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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I know I will probably get a lot of rude replies, but.. I feel it is the best for my child. I am currently going through a divorce, and of course there is a child involved. The thing is, I never wanted to have her, but because of my religion I was unable to get an abortion. During the time I've raised her, I could never love her. I did try with all my being, but I just could not love her. I am also concerned for her because of her father. I feel the reason I can't care about her is because I hate her father. I felt it may be best if I gave up on her and allowed her to live with him and his family. Is me being unable to love her a valid reason to be able to terminate my parental rights?
Hi, I am probably old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom of my age will help you with your decision.
Not knowing the state you live in I am unable to research the law(s) in your state to see what if any law is applicable. In general when it comes to custody the courts will abide by whatever decision(s) the parents may mutually agree upon.
The fact that you are divorcing says you should be represented by a lawyer. This question should be answered by your lawyer. If you do not have a lawyer you need to get one. If you cannot afford one contact legal aid.
If your divorce is consensual and the only sticking point is termination of parental rights. You nay be allowed in the custody agreement to grant sole custodial custody to your husband with limited or no visitation for you in exchange for him not asking for child support.
The courts may or may not accept this. In general if the custody agreement worked out between the parents is acceptable to the parents the courts will support the agreement.
I will caution that your feelings for your child could change once your living situation changes.
My advice would be to make any custody agreement temporary, one that could be revisited in a year. I would suggest that once the courts accept your agreement and terminate your marriage you seek out a therapist to help you sort through your feelings.
My feelings are that you have been hurt being forced into a marriage you didn't want and having a child you didn't want. I feel that all the bad feelings from a bad marriage have been transferred by you on to your daughter.
A good therapist will help you sort through all this and come to terms with it all. At some point during therapy you may find that your feelings for your daughter change and you may want to share custody with your ex husband. At that point in time I do not feel going for sole custody would be possible.
Of course it is always possible your feelings toward your daughter go unchanged. There is nothing wrong with that. Better your child be raised in a loving environment then you be forced to raise a child you have no love for.
When the year is up you can then explain to the judge what you have done, the therapy, and ask for termination of parental rights.
My way gives you an opportunity to change your mind and maybe more acceptable to the court. Your way is definitely final.
Thank You So Much! Your Advice really helped me understand some things. I just have some other random questions that will make it completely obvious that im a virgin haha(: so anyways, i asked this in my original question but i still need some clarification on it. How EXACTLY do we know when were done and how do you just randomly stop. I feel like actually SAYING something to signal that i want to stop will ruin the romantic aspect of the whole thing. But then again, i dont want there to be tension between us because we both dont know how to stop, and it just goes way longer than it should. Also, kind of an awkward question. Do both girls AND guys like "moan" when their having sex? And one more, should we be kissing, or just like, kissing all around them and stuff? i feel like just staring at each other will be awkward and not pleasing. Oh, i lied, theres ONE more haha! Whats the best position for first timers? And i mean that based on two factors, which will make it easier, (like, without complication) and which is less painful.
In your original question you asked that you not be lectured. But based on your questions and follow up questions I feel the need to at the very least make an observation.
I am getting the feeling that you and your boyfriend may be on the very young side of teenagers. By going right to intercourse you two are missing a very important part of sexual maturity.
If neither of you have explored your own bodies through masturbation, which is the feeling I am getting from your questions, you need to do so before you have intercourse. Masturbation allows you to learn about your bodies needs and how it reacts to sexual stimulation. You start with exploring yourself then go onto mutual exploration which later becomes part of foreplay.
Now I don't know what you may have heard about masturbation. A recent survey shows that 95% of us masturbate, that includes adults. Masturbation is not a sin, even the Catholic church condones masturbation, according to the same survey.
You start by locking yourself in your bedroom and getting undressed. Then while laying and your bed you start to caress your breasts and tweak your nipples. You work your way down to your clitoris and gently caress it, then stoke the lips of you vagina and finally fingering yourself. As you do this you will get different feelings of pleasure. You will find out if you get more pleasure from being fingered, called vaginal, or from playing with your clitoris, called being more clitoral.
You continue to play with yourself and build on the pleasure your giving yourself until you orgasm. Not being a women I can't tell you exactly how that feels but it will be as the center of the pleasure your giving yourself resides in your nether region then suddenly explodes.
Your boyfriend does the same thing for himself. Yes, he can stroke his breasts and pinch his nipples and when you two finally make love you can do that to him and even suck on his nipples if he finds it gives him pleasure.
When he gets to his penis he should start to give himself a hand job, or jerk off as most boys call it. While doing so with one hand he should also continue to explore his groin area with his other hand caressing his scrotum and testicles, nut sack and balls, and even caressing his thighs. When he is ready to ejaculate, and he will know as there is no other feeling like it, seamen, cum, will shoot out of his penis in an uncontrollable manner.
Once you have mastered self-masturbated and know your own bodies, then you can move on to mutual masturbation or foreplay as it is better known. Eventually you move on to oral sex which is still masturbation but instead of hands you use your mouth and tongue.
This is a very important part of growing up and learning about sex. It is not necessary to rush into having intercourse. What you need to do is learn what sex is and part of that learning is what I have just described. You will get the answers to all your questions if you don't rush into intercourse.
If you are trying to keep up with your friends who have said they have had sex? Remember one thing. Sex has many definitions and as a friend of mine always says; "It's my story I will tell it my way." Meaning doing what I have described as foreplay qualifies as sex. Sex does not always mean someone has had intercourse. Also some people will tell lies about their sexual activity just to seem cool.
Answers to your last question. You'll will find between you if you want to kiss and stuff when you have "sex". And yes both men and women moan during "sex.
My advice: The longer you wait to have intercourse, the better it will be for you. Remember what I said about boys and their pre-programing and the way they confuse lust and love. Do not let your boyfriend force you into doing something you are not ready to do. He probably is not going to be the man you marry so you can afford to wait before giving up your virginity.
should i skip with my boyfriend and amke out with him?
No. There should be plenty of time to be with your boyfriend out side of school hours. Why get in trouble and possibly have less time or even have your parents forbid you from seeing him. No, this is just plain wrong and not the smartest thing to do.
Lately-past 5 days(not including yesterday)-my parents have yelled at me to no end.To the point of saying they want to smack me and are saying the f--- word.Even my super nice buy me stuff drive me to school brother is always mad at me.They all act like they hate me.Btw my mom is bipoler-don`t know how to spell it sorry-and she can only hear out of her right ear.Plus yesterday-they didn`t yell at me-they pretty much think I am a liar and I had NO memories of what they said I did but I can swear-I NEVER swear-that I did it.Btw I am 13 and am a chic.It said to put my age and gender if it`s a relationship question so ya.*help*
Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather and I hope I can be of some help to you.
You say mom is Bipolar; to me this means she has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist and is under his/her care. She should also be on medications for this disorder. Bipolar disorder does not go away but it is manageable with proper care and medication. If mom is not being compliant, meaning not taking her medication, or seeing her psychiatrist regularly, then this is a major portion of the problem.
There is one other thing you need to know about this disease. It is an inherited disease that can be passed from one generation to the next. You and your brother need to be checked for it as well and to be monitored even if at this time you show no signs of having it.
IF mom is non compliant with her medication, not unusual for someone who is bipolar, then you need to tell someone who can help you as you, your brother and your mother could be in danger.
Tell your teacher or school principal. Call 911 if need be, but you need to get mom either back on her medications or to a proper doctor to prescribe medications that will help her deal with her illness.
Her ranting and raving, your brothers being nice to you one day and being mad at you the next are all part of this disorder. They both need to see a doctor for treatment and you too need to be screened both for Bipolar disorder and other forms of depression.
In order to help yourself you have to help them. If that means you have to call the police then that is what you must do. People with this disorder can very easily harm themselves and others so you need to do what must be done to protect and help both them and you.
Hey(: So I Dont Really Want A Lecture On This Question. But, Im sixteen, and My boyfriend and I have been talking about having sex. We both decided that we want to do it. And Im Aware of all the precautions I need to take already. But i have several questions. Like, will it hurt really bad if i can only fit two fingers while fingering? Does the amount of bleeding just make the situation gross? If Neither of us orgasm, how do we know when were done? And Also, How Long do i need to be on birth control before its save to have sex? (we are also using a condom, dont worry)
Thanks(:
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and NO I'm not going to lecture you. It is questions like yours that I have chosen to be an advisor on this site. I would rather you get the right information to questions like yours then learn the wrong information off the street as we said back in my day.
You are not the first young lady to write us with questions such as you have. At the end of what I am going to say to you I will provide a link to a website I have found and recommended to other young lady's such as yourself. I believe this site will answer all the questions you have asked except one.
Regarding how long you need to be on birth control: You should confirm this with your doctor; but it is my understanding that birth control pills become effective after the first 30 days of use.
Now I do have a lecture in me but it is not the one You think it is. IF you are truly ready for sex then there are a few other things you need to know and consider.
There is a big difference in how men and women enjoy sex. For the man is mostly a mechanical function, especially at your ages. Right now you boyfriend is programed to mate and release the pent up sexual urges he has. Masturbation, HJs, BJs will give him the same relief and satisfaction of intercourse although not the bragging rights. Boys his age very much confuse lust for love.
For the women, this includes girls your age, there has to be an element of love, trust and respect. Women do not generally jump from bed to bed as some men do.
A women also needs to feel safe, secure and comfortable in her surroundings when having sex. Back in my day the back seat of our parents car is where most of us lost are virginity's. It was great for the guys; I have come to learn it was anything but beautiful for the girls.
So when you and your boyfriend decide on the night to make love for the first time; make sure it is someplace you will not be disturbed, has a lock on the door and is a comfortable place preferably a bed.
Next you more than him need to be excited, meaning sexually. This means you need foreplay to get you ready. The more foreplay the less it will hurt the first time for the more lubricated you will be. The guy needs little or no foreplay all he really needs is to see you naked and he can do that mentally as well.
Communication is a big part of sex and it starts with understanding No means NO and stop means STOP. The nice thing about sex is learning about each others likes and dislikes. Exploring each others bodies. Sex should never be rushed.
If this your guys first time as well as yours give him a BJ or HJ so he last longer once you have intercourse. End of lecture.
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.
My husband and I just got married. We would like to take a small inexpensive honeymoon to get some R&R from our 3 kids. I would like some input on some places that you may have been that are cheap. Some info for reference; we live in SE Wisconsin, we like to do things outdoors, visit historic and scenic places, go hiking, etc. We would like to go somewhere we could drive to in a day or 2 at most.
Hi, I did some research on National Parks I thought might be within the driving distance you gave. I'm guessing that SE South Dakota & NE Nebraska might be within the distance you set.
With this in mind I thought you might want to look at National Parks. On Park you might be interested spans both Nebraska and South Dakota. This would be the Lewis and Clark Historic Trail.
There are any number of great National Parks in the mid-West among them many that offer historic hiking trails ans scenic over looks. The nicest things about National Parks, especially if you are a camper is the are inexpensive.
You can check out National Parks on the web or your local library should have a reference book called "A Guide to National Parks."
If you plan on camping you will need a reservation in most parks. If you plan on a late Spring or summer vacation you need to book now as the campsites book up early.
What does it mean when a guy says he's going to go down on me?
Oral sex. He is going to lick your vagina with his tongue
If a 17 year old or 18 year old was to have sex, can the 18 year old get in trouble? NO OPINIONS I NEED FACTS. i have looked all over the net and have seen many different answers.
the age of consent in texas is 17, so then an the 17 year old legally have sex with the 18 year old and the 18 year old WILL NOT go to jail or any kind of charges or trouble ?
i heard about something around three years. can a 17 year old have sex with a 20 year old... 21?
Once you reach the age of consent it is legal for you to have sex with anyone older than 17.
The three year rule applies to sex with people younger that 17. It is an exemption granted in many states, such as Texas so should someone; say an 18 year old high school student, a senior have sex with a 16 year old sophomore. There would be no statutory rape problem to face.
Where the 17 year old could be considered a minor would most likely come in is if the 17 year old had consensual sex with someone in authority over them. Usually this would be someone like a teacher, or even a close relative. I would have to read the law to give you more specifics on this question.
There is one other law called the Mann act: Where a minor is taken across state lines for immoral purposes. In this case immoral is loosely defined and the federal age of consent may differ from that of the state. The Act is a Federal Law and here again your consent has nothing to do with the intent of the law. Also federal law supersedes state law. I am not aware of the federal age of consent. It may be 18. As long as you remain in Texas this is something you would not have o worry about.
I'm a 21 year old girl and i've never given a hj or done oral. I've hooked up with guys, but it's always them who get touchy feely and i never return the favor because i have ZERO clue what to do. I'm embarrassed to tell them that i've never done it, because i feel like i'm at the age that should have at least tried those things a few times. I'm sure there are guys who wouldn't care and who would walk me through it, but i keep thinking that i'm gonna end up getting the one who looks at me wierd and then things would be awkward...or if i didn't even mention i've never given a hj or bj, and it ended up going wrong, i would just die of embarrassment. So guys, i want your honest opionion please! What would you do? Do you even notice if the girl is a newbie at certain things or what?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I have some very liberal views in sex. I also remember what it was like when I was your age and dating. Hopefully my memory coupled with the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you.
First you need to remember that their is a first time for everything. If you are comfortable enough to allow a guy to make love to you then you should also trust that he will be understanding enough, and grateful, that you are trusting him with the knowledge that certain things are new to you.
Should he be stupid enough to look at you weird, or laugh and make jokes. I would say put you clothes on and leave him hanging. That's what he deserves.
My view of sex is the learning about one another's likes and dislikes. This is something that happens over a long period in a relationship. Some things even change as we age and learn about new things. There are a lot of different ways to give a BJ and an HJ so ask him how do you like to be handled during an HJ. Some guys may like their anus played with as well as there sack and penis. Others just like there penis stroked. You won't know this unless you ask.
You also deserve to be pleasure in a manner you enjoy. If I am your partner how do I know what your likes and dislikes are unless you tell me. My wife has a beautiful nose which I loved to kiss and nibble at during sex. We were engaged before she told me this was a turn off for her. How was I to know this if she didn't tell me.
Communication is a very big part of a successful sexual relationship. So even if this is your first time giving an HJ or BJ, or it's your fifteenth time; you will or should ask you partner, especially a new partner what they like.
My advice is: Communicate with your partner. Don't be afraid to ask him to teach you what his likes and dislike are and don't ever be afraid to tell him that something is new to you. If you get a reaction you feel embarrasses you get dressed and go home.
What happens when the guys finishes first and he just stops leaving you unsatisfied? Do they know to keep going or do us girls have to tell them to not stop?
Hi, I'm am probably old enough to be your grandfather. I answer questions on this site for questions just like yours.
You do not say how old you are but I am going to assume you are in your teenage years. While I do have my views on teenage sex I am not going to lecture you since you have already started.
I have some very liberal views on sex. There are several very important things to remember if you want to have a successful sex life.
First and one of the most important is: Communication; only you know what feels good. You need to communicate this to your partner. While learning and exploring your partners body is fun and exciting you need to be attuned to what is turning your partner on and off.
Men, especially teenage men are quick on the trigger, and generally confuse lust with love. They are pre programmed to mate and satisfy their needs.
Women on the other hand need more. They need security in their surroundings, comfort in where they are having sex and they need foreplay to build them to a climax. To counter act the pre programing of the male the women needs to slow him down by teaching him how to please her. Teaching how she likes to be touched, whether she is clitoral or vaginal in the way she receives the most pleasure.
To slow the male down she may want to bring the male to climax during foreplay through masturbation, handjob, or oral sex, blow job. At the same time she can teach him how to pleasure her through fingering and oral sex.
Second: What is meant by consensual sex. Consensual sex means that both parties agree to not only having sex but the manner in and type of sex they will have. Lets say your boyfriend wants to tie your hands to the headboard while having sex. You don't want him to do that but he does it anyway. Even though you may have consented to having sex with him, you did not consent to being tied up. So now since he has forced you to be tied up you have no longer consented; he is now committing rape.
Whenever you have sex and whatever you do in the privacy of your bedroom is not weird or depraved as long as you both consent and no one is physically hurt.
Last but not least the safe sex lecture. You should never have sex with anyone without using a condom. No matter how well you know this person a condom is your best protection against AIDS and STDs. You should also be on some form of birth control. A condom alone is only 85% effective against preventing pregnancy when worn properly. Proper female birth control such as the Pill is 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. End of Lecture.
I am a 33 year old woman who is confused, I have four older siblings who were sexually abused by our grandfather, the closest sibling is six years older than me and when I was six my grandfather died of bowel cancer, he did not have a very prolonged illness maybe 2 years. I am worried that I may have been abused by him as well because of the following:-
1. I distrust men, including family members.
2. I find incest storylines erotic.
3. I have extreme problems with intimacy - hence why I am a 33 year old virgin.
4. I have suffered depression and suicidal attempts from the age of about 7 and as far as I know I had no reason to be unhappy, I was well loved, well fed and housed.
Because I would have been under 4 years old I may not remember it and I am very afraid to ask my mum as she has had several boughts of cancer and already feels she let me down when I was growing up by working so hard. If I know if there is or isn't something wrong I can deal with it, its the not knowing that is the problem.
Thanks for your help in advance. :)
Hi, I'm old enough to be your father, having a son your same age. I'm hoping the wisdom of someone my age and some fatherly advice will be helpful to you.
It is my belief that even though your grandfather was ill when you were younger it is almost certain he abused you as well. For this I am very sorry it happened. At the time when this happened to you and your siblings we parents if we knew would have felt that this was something you would forget about because of your young age and not sought treatment for you. We were wrong then, but know better now.
There is an organization called RAINN that can help you. The name stands for: Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline you can call for help. The trained volunteers who answer the hotline will help you find RAINN volunteers in you own community who will help you find the right doctors and people to treat you and work with you to feel better and get your life back.
This is not something you can deal with on your own , but can deal with and move forward with the right kind of professional help. Please call RAINN now; The hotline number is 1-800 656- HOPE.
Basically my question is, what would you classify me as?
I was a good girl growing up. Like no intercourse or anything. I was locked down in the house getting grades. Then I hit college or in other words freedom. Boys and liquor got introduced. I started to become sexual as in giving and receiving oral. I believe I am sexual to a point, but I am 19 and still a virgin. Yes I said it, 19 and still a virgin. 20 in 17 days! lol I have done many sexual things I am not proud of. Like giving oral to a guys friend 2 months after talking to that guy. I feel like some people would classify me as a slut because of the number of guys I gave oral to. But I am much more than that. I am very loving and caring! But all people see when they see me is, she give good head. I want to start over you know? I like holding onto my virginity so at least I can still hold on to that good girl. So, what would you consider me?
Thankyou if you can get to this question.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I hope the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you.
Like gunner; I don't believe in labels. I believe you are what you feel you are. To me, from what you have written, you are a young lady who has set some boundaries on what type of sexual activity you will participate in and enjoy.
At 20 years of age you, to my way of thinking and I am very liberal in the area of sex and sexual activity, have a right to a sex life. If you choose to remain a virgin that is your right. If you choose that your limit on sexual activity is mutual gratification through oral sex and masturbation that is your right.
As I said when it comes to sex I have a very liberal view for someone my age. I feel that there is virtually nothing weird or off limits between two consenting adults, done in the privacy of their bedroom as long as neither party are truly physically hurt. The operative words are CONSENTING and PHYSICALLY HURT. I think the word consenting is definition enough. Physically hurt is defined as beyond what may be agreed to in say some BDSM play or in some fantasy play or spanking play.
As long as you set your limits and stay within those limits, the hell with what anyone else thinks. It your life and your sex life.
I know that have wrothe about this before but iam still having the issuse. I've had a hard life and it started when I was about the age of 3 I would have been 4 a week later when I was molested by my father and iam 22 now and Iam still having flashbacks and nightmares. I don't remember all of what happend by mom has been telling me about what happenned ever since I turned 7 years old. I don't think my mom should have told me about something like when I was so young and today I blame my mom for my depression and now a few weeks ago I started thinking about suicide. I just feel like it's better for the whole world if I was dead or better yet to never have been born. Ever since I turned the age of 18 I started acting wild and out of control I have had sex with 5 guys and 2 girls since the aga of 18 and iam now only 22 years old. I've also been drinking and smoking weed. One of the guys i've had sex with was when I was drunk and I don't even remember it I found out when he was spreading it around the school and the other kids was calling me a drunk whore and talking about me behind my back. I feel as if I was raped since I was drunk is it to late to report it and plus Iam mentally challenged(mr) How do I get over my depression?
Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather and I am hopping that the wisdom that comes with age and some grandfatherly advice will be helpful to you.
Lets take things one question at a time starting with your feeling you were raped:
In the eyes of the law by virtue of the fact that you were drunk and therefore could not give consent you were raped.
To charge someone with rape you must report the rape within the statue of limitations. Generally the statue gives you 5 years to report the rape, so by what you have written here you still have time to do so should you want to.
Next I want to address the molestation by your father. I am ever so sorry that happened to you. Your mother should have sought treatment for you at that time, unfortunately back then it was felt you would forget it happened and have no lingering effects. Here again I apologize we know better know.
There is an organization called RAINN: This stands for Rape, Abuse,Incest National Network. This is a wonderful organization dedicated to helping people like you get their lives back on track. They have a hotline which is operated 24/7 by a group of well trained volunteers who will help you find other RAINN members in your own community to help you find the doctors and other professionals you need to see to start feeling better. These people will be there for you and stay with you as long as you need them. The number is 1-800-656-HOPE. Please call them now, they can and will help you.
As for your feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts. You are depressed that is evident in your writing. Your feeling of worthlessness is part of the depression. The world would not be a better place without you. Yes you have had a hard life, there are people who can help change that, help you make a better life for yourself. It will take some time. In the short term the doctors can help you feel better; you need to give them that opportunity and work with them.
How do I know this? I too suffer from depression, I've battled it for some time without knowing it. With the help of a great doctor and therapist ans some hard work with my therapist I am in a better place today. I know you can be too.
Call the people at RAINN. IF you feel that your going to hurt yourself call for help by calling 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.
Once the fog of depression is lifted you will feel much better about yourself and the world you live in, that I promise you.
So I am 20 years old, and on my parents' health insurance. I went to get tested for STD's at my university's health center, as I am sexually active. How it works is the university sends you the bill, which you are supposed to make a copy of. One copy you send to the university with your payment, and the other you send to your insurance so they can reimburse you.
My problem is that before I always sent it to my mom, and she took care of everything for me. But my bill clearly states that I have gotten tested for HIV, Chlamydia, etc, etc. I don't want my mom seeing this. I discussed with her today how to pay bills with the insurance and stuff, and she told me I need a password in order to send the bill to insurance. She won't really give it to me because she is now extremely suspicious that something is going on. What do I do? For this bill I guess I can just pay it without insurance, its not too expensive, but what if something else like this happens again? I want my health stuff to be kept private from the rest of my family. Is there anything I can do?
Thank you
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I answer questions on this site because of questions just like yours. I try to supply the correct and most truthful answers I can to questions.
First: I have never heard of an Insurance company requiring a password, other than on their websites, in order to have a claim paid. It is my feeling that your mother is telling you this so that she has some control and have insight into you medical claims.
Second: By law since you were 13 years old you have been entitled to medical confidentiality. Meaning you have the right to consult with a doctor and be treated by a doctor without your mothers knowledge or in most cases consent. Since you are now an adult in the eyes of any state your mother has no right to interfere or have knowledge of any of your medical exams or procedures. To be blunt your mother is being nosey.
On the back of your insurance card there should be a customer care or some type of customer service contact number. Call them and ask them how and where to send your claim for reimbursement. They may tell you that you need to go to their website to down load the claim form.
At this point ask them how to do that. If they tell you that you need the subscribers password, this is when you tell them that your mother won't release it and that she is intruding on your medical confidentiality. If they refuse to send you any claim forms ask to speak to a supervisor. Tell the supervisor the same thing. At the very least ask where to send the claim.
There is such a thing as a universal claim form which the school clinic should have a copy of or you can find on the web. If you cannot get the insurance companies cooperation; file your claim using the universal claim form.
Your mother is not breaking any law by refusing to allow you to file your own claims. The law protects you from any doctor or medical practitioner including Paramedic's and EMTs, releasing any information to her. By allowing her or her forcing you to allow her to process any claim for medical services you are in a sense giving her permission to have knowledge of your medical procedures. This is possibly where she could be running afoul of the law. The law I am speaking of is called HIPPA.
How can I break free of traditions that my family are holding me to? They will not allow me to get married!?
I am 20 years old and was raised in the U.S, as is my wonderful boyfriend of two years. While my family is of middle-eastern decent, my boyfriend is not. I was always expected to be in an arranged marriage to a middle eastern man of my parents' choosing, however my boyfriend (who is of the same religion as me and very respectable) changed those plans. I have never wanted an arranged marriage, but to be married to someone who truly makes me happy, and he is exactly that. The problem is that we have been in a long-distance relationship for two years now, (we live in bordering states) and it is getting to be very difficult on the both of us to wait around for my father's permission. My boyfriend and I know eachother very well and love eachother greatly, and have our plans for our future figured out already. (Let me also add that I am not pregnant, and that anything of that nature is not the reason we are so anxious to start our lives together, but because we are simply ready to and know we want a future together). Because of my culture, it is customary for the daughters of the famiily to live with their parents until they are married. I have a part time job and am working toward a bachelor's degree, while my boyfriend will be completing his degree in the spring of next year. However, my family makes this very difficult on us both because they do not allow me to drive up and see him, they do not allow him to see me more than a few times during the year, and they refuse to acknowledge that this long-distance is getting very difficult and that we need to live our own lives. Since I am still in school and only have a part-time job, I find it impossible for me to support myself on my own completely, and the fact that my parents both choose to look at me as though I am a child upsets me even further because they do not take me seriously. My culture is very particular with the order of marriage proposals and relationships, and my parents refuse to let us be together until they meet his family, who are wonderful, yet they continue to make promises that they will visit them and then continually break those promises to me and my boyfriend. I feel like I am stuck in this house and just want to break free but I do not know how to get my family to understand that I want to live my own life. I have explained to them many times that I want to be an adult and be on my own and to be able to marry the one person who makes me so happy, yet they continue to see me as a foolish child. Part of me wonders if running away to be with him would be the best option, since reasoning has led me nowhere and i have a car of my own and some money in my savings, however leaving my family would be very hard for to do under such stressful circumstances. Please, if anyone has any advice, I would very greatly appreciate it.
Hi, I am old enough to be your grandfather and hopefully the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you.
As I see from what you have written you are caught between two worlds. There is your parents world which is the one where they are wishing to uphold the customs and traditions of the old country and there is your world with all the customs and traditions of the new world. You truly find yourself between a rock and a hard place as they saying goes in the new world.
The one question I have is: Have you ever told your parents that you will not agree to an arranged marriage?
Here in America your parents may want you to or they may try to arrange a marriage for you but unless you agree it cannot take place; at least not legally for you need a marriage license. If you do not sign the license application there cannot be a legal marriage. They may believe in the eyes of your faith that you are married but in the eyes of the state you can walk away from that marriage at anytime.
You need to explain that to your parents that in this country you cannot be forced into a marriage. That the law provides certain protections against forced marriage. At your age you have certain rights guaranteed to you under the law as an adult. One of which is the right of choice.
You need to also tell them that you love them and want to honor them as much as possible. But you live in a new world and need to follow your heart as well as tradition. They came to, or their parents brought them, to this new world for a better life; part of the better life is change and sometimes changes means the breaking of tradition.
You go one to tell them that it hurts you to be put in a position of choosing between the love you have for them and the love you have for your future husband. If they force you to make a choice your choice is going to be for the future and not the present. You see your future as being with the man you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with, to bear his children, their grandchildren.
Now the question becomes what choice will they make as you have made you choose. Will they embrace your choice and meet his parents and join in your joy? Or will they hold to the traditions of the old country and not accept your marriage for what it is?
This is the best advice I can give you. You need to make a stand. You are not the first child of traditional old world parents to face this problem. The biggest problem you face is how accepting your parents will ultimately be of your decision and if you can live with what their decision and what their attitude toward you will be in the near and far future.
My only advice on this is that you can only live in one world. You must choose the world to live in that will make you the happiest.
I have recently came to Australia on a 3 month visa with my friend who is an Australian citizen and payed for my ticket here and with the understanding of her getting me a ticket back home and now the situation has changed with no means whatsoever of getting back to the Uk :-(
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I hope the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you.
Your question is a first for this site, but one I have seen before in other forums or news articles. In almost every instance the advice given by others was to visit the embassy of your home country.
While the primary mission of an Embassy is Diplomatic Relations with the host Country, the next most important mission is to protect and serve the citizens of their country who may be having problems while visiting the host country.
Frankly I'm not sure which is the more important job. Yes, diplomatic relations are important, helping their own citizens at times is even more important. I don't believe if you were to go to your embassy and tell them what has happened to you; that they won't find away of fronting you a ticket home. After all once you are home they have many ways of reclaiming the funds loaned to you, if you do not pay them back voluntarily. Starting with garnishment of wages to withholding of any taxes that may be do you until your debt is settled.
I believe it is just a mater of finding the right person or department within the embassy to get the help you need to get home. If at all possible try to visit the main embassy rather than one of the outlying consulates. I believe you will find it easier to get help at the main embassy.
My dad was in a car accident a few days ago but doesnt have lawyer money?
He says his neck hurts and it costs 4,000 to get the car fixed and we don't have that money. The airbag stopped him from getting killed. A girl hit my dad real hard on his drivers side and she ran off in her car. My dad was the only one in the car, he was so shook up he didn't get her license plate number. He has insurance and we know nothing about the girl. she drove away when he said he was calling the police. He has witnesses that saw the girl crash into him. The people don't know what the girls name is or where she lives but they know where she hangs out at and they told the police. They did a police report and my dad hasn't got it yet. I don't think he knows what to do about this. We took pictures of the car and he thinks that's all he has to have.We haven't found the girl that hit him and he cant afford a lawyer. He doesn't have $4000 to pay for what the girl did. He thinks he can get a lawyer for free. What is he supposed to do since hes saying his back hurts and the car is wrecked on the side and he cant get a lawyer?
Hi, I'm one of the older advisers on this site, probably old enough to be you grandfather. I'm retired know because of an accident just like the one your father was in. Unfortunately I didn't walk away from mine I was taken by ambulance to hospital for treatment.
First, your fathers injuries: Most insurance policies have a personal injury coverage. Meaning coverage for injuries you the policy holder receive in the event of an accident. Usually this coverage is limited to about $5,000.
Second: Most if not all states also require insurance companies to add to all policies uninsured motorist coverage. This coverage is coverage paid by the state to fix your dads car if he does not have what is called comprehensive coverage which is where his insurance company will pay to fix the car.
Third: Most Personal injury Lawyers work on what is called Contingency: meaning they get a percentage of what they recover for your dad in any monetary award. If the police find the other driver and she has insurance, which she should have if the car was legally registered and even if it was stolen, a lawyer will take your fathers case on without any money from dad and be able to get some type of settlement from the other insurance company. Generally the Lawyer gets about a third of the award he recovers for a client.
So My advice is have your father call his insurance company and ask about PPI and how to bill them for a doctors visit. Also his private insurance from work will cover him if there is no other coverage. While talking to the insurance co. ask about the uninsured motorist fund.
If dad has not already done so he should file a claim with his insurance company. Since it appears he is not at fault for the accident, his insurance company will work with him to get his medical problems seen and your car fixed under whatever programs are available to him.
Then he needs to contact a lawyer. If you don't know any personal liability lawyers, contact your county Bar Association for referrals.
Things are not as bleak as they seem, you just need to know the right things to ask and where to go for the help dad is entitled to.
Tell dad he can write to me on this site as well if he would like.
i have no clue how much it hurts to break a bone. I have never broken a bone. In the past weeks ive been trying to get in shape. I think something happened to my left foot because whenever i walk it hurts in the same spot . I kind of limp cause it hurts. I have no idea what it is if i should go to doctor or maybe just go away ina week?
There are a lot of small bone in the foot. You could have broken one of them. It never hurts to check in with a doctor when something hurts.
For this injury the proper doctor to see is a sports medicine doctor who is also on Orthopedist.
Hey guys, So I'm going to get right down to it, I have been sleeping with this guy, and we had protective sex usually but one night we didn't have protection so he would just pull it out before he would 'cum' inside of me, but now Ive been noticing these kinda small.. completely white bumps that look like they're underneath the skin, the aren't anywhere near my actually vagina, they're more towards the lips, outer area. I thought maybe it could be an infection of some kind. I can't go to the doctor because I'm only 14 and my mom doesn't know I'm sexually active. By the way, I've had no symptoms, no discharge, smells, nothing. Anyone have an idea what this is?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather and it is questions just like yours that I became an adviser on this sight. I tell it to you straight. You may not like my answer but you are getting the truth as I know it.
To start with at age 14 by law you have medical confidentiality. Meaning you can consult with a doctor without your mother being present in the exam room. Anything you discuss with your doctor stays between your doctor and you unless you give the doctor written consent to release that information.
The law is called HIPPA. Under this law any medical professional is restricted from releasing any medical information without your written consent. This includes EMTs and Paramedics. As a firefighter I am not allowed to tell a spouse or parent what hospital I have transported a loved one to. This is how strict HIPPA is. The Hospital cannot acknowledge a patient is in the ER without permission because of HIPPA.
So you can visit your doctor and ask that mom wait in the waiting room. If you do not wish to ask mom then slip a note to the nurse and the nurse will ask mom or have the doctor ask mom to wait outside. This is your right to medical privacy and is specifically geared to anyone over 13 so that they can be truthful with their doctor and receive proper medical care.
You can also ask for birth control medication and your doctor must prescribe for you unless there is medical reason not to do so. You don't need parental permission for birth control medication, in most states.
I'm not going to lecture you on being sexually active at your young age, obviously you have decided for yourself that you want to be sexually active. What I will lecture you on is proper precautions.
Condoms are very good at preventing the transmission of the HIV virus and other STDs. What they are not good at is the prevention of pregnancy. A condom, worn properly is only proven to be 85% effective at preventing pregnancy. To be properly protected you need to be on some form of birth control such as the pill which is proven to be 99% effective in preventing pregnancy.
You should never engage in sexual intercourse with anyone unless he uses a condom even if you are protected by birth control from pregnancy. The condom doubles the effectiveness of your birth control while protecting you from STDs.
As to what those bumps are I have no idea, you should see a doctor and I have informed you that you can do so without mom finding out you are sexually active.
im 16/f and feel over weight, im 4'11 and weigh 160. my doctors says i should be weighing 130 or less. i hate the way i look i just want to die at times. my mother and I are looking for a plastic surgons in Rockford, Illinois that will do payments. we dont have much money but are able to make payments month to month. i just want to be happy and love myself. thank you.
Hi; I'm old enough to be you grandfather and I'm hoping that the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to you.
While I can't be of any help in finding a doctor that will take payments; I am going to voice my concern about a Plastic Surgeon who will do body sculpting on a 16 year old.
Most if not all Board Certified Plastic Surgeons refrain from doing almost all procedures on anyone under 18 and at times even under 21 depending on the procedure and whether or not the patients growth plates are closed. There are many good reasons for this and any good Plastic Surgeon will explain this to you.
When looking for any Surgeon or specialist you want to look for a doctor that is Board Certified in that specialty. The reason is that in many states a doctor can say they are a specialist in a particular specialty as long as they did a residency in that specialty. A board Certified Specialist has done a Fellowship and passed written and practical exams by the boards college of Cardinal in order to receive certification. These are the doctors who are the best at what they do.
Now why will a good surgeon not operate on you. First:Liposuction is not a replacement for diet and exercise. Liposuction is for body sculpting after diet and exercise to remove certain fats that exercise won't remove. Second: At 16 your body is still changing. To surgically change a body that is still changing itself is wrong except in the case of medical necessity or emergency do to trauma. Third: In your case proper diet and exercise will work better than liposuction.
My advice is: Take the money you would spend on Plastic Surgery and use it to hire a Physical Trainer, who will work on a pay as you go basis. Consult with a nutritionist, who may be covered by your insurance plan, on proper dieting
and diet. Most importantly while dieting be monitored by your family doctor.
There is an old saying about things that come easy. Anything that comes is generally doesn't last. This is very true about liposuction. If you don't exercise and eat properly you will have wasted you money for the wait will return.
My feeling is if you follow my advice it may take longer to loose the weight, but it will be a permanent weight lose rather than temporary weight loss and you will have learned how to eat and exercise properly to remain at your proper weight. To me this is a win/win situation