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Could I have been a victim of sexual abuse?
I am a 33 year old woman who is confused, I have four older siblings who were sexually abused by our grandfather, the closest sibling is six years older than me and when I was six my grandfather died of bowel cancer, he did not have a very prolonged illness maybe 2 years. I am worried that I may have been abused by him as well because of the following:-
1. I distrust men, including family members.
2. I find incest storylines erotic.
3. I have extreme problems with intimacy - hence why I am a 33 year old virgin.
4. I have suffered depression and suicidal attempts from the age of about 7 and as far as I know I had no reason to be unhappy, I was well loved, well fed and housed.
Because I would have been under 4 years old I may not remember it and I am very afraid to ask my mum as she has had several boughts of cancer and already feels she let me down when I was growing up by working so hard. If I know if there is or isn't something wrong I can deal with it, its the not knowing that is the problem.
Thanks for your help in advance. :)
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If you don't remember anything I don't see why you want to dig into the matter and open a can of worms. My point is let sleeping dogs lay. Just pray for comfort and the almighty will give you peace.
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Hi, I'm old enough to be your father, having a son your same age. I'm hoping the wisdom of someone my age and some fatherly advice will be helpful to you.
It is my belief that even though your grandfather was ill when you were younger it is almost certain he abused you as well. For this I am very sorry it happened. At the time when this happened to you and your siblings we parents if we knew would have felt that this was something you would forget about because of your young age and not sought treatment for you. We were wrong then, but know better now.
There is an organization called RAINN that can help you. The name stands for: Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline you can call for help. The trained volunteers who answer the hotline will help you find RAINN volunteers in you own community who will help you find the right doctors and people to treat you and work with you to feel better and get your life back.
This is not something you can deal with on your own , but can deal with and move forward with the right kind of professional help. Please call RAINN now; The hotline number is 1-800 656- HOPE.
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When the police catch criminals it is usually never their first offense. I had probably smoked four pounds of pot before my first possession ticket. Serial murderers are guilty of far more murders than they are caught and prosecuted for. Speeders offend hundreds of times between tickets. And drunk drivers........It all boils down to the probability that if he offended all your siblings, he probably offended you as well. We remember much from age four. Falling hurts. Stove burns. Crying purges. I believe you know in your heart if you were touched wrongly. Im 31 and have had much the opposite experience, but in the same proportion. See, I was extremely promiscuous when I came of age. You know, the type of boy who counted notches on my belt. I lost count and along the way I lost something else. I sold my innocence for experience. That first kiss rush, falling in love. I too now suffer depression and suicidal thoughts. The difference between us is I can blame myself. You can vent your anger at a grave. I envy that distinction. Please use it because your innocents is intact, just access it.
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Well something definitely happened to you, whether its abuse or something else in your childhood that you just haven't revealed here. I would say it is worth a trip to a therapist or counselor, if for nothing else than your own piece of mind. Its an expense, but look at it as an investment in your mental health and safety.
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It’s certainly possible you were abused, although I must say the idea of 'repressed memories' is wildly unscientific and silly. However, most people can't remember anything prior to the huge jump in mental development that happens at about 5 years of age. Those memories are not 'repressed'. They were created by a brain so very different from your adult brain that they are, effectively, lost.
Everything you've described here is perfectly possible to happen to a person who was never abused. Also, it can't be underestimated the effect the abuse your older siblings went through on you and your home life. Much of the stress and anxiety would have been present, whether you were abused or not.
The worst part is, you might never know for certain what happened. Most of our lives are lived within the ‘not knowing’ space - although modern day pop psychology puts an absurd amount of focus on figuring out “what pass trauma made you like this?!” the truth is that it is perfectly possible to address the concrete problems of your current life without having the complete story and all the information about your past. Not everyone who suffers from depression, or anxiety, or phobias have a good reason or past trauma. Most actually don’t. But that doesn’t mean they can’t address them.
Sometimes there are no 'reasons' for issues, there are just issues. Regardless, they can be overcome.
Seek therapy. Not just explore your past, but to discuss your goals for the future and the states of mind and fears that are holding you back. If the truth was accessible, I’d say go try and find it. Ask your mother and siblings what they remember or know (ideally, with a therapist’s guidance in how to approach these conversations), but also accept that the truth might not be accessible to you, and you can be okay - you can get better - even not knowing for sure.
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