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How do I help him?
So basically my 15 year old brother seems to be going through what looks like depression. And no, he hasn't been diagnosed, but I know the signs because I've been through the exact same thing and everyone else I've known to go through it. He's been depressed for a while but now it's become worse because now he's showing it.
He's isolating himself, playing a lot of violent video games, writing certain things that a 15 year old shouldn't be writing about him wanting to drink his misery away and how much he hates his life because he has nothing to live for. I get that kids his age play games like Halo and shooting games but in the state of mind he's in, it's not healthy.
My mother has severe bipolar and she's been that way for years now and for a long time, she has taken it out on everyone around her, but mostly my brother, who is now suffering for it. She's in and out of hospital alot for different reasons therefore my brother stays home by himself a lot.
He's not talking to me about it or anyone else. My sister refuses to do anything because the way she see's it, she offered him to stay with her and he said no so she can't do anything. She could at least go see him for a night or two since she only lives 2 hours away..
My boyfriend says not to push..that he'll come around eventually but until then, all we can do is let him know we're here for him when he's ready. And that's what professionals say on forums and whatnot.
I feel like history is repeating itself. I had a friend when I was in school, whom I hadn't known for long but for the time I did know him, we became friends. He was only 17 years old when he killed himself in 2009. Everyone let him be until he was ready to ask for help, they let him "come around" and so no one pushed but when he did ask for help, it was too late because so much damage had been done from waiting months to ask for that help. He saw no way out because he had waited too long and felt there was nothing anyone could do anymore...
My brother is my best friend, and I've tried to be there the best I can over the years given what's happened within our family and all the pain our mother has caused from blaming us for her bad life and verbally abusing us every day when we did nothing wrong. I miss my friend, and I think about him every day, and I can't bear to lose my brother. I've lost so many people in my life to death and other things and now for some reason, life is punishing my brother when he's such a good kid.
I know that whatever happens to mum, he will blame himself. And I keep expecting to hear that she's died, either from suicide or from a physical illness and I don't want her to die, i really dont but what she has done to my brother is so unforgivable. I feel so helpless to help him and I feel like If I do wait for him to come around, that it will be too late and I can't lose another person, especially him. I don't know what to do anymore...I'm so tired from crying every night worrying about getting a phone call from someone saying that something bad has happened to him. How can I help him? How can I make him see that he needs it because he does have reasons to live and people who love him? He won't listen anymore. I don't even know who he is anymore..
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D: I don't know at all.. I really don't. Maybe you should just do what you've been doing all along, loving him, playing games with him, etc... I have an older sister who was bullied by my mum for 26 years - since she was born, and she went through severe post-natal depression when everyone in the family (and that's a lot of people) told her that she was a bad person and that she was wrong and that the baby would die. She couldn't even get out of bed for days and days on end. I know it's not the same as bipolar disorder, but it's a start. Maybe you should just support him. I know my sister only got through because her boyfriend looked after her. Also, don't scold your brother if he tries to hurt himself, with blades, for example. Sometimes, cutting is actually good for you. It's a form of release of all of your pain in a tiny pinprick, washing out of you in a clean cut. Just make sure that if he only tries this (which he may not), that he only uses sterilised blades and only cuts in places, such as the thighs, where it is very fleshy, with not a lot of major veins - and not to cut too deep!!!! Mind you, if he tries another form of self-abusive activity to stop being upset, try to help him treat himself to get better, rather than end himself.
And remind him that a life lived in waiting for what never comes is far better than a life content in the knowledge of what is certain never to be. He may believe that there's not hope for himself or his mum (and family for that matter), and so you have to remind him that something good will come out of it.
Also, be ready for a lot of sarcasm, tears, and yells. Everyone's going to be a little twitchy for a few years.
I have another reccomendation - show him and your mum Emilie Autumn's music. She has bipolar disorder, too, and has some amazing music, which really does show what it feels like. Partucularly "Manic Depression", "A Cure", and "On a Day". They really are very good at making someone FEEL something, especially if they've been empty for a while.Also, she'll be a good example of someone who cas come out of bipolar disorder and turned all her pain into something glorious.
Help him do that.
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I think WingYan is mostly right, except for a couple of things. I've struggled with depression my whole life, and I know that when you're a kid, you usually don't just ask for help. So don't wait around for your brother to ask, because it might never happen. Affective disorders (i.e. depression, bipolar, etc.) aren't like addiction where the addict has to want to stop. Do whatever you have to to help him. You might save his life.
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To an extent your boyfriend is right. I think you should talk to your brother. Dont expect him to reply and even if he doesnt seem to pay attention to you just sit by him and tell him all of this. Just open up to him about how you feel, the situation and let him know that hes loved and that you need him. He NEEDS to know he is cared for. When you have depression your judgement is clouded. It is so easy to believe that despite people telling you, youre unloved and uncared for and a burden. Dont talk down to him or lecture him. Help experience your emotions as if they were his own. He needs to FEEL loved and cared for.
Keep an eye on him and look after him. Encourage him to spend time with you like going for a walk or another activity. Creative activities are great for him to express himself in a positive way. Get him engaged with you. Gentle encouragements. Dont pressure him too much. If he says no and stands by it then thats okay. Just ask him to do something the day after. Or if he's cooped up in his room playing video games then just sit down and watch him play, try to get him talking a little or join in.
If he gets any worse then it's time to seek professional advice once and for all. Have him evaulated by a psychiatrist. You can go from there. And if he does worsen then the doctors can section him if need be, if his life is in danger. Its important to have this help and security. It is best handled by people to specialise in this.
In the mean time perhaps look into social services. Theyre not just these to take kids away from bad parents. They can work with you all as a family in trying to manage the home life to improve things for everyone involved as well as helping you kids with your mums manic depression.
There is help out there. You just have to ask for it.
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