to bury these issue you will eventually become deeply depressed.

Once you find a therapist, and you may go through several, that you are comfortable with and can trust to speak openly with, you will begin to heal and fell better. You will start to get you emotions and true feelings back.

Okay, so I'm 16, and I'm female, my boyfriend is also 16, we have been together since we were 13, and we love each other, my dad died last year and my boyfriend was there an he was my dads bestfriend, I'm worried what my dad would say if we had sex for the first time... Should we? Lame question but I need advice:(

I'm sorry for what has happened to you, if you read my advice I advised against having sex and suggested alternatives. If you were to have sex I was suggesting a male condom. Yes there is such a thing as a female condom which might have offered more protection. If you engaged in oral sex and one of you had a cold sore that could account for you getting herpes. A cold sore is a herpes virus.

the recommendation for condom usage is sound advice and is backed by many agencies who seek to prevent the spread of AIDs and STD's. I know you want to blame some one for what has happened and it is okay to blame me, I have big shoulders. But do not blame the advice, the advice on condom usage is sound and backed by medical literature you can find on the web if you care to research it.

For you to have an STD means your boyfriend has had unprotected sex with someone else or as I said; if he preformed oral sex on you and had a cold sore you could have gotten it that way.

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and while I cannot speak for your father I think I know what he may say to you.

First; my condolences on the loss of your dad.

Having not known your dad I really can't speak for him. I'm going on the fact that you are wondering what you dad might say. If your dad's views are as liberal as mine are towards teenage sex then he might say something like the following.

I understand that teenagers, especially boys have ragging hormones that need to be satisfied. There are many ways to satisfy these urges without actual intercourse. There is mutual masturbation, which is where you give the boy a handjob and he fingers you and there is oral sex as well. There is also anal sex but that is something that is as the saying goes an acquired taste for the more experienced lovers. There is also singular masturbation.

These acts satisfy the urge as they lead to a climax. They are also the safest form of sex as there is no vaginal penetration which could lead to an unwanted pregnancy.

Now if I have not convinced you not to have intercourse then you need to do the following for me before you have sex. You need to go to a gynecologist and be put on a proper form of birth control. You also need to promise me that your current boyfriend and any future sex partners will always wear a condom. I care less that you are both virgins at this time; it is best that you start properly. Condoms are you safest form of protection from HIV and STDs. So until you are married or in a long term monogamous relationship no one rides bare back. That is something you have to promise me.

Just below is a URL for a website that has answers to "Am I ready." It is about first time sex. I would suggest you and your boyfriend read it together.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

Like I said I'm not your dad, but if I were these are the things I would have said had I found out or had you come to me before having sex.

Approximately one month ago, I finally decided I was ready to tell the world my biggest secret: I was pansexual. I liked both sexes, and everything in between, from transgenders, to transvestites, to...well, everything! My boyfriend was supportive from the get-go, and my close friends comforted me and were always there to talk. After the first few days, I was in heaven. I was finally on the way to becoming free of being confined in the closet.

...that didn't last long.

You see, my boyfriend (to summarize) had a lot of family issues, and is currently living with his close friend. I'll call this friend Z. For easy purposes. Z is not only my boyfriend's closest friend; he is also my best friend K's boyfriend. We are all kinda connected as such. The family he is currently staying with is a steadfast, old-school Christian family. And honestly, I had no problem with that; I'm a Christian myself, and I enjoyed going to their church meetings and helping out. They seemed very open and accepting, and I felt like I wasn't being judged for who I was when I was there...

At first.

I was sitting in one of the youth group meetings they held every Wednesday, just a week or so after revealing myself to my closer friends, when the worship leader (who is Z's mother) began an oddly vicious speech which included the following:

"Trust me, I know. I had a gay best friend. And I knew from the moment he told me, he was going straight to Hell."

I admit, my reaction was a bit unnecessary, but I had to do it anyway. I slammed my chair back, stood up, and walked out of the church.

The next day, Z was relatively silent on the matter, and my boyfriend and friends were there to help me vent my frustration. However, a few days later, an annoying string of facebook comments from him sparked an anger in me I didn't know I could hold. He began criticizing me and insulting my faith, saying that I was going to burn in Hell along with all the other gays. His church friends began to join in, and eventually, so did his father, who slung so many harsh things my way, my mother was ready to slug him.

My boyfriend can't move out, even if he wanted to. His family situation is completely toxic. So now, I am constantly forced into situations where me and Z are in close quarters. We haven't spoken since the incident.

I do not know what to do. My mind tells me to confront him; my heart tells me that he's not worth it, and I had better move on and try to live with him. All I know is that if this continues, there's gonna be a point where I blow up, either at him or at myself, and it's not too far off. I have been so confident in my faith and religion lately, and I feel great about where my life is going. To have him try to take that away from me...I'm not even sure he deserves my anger at all.

Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and hopefully the wisdom of my age will be helpful to you.

When I think of pansexual, I don't always think of it in terms of actually being someone who is actively engaged in sexual activity with all genders or sexual genres. Not that that is a problem for me. I take a much more liberal view of being pansexual, more as defined in Wikipedia; which to be somewhat succinct is to be more tolerant and accepting, rather than hateful and bigoted against.

When it comes to sex my views are quite simple and extremely liberal. As long as both parties consent and no one is physically harmed; then their is nothing wrong with whatever your doing. People should mind their own business and stay out of other peoples bedrooms.

Now as to your question: I'm sorry your being treated as you are. Your friend are not being very Christian in the way they are treating you. Unfortunately they are being very bigoted against anyone who is homosexual, gay or just not heterosexual. These are their beliefs and you are not going to change their mind. As much as you enjoy your church I would expect they will do all possible to drive you from your church, again a very unchristian act.

So what to you do? There is not much you can do. You will not change their minds and they will not accept you unless you renounce pan-sexuality. You are in what is called a conundrum.

If I were you I would tell them all to go to Hell, sorry, but that is how I feel. You are correct in what you said that he is not worth your anger. Put him and them behind you, find friends that are not as bigoted as they are. Find a more liberal church, I know there are some out there.

I am proud of you for your acceptance of others. It bothers me none if you are sexually active with both sexes and genres. You are one of, as the definition in part says "Gender-Blind." While this unfortunately is placing you in a minority among those you are friends with, it is their loss as you can find new friends; they will never have you as a friend again and they will never open their eyes to what you see which is a shame.

First of all, no judgements.

If I were to get pregnant with my boyfriend and before the abortion time limit he decides to stray(cheat, leave me, etc) and I find myself suddenly unable to go through with the pregnancy for whatever reason, does he have a right to say no? In other words, can the law stop me from having an abortion if he doesn't want me to have one?

If that were to happen, I don't see why it would be fair that he makes me go through 9 months of hell so he can have the kid when he was unreliable and irresponsible enough to cheat or leave me... once again, no judgements, please. I just need to know my options..

Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather. Hopefully the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you with your question.

Every state has different laws on this issue. Most states follow the rule that it is the women's body and she can do as she pleases.

This does not mean that your boyfriend cannot go to court ans seek a restraining order to enjoin you from having an abortion while asking the court to decide on whatever question he is presenting to have you go through with the pregnancy.

This is an extreme situation and generally something that happens between a husband and wife, more than boyfriend and girlfriend. It is also an expensive proposition for him as he needs to hire a lawyer and you can elect a public defender to be assigned to you if you cannot afford a lawyer.

He cannot also wait so long as to use the injunction as away to keep you from getting the abortion as to push you past the mark where your state may not allow abortions. The courts are wise to this and generally deny the request.

Your best protection against winding up in this situation is of course to use a good method of birth control.

Abortion is not meant as a form of birth control. It is an option of last resort. If you are using birth control and your boyfriend is using a condom; then your chances of becoming pregnant are reduced to less than 1%.

I have this guy who used to babysit me when I was 7. I am now 18, and have just moved back to england after leaving for american for 10 years. He always messages me on facebook and I dont even remember him! He is atleast 30 years old. He wanted to go out on a date, so i agreed just to see who this guy was. In the end, I ended up getting really drunk and ended up at his house. I woke up in the morning not even remembering what happened when we got there. He has a big American flag above his bed. I am scared he is a bit to into me.. can you please tell me if im just over exaggerating??

According to the definition in the Urban Dictionary you are being Stalked as the word is currently being used. To the true definition of a Stalker you most likely are not being stalked.

If this person is following you, turning up at places where you are uninvited, showering you with unwanted gifts, pestering you for dates or simply following your every waking move. Then report him to the police. If you feel endanger than dial 999.

Otherwise block him on face book, block his tests and email and don't open the door should he show up on your door step. If he tries to force his way into your home you dial 999 and ask the police to come to arrest him. Otherwise in general ignore him and he should get the message.

If by the way you had sex with him while drunk this would be considered rape as you cannot consent to sex while drunk. Even in England sex has to be consensual and being drunk or passed out means you cannot consent. You could charge him with rape if you want.

What does the word prude mean??

The Urban Dictionary defines Prude as follows and uses different sentences for each definition:

1. prude
guy or girl who's afraid to do anything sexual or kinda shy around the opposite sex, but not a fag or a lesbo.
She won't kiss me cuz she's a prude.
by Dylan Jan 23, 2003 share this

2. prude
A girl with high moral standards and has respect for her body.

Prudes don't get STDs.
by Rachel Oct 23, 2003 share this

3. prude
One who will not engage in any kind of sexual activity with a member of the opposite sex. 1. Usually used as a descriminatory word. 2.Can be used in a fashion as to bait someone into sexual activity.

1. She won't even kiss me, what a prude.

Alright so this might be a weird question but I don't know really where else to ask it... My girlfriend and I aren't what you'd call kinky but if we do get outta the box, there's one thing we probably enjoy the most. She likes being... dominated I think is what you'd say. She's a confident, strong, amazing girl, but in the bedroom she is extremely submissive. Which I'm okay with. She likes being held down, tied up, and loves the naughty schoolgirl/evil teacher thing haha ahhh... But I'm very careful with her, shes pretty tiny so I don't let anything get out of hand, no worries. Yeah anyway so she's been kinda hinting at wanting me to get rough with her, which that, I'm not okay with. Thinking about hurting her turns me off instatntly and I told her that, she gets it completely but I was wondering how can I give her those same feelings? In a different way. Or something we haven't been doing, something new. Just wondering if you guys had any ideas, thanksss a bunch. 19/M

Hi, I'm probably old enough to be your grandfather. I'm hoping the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you.

First, Let me say that when it comes to sex my thinking is nothing is weird or totally off limits as long as no one is really physically hurt. There are a couple of rules that are a must and must be followed. Both parties have to consent to whatever act is being tried. No means no and stop means stop; even if you are already having some form of intercourse. Now if you follow these rules I would say that leaves you a wide field of stuff to try.

Now as to what is being asked of you.In one respect your girlfriend is paying you a huge compliment in so far as the amount of trust she is placing in you by making her request. First it is not an easy request to make. Second: She is trusting you to hurt her without physically harming her; there is a difference.

Some women have a rape fantasy, why I don't know. But to satisfy this fantasy she is placing a huge amount of trust in her partner when she asks him to act this out with her. You have done somethings with her that are as some may consider a little outside of the box. Frankly a little BDSM is a form of sexual pleasure which in varying degrees is enjoyed by a great many people.

One of the most popular forms of BDSM is spanking. It is a form of dominance and can supply a certain amount of pain as well. It is also something where you can judge how much pain you are inflicting based on the redness of the skin. The two of you can decide on how much pain or roughness she would like and you can stop when you feel you have reached the point of pain that you wish to inflict or she uses a safe word that you have both agreed upon.

There are other ways of giving her what she is looking for without inflicting pain. She needs to be more specific in what she wants from you. If it is roughness that includes pain then try grabbing her and forcing her over your knee and baring her butt for a spanking.

If it is simply she wants to be man handled in a rough manner I think you can accomplish that easily enough without slapping her around. Ask her to wear clothing she wouldn't mind getting torn. Then be forceful with her. Tear her clothing off, forget foreplay and just take her.

Most important as with all sex play is you both to agree to what you want and what you are going to do if you are going to have an enjoyable sexual relationship. As long as no true physical harm is to be done to one another you can always try something one time before saying you don't like it.

latley ive been really down and i avoide talking to people but when people talk to me i change my mood quick to happy . but im really not lately my friends havent been there for me and im losing alot of them . ive been sleeping alot and i have a loss of appite . me and my ex stopped talking last week and ever since then it seems like everything is coming crashing down am i depressed? and i really dont feel like doing things lately what can i do to stop being this way or feeling this way and my heart has been hurting i have also had thoughts of hurtng myself bt i wont do it :P

Hi, I'm probably old enough to be your grandfather. While none of us can actually diagnose a problem; I'm hoping that the wisdom of my age and the fact that I battle depression myself will be helpful.

I can tell you that you have listed several of the symptoms of depressions. The biggest one of course is the thought of hurting yourself.

The most common form of depression is what I call chemical depression. It is when one of two enzymes in the brain fail to secrete enough to ward of depression, hence the term chemical depression. The lack of one or both of these chemicals and other stressors bring on depression.

The good news is it is easily treatable and is the most common form of depression. The first thing you need to do is see your family doctor and be screened for depression. You can also be screened by your High School Guidance Office if you are still in school. Preferably and it is easier to get your family doctor to screen you. You family doctor will also want to perform a full physical just to rule out any other reasons for why you feel this way.

If after screening it is found you are suffering from depression your doctor should refer you to a psychiatrist. No you're not crazy. Since these enzymes react in the brain a psychiatrist is the best,medical, doctor to treat this condition. You will also be referred to a therapist for talk therapy. This is to help you find out what the other stressors are that might be causing this problem and help you deal with them.

You should make an appointment with your doctor ASAP, stress to the appointment person that this is an emergency situation.

If before you can see your doctor you feel as if you are going to hurt yourself call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

If you are over 13 you do not need parental permission to see a doctor; though I would urge you to tell you parents how you are feeling and let them help you.

f/17 so i have bumps on the inside of my vagina. my doctor has told me its only redumnate skin and its normal but its very very painful for me to have intercourse and my mother doesnt want to take me to an obgyn cuz one she doesnt know im sexually active and two the only obgyn that accepts my insurance is over an hour away and she thinks its fine since my pediatric doctor says its fine im not asking what it is i just want it to stop hurting. ive tried using lubes and being very slow but its still very painful and im sick of it. how can i make it stop hurting? awnser from a doc or someone who know what theyre talking about please?

Edited Answer: I read your feed back and am surprised that your mother will not take you to the gynecologist. This leads me to believe that you are not hiding anything from her in regards to your being sexually active. I also get the feeling from your feed back that you may not be on any form of birth control pill as mom is tightly controlling when and what doctors you can see. (more on this in a bit)

I'm not comfortable with your family doctors diagnoses. I'm not a doctor so I choose that word specifically. I reviewed my Anatomy Books; in my house we all deal in the medical profession as firefighters, paramedics or in the mental health arena so we have medical books laying around. When I looked at the vagina I could not find anything that would or could be termed redundant tissue.

What bothers me is the position your mother has taken on this. With you family doctors diagnoses and my feeling that she is aware you are sexually active, don't underestimate your mothers power of observation. It is my believe she may want you to feel this way so you do not continue to have sex if this is the only time you will feel pain. Call it mom's form of birth control.

Your 17 and from a medical stand point she has no right to control what medical help you seek or receive. The HIPPA Law.

Alternatives you can try: Most County Health Departments run area free medical clinics where you can go for things such as STD checks and birth control. Many offer some types of medical help as well.

There are also Planned Parent Hood Centers. Most people think these are just abortion centers, they are not. They offer full service reproductive health care. I will include the URL for there home page so you can locate a center near you. They services are either free or at minimal cost.

My concern is that these bumps are something more harmful that left untreated could make it harder if not impossible for you to have children later in life. Am I thinking STD? Yes, no matter how well you know the person your having sex with an STD is possible. If your boyfriend has a cold sore and has oral sex with you he can transmit the Herpes virus to you. So you need to get and STD test.

You also need to get on some type of birth control (if you are not on any)that is right for you. And just to put all possibilities aside if you are using condoms, and you should be. See if they will test you for a latex allergy.

I don't like going behind your mothers back. I rarely recommend doing so. In your case I am only suggesting it because of your age and I don't like the idea of your mother withholding medical treatment.

As for being sexually active at 17; I think you are old enough to understand the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy. You should have the ability to protect yourself. This too may be being withheld from you by your mother controlling when and what doctors you can see. I also believe that at 17 you should have had your first gynecological exam by now and by a gynecologist. Somehow I have the feeling your mom may not have seen to this either.

I can be very liberal when it comes to things such as sex. If you ask me a question you will get the right answer. I tell it like it is. I can also be very conservative. Right know I am in a very conservative frame of thought because I do not think your mother is doing her job as a mom by withholding medical treatment.

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/findCenter.asp

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