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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

what does it mean when guy tell they guy friend that I was riding her?

They most likely are refering to sex. Whether actually having sex or dry humping, with both people having all clothes on.
Unless of course the one owns a female horse, a mare, and was out riding one day???

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So im 16/f and i have an awful memory. I daydream a lot, im on my phone a lot and idk if that has anything to do with it? I'm trying to write in my journal from all the events of the last month and im drawing a blank. Its really frustrating, trying to remember something that happened that made me happy that i wanted to remember, something i did, events..but its all just a blur. There are things i can recall but its vague and its just worrying me cause its been like this for a while. I dont remember for how long though. Ugh is this serious? Or is it just im retaining so much info all the time and always thinking about other things that everything else just kindof gets puts in the back of my mind and just kindof fades away? Ah i dont know, does anyone else have this? Pleasr help!

This is just my idea of a plausible cause and theres nothing we can do about it: I believe its something in our environment that has slowly been building up in our systems to the point it is affecting our brains. And it's not just memory related anymore. I have same problems. And yes...it's scary.
We live in a very toxic world today. There's stuff sprayed in the air to keep the planet from overheating, it falls to the ground eventually, gets into our soil and water and we breathe it in, pollution from man in the water whether oil spills, fracking, toxic waste spilled into water, and I haven't even gotten to food yet or the prescription or over the counter medications. I think some people are having problems now because everyones body is different genetically and some are more easily suseptible to having a problem but eventually it will get bad enough to affect everyone. I am in my 50s so I could reason that maybe it was age related, the memory thing. I am now writing a book. When I type and go back over what I wrote, I have to double check several times because even though writing and spelling and sentence form is my strength, I have found myself making the stupid errors that I know better about, like the different there, their and they're. So its a matter of my thoughts and intents getting scrambled right at the moment i am doing something. I am not the only one with this problem. I have noticed it becoming easy to spot in other peoples writings, especially on the internet over the last 5 yrs I'd say. The ads on sites that are free...I see all sorts of dumb spelling errors or the wrong word used. In the writing of people to this column, in reading on line books that were published...so many stupid irritating errors. And theres not one thing we can do about it. We need to learn to adapt. Try harder, focus harder. In case of memory, write your self lots of notes, on line, in a journal, sticky notes, a note pad, there's no over doing it cus this is a very serious problem and getting worse. Don't wait 10 mins to write something down cus the thought will be gone never to return.
Use this for life and for school. And don't just double check anything you do, quadruple check... its the way life is these days.

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Hey I Am 18 I need advice on how to tell my mom to let go. She is too over protective, crazy mom, examples when I was in high school she timed me on how long it should take me to get straight home from school. When am in college she forces me to come home every weekend to do shit at home. She doesn't let me hang out w. My friends she actually doesn't want me to have any friends she Dominican btw she doesn't even let me walk my dog on my own. She wants me to change schools so I can be closer to home never going to happen btw she checks my bags n room when ever she gets the chance too i have no type of privacy at home .. I just dnt understand why she like this never given her a reason to be

You're 18, you're an adult, there's no negotiating with mom.
It could be that mom's life is wrapped up entirely in her children and she doesnt have a life aside from that. Everything she did 24/7 was somehow related to raising her kids, so once they leave the nest, she finds she can't let go. I wonder if you have siblings? If you're an only child, the intensity of it is even worse.
For her, life is scary now. She needs to learn to have a life of her own outside of you. She likely does not realize that this desperate attempt to clutch so tightly onto you in an effort to feel she still has some purpose in life, is going to actually push you away. While at this stage in life, it is good to use mom as a sounding board for advice...(real advice...not controlling measures to keep you in her grasp) ...it must come of your own free will, wanting to ask advice of her. So bring up what I said to mom. You can show her my advice column answer here. She needs to be aware of what she is doing so she can correct her actions. It won't be overnight. She's had 18 years of getting used to doing only mommy related stuff. She needs friends of her own and hobbies and activities of her own. She may have no idea what she might like. She could check at her local pool and recreation center cus they hold classes there sometimes for fun stuff or at the local community college, things like learning how to do a certain type of dance, crafts, etc. Also, online there is a site called Meetup.com check it out first yourself, doing a search for moms town and see what types of things are available. If she's not computer savvy, you may have to hold her hand and walk her through this. If mom is unwilling to take her focus off you or search for new hobbies and interests, perhaps one last try would be to get her to refocus her mothering need on other children. She could learn how to become a helper at a daycare, or get licensed to have a daycare in her home. Or volunteer time at the local elementary school to help in classrooms with students reading. I am sure they would have some restrictions, rules and of course background checks before she's allowed to be with the children no matter what venue she chooses. I used to do an in home daycare. I enjoyed doing it. Had a young child of my own at the time. There's no reason why your mom could not do it other than her own objections like "But its not my own daughter...it's different." Actually, the mothering and nurturing instinct will come out for any situation involving children, maybe not as quickly at first but it will, its part of her character and who she is as a female. So have a talk with mom. Let her know at the start that at any point that she is not willing to listen to you, or hear you out without trying to stop you, that you will just get up and leave because that is disrepectful to another human being, whether your child or anyone else. worst case scenerio, if mom is stubborn and won't come around to seeing the need to stop controlling you in ways that are harmful to your well being and learning to be an adult, you may have to say you will not be calling her or visiting her anymore. You will leave the door open to your relationship as you love her but you must have some pu,first see a change of heart to welcome her back into your life. I had a mom who stopped talking to me for quite a while over something very similar. She got over not being able to control the particular situations in my life or my responses to them and eventually we got back together and the relationship was not harmed in any way. Its hard being apart if it comes to it, but if its necessary, then do so, knowing you're doing the best thing for yourself.

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Thanxs in advance!!

Alright here I go, well, my life hasn't been perfect by any means in the last 4 weeks or so my I take care of my mother when my father isn't at home or at work. Well, I usually have to do everything now around the house. Well, my mind and this has been happening for the last 6 months actually has been "controlling me" if that makes any sense. I feel like a failure to my family, to my life, to mostly everything in general. I feel very restricted inside myself. My mind always comes back to give me the reminder that I'm psychotic or fat or a mental bitch that no one will ever love because no one likes big girls. I sit in my room every night and cry about it and wonder what else I can do to fuck up anyone elses world any further. I am at a complete loss right now in my life. On my bus, I only sit in the seat alone with no one else to sit with me and my headphones are in and I zoom out everything and everyone. Since I am usually a perky or quite exquisite person to being all quiet people start to get suspicious about me. Many people have asked if I am goth or if I'm okay, telling me don't do anything stupid. Well, I've cut before and it was tremendously stupid and I wouldn't do it again help me get out of this slump or at least give me some explanations why my mind is doing this shit to me.

You already recognize that the battle is in your mind, specifically your subconscious. Hypnotists make suggestions to a persons subconscious to bring a change of thoughts, behaviors, loss of fears, poor health or anything else that may be restricting you. But there are ways we can do that our selves that embrace more than just the subconscious. Our bodies are effected by negative emotions and stress and we hold that in our bodies. Something called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) addresses any life issues that need help. The tapping of meridian points in your body as shown on the links I will put in, helps to release the stuck energys in meridian points in your body. Practioners of natural health have known this for some time, such as in acupuncture and acupressure. Releasing of stuck energies has found success by using Reiki (energy healing targeted at your Chakras)
In EFT, we also engage the subconscious mind, getting its attention with the tapping and then reciting positive things on specific areas we want release from. I just found the video of a Brad Yates recently on you tube. His voice is easy to follow and he explains well the EFT and has well over 300 different videos addressing issues from various angles. Everything you have mentioned you will find an EFT video for. It helps to play it a 2nd time in a row cus I know my mind was not quite with it and paying attention to the actual words. When he asks you to visualize any mental pictures that a certain emotion brings up, then address those as he takes you through it. Many people will end up crying as they feel emotional healing. One person says, if you want to be physically fit, you don't go to the gym just once and stop, neither do you do the same with emotional health and life success, you need to do something every day to make it happen. So hon, if you can appoint time every day where you have private time in front of your computer and quiet, so you can focus, I am sure you will begin to feel results in some areas real quickly and in others slower, on a day by day basis. I would love to hear back from you how this is working.Follow the tapping procedure in video, copy what he says and does. Look up as many of his videos as you feel applies. Later, check out the ones you think did not apply to you and be surprised to discover more releases.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiD72cZ5mcU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLWTzQWa2hg

Love and hugs to you. Please let me know what you think of this, by writing a response on my own column: dragonflymagic

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So im a junior in hs. 16/f and I Have no idea what i wanna do when i grow up. I don't know what I want to major in in college that I'll enjoy, actually get a job in and make a decent amount of money. Ive had ideas over the years..mostly just between two jobs. A psychologist and a writer. But of course those are the most difficult jobs to get real money in or to even get a job in at all and being a psychologist is stressful and overbearing and writing is hard and trying to write stories 24/7 is extremely difficult for me. Also i dont want my writing to be about the money. So yeah I Have no idea whatsoever. I always hoped that things will work out and ill stumble on the right path..and writing is something ive always wanted to persue. Its a passion and its never gone away and i dont know i always thought itd work out in the end with that..and i believe it will, but i doubt in time for when i have to start working and make money. Im not rich either so its not like i have money to do what i want or have any connections. Idk. Are there any job suggestions that are good and pays well? Any advice about this? Thanks!

I was like you, had no idea what I wanted to do, so I went straight to work after high school and got married early. The husband was finishing community college and took me there to take some tests to see what interests I rate highest in based on how I answered the zillions of questions. The lady looked over my answers and based on what I answered, 3 basic areas of jobs, like service related jobs, and all the job that fall under that were one. I rated an equal percent in all 3 catagories. Nothing stood out as my having a greater interest in to clue me in as to what major catagory to start looking for a major in. So I gave up at that point. It wasn't until I was a mom raising children that I began to develope particular interests, which if I'd had them while younger, I would have gone after, such as my love of gardening, becoming a botanist or interest in herbal remedies and other natural health and healing techniques, I might have gone to a naturopathic college. Sometimes we don't know what we want to pursue until later in life and that is okay. Half the kids who follow a certain major will change their mind halfway through or never find a job in the field they have a degree in. My ex has two degrees and never got a job in either of them. With the economy as it is now, its not a good time to be getting into debt with college loans. If it was any better, I'd be going to school now for the naturopathic college since all my kids are grown. But I'm not.
Take some time for yourself, find a job start working and earning money, and while you are still young, do as some do and travel around the world. In your travels, you may experience some things that help point you in a direction for a life path you want to take and hopefully the economy will be better by then.

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I am a 24 year old female and ever since ib started dating which was 16 years old I have had some pretty tough relationships like ihave been cheated on by hpretty much by every guy I have datedone of my boyfriends wents as lw of cheating on me with another guy. I have been used for sex and when they got the sex that they wanted the left and I never hearzd from them again so pretty much they used me and now I am in complete shock because after I have been cheated on by at least 10 guys r more since I was 16 yearsold and I am now 24 years old and now I am dating an outreach pastor for about 2 months and he treats me like a princess and like the way I should and deserve to be treated with respect but I feel vlike its a fantasy and it just can't be real its like it is a dream that I will never wake up from . I asked him why he liked me so much and he said he liked me for who I am and because I have a heart. Of gold and I am sweet and caring but my problem is that it is hard for me to believe that this is really hapenig to me because I have been hurt so much by guys in the past. He jeffery my boyfriend even asks before he kisses me I am not use to this is this normal to be in shock when you have finally found the one you want to be ith for the rest of your life but your still scared yur going to get hurt but other parts of you know that you dpnt have to worry about getting hurt any,more.

When a certain situation repeats over and over in your life, its a good chance that it is because there is a lesson you are supposed to learn from it, and until that lesson is learned, you are not going to get a break through and be able to enjoy blessings in life.
So far, it sounds like when you were cheated on or used, you were unable to recognize those same traits in the next guy before even dating him. Certainly after the 3,rd or 4th one you should have been able to see a pattern. But perhaps you have been just coasting through life, not taking notice or paying attention to anything around you and just accepting whatever falls into your lap. Not a good way to go about living life.

My one big lesson in life to learn was "to love myself enough to not subject myself to terrible treatment from anyone, including my ex. I was verbally abused from about 1 yr after marriage until I left him after 30yrs." I was tested with a boyfriend when I started dating again. The guy from the beginning began to show the same behavior. We were renting an apartment I couldnt afford on my own. He just left me when I wouldn't cave in and allow him to abuse me. He said he'd come back if I apologized. If I did, the rent would be paid, if I didn't, he would turn in his notice and I'd be left with a rent I couldnt pay. So I had to decide if I would give in to the same fears that kept me with my ex so long, fears of not being able to financially exist on my own, or allow this guy who made a big income, to take care of me financially but abuse me. I knew it was a test. I turned him down, let him go and really felt good about myself for passing this test. Without passing the test, for all you know, it could just have been an accident that you got away from those types of guys. In my case, after passing that test, it wasn't but 2 months later that I met the man I am now married too, a wonderful guy. I am telling my story so you can understand the life learning process we all need to go through. I can not tell you what lesson you were supposed to learn. Perhaps it was like mine, to love yourself enough to not stay with someone like that ever again. Perhaps the lesson is to be willing to forgive every single one of them, for without them, you would not have had the opportunity to learn how to forgive, or perhaps after such a long string of duds, your lesson to learn is just beginning, learning how to really trust someone. Listen to your inner voice, it should give you a pretty good idea of what you were meant to experience and learn. Sometimes its as simple as having compassion for another female going through the same and being able to encourage her once you've succeeded. Being that you're with a Pastor, you must have some belief in God. Start praying and asking God to help give you clarity for your life. Start that personal talking going on. It will seem like he's not answering you at first, even though God is, I went through that too. But the Holy Spirit is good to work with you at the level your faith is at and help you learn how to tune in, strengthen those spiritual muscles so to speak, so you can begin to hear clearly from God often. Learn to do whatever the spirit asks you to do, because its all part of training you to know that you are truly hearing correctly from Spirit. You'll need to have this trust in Spirit to be able to trust what ever path God has for you in your future.

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My boyfriend tells me he loves me all the time, but I'm kind of wondering if he has feelings for his bestfriend (His bestfriend is a girl). He always talks about her and he said that she comes first before everyone else, he would die for her, etc. I know I should trust my boyfriend, and I do - it's just it seems like he might have feelings for her. Any advice?

There are some people capable of loving others, friends, even ex's as extended, adopted family, as if they were blood relations. My husband is one of them. While he won't say his ex comes first, if she's having a crisis, such as when she had to put a pet to sleep and was going through emotional crisis, she needed someone to talk to. We both stop our plans, me allowing him the time to talk to her to help calm her talk out her feelings and help her calm down. He has a big heart. He even unofficially adopted a young woman as a daughter. They've never met but he has been her emotional father support on line for 8 years now. I believe she's close to 30. If you get serious with your boyfriend, like "life mates" and he happens to be a big hearted person, you will have to be okay with him being that way cus yes those types of people can love others to the point of being willing to die for them. His choice of words may not have been the best, to say someone else comes 1st before you...but then again hon, even though he loves you, he may not have come to the point of seeing you as his life mate yet if thats what you both are looking for. Give him some time, for people who feel deeply like that will be easy to read, they wear their heart on their sleeve and you should get some very clear signs of how much you mean to him and where you stand among all those he loves like sister or brother. If he is unable to tell you that you come first, you might eventually want to have a heart to heart talk with him and ask if he can tell you why he feels that you don't come first. Where do you stand in his life?

So in essense, yes he can have feelings for her and a whole lot of other people, but whether the feelings are of the romantic sort, we have no way to predict.
You mentioned trust btw, so I will say that trust must be earned. You don't owe him any trust right off t he bat just cus you're dating, he had to earn that trust by how he treats you. If he doesn't get to the point of treating you as the single most important person in his life with everyone else a close 2nd, then he has not earned your trust, and he does not deserve your heart.

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hi im 16 nad ive been masturbating for about idk 1 month now and im a few days late for my perion so my question is do maturbating make you pregnant?????

Without any sperm, there's no chance of getting pregnant.
I feel bad that you thought masturbation could possibly make someone pregnant. There's no good Sex education out there in schools anymore. The best thing you can do dear is to self educate yourself. If your question is a sample of how little you know at this point, then I highly suggest you start learning some basics so you dont accidently end up pregnant just because you didnt know. I am not saying you are dumb or stupid hon...we've all been there too, at one point in our lives, we knew next to nothing about our sexuality and pregnancy. We had to learn it in bits and pieces along the way. Trust me, you'll be glad you took the time to study and learn on your own. If you don't like reading books to learn, how about videos. Theres alot of great stuff on youtube to begin to learn what you need to know. I will post the youtube site of a college age girl who self taught and has very helpful info presented in 3-4 min. videos plus she's very entertaining. I recommend her often.
If you want to study something specific and can't find videos on a web search by yourself, let me know what you are looking for and I will help you find it. Here's the links:

https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/

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I'm 14 years old and I REALLY want to be a neonatal nurse. I'm taking medical classes in high school and I'm going to Co-op and volunteer so I can get some experience behind me. Well I want to be a level 1 and level 2 and I know what I have to do to get to my goal but I'm stressing out please help me! thanks and by the way I'm a 9th grade girl

Are you stressing because you feel you're taking on too heavy a load there with those plans, or is the stress more due to concern that you might not be good enough? Theres different plans of action depending on what thought patterns are running through your mind dear. For example, if its the work load, you need to promise yourself now that you will take scheduled times for some 'down time' to relax and unwind do something quick you can fit into a busy schedule, like a movie out with friends, getting out in nature somehow by taking a walk to go feed the ducks or take a bike ride or walk the dog. If you take enough breaks it will help. If you just want to know in general how to relieve stress, try something that makes you laugh, comedy movies are great, many say that movement, activity helps release hormones that lower stress so jogging, skipping, dancing is all good. Listen to the type of music, the melodies that seem to calm your soul even when you are not stressed. These would be melodies that make your heart feel so light, like its so carefree and about to float right out of your chest. If you don't have any, spend some time listening to different music. Its not the lyrics that count but the melody in helping reduce stress. One that works for me for example is Clocks by Coldplay.
Sometimes, knowing ahead of time all that you need to accomplish to reach a goal can seem overwhelming, but that when to focus on that saying, "HOw do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." So even though you know theres lots involved in going down this path, only focus on the immediate upcoming event that needs your focus and attention...thats your "one bite". Good luck dear.

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motivate me to forget about my past.
Some people came in my life, changed it, made it colorful, made me love my life a lot but the problem is they will not come again. Is there an easy way to forget about them completely without loosing memory ?
I know it's a funny question but believe it or not I am totally disturbed by these people. they come in my thoughts every night make it harder to sleep. I daydream about them, about the things which are impossible to happen. please please please I am in need. I have plenty of friends but none of them disturb me like the way those 'specific people' do to me. I am lost and want to find my way back.
help me!!!!

Saw your response, luckily I wasn't locked out of editing my answer because there is a time limit for me to do that. I can however respond several times back and forth if you wish for me to search for more links for you than the couple links I am attaching. However you will need to do a search for my column, Dragonflymagic, and from there post your request, otherwise I may not be able to respond.
The battle is in your subconscious mind. Some people see a hypnotist to have these issues taken care of. The subconscious mind has the ability to let go of negative things, and things that block you in life but often don't without a little extra help. Not every one can see a professional.
Many can find relief themselves by finding the way that their subconscious respond better to suggestions. A hypnotist makes suggestions to your subconscious. But you can too. I haven't found good videos yet on ones using deep breathing and meditation that work for me, but I have discovered one speaker with over 300 different topics. I just will copy in two, both done by Brad Yates on you tube. If you are able to do web searches on you tube, please check out the others and find some more appropriate for you. I have had results the first time I watched one and as a self limiting thought was identified, I got teary eyed, many strong emotions can come up so I will add in link explaining the EFT (emotional freedom technique) tapping process first and then the link of the video I thought might be helpful to start. Of course check out others. If you cannot access them and want me to search for more links, let me know. Good luck!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiD72cZ5mcU
I haven't found one that comes up with natural size video so you'll need to click to enlarge the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heQvpti4uvo

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okay I'm 14 & I'm messing around with this guy. I really like him & he really likes me. The thing is that when me & him are together & we r touching & kissing & sometimes he lays me down I get really bad nervous, he knows my boundaries & wouldn't dare cross them. He knows that I get nervous & he trys not to make me feel so nervous but it happens. When I get nervous he is like "Baby its gonna be okay" & I know that he really does mean it. I like the feeling, it makes me wet & well ya know but why do I get so nervous!!!!!

Only you can really answer that. Perhaps your subconscious mind has some concerns and you won't know unless you take the time to really ask yourself. Feelings and emotions come from our subconscious mind so if you are feeling nervous lets investigate some possibilities.
It could be that you are nervous because of the intensity of the feelings. The nervous feeling could mean that you don't trust yourself to stay within your own boundaries because of what you are feeling. Or it could be that the nervousness comes from the fact that your conscious mind is saying he wouldn't dare cross your boundaries, but deep down inside, your subconscious mind fears that he might get carried away in the heat of the passion. So your two minds aren't on the same page. Or it could be that you feel nervous due to the fact that it is all so new, scary because it's unknown territory. Change and new things are scary for most humans, yes even adults.
Or you are afraid that you don't know enough and won't do the right thing when the time comes. If thats so, then why are you nervous if doing anything further than what you've mentioned is far off in the future. If you really believe it will occur at some future date when you are a bit older, then why be so nervous now? Thats like being nervous now about a job interview you might have a few years from now.
Hon, if you plan to do everything but intercourse, many teen girls and guys write in here for advice because they are afraid they got sperm near the vagina tranferred by fingers when engaging in oral sex or mutual masturbation. And they fear being pregnant. Condoms wont help there unless he's wearing one while masturbating or while you go down on him. Usually thats not the case with most people. Maybe that's where some of your nervousness comes from, imagining such scenerios?

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Okay so I love a guy loads. I get horny every time i see him and I wanna have a sexual intercourse with him but im under age should i shag him and put a condom on or wait a while? Btw he is not underage and Im on my period and he's hit puberty

If you are not from the u.s. where the federal legal age of consent is 18, you need to find out for sure what it is where you live. For example, though 18 is the legal age in US, it varies by state laws, some are 16, some 17, and some 18. Canada's legal age is 16. So depending on your age and the laws where you live, you may actually be of legal age.
If you are not, it doesn't matter if you went after him first or him after you, the fact that he's of legal age and you underage can and will put him in jail. If you love him lots as you say, it would not be a "loving" thing to do to him to entice him until he loses control and his better judgement and goes for it with you, and then ends up in jail. Thats not something you ever do to someone you love, endanger them or put them in awkward situations. So my guess is that this is more of an infatuation and sexual attraction than it is true love and all due to your hormones overwhelming you. In sucks but since you're likely under legal age, all you can do is masturbate. Sex toys aren't illegal for minors, only going into shops that also have pornographic stuff on display, is illegal. So if you can get your hands on vibrators or dildos from elsewhere, I know many have mentioned seeing them at a shop called Spencers, then get yourself one. Pharmacys have many body massagers by homemedics, that can be used for clitoral stimulation, just not for internal. So there are limitations, but I am sure you can find something. The easiest would be to let mom know that you need a sex toy and have her buy you one. Yeah, its embarrassing...but moms will understand...they were teens who were horny too once without many options. I had 3 daughters and I asked them if they wanted me to buy them one. All were too embarassed and turned me down. I should have bought them anyways and just given it to them.
Since you mention being on a period, I assume you're not wanting to find out if period sex is okay...it is as long as a womans partner is not grossed out by it. You mention the period thinking it means you are safe from getting pregnant which leads me to believe that you were not planning to use birth control. If you're underage, and decide to engage in sex with another underage male, its a misdemeaner against both of you if anyone decided to file charges.
There are many girls underage who write in who have already engaged in sex, do not plan to stop and are afraid of getting pregnant, many who write who think they may be pregnant already. If you're gonna be one of those girls who are going to do your own thing anyways, no matter what we suggest, then at least go to Planned Parenthood or the equivalent in your country where you can get free condoms or discount birth control.

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Someone help I just wanna have friends make new friends I barley am around people because usually stay home babysitting I can't go out on certain days. The people I babysit are my siblings so it no problem I just can't join any clubs in school because of it I just wish there was a way I could make friends that understand my babysitting situation. I love bing there for others and talking to people but when I arrive to school I can't socialize I usually go to the bathroom and wait till class starts :/ I also have a boyfriend he understands but he also doesn't have many friends. The friends I have don't really have that connection with me :/

I am not sure if it is shyness that keeps you from making friends or if it's something in your subconscious mind so I am uncertain what to tell you. You state you love being there for others and talking to people so apparently it's not really a problem with doing it, just how to get conversation started? If thats right, let me know, and I'll send a saved document on here about how to overcome shyness cus it covers the missing beginning steps.
Obviously, you know hiding in the bathroom isn't helping so you need to stop doing that, but replace it with what?
What you need to realize is that the friends that a person makes during their school years starts in the classroom, friends aren't usually first met and made outside the classroom. The activities outside of school or clubs where you might meet someone with same interests are not as a rule where all friends are met.
So you'll need to learn to do the best you can with the time you have. You've made friends but say there's no connection. I know what that means to me, but not sure what you mean by it. To me, a connection means having things in common. The way we find out if someone might have some things in common with us is to engage in conversation. If during conversation after a couple of tries you find its boring to talk to them or they seem bored or neither of you are finding some things in common, then it's not going to work, move on to the next person. An entire school of kids is not going to have no one else that you can click with. You don't need tons of friends, just a handful of true friends you get along great with such as I had in high school. I don't want to repeat stuff you're already doing but its not working. So if you write me and give more details of what you try and whats happening, perhaps I can help. I have learned how to go from shy
with troubles starting conversations, to being very outgoing.
I also had to babysit as a teenager and know what it feels like. I was first born so I was always going to be the oldest and so I was automatically the one the parents asked to watch the 3 younger siblings. When my sister two years younger than i,reached the age I was when I started babysitting, they still wanted me in charge. It was more out of habit. When you have a younger sibling reach legal age to babysit the rest, bring it up. I did. And when the parents realized I was right, I got my freedom to go hang out with friends while the younger sister watched over the last two. Good luck.

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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a month and we were supposed to hang out today but we didn't. So, he hung out with some other friends.

Well, I got a text from him saying something like "You make me depressed all the time and I need to break up with you". But about an hour later, he texted "I didn't send that"... His friends have texted on his phone before, but now I just don't know if I'm talking to him or his friends. I'm going to talk to him about this later, so any advice on what to say?

Obviously, his choice of friends isn't the best. Either they're in a age group thats very young and prone to do dumb things or they are older and never grew up and matured.
You might suggest he put a lock out code on his phone so his friends can't play this prank anymore.
If he is willingly handing his phone out to friends cus they don't have their own, you might ask if you can make a suggestion. If he says okay, suggest that he stand by watching them to make sure they are making valid calls like to check on a bank balance. He could tell them no texting on my phone only the most important phone calls until you can afford your own cell, and stand by and watch them. He could tell them if they abuse the use of his phone by texting you, that he will no longer allow them to use it.
Personally, If I were him, I'd make the ultimatum and if they dont stop, dump them as friends and find new ones. Sometimes dear, the type of people a person hangs out with is an indication of what that persons character is too or used to be. If he outgrew them, time to move on. If he really at core is just as childish as them which you notice unfolding over time, then end the relationship and move on to the next if it bothers you that much. This is part of what dating is about...to find out these weird things about the other, what you like, don't like but can put up with and what you absolutely won't tolerate. If theres too much differences and conflict, you need to move on. All relationships will have some conflict but it should not be 50% of the time or more. Good luck dear, I hope all goes well for you .

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I can't say my partner is good at kissing. He's not very experienced in that area and I haven't said anything to him about it.
I don't want to randomly point it out and hurt his ego while we're in the mood so what should I do?
He uses a lot tongue and opens his mouth up and little too much, it's really hard for me to follow.
Is there any subtle way to show him or do I have to straight up tell him? If so, how do I do it?

Even if he learns to not open his mouth so wide, if he still has a desire for french kissing and you don't, then neither of you should change your likes to please the other. Keep that in mind. People can develope their own natural preferences in kissing, flirting, romance and sex.
If after talking to him, you discover that he simply didnt know and is willing to drop the french kissing, then great
But if its something that he feels a great need for, then don't change him, the two of you need to find someone else that matches you better.

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19/f

I've been having sex more often and I thought the best thing to do was to get on birth control to be safe.
I just feel uncomfortable talking to my parents about it. They've both asked me because I've been with my boyfriend for two years.
I was online scheduling an appointment to see my doctor and my mom was telling me what to fill in. Birth control was on there and she was like, "There's not need for that, you're not having sex right?" I knew that would've been the easiest way to say it but I said no. Then she proceeded on about how I was a good girl and stuff.
So I don't want to tell her because I don't want her to see me as a "bad girl" now.

Anyways, I know I can see my doctor by myself but I'm afraid it'll show up on the insurance. We have Kaiser and I can see my families medical records when I log on so I'm afraid that if I go, they'll see mine too. Is that the case? What should I do?

I'd call Kaiser and mention your concern, since you're of legal age, though still carried by parents since still college age, you want to know if there's a way that your records be separate from your parents so parents have no way to view your records on line. If you cannot be guaranteed that they cannot see this info on screen, then you might have to go to Planned Parenthood in this one instance and not mention wanting birth control to your doctor when in for your checkup. Planned Parenthood will not share any information with your parents. So that's to answer your question based on mom having no knowledge of this.

However, I would like to bring to your attention that as females, we have tendencies to getting bladder infections and cases of bacterial vaginosis or yeast infections, regardless if we are having sex or not. As narrow-minded or naive that mom may be, just going in to get treatment for that, even if you were not having sex, may convince mom that you are.

So what I am saying is that for the meantime, do what you need to get on B.C. privately but consider how you will let it slip that you are having sex now, even though You are of the legal age of consent to have sex. So it's actually none of your mom's business if you are having sex.


Besides the obvious point of sex being one of many ways to express your love to that someone special, it also has many health benefits. And this is what I want to point out to you because I believe its one of the best ways to bring the subject up.

Even if there was no 'being in love' or "marriage to someone before sex" simply based on the health benefits, having sex once of legal age, is very important and should be occuring in everyones life. There is no "good girl" or "bad girl" about it. Those terms are misconceptions of reality and have no value in them. So you should not pay it any mind.

Sometimes, the child teaches the parent. That happens on certain topics and situations, more often than you may think. I have had opportunity to set my parents straight (with respect) on certain things as my husband had with his parents growing up. We're in our 50s now. Due to being open-minded, our 4 daughters don't have to set us straight on anything, most their input into our lives is to keep us up to date with some technology stuff we dont get, the newest slang, cool new music groups, that sort of thing.

So here is the article link(please read it dear):
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/10-surprising-health-benefits-of-sex?page=2

theres a button at the button for page 2 that I almost didnt see, just to draw your attention to that. So of the 10 health benefits, next time mom in chatting with you and mentions that she has an awful headache, heres your opportunity, "Mom, maybe you should think of giving sex a try, it is reputed to get rid of headaches. It helped me get rid of a headache. It's a scientifically proven fact." Or she mentions that she's having a hard time getting to sleep lately, "Mom have you tried having some vigorous sex when you can't sleep? Its scientifically proven to help people go to sleep by the release of oxytocin during orgasm. It's helped me when I couldn't sleep." Or do the same for her mentioning being stressed. I am sure it will be hard for you to get past the barrier of feeling uncomfortable talking about sex. I was once as a young married gal, unable to speak the word "sex" audibly for anyone to hear, not even a close friend. I finally realised I needed to push myself to get past the awkward point. Once I did, it got easier and easier. Now its as easy and normal a topic of conversation as talking about the weather.

I just thought of something, if Kaiser can make your records separate, next time Mom is online and doesnt see the results of your last visit to Dr. be prepared for a barrage of questions. I have no solution other than to say your wanted your privacy cus youre now an adult. then she'll want to know that as your mom, what is so private that she can't know about. She may give up or she may not let it rest and pester you about it...just a thought. Good luck dear.

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I asked the question about the friends with benefits signals.
I don't have feelings for him. I just wanted to know the signs.
Me and my partner have been messing around for quite awhile off and on. He kinda cuddles with me after sex, I don't know if that's a normal thing. He holds my hand, kinda plays with my fingers. He bought me water when I said I was thirsty.
So I don't know if this is all because we are just comfortable since we've been doing this for awhile.
He said something, it was random. He said, "Sometimes I like you but sometimes I'm mad at you." I asked him why he gets mad at me. He said, "Well, not exactly mad, just jealous when I see you with so and so" (The guy that I was previously dating.)

With friends with benefits, do you set your own boundaries and kinda do whatever you feel like or are there certain rules to follow? Like I know there are no feelings involved. He is a good friend so I felt like all that stuff was just cause we're comfortable together. But I just wanted to make sure.

If you think that something is weird, I'll bring it up with him.

Theres a hormone that is released when having sex, making love, and it's one of the feel good hormones our brain needs to function well, it also affects our total well being, taking off stress and one of the signs of it is feeling a special closeness to the person like the cuddling, playing with hands, or hair or little kisses. But that heightened feeling afterwards lasts just a couple hours.

When we are sexually intimate with someone, our subconscious mind gets sucked into the feelings of it and since our subconscious is where all our feelings and emotions are stored its easy to see things like jealousy and an actual falling in love occur, even if your conscious/awake mind has another plan. His two minds could simply not be on the same page. And that could be why he feels possessive, wanting you for himself and feeling jealousy.
Its a very good thing that he is not afraid to and able to share his feelings like that. Try to be the same and always as something comes up or your feelings change, bring it up. As long as you remind him along the way that you don't have the kind of feelings for him that is needed for a long term domestic partnership. He may fall in love with you and to be fair to him, you may need to stop the friends with benefits deal to allow him time to get over you and find the kind of girl who will make the perfect life mate for him. If that time ever comes and you need to talk again, let me know.
But his actions so far are normal but there's no way to really know how much his heart is getting involved unless he tells you or you ask. Yes, friend with benefits can fall in love. But there has to be that chemistry and spark on both sides, not just one sided.

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Good evening, My questions is my mother isn't ready to speak with my boyfriend in order for him to ask for my hand in marriage. What can I do? This all started this past summer, by me being pregnant and then having a miscarriage, now he wants to make things right by asking for my hand, however my mother isn't ready to speak with him, especially when it comes to permission to marry. She has beaten me down ever since the incident, her along with my sister. And now that we want to marry, she won't even speak to him. I feel like Im torn apart by the man I love, and my family. Im 22 years old and I've let her and my sister control most of my life. I feel like she's pushing me away towards the things I want. Im heart broken as it is. If I could change the past I could, but there isnt much, but to heal the open scars. I just wish I was more cautious when this happened but theres nothing I can do. I feel horrible. My boyfriend is willing to wait till she's ready, but I think she'll never be ready, since she's upset with him after what happened this past summer. I want to move out, but I can't since they control my finances and schooling, I just feel like a caged bird sometimes, yet I deserve it for doing such a thing to them.

Why do you need her permission to marry unless you live in a country other than the U.S. where I live. You are of legal age, old enough to make a decision to marry or not. You did admit to allowing yourself to be controlled. If you have no personal strength and backbone hon, it's gonna be a long hard road for you. It' possible you may never leave your mothers home until the day she dies.
Everyone makes mistakes in life. But to beat someone over the head because of a past mistake makes no sense. What a person did in the past does not and will not ever define who they are in current day. Many of us learn from our hard life lessons. You have one more lesson to learn before you can marry, and that is to learn to stand on your own two feet and stand up for what you believe in, no matter if family or friends believe otherwise. It's actually a very freeing feeling, that feeling of a surge of personal power for standing up to someone and then doing what we feel is right for us. No one should be trying to live their lives through other people or telling others what is right for them. But humans will do it anyways, especially those closest to you. I have not always listened to family. If I had listened and caved in to their pressure, I know I would be dead right now. That is pretty drastic but its' true.
Get this through your head, you do not deserve anything but love, no matter what you have done. That is what the Creator of us all would do.
You have done nothing wrong to your mom or sister. If they feel embarrassed rather than becoming loving and supportive when you needed it most, it just goes to show that they are very misguided people believing that withholding love and punishing you will make things better. Well, did it make things better? No.

Their way will never work. They have a choice how to re-act or respond in any life situation.

All people have a choice to respond in a positive manner or a negative manner. You have no power to force them to act in a positive manner, any more than they have the power to make you do something. We only give up control of our own lives and allow others to influence us.
If you think getting married is the solution to your personal problem, think again.
A happy successful marriage takes two strong people working equally on the marriage, not one who is weaks and leans heavily on the other, which in your case would be you leaning heavily on the husband. It becomes very draining and them stop treating you this way. exhausting for him and could cause problems with him feeling trapped, not having an equal partner...unless of course you live in a country where men prefer to have all the control, even if they say they love you and then punish you, blame you, do whatever they want because you are not another human, just some property. there's men like that all over the world. I hope you cry out to whatever higher force or power you believe in and ask It to show you how to gain control of your life back, how to become strong, for once you have, you will be ready to find a man who will truly be a good husband. ...your guy may be that, but you want to be able to recognize the controlling habits of a possible mate before marrying. And if you have learned to master gaining control from mom and sis you'll be able to do it in other areas of your life.

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So sats are tomorrow. Im a senior so tomorrow is a really important day for me. Im pretty much stressing out so much already. The thing is that a week ago my boyfriend and i have gotten into a huge fight. And i brought up the topic of if we should break up. So were st that stage where we arent broken up but doesnt feel like were together. I previously mentioned he sai i changed him like changed his smoking habit his cussing habit and his rebelling habit and mch more andthat now he wants to be himself. I do want him to be himself and i absolutely enforce my no smoking though and he understands this. But lately weve been not talking at all like just barely. Its so scary cause i should wory about sts right now but i also worry abput my relationhip. I asked him to meet with me the day after sats for us to talk about well our relationship and i think that how im fiving his so muh alone time andthat we barwly talk will result in us breaking up so im so damn scared. I thought that by givig him alone time hed have time to understna d himself and his feelings but i dont know because it migjt be doing the opposite and he might just think that oh we barley talk anyways and it doesnt even feel like a relationship so we should migjt as well break up because i have no more feelings for her anyways i cant evencontonie a conversation with her. Lately i dont know if he even cares abor my feeling sbecause hes been so blunt to the poit that i get hurt. I dont know maybe wa just mad at me for changing him or something like bad mood or mad idk. But i dont know what to do about how to just focus on my sats and not think about my bad relationship. And at the same time i want to have advice about what you think is going on in his mind. Please post the response about what to do with my relationship and what hes thinking tomorrow beccause education is way too imporant to me. But ratherpost the advixe on how to lower my stress level and how to calm myself sown and not worry abput my relationship and sats both at the same time. I really just need to worry about sats for now. Please.

Light of truth has good ideas for getting you through SAT's. Follow them. It helps me too to get things out on paper, out of my head. Sometimes in the writing process, the answers or solutions will pop into my head and go down on paper too.Try some deep breathing exercises just before hand, think of what normally puts you in a cheery mood song wise...its the melody rather than the words that are of importance here. Play the melodies that when heard seem to make your heart feel light as a feather as if it were rising up out of your chest. Everyone has songs like that. One of them for me for example is Clocks by Coldplay. I'd play it 3 times in a row before going on to another good one. Sing along and dance along...all this will raise the levels of hormones in your brain by boosting levels neuro transmitters responsible for creating them. Once the levels are up, the stress will be down and you should also be able to think more clearly for Sats and also for your situation and what you need to say. You haven't learned this yet, but two people with too many differences who try to "force" the relationship to work when neither is going to budge from what is important to them is going to fail at some point. I know your heart is involved, your subconscious mind is attached with feelings to him. But what does your conscious rational mind say to you? Do you really believe that it could work?
If you do, then perhaps the school of hard knocks (as far as relationships go ) is the path for you to take. There's something to be said for learning the lessons on your own through the pain and heartache and fights.
So what is going on in his mind? As a soul, my guess is he hasn't evolved enough to care about anyone or anything else other than himself and what makes him feel good. He likely operates at a lower vibrational level than you. That means you would have to lower yourself to meet him. There is no possibility of it going the other way and him choosing to be more mature and more evolved a creature...that takes time, often, lifetimes. He's happy smoking and cussing. It's not the best scenerio for someone like you, but for him, it is normal and comfortable. To change oneself to match another person is not a good thing to do, EVER!. At least the boyfriend has that one thing figured out. I say good for him, he should not pretend or force himself to be something he's not. Neither should you. One of the problems that arise when someone changes who they are to please another is resentment flaring up towards the other. That has already happened. Unfortunately due to lack of life experience, you don't see it as such. I've got a daughter going through much the same. She isn't using me for advice and has prefered to go through the school of hard knocks so she has been suffering the pain and heartache of 3 failed relationships cus she's been picking the wrong guy each time or not leaving soon enough once he shows his true colors. I'd hate to hear of you suffering anymore but sometimes dear, thats the best way to learn. I hope your guy actually has the guts to just leave you and cut it off because I don't believe you are strong enough right now to do so. You may be later but not at the moment. My greatest wish for you is that you learn the lesson you need most to learn at this time. Good luck.

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I am going through a rough time. Everday at recess me and my friends go to the swings. The problem is that none of us talk, we try and the conversation runs dry. We always used to try and fix things and engage, but lately it seems like we don't care. What should we do to fix this failing friendship?

Your situation depends on how long you've known your friends. If you have known them in previous school years, there could be a chance that all of you as you grow up are being attracted to new interests that the others aren't. Thats normal. It's also normal to enjoy someones company in total silence. I wouldn't call it a failing friendship just because you cant think of conversation topics though.

If your situation is that these are all or mostly new friends since the beginning of this school year, that's only one month basically of knowing each other. When any person meets someone new, there's lots to learn about the other person, a great learning curve where each has opportunitys to tell lots of stories about themselves, their likes with examples and stories of their past. It will seem you all have lots in common because you're chattering away like crazy, but once all the stories have been told and everything about yourself shared, thats when people can now pay attention to whether they really have any common interests or not. If you don't, that's ok, there will be others that you do have something in common with. So if none of you have shared yet what some of your interests are, now is the time. Perhaps one is into something the others haven't tried yet so here's their chance. Of lets say a group of 4,5 girls, one is into skateboarding cus she has all brothers who taught her but non of you are, her sharing about the different skating techniques she's getting good at are not going to mean anything to the rest of you. Another may be athletic, good sense of rhythym and into dub-stepping but the rest of you feel like klutzes so you have no interest. Its a matter of finding that one or two things that you all have a common interest in and that may take time. It also may take the bunch of you taking turns at going to each girls house on the weekends. When a person is in their home environment, in their own room, they'll be more comfortable and themselves and the others may see things that give them a clue they have something in common. Perhaps the room is decorated in lots on purple or she has tons of posters of horses, or her bookcase has nothing but mystery books so perhaps you have the same favorite color, favorite animal or favorite genre of books in common to talk about. Good luck dear

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