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Does every teenage girl go through this?
In my sixteen years, I have been in four relationships.
My first boyfriend was a sophomore when I was a freshman. He was very sweet and loving at first, and then took advantage of my stupidity and I ended up losing my virginity at the age of fourteen. I became scarred by the wounds he gave me, and I lost a lot of trust in myself and in relationships.
My second boyfriend was totally fake. I was his best friend and then we broke up after four months and he told me he never loved me and I was boring. I lost myself for a while, and in the months after I found who I was and healed.
My third boyfriend was the most amazing guy I have ever met. He and I had the greatest relationship. We had a full, open trust, long talks, and a great, faithful connection. I really felt in love with him. He broke it off with me in March because I was "depressing." He brought out the real me, and I was destroyed when we broke up. I still miss him to this day.
My last and most recent boyfriend didn't last very long. He and I talked for a while and then got together, and then because I was feeling doubtful and hurt, and he never made time for me, I broke up with him two days ago.
But now I am going into this stage again. I've been in it before. It's a stage I promised I'd never go back to. I've been depressed, hurt, angry, and lonely. I feel like I will never ever find anyone for me. Being a teenager sucks. I'm a very emotional person and I rely on others to make me happy. I'm in this constant longing, this yearning, for love, and I don't want my life to be constant heartbreak. I've had a low self-esteem lately, and I feel so lonely. I often think I will never ever like anyone again because I've been through all the people I could possibly like throughout my life. I never have felt anything recently for anyone, except for my best friend, but he rejected me....
I mean, is it normal to feel this way? Am I just going through what every teenage girl goes through?
I need a lot of advice on this.... thanks so much.
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What you are experiencing isn't uncommon.
Women too often blame themselves for things that aren't their fault. What you need to do is relax, religitimize yourself as a person (for example, do you act ethically? Are you kind? Are you reasonable? etc. If the amnswers are yes, yes and yes then you're golden) and then ask yourself, "what am I learning here?" "What was my agenda in these relationships and what was his agenda?" "Am I acting out anything I've been experiencing at home (women often tend to find partners who behaved liked dad, both good and bad)?" And finally, "okay, now what would a successful strategy for my next relationship be?" To answer that last query, you have to know what you want and you have to know yourself without being so hypercritical that you almost psychologically abuse yourself. Just know what your virtues and faults are.
The sadness you feel is not just due to the native insecurity of teenagers, but to the lack of developed coping strategies due to your brain and life experiences still being in development. You'll get past it. We have all been there. Look at things in the long term, take charge of your life, like yourself and have a good definition of what makes you happy. And be grateful for the basic things in your life because that gives you a sense of proportion.
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I have only had four boyfriends thus far as well, and I am 18, though I can tell you, its is COMPLETELY normal for you to feel like this. My third boyfriend was my first love as well, and though the relationship didn't last long, I was sent into depression, it felt like I would always feel heart-broken and angry. But the good news is this:
You will heal and you will find someone that will make you happy.
You are young, just remember that. Be patient. Try to think of some reasons why your best friend rejected you. It could be because he doesn't want to ruin what a good relationship you two already have, or that you are more like a sister to him. Think of it from his point of view. He did not reject you because he wanted to hurt you or he does not find you attractive, I'm sure you are a beautiful girl.
And maybe this is a sign for you to remain single for awhile. That may sound like a curse word to you, or it may not, but you need time to heal, and remaining single is one of the best ways to heal from a broken heart. It doesn't have to be for long, just as long as you need to get over maybe your third boyfriend or losing your virginity, if you aren't entirely over those two. And as the old saying goes, love will find you. There is a guy out there that will goes into the deepest cave or climb to the highest mountain to find you.
Also, do not, I repeat, DO NOT do anything stupid to try to heal. Drinking, drugs or harming yourself is NEVER an answer. Because then you just have an open wound, a headache and a broken heart. Be active, do things with your friends, focus on school, maybe hook into a church, if that is in your comfort zone. Trust me, if you fill your time wisely then you will not focus on your heart and the pain as much.
You have to kiss a hundred frogs before you find your prince.
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Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
Being I guy I can't say for sure that every girl goes through what your going through. What I can say for sure is I think your trying to hard.
By that I mean you are working to hard at having a relationship and not allowing the real you to come through. I believe that underneath all these problems you are projecting is a very warm and loving person who is working overtime to prove this to others. I see this in what and how you have written to us.
When we get depressed, and it is okay to get down form time to time as long as it is not a place we stay in, we have a tendency to miss interpret what is said to us and even what we see. So the first thing you need to do is to find away to get out of the dark place and into a happier place.
Once you get out of your funk start being the person you really are. Do not rush into a relationship just to be in a relationship. You want a guy who wants the real you, the person who resides just under the exterior you. You want and need the same thing. You need to look under the hood so to speak, not just kick the tires. Bad analogy but it works.
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