Is it normal to have a crush on your step-brother?
Question Posted Sunday April 24 2011, 3:53 pm
I'm a fifteen year old girl and I have recently started to develop feelings for my step-brother. He is two years older than me and we see each other ever other weekend.
We've known each other for about eight years and we've always had a sort of love/hate relationship.
We would annoy the hell out of each other and he would insult me but recently things have become different.
Before we would wrestle and I'd just be determined to win. But now I don't care about winning I just enjoy wrestling and it isn't as serious as it was before it's more playful. Also a few times whilst we've been fighting I've brushed his lower are and felt what turns out to have been an erection. We'll be fighting and one of us will straddle the other and just sit there and tease the other. Or when we get tired I'll lie on his chest and he'll wrap his arm around me and we'll just stay there for ages.
He still insults me but it's not as intense as when we were younger.
I'm pretty sure it's not normal, I've never actually met anyone whose had a crush on their step-sibling before. I came clean to my friends about it and at first they were shocked but now they think I should go for him because it's not incest because we're only related by law not blood. I'm not sure what to do because I'm doubtful that the feelings I have towards him are mutal and even if they were I'm terrified of what would happen if I told him. What should I do?
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? asze22 answered Wednesday May 4 2011, 9:07 am: First of all, I would like to point out that there is NOTHING wrong with you for feeling this way. This is completely normal. Since you haven't grown up with him and lived with him (from what I gather) and he hasn't been in your life as your brother forever, you don't feel that 'brother vibe.' Also, you have different birth parents so it's not illegal either. Here's your problems: He may think of you as a real sister since you have been step-siblings for 8 years. Also, as you're both teenagers, it's not worth the drama to pursue it now. That's not to say that when you're both adults and in a better place to handle this type of situation, that you shouldn't try it if you still feel that way. It shouldn't stand in the way of love but at this point it would be better to try and move on for your family's sake and your own. [ asze22's advice column | Ask asze22 A Question ]
VoiceofReason answered Tuesday May 3 2011, 10:04 am: There is nothing wrong with these feelings since you aren't related by blood, but I would wait until you turn 18 before you guys start showing affection to each other where your parents can see you. Today's parents are just so easy to freak out. [ VoiceofReason's advice column | Ask VoiceofReason A Question ]
dearcandore answered Friday April 29 2011, 9:53 pm: I think it is more normal than you think. But its not a good idea to pursue anything. I know its weird right now, but just let this pass. Don't say anything to him and don't encourage anything. In a little while the feelings will pass, you'll develop a crush on someone else. Its just a crush. It WILL pass. Chances are you guys are going to always be family. Don't let a passing crush turn into something that will be awkward for you forever. [ dearcandore's advice column | Ask dearcandore A Question ]
adviceman49 answered Monday April 25 2011, 11:54 am: Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
I don't quite agree with NinjaNeer, but then I am quit liberal in my thinking.
There is nothing wrong or abnormal in your having feelings for your step-brother. There is no blood relationship here and as you said there is no problem of incest because of this.
There are many married couples who started out as step siblings; why shouldn't there be. After all they are products of their parents and whatever attracted their parents to each other resides within them as well.
I'm feel your step-brother may feel towards you as you do towards him. The problem is that both of you are reading to much into a problem that might not be there at all. As such you both may waiting for a sign from the other
If there is going to be a problem it is going to be with the opposite natural parent and their spouse. Not your parent married to your step brothers parent.
You might just have to take the bull by the horns and being the more mature of the two; females are always more mature than males in your case you are about a year more mature than him, and just tell him you are having feelings for him that go beyond brother sister type feelings. Then see what he has to say. If he doesn't share your felling you know how to proceed. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
NinjaNeer answered Monday April 25 2011, 9:32 am: I know it's difficult to think of him as family because he's a relatively new addition and you don't see him too often. You have to change your thinking.
Let's say you follow your feelings and ask him out. We're going past my initial "EEEEEK!" response here.
Option 1: He freaks and is weird around you forever. Every family gathering is agony because you're both so awkward.
Option 2: He says yes. The relationship lasts a while, but ends because either your parents disapprove, you're just not that compatible, or because it's teenage love and it almost never lasts. You may have a terrible break-up. Every family gathering is agony because you hate each other and are awkward.
Option 3: He says yes. The relationship lasts forever. You get married, have kids. The rest of the family is too creeped out by the fact that you're basically siblings to really accept you. Family gatherings are agony because everyone else is so awkward around you.
So, even the best case scenario ends with "awkward". It's not worth sacrificing what sounds like an awesome friendly relationship with your stepbrother to have a brief romantic fling. Look outside the family for romance. [ NinjaNeer's advice column | Ask NinjaNeer A Question ]
Zane answered Sunday April 24 2011, 10:49 pm: I agree with Witty, A step sibling is FAMILY. It may not be blood related but it is wrong. You two are related, Step siblings are related to each other.
This behavior is very inappropriate, I'm sure it's happened before but again you two are related. Your step brother is your family...
a13d answered Sunday April 24 2011, 7:15 pm: Hey(: I actualy think that its sweet that you do. What I would like to say is that it its normal I have seen losts of things like this. Like there is even this movie were this guy and girl fall in love but the girls dad and the guys mom get maried and they become steps, but they still are in love and get married even tho they are still speps.nI know it is just a movie but trust me your not the only one and you r right you aren't related by blood just by law so trust me there is nothing wrong with it. There are a lot of people in the same situation as you. Follow your heart! I hope I helped!! good luck. [ a13d's advice column | Ask a13d A Question ]
darkstarz2012 answered Sunday April 24 2011, 6:09 pm: You are just going through puberty. You are going to fall in love with any guy right now. I think you feel close to him and safe but you can find that with someone else later. Just dont take it to the next level with him it would not be healthy and could break apart your family [ darkstarz2012's advice column | Ask darkstarz2012 A Question ]
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