about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

I am a former self-injurer, and I finally stopped cutting at the end of 8th grade (I'm going into 9th). I've been happy since the end of 8th grade and haven't had a reason to cut, or I'v refrained myself from cutting. But that's how I deal with stress. And I'm afraid I'll relapse this year from stress. I've been to therapy, and I write a lot. Is there any other way I could possibly deal with stress that isn't destructive?

thanks in advance!

Try distracting yourself when you get stressed. Exercise is a great stress reliever. Having someone, a trusted friend, etc, to talk to when you get the urge will also help. Instead of injuring yourself to deal with the stress, try to figure out what's triggering the stress. A lot of times if you can remove the trigger, you can also take care of the stress.

[view]

Okay well I have asked a question about jailbate before but I have another problem... See my luvr has a speech inpediment. And I don't notice about that any more but when he talks to my friends or someone who dunno him ppl juss give him a smile or ask him to repeat i feel awful about it but i wish i could love him up more to get rid of the pain and all the teasing. He doesnt deserve that. Is there anyway i can stand up or be more lovely?
Thanx your advice would rlly help me out =) ~steph

There's nothing wrong with someone asking him to repeat unless they're doing it to be mean. Asking him to repeat will make him feel like they are truly interested in what he's saying. Just be patient with him.

If others are teasing him, then yes you should stand up for him. I would ask him first though since some guys get embarassed when a girl stands up for them.

When he will be meeting your friends or someone new that you know, let them know ahead of time that he does have a speech impediment. That way they have time to prepare. Most people are uncomfortable in situations like this if they haven't had time to prepare for it. Just tell the person to be patient with him and to ask if they do not understand something he said.

[view]

my sis broke up with her bf last night and she is 21 and im 13 and i dont know what to tell her to make her feel better i really want to help her cuz im sure she would help me if something like that happened to me please help me

Just let your sister know that you're there for her if she wants to talk. Sometimes something as simple as a hug can help.

[view]

I want to make an icon site but how would you do that if you can't steal other people's icons? thanks bunches

You can create your own icons. Also some icon sites are completely free and can be posted and/or used on other sites without permission. Just google free icons. Another option is to send a message to the icon creators and ask if you can post their icons on your site if you put where they're from.

[view]

16/f. Does anyone have any advice for a girl joining the Navy? When I turn 17, I want to join and just be a DEP until I graduate. What was bootcamp like, etc? Thank you.

Just be prepared for hard work and little sleep. There's a lot of information on boot camp at the link below. It gives you information on what to expect each week of training, courses you'll take, etc. Good luck.

http://www.navy.com/yvr/joiningthenavy/bootcamp

[view]

Ok so Ive known this guy about a month in a half and we just started dating like a week ago. Things sorta went fast, maybe I little too fast for my comfort, but nothing I can do now. Anyways, we recently had sex and he was my first; we did it 3 times. I cried while driving myself home from his house, he lives 30 min away from my house; I had to pull over 2 times because I was crying so hard. I came home and talked to my best guy friend who I love dearly, he was trying his best to calm me down and everything. He kept saying it was normal to feel like this: empty, almost wishing you hadn't, just cold.... like someone just did the most rotten thing to you but worse. My best friend is away for a week and I cant talk to her and I need to talk to someone other than a guy. Is this normal??? HELP ME PLEASE!!

It is completely normal to feel this way. Your virginity is a very personal piece of you. Losing it can be an extremely emotional experience, especially if you weren't completely ready for it yet.

[view]

my dad has never told me he's loved me until last week when we were on the phone. I said it first, but i am glad he said it back. it is awkward to say it again. My question is...is it normal for dads not to say he loves his daughtor and should i keep on saying i love him when i see him or talk to him on the phone?

Some people just have trouble speaking how they feel. Think of all the other ways that your dad shows you he loves you. My dad was also not big on saying "I love you" but he showed his love by working even when he didn't feel good to make sure I had a roof over my head, cracking jokes when I was down, nearly getting fired from his job so he could show up for my graduation, etc. These things all served to let me know how much I meant to him.

I don't see a problem with you telling him "I love you" when you talk to him. Maybe by you being open about your feelings towards him, he'll learn that it's ok to let you know how he feels also.

[view]

Money problems with the man that I love. He has steep child support that is deducted from his checks weekly. He works as a checker 40 hrs a week. I am supporting him and myself and my three boys. If he gets any money from his checks it is usually between 20 and 80 dollars depending on union dues and such. with what money he gets from his check, he fills up his truck with gas and gives me what is left. I make about 1200 a month, and we live in a small two bedroom duplex. My question is should I tuff it out, and stay with him? I know we will never live in a nice big house, drive nice vehicles, and have stuff. We will always have to scrimp and save. He treats me with respect, and loves me. Or should I move on and hope to find another man that will treat me as good that makes more money?

If having a big house and nice things is something that's important to you, then you need to sit down and talk to this guy. There are plenty more jobs out there that pay more money than checkers. Although he does give you what money is left, I think he should make more of an effort to help. Of course if you don't mind supporting the entire family, then there is no problem.

If you think you can be happy sacrificing the nice stuff for your love and that you won't feel resentful that you're the sole support of the relationship, then I see no problem with staying with him.

[view]

ok this is gonna be kinda long

In the middle of last year my BFF got a boyfriend and i was soo happy for her. But then she stopped hanging out with me. She ate lunch with him,all she talked about was her boyfriend. But then she got new friends and didnt even notice me. At dance she didnt want to talk to me either. So i told her how i felt and she said thats not true!! So then i said i dont want to be friends if u arent going to be a friend. so then her boyfriend said F*** YOU to me online:(
I told my friends and they informed my ex-bff. So she dumped him and her were friends again. The 2days lata she went back out with him. And she started doing the same thing that she did before. On the last day of school she dumped him. We are friends now but all she ever talks about is her ex-bf and she still doesnt talk to me at dance. Ok so here is my question: Should i still be her friend or forget about her?

thanks and advace

I think you should sit down and talk to your friend. Let her know that her constant going back and forth is ruining your friendship. If she truly cares about the friendship, she'll make an effort to work things out with you. If she doesn't make an effort to work things out, I would move on. You deserve a friend that is there for you when you need her, not just when she's between boyfriends.

[view]

this guy i have been hanging out with said that he wanted us to be friends nothing more, but maybe in time we could be bf and gf. I was fine with that. i heard later (from a girl that i trust) that he had a girlfriend. I asked him and he denied it. i dont care that he has a gf...its just we have made out and done stuff together...now i feel like a slut. What should i do with this guy? forget about him or still be his "friend."

A true friend wouldn't use you for sex when he had a girlfriend, especially after saying there might be a chance of a relationship in time. I'm sorry to say but I think this guy is playing you. Don't feel like a slut because it's not your fault. You have no way of knowing that he was like this.

[view]

Me and my best friend kelli used to really like this kid named brian...after we both had our share of asking him out he turned both of us down on the account of wanting to be single....now he barely ever talks to us and we really miss him...we went to friendly's all 3 of us together...and a winter carnival but i miss him a lot and so does she...we used to be a three sum but he kind of left...i love him as a friend and i want to earn him back for the both of us...please help me hes a really good friend...i love him like a brother

Rachel

Maybe he feels awkward with you since you both asked him out and were turned down. The best thing to do is tell him that you miss his friendship and don't want anything to come between it.

[view]

15/f *Ohhkay, so i have this amazing guy..but we're just reallly good friends."with benifits" I love him and i know he loves me and we've been talking about "doing it" i know we are both ready, and we will def use protection. But my question is..do you think if we actaully do it..we wil end up going out? I mean,I would love to go out with him, and ive always wanted to.
So do you guys think if we do it that theres a possibility that he may like me more than a friend?!

Thanks so much guys/I'll rate HIGH!! ;)

-kristen

I think before you jump into sex with this guy you need to make sure that he's going to stick around. If he loves you and wants to be with you, I don't see where sex should be a requirement before you start a relationship. Take your time and make sure he's not jerking you around before you decide to have sex with him. A lot of guys hold out the promise of something more just to get sex then move on when they get it.

[view]

I can't find the perfect boyfriend. I tried sticking to one boy but something messes it up. I just hate walking down the halls in school and see couples around me. I never tried putting myself out there,lol. Is there something wrong with me? I sometimes think I'd be lonley forever. I daydream of me in a steady,smooth relationship. But, I can't find the perfect boyfriend to share my feeling and secrets.
I need someone to help me out on this one!
Thanks

No one is perfect. Even those we fall in love with have little things that drive us nuts. I'm happily married but my hubby still does certain things that drive me nuts.

Don't be in such a rush to get a boyfriend. It seems to me that since you're in a hurry, you're not looking to see if the guys you date are actually the right one for you. A lot of times when you quit looking so hard, your Mr. Right appears right under your nose. Take your time and find the one that's right for you. There's no certain age for that.

[view]

I liked this one guy, weston. i thought he was a total sweetie and he always made me feel good about myself. he said he liked me too, but then i was over with him and some friends and i hugged my friend goodbye and he called me a whore but according to his friends hes just mad and still totally likes me. the thing is, im not big on forgiving people after they've just called me a whore so, yea. i still like him a little. then, there's this other guy, chris and he is also totally sweet and cute and i absolutley heart him. he made me feel a little better about the whole weston situation and he says he's starting to like me. well, i liked him a lot a little while ago but i never thought he would ever like me. so i also like him a little bit. so basically, my question is should i forget about weston and become closer to chris and who knows what might follow, since he DID call me a whore. or should i just wait til weston gets over his issue with me hugging other guys? im the kinda girl that just hugs all of her friends, ya know? so should i change who i am for weston or stay how i am and go for chris?

I think you're better off not being with a guy who has jealousy issues. Hugging another guy that's a friend is no cause for him to call you names. Changing who you are won't help in my opinion. You'll just end up resenting weston for making you be different than who you are. It seems like you have a good guy in chris. Take things slow and go for the one that makes you happy as you are.

[view]

hey i run cross country and when i run i get this sharp pain in my shoulder does any one know what this could be?

Since many people also move their arms when they run, this could be the problem. Try simply not swinging your arms as wide when you run. You may also need to have a checkup by a doctor. It's possible you've somehow injured your shoulder and the movement while running is making it worse.

[view]

Okay so I'm 14 (girl btw) ...5'0 and I'm about 85 pounds. I obviously have a high metabolism and I have to gain 95ish pounds before xmas or... I'm going to the hospital because my mom thinks I have an eating disorder (i dont) How do I gain weight and actually "keep it up" ?

A simple, healthy way to gain some weight is to exercise. I know it sounds weird but muscle weighs more than fat. Try some exercises to tone your body. That way you can gain the weight your mom insists on and still keep a healthy body. If you need help with exercises, just let me know.

[view]

im 19 yrs old, college sophomore, i met my ex "james" when i was a senior in high school. strangley enough my friend "pat" put my pic up on hot or not and "james" saw it and clicked meet me. come to find out he went to my high school and graduated a few years ahead of me. his brother was also one of my high school friends.

he was in the army when i met him, (this was in december of my high school year) he had been over seas for 2 years. we talked online and on the phone to eachother every chance we got and he came down on leave for his brothes grad party which i was invited to because his brother and i were friends.

we started hanging out and eventually dating. i broke up with him before i left for college because i didnt want to worry about having a bf and his school and mine were 2 hours apart. he told me he loved me but i broke up with him reguardless

he now has a gf "kerry". he started dating her 2 months after we broke up. apparently he used to date her before he left for iraq. they have been dating ever since.

well the reason i am writing is because after him and i broke it off we still continuted to talk and even hang out on occasion. he has been cheating on "kerry" with me for the past month and 1/2.

"james" tells me that he is probably going back overseas to fight in october. he told me that i should get over him because he isnt sure when or if he is going to come back. and i deserve a guy who is going to be there for me(he is sched for 2 years over there. i dont know what i should do. i dont know if he is still with "kerry" because he loves her or if its not the right time to break up with her or if he is going to break it off when he goes, if he loves me still i just dont know what to think. i need someone to look at the situation from another stand point and give me some advice, i am at a total loss.

I think you deserve better than a man that can't make up his mind. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't be with "kerry" regardless of it being the right time or not. I would wonder about his ability to make a commitment since
1)He isn't with you even though he says he loves you and
2) He isn't being faithful to her.

The best thing you can do is find a guy that truly wants to be with you and is not using you for sex.

[view]

I just colored my hair and got it all over my face, neck, hands, arms, and just about everywhere in the house. I've tried using hairspray to take it out, but it's not doing much good. Any other ways?

For your skin, plain old dish soap should work to get it out. For fabrics, check your laundry room for a stain remover.

[view]

My husband is often up until 2-3 in the morning using the internet. I am curious as to what he is looking at. It's usually video game message boards, but I have a feeling he is hiding something. I may be completely wrong, it's just a feeling. I tried reviewing the history, but it is set up to atomatically delete on our computer. Is there anywhere else I review the history. Or am I stepping over the line even trying to find out?

On your internet explorer cick tools up near the top of the screen. Click internet options. On the general tab near the bottom should be internet history. Just increase the number of days it keeps history. Then hit ok. Unless he changes the setting or clears the history, you should be able to check the history.

You can also go to start then search then click files or folders. In the file name, put "cookies" without the quotes then search. In the file window on the right it should find a folder called "cookies". Open it and you should be able to see where he's going. Most sites put cookies on your computer when you visit them. Also while some people may remember to delete history, they often overlook cookies.

There are also several programs available that "spy" on computer activity. If you're willing to spend the money and a little time setting it up, it will give you a complete list of everything that was done on the computer.

I don't think you're being paranoid here. Your instincts are telling you something.

[view]

i got a probably wit my hermones and the doctor told me that my problem is that they produce too much many eggs at a time.. this problem make me break out all the time more each time.. but my question is since i produce a lot of eggs does that mean i can get pregnant faster and that i have to use MORE protection then usually??

Since you produce too many eggs, there is a slight chance that you could get pregnant easier than the average girl. I would suggest using a condom and some other sort of birth control (either the pill, the patch, or the shot) to reduce your chances.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker