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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
I"ve got a big knot on my hip and it hurts real bad i went to the doctor and they can't find what it is
One thing I have found out about doctors is there is always a better doctor someplace else, you just have to find him/her.
I found that the best doctors work at trauma hospitals. were I live I am fortunate enough o have one with the highest level of certification and 3 more level one trauma centers. It just so happened that the Park level center, the highest level, is closest to my home.
I called the patient referral line and spoke with them about my problem. The referred me to the proper doctor within that hospital. When I looked at the doctors credentials on line I was amazed at how lucky I was to be referred to him. He made a diagnoses and I was able to receive a proper treatment.
I would suggest you find the closest Level one , there is only one Park level trauma in the country, trauma center and call their patient referral line. This has proved helpful for others I know who have not been able to get results from local doctors. Hopefully you too will receive a good result by going this route to find a better doctor.
ok i was just wondering if it would be possible 4 me to go into an amish town for a week over the summer. is it possible that the amish would let me stay with them? im really interested in the amish way of life and i just want 2 know if they just might take me for a week or so. i really wanna learn more about this culture (and get away from my parents 4 a while he he) and i figure the best way for me 2 do that is if i stay with them for a while. if this isnt possible, please state the reason. also, if i ever went to one of these settlements,what should i wear as far as clothing and possibly makeup if any is allowed? thanks so much!
A couple ways to find a family with which to live are: contact the Amish and Mennonite Heritage Center, located at 5798 County Road 77 (PO Box 324), Berlin, OH 44610. You can call them at (330) 893-3192, and their Web site is http://www.behalt.com. Or, you can place an ad for such a family in the Amish newspaper, The Budget, PO Box 249, Sugarcreek, OH 44681, (330) 852-4634, http://www.thebudgetnewspaper.com. The Budget is distributed each Wednesday and is read by Amish all over the United States. By living in an Amish area for this period of time, you will get a feel for how they live and work.
OK so I have had my period since September 22 2009, and through out itI have never missed a period. It hasnt completely evened out but all of a sudden I missed march and I havent gotten mine for April. I am seriously FREAKING OUT! I am still a virgin and never even had a boyfriend so I dont think I am pregnant. BUt i dont knos whatrs going on. PLEASE CAN ANYONE HELP!?
Are you athletic?
If you recently got into and have just started to train for this sport any type of athletics; say a gymnast or maybe a distance runner, swimmer or any sport that is considered a summer sport, this could be the reason missing your periods.
Many female athletes report there periods stopping completely while they are in training. Have you ever noticed that some of the young female gymnasts who have trained since they were in the single digit ages and well into there teens are small breasted or even flat chested. Then shortly after they retire from the sport which generally happens in their early twenty's suddenly grow breasts and fill out. This all has to do with the heavy training they do.
So if you have recently started to exercise regularly for a sport or just for your own well being this could be the reason. If your still concerned you could and should check in with a gynecologist; who you should be seeing on a yearly basis anyway now that you are getting your period.
I just got my period yesterday and i am really nervous and embaressed to tell my mom. Any ideas of how i can tell my mom? please help...
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
Time for a little grandfatherly advice: Getting your period is a normal bodily function. It is a major step for you as you move from being a little girl to becoming a women. Getting your period is just as natural as your breast growing and filling out. Were or would you be embarrassed to ask your mother about picking out your first bra's.
You are going through puberty, another natural function that all children, boys and girls go through. As parents we are prepared to help you when this time comes as it can be a difficult and sometimes scary time for them; especially for girls. Boys have it rather easy when it comes to puberty. Girls have a much bigger problem as their bodies under go a much bigger change, there is a change in the way their body functions and some of those functions , I'm talking about your period, can be painful and confusing.
You should not be embarrassed about anything to do with puberty and the changes it brings on. There is nothing sexual about getting your period. Your mother has gone through this and may be waiting for you to come to her so see can be comforting and informative.
Sure you can write a note and leave it on her pillow or something to that effect. I would think that going to your mom and saying mom I need some private time with you, it's important. Then sitting down with her either at the kitchen table or in your room and saying; "mom I got my first period I could you use your help with some questions I have."
I would think this would be a great bonding experience for you and your mom. Her little girl is becoming a women.
Remember one think when it comes to talking to your mom or dad. We were all once teenagers. There is nothing new about being a teenager. Whatever you are facing, be it sex, drugs, groping; we've been through it.
my boyfriend asked me "babe , can i have some porn pics of you? :\ "
do you think i should do it? and what exactly do i take a photo of?
im 13 by the way
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
I can't start to count the ways this is wrong. Lets start by how many people do you want to see you naked? Once you give a picture of yourself to someone you loose control of it. He is your boyfriend now, today. What about next week or next month. What happens when and if you break up and he decides to put that picture on facebook. Do you want all of your friends and his to see you in the nude? Can that happen, it has happened before, all of his and your friends friend can see your nude picture. In a matter of hours that picture can go viral.
Then there is the legal issues in taking and distributing nude photo's if you are under age. You can be charged with making and distributing child pornography! Your boyfriend can be charged with possession of child pornography and if he should in someway pass the photo on or around, he too can be charged with distribution of child pornography.
Yes, these are real charges and yes it may be your body and your photo of yourself. The law does not take that into account. That would be for a judge and jury to decide. Our society does not take well to child pornography for any reason. As such if you were to be charged I do not feel you would do well in court saying it is my body, my photo.
Grandfatherly advice: Never, ever give anyone a photo of yourself you would not want to see in the Society Section of your local newspaper. You can heed my advice and the advise of the other advisers who have given you similar advise. You can also do as you please, that is your choice. The facts are that to give your boyfriend the picture he wants is the wrong choice.
I am a teenage male and I was thinking about shaving my genital area and I was wondering is there a better/easier way to remove hair down there. It seems kind of uncomfortable and frankly scary to put a razor to my scrotum and also do girls want you to shave your butt or rather behind the testicles. Ha sorry wow this is more graphic than I wanted it to be.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
Having been there and done that, not exactly having the pictures to prove it. I would advise you rethink shaving down there.
One night my wife and I get a little sill. I shaved he and she thought it was only fair that she shave me. I will admit it was a little scary having her using a razor on my scrotum, even a safety razor, but it was a lot of fun; before, during and after.
What was not fun was in the days after when the hair started to grow back; it ITCHED LIKE CRAZY. I tried creams, powders everything. I had to make a choice, continue shaving every day or so or put up with the itching until the hair grew back.
It is a lot easier to have someone else shave you down their, also more fun. The question is can you put up with the itching.
Shaving is the only way to remove pubic hair. The skin on your scrotum is far to sensitive for cream removers and waxes.
You gave me five names well I'm hoping your wisdom can help me 2'days ago I went for a 5 hour bike ride and me and my mate rode 60 kilometer these are
Pushbikes my legs are still really sore and they just keep getting worse i didn't fell it till 1 day after now I got to carry another 10kilo bAg for school and I don't know what to do how do I make it heal faster and I play NRL ( (we arnt national)but were premeires the hardest teams play int that but NRL nation rugby league) an I'm forward I normally have 3 to 5 guys hanging off my back to tackle me cuase I'm so strong and with my legs I don't know what to do
I wish I had a magic cure for you but I don't. The body heals at it's own rate. It sounds like you made not have been in the best of shape for a bike ride that long.
Things you can try are warm baths, ice packs and over the counter creams to relieve pain. Other than that you are just going to have to let your body heal at it's own rate.
Your NRL coach may have some other suggestions for you to try so you might try asking him.
I live in the U S and we don't get to see many Rugby games. When the are televised I have enjoyed watching them. Good luck to you and your mates and best wishes for a good season.
Hi i got percocet for an injury and was wondering why i cant get high of of them? they are 5mg and i have taken up to 3 and ntohign but i tiny bit of highness do i need to take more is it just i cant get high of of them?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
I'll tell you right up front your not going to like my answer but it is for your own good. The doctor prescribed the medication to relieve pain not to get high.
If you keep increasing the amount of Percocet you are taking it is more likely you will damage your liver before you get high. Read the label it should read 5/250 or 5/500. The main pain reliever is not the percocet but the Tylenol or Motrin which is represented by the /250 or /500. The 5/ is the amount of percocet pain reliever which is just enough medication for your height and weight to take the edge of the pain and let the Tylenol or Motrin (I forget which) do the rest of the work.
To much of either Tylenol or Motrin taken at one time can damage your liver. Without a Liver you get a permanent low; about 6 feet worth. Is that clear enough for you?
I'm sixteen and a female.
This is weird for me to post advice about this on here, but whatever.
I masturbate frequently. I mean, not crazy, like to the point it runs my life, but about two or three times a day. Sometimes it's because I'm turned on for a random reason, or just because it feels good. But sometimes I just feel so gross afterwards.
I also watched some porn last night and today. I feel so nasty afterwards and I don't want to feel that way because it is normal, right? So why do I feel so disgusted after I do those types of things?
Thanks a lot!
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
Let me start by saying masturbation is totally normal. Most teenagers masturbate, be they boys or girl, to relieve the sexual tension brought on by the hormonal changes brought on by puberty. A recent report relates that as many as 90% of the population masturbate. Now this would include adults as well as teenagers and such acts as mutual masturbation, hand jobs, fingering and oral sex. One could define masturbation or mutual masturbation as any sexual activity other than intercourse. Masturbation is a natural way to relive this tension.
Most religions including the Catholic Church condone masturbation; if this is so why do parents and church elders tell children it is wrong to masturbate? The only reason I can think of is the pleasure received from masturbating leads to wanting the pleasure of actual intercourse. In a sense there is a double standard here. As mutual and some people even use single masturbation as a form of foreplay, adults are telling children that something they do on a regular basis is wrong. Well if it is wrong or sinful for the children, would it not be wrong for the adults.
What my wife and I told our children is that masturbation or mutual masturbation is a safe way to satisfy desire without the chance of anyone getting pregnant. There is nothing dirty or disgusting about masturbation; it is a safe way to satisfy a natural urge. The only time masturbation is wrong is when the urge to masturbate precludes doing everything else.
I hope this answers your question. There is no reason to feel as you do other than at some time in your up bringing you were told it was wrong to masturbate. Masturbation is a safe way for you to relieve the sexual tensions you are feeling now due to puberty and in the future when you and you partner are not together. There is also nothing wrong with watching porn. Visual stimulation works well with the fantasies of masturbation and as long as it does not become an all encompassing habit there is nothing wrong in watching it.
Just lock your bedroom door so you are not disturbed.
In my sixteen years, I have been in four relationships.
My first boyfriend was a sophomore when I was a freshman. He was very sweet and loving at first, and then took advantage of my stupidity and I ended up losing my virginity at the age of fourteen. I became scarred by the wounds he gave me, and I lost a lot of trust in myself and in relationships.
My second boyfriend was totally fake. I was his best friend and then we broke up after four months and he told me he never loved me and I was boring. I lost myself for a while, and in the months after I found who I was and healed.
My third boyfriend was the most amazing guy I have ever met. He and I had the greatest relationship. We had a full, open trust, long talks, and a great, faithful connection. I really felt in love with him. He broke it off with me in March because I was "depressing." He brought out the real me, and I was destroyed when we broke up. I still miss him to this day.
My last and most recent boyfriend didn't last very long. He and I talked for a while and then got together, and then because I was feeling doubtful and hurt, and he never made time for me, I broke up with him two days ago.
But now I am going into this stage again. I've been in it before. It's a stage I promised I'd never go back to. I've been depressed, hurt, angry, and lonely. I feel like I will never ever find anyone for me. Being a teenager sucks. I'm a very emotional person and I rely on others to make me happy. I'm in this constant longing, this yearning, for love, and I don't want my life to be constant heartbreak. I've had a low self-esteem lately, and I feel so lonely. I often think I will never ever like anyone again because I've been through all the people I could possibly like throughout my life. I never have felt anything recently for anyone, except for my best friend, but he rejected me....
I mean, is it normal to feel this way? Am I just going through what every teenage girl goes through?
I need a lot of advice on this.... thanks so much.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
Being I guy I can't say for sure that every girl goes through what your going through. What I can say for sure is I think your trying to hard.
By that I mean you are working to hard at having a relationship and not allowing the real you to come through. I believe that underneath all these problems you are projecting is a very warm and loving person who is working overtime to prove this to others. I see this in what and how you have written to us.
When we get depressed, and it is okay to get down form time to time as long as it is not a place we stay in, we have a tendency to miss interpret what is said to us and even what we see. So the first thing you need to do is to find away to get out of the dark place and into a happier place.
Once you get out of your funk start being the person you really are. Do not rush into a relationship just to be in a relationship. You want a guy who wants the real you, the person who resides just under the exterior you. You want and need the same thing. You need to look under the hood so to speak, not just kick the tires. Bad analogy but it works.
So short story me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 6 weeks or in other words one and a half months and out of the blue she said she wants me to kiss her at any time but,this is the bad spot well 1 of them we yacht seen eachother for 10 days and we are really missing eachother we talk on phone though and it's going to be our fisrst kiss between us then the other problem is I know nothing about kissing so I'm inexperienced and I'm in an Aussie high school and I'm a 13 year old male and a AA student even though my girlfriend is a C student I don't care I love her for her personality so your help would really be helpful for me so I'm very thankful for and advice =-|
I'm one of the older advisers on this site. Your question is not the type of question I generally chose to answer as it is best answered by someone younger than me. Below is a list of adviser who might be best able to help you.
Smartone
bewise
karen
Grading Curve
anonymous99
Hilda J Carter
my first boyfriend i ever had got back together with me but now im not sure if im good enough for him ive had over 15 boyfriends in about 9 months but i still havent had my first kiss and i havent held hands with anyone im really shy i didnt even talk to them i would start laughing and blushing and shaking when they tried to kiss or hug me
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
Is it possible that you are confusing friends that are boys with boyfriends, for that is what it sounds like to me. There is a difference here, and it has to do with the relationship.
A boyfriend is someone you hold hands with, snuggle to when walking in the mall. A boyfriend is someone who takes you on a date.
A friend who is a boy is someone who is a lot like a boyfriend but you don't hold hands, you don't snuggle to when walking in the mall. You may go out together but it is by mutual agreement. It's like, "hey Kathy I'm going to the movies tonight; want to tag along"? You can have 15 of these type friends, they are meaning less as they are just friendships not relationships.
As for not being good enough for him. The real question is; is he good enough for you?
IM 13 and my boyyfriends 13 aswel. He wants to show me how much he loves me and he said he would never presurre me.
He has had sex before.
Im sure im ready. im just scared that its going to hurt.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
Grandfather observation: If you were really sure you were ready for sex you would not be writing to us. At the end of my advise I will supply a link to a website I would like you to visit before you decide to have sex.
I'm not going to repeat the lecture I'm sure your mom and dad have had with you about having sex at such a early age. I will say that even for someone like me who has some very liberal views on sex, you are far to young to be thinking of full sexual intercourse.
Your boyfriend on the other hand is thinking much differently than you are. As boys go through puberty the become wired to have sex. They mistake lust for love. Girls rarely mistake lust for love as there must be some form of love in a relationship before they can surrender to such an intimate act as intercourse. To be blunt it is all hormonal for the boy. He needs to release the pent up sexual tension brought on by puberty
Girls experience similar sexual tension brought on by the same hormonal changes going on within their bodies. They just aren't as fast to jump to sexual intercourse as fast as the boys are. I believe this is because it is the girl that has to live with the consequences of the act.
My advise is you to need to learn how to make out first. Tell your boyfriend you might be up to giving him a handjob and maybe work up to a blowjob for now. But your pants and panties stay on. As for your blouse and bra that is your decision. Once your clothes start coming off the chances of you becoming pregnant escalate exponentially.
Just a side note: Condoms are only 85% effective in preventing pregnancy when worn correctly. Operative words here are WORN CORRECTLY.
If it was my place to tell you what to do I would tell you to wait. It is not my place to tell you what to do only to offer advice. My advice is to wait a few years until your older. You can only give your virginity away once. This is a precious gift. You should wait and give it to someone who may become your husband or even long time lover.
This young boy will break your heart as once he has what he wants he will look to conquer another. That is what young boys do. Young boys also can't keep their mouths shut and it will get all over school that you and he did the dirty deed and then you will have a reputation.
How do I know this? I was once 13 myself, I know what I and my friends were like and I doubt anything has changed.
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.
Ok so I just turned 13 a few weeks ago and I now weigh134lbs. I am 5'4. I was wondering if I was overweight. Every time I tell my friends how much i weigh, they always say that I only look like I weigh 90. I believe them too cuz I don't look that fat. Please don't tell me that I shouldn't care how much I weigh and that I should just love myself for who I am cuz I want to know if I need to excersize more and eat less (p.s. I just lost 10lbs. In a few weeks) so am I now overeight still??
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
If you exercise more than say any of your girlfriends do you will weigh more than them, even if you look like you weigh less than you really do. The reason for this is muscles weigh more than plain body fat which we all have to one degree or another.
If you are a teenager that is into sports and exercises on a regular basis, don't worry so much about your weight. If you truly need to know what your proper weight should be for your height and body proportions; then see your family doctor. Let you doctor tell you if you need to lose or gain weight. Which ever your doctor tells you to do you do under the doctors supervision. You could also consult with a nutritionist or dietitian for proper diet and dieting, once you have consulted your doctor.
Life fact: : Never attempt a diet of any type without a doctors supervision. This is to insure that you maintain a healthy body while dieting.
I'm a fifteen year old girl and I have recently started to develop feelings for my step-brother. He is two years older than me and we see each other ever other weekend.
We've known each other for about eight years and we've always had a sort of love/hate relationship.
We would annoy the hell out of each other and he would insult me but recently things have become different.
Before we would wrestle and I'd just be determined to win. But now I don't care about winning I just enjoy wrestling and it isn't as serious as it was before it's more playful. Also a few times whilst we've been fighting I've brushed his lower are and felt what turns out to have been an erection. We'll be fighting and one of us will straddle the other and just sit there and tease the other. Or when we get tired I'll lie on his chest and he'll wrap his arm around me and we'll just stay there for ages.
He still insults me but it's not as intense as when we were younger.
I'm pretty sure it's not normal, I've never actually met anyone whose had a crush on their step-sibling before. I came clean to my friends about it and at first they were shocked but now they think I should go for him because it's not incest because we're only related by law not blood. I'm not sure what to do because I'm doubtful that the feelings I have towards him are mutal and even if they were I'm terrified of what would happen if I told him. What should I do?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
I don't quite agree with NinjaNeer, but then I am quit liberal in my thinking.
There is nothing wrong or abnormal in your having feelings for your step-brother. There is no blood relationship here and as you said there is no problem of incest because of this.
There are many married couples who started out as step siblings; why shouldn't there be. After all they are products of their parents and whatever attracted their parents to each other resides within them as well.
I'm feel your step-brother may feel towards you as you do towards him. The problem is that both of you are reading to much into a problem that might not be there at all. As such you both may waiting for a sign from the other
If there is going to be a problem it is going to be with the opposite natural parent and their spouse. Not your parent married to your step brothers parent.
You might just have to take the bull by the horns and being the more mature of the two; females are always more mature than males in your case you are about a year more mature than him, and just tell him you are having feelings for him that go beyond brother sister type feelings. Then see what he has to say. If he doesn't share your felling you know how to proceed.
Hey so I know my boyfriend likes being on top (during sex) and he knows I hate being on top yet whenever we have sex he refuses to be on top. He says he's too strong and I'm too small an he'll "go too hard" and hurt me. Would it actually hurt...? I'm 5'5 110lbs and he's 6'2 185. How can I show him I can "handle" it? Haha
He is only 75lbs heavier than you are. The majority of his weight is going to be centered from his pelvis to his knees while he is thrusting. The pelvis area is one of the strongest parts of he body so it is doubtful he will hurt you. If he does layout over you he can still control how much weight he places on you with his elbows, pelvis and knees.
It sounds like your boyfriend is somewhat of a novice at sex. You need to be patient with him and to teach him. You need to teach him that your not as fragile as he thinks and be thankful that he is a considerate enough person to be fearful of hurting you. Their are not many like him out there. He just may be a keeper.
I'm 12 years old and my younger brother is basically 11. My mom has to spend days reminding him to do stuff like dishes or laundry but he never gets in trouble. My mom said if he didn't do the dishes on a certain day he wouldn't get his Ps2 right, he doesn't do it and the day after he gets it. Me, she told me to clean my room in an hour she never said when I had to start doing it and if I would get punished, after I do my home work(which takes an hour) my mom comes in and says, "Not done? No T.V. for a week." I clean my room after and nope, nothing I'm still T.V. free. Another example, there's no swearing in our house. I call Ethan a "dumbo" 'cause he's got big ears and I get my art rights taken away. He calls me a F---ing F--- and my mom says,"Don't say that to your sister. I'd get it if he was like maybe 4 or 5 years younger but this is too much.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
From what you have written it does appear mom is favoring you younger brother. I can't explain why but mothers for some reason do seam to favor the baby of the family. It is very possible that mom is not aware of the fact that she is favoring your brother.
Grandfatherly advise time: Being a girl you are more than just 1 year older than your brother. Your maturity age is more than 3 years older than your brother, so mom may expect more of you. This doesn't make you feel any better when you see your brother getting away with things that she would never allow you to get away with.
Normally I would suggest having a conversation with mom. If mom is truly not aware of her favoritism, having this type of conversation could put her on the defensive and may not let you finish or even get you in trouble. Instead there are a few other things you can try.
Is there an Aunt or older female cousin, close to moms age, that you are close to that you can talk to about this. If so would you be comfortable talking to her and asking her to speak with your mother and telling her how you feel.
Can you talk to your dad about this. You didn't mention him in what you wrote. Does dad see what you're seeing and feeling. If so maybe it would be easier to talk with him and ask him to talk with mom.
The last suggestion I have is to write a note to mom. You start by say mom I love you. There have been time most recently that I am feeling very lonely and picked upon and maybe a little unloved. You go on from there and tell her very much what you wrote to us.
Fact is I know you feeling a little bit unloved right about now. With puberty right around the corner you need your mother closer not farther away. I honestly believe mom is not doing this intentionally and may not be aware she is favoring your younger brother. Approached properly and in a mature manner I know you possess I believe you can work this out with mom.
Ive been with my boyfriend for 4yrs already we have 2 kids together. He treats me like im a piece of garbage and i dont understand why I put up with it.
Im a smart person i got my AA and now im working on my teaching degree. Im the one that works and takes care of our kids while his lazy ass sits around and does nothing yet he has the nerve to call me nasty names to tell me im ugly, fat, and worthless... I know i deserve better i just had my son 2 months ago and im not fat i have a pouch but that will go away with some exercise im 5'4" and i weigh 155. I think im a beautiful person inside and outside. I just cant understand why he treats me the way he does I do everything for him. I go out of my way to try and keep him happy I even go to the extent of taking my kids in the mornings on my days off out to visit my mother or run errans just so he can sleep and not start insulting me.
I come from a great family my parents always helped eachother out and they would do anything for me. Its sad that even after all the things that he has said and done to me I still love him and Im trying to make it work between us. I love myself too I know im not ugly im a good person i just dont understand why he is such a nasty person and why i put up with it?
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
You don't have two children, you have three. Your boyfriend is your third child. Your his mother with privileges. It's time he had a wake up call.
You have not said there is any reason why he cannot work other than he is lazy. Being lazy does not qualify as a disability. As long as you feed his laziness he will continue to mentally abuse you. Yes, you are in an abusive relationship. Mental abuse is just as bad as if not worse than physical abuse. As long as you feed his laziness and care for him as you do your children he will continue to abuse you to keep you in line and serving him.
You say you have a supportive family. If so let them help you. I'm sure they are telling you that you need to get away from him before he does you and or the children physical harm. I agree with them. Your boyfriend is a controller. He is controlling you with his mental abuse. When that stops working he will take to physically abusing you. You may love him, he may even love you; the fact is this relationship is going to end with you being physically if not mortally harmed. I wish I was wrong, there are just too many cases like yours in police files world wide to prove me right.
You need to get away from him. You need to either kick him out of your home, or move back to your parents home. I would suggest temporarily for the safety of you and your children that you move out. File for an order of protection, see a lawyer for the proper custody papers and support orders from the courts. Do what is needed to be done to protect you and the children. Do not let him sweet talk you into coming back to him.
Controllers of his type is a character fault, not something that is correctable with therapy. It is something that he has to admit he is and then work very hard not to be. Most controllers will never admit they have a problem. Yes, they promise to change and they do for a bit, then once things settle down they go right back to character.
You need to get away from him, permanently before you become a police statistic.
I've been very blunt and hard in what I have written. I did so purposely, because you could be and may very well be in danger. You may not see it as such. I would rather be blunt and with you and tell you where things could lead before you get hurt; hoping you realize that what you have written and the way you have written it have lead me to this conclusion.
Please talk to your parents and see if they do not agree with me. If they do please follow my advise.
My mom has been my bestfriend, the person who i could run to if or when i'm feeling down, i told her everything, we talk about everything, i always thought she was honest with me because she is a christian... My dad died when i was 12, we were sooo close and since then i 've never been the same, about 3yrs after i learnt that he wasn't my dad, from her mouth, for a month straight i couldn't look in the mirror straight because it was like i never recognize myself, my reflection....i didn't know who i was, now i don't even know how to trust her anymore.
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
You dad is the man that helped your mother raise you. Who comforted you when you were sick. Your dad is the man that helped with your homework, made sure there was food on the table, a roof over your head and good clothes for you to wear.
Your biological father is just that, biological, a fertilizer salesman. He has never been in your life except for the day he sold your mother the fertilizer that lead to your conception.
You have not said, so I will ask; Is it possible that your dad knew he wasn't your father but raised you as his own anyway? If so your dad was quite a remarkable man.
Before you go condemning your mother you need more information. There is no reason to question yourself. Your dad loved you regardless of what he knew or didn't know. There should be no question of that in your mind.
The questions you need answers to are: Does your mother know enough about your biological fathers medical background to pass on to you? While she does not owe you an answer on this next question she could help you understand things if she told you if your dad knew you were not his child? How sure is mom that your dad is not your father?
A little grandfatherly advise: Your dad is the man who raised you. It is his values that have been passed on to you. He may not have had a hand in your conception, but he has played a far bigger role in your life than the man that helped conceive you. Your dad has been more of a dad and a father than the man who enjoyed a few minutes of sexual pleasure, then didn't step up to the plate and accept the consequences that his actions required. That person in my eyes is not much of a man and would have made a terrible father to you.
You have been very blessed to have been raised by your dad. For whatever reasons he became your dad, knowingly or unknowingly, you have benefited by his care and upbringing of you.
Whatever your mom did or didn't do, she did it more for you then for herself. If you have trouble accepting this, rather than letting it eat at you and destroy everything your dad has given to you, I would suggest you and mom seek joint family counseling.
According to her doctor, the hematomas are through out her brain and she was born with them. She had surgery because one of them ruptured. She started telling this lie after surgery and we all have tried to talk to her but she refuses. One of the sad thing about this mess is her husband believes her and so do her friends so they also refuse to talk to us about it. I have tried numerous times to contact her, writing letters, email, texting and in person but she doesn't answer the messages and in person, she walked away from me. Told me to let it go and this is the best way. We were a close family but like I said before this has been a complete nightmare.
Hi again.
As I said earlier this may be a result of the brain trauma she suffered. Given the present laws on medical confidentiality the best you can do is make mention of it to her neurosurgeon. Whether the doctor acts upon the information in any manner is something that cannot be reported to you without a specific release of information from your daughter.
Right or wrong this is something that she believes is true. This is her perception of the facts. She perceives it therefore it is. To your daughter whatever she is telling everyone that has happened to her, in her mind it has. While you and your other children no this to be false, to your daughter this is as true and factual to her as the fact that the sun rises in the east. Because this is her current perception of some fact or fantasy.
It is (quite) possible she may have been raped or touched inappropriately by someone when she was younger. That she saw this person as a father figure. Now after the surgery this memory has surfaced and she now perceives this as your husband.
I cannot really be sure as I am not a trained therapist. It might help you and your husband to seek counseling from a trained therapist who will help you understand better. This therapist will also be better able to help you approach your daughter and open up a better line of communication. Possible even act as mediator to help bring your daughter in to family counselling session(s).
Before I retired was a Sales Manager. I use to tell my people the hardest objection to overcome is one of perception. For if they perceive it therefor it is. Proving a perception wrong is the hardest thing to do. It takes time, patients, and sticktoitiveness. You have a sale worth making. I hope you will work towards the goal you want for how ever long it takes. You can change perception it just takes time.