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Family (mother) isnt ready to give my hand in marriage :'(
Good evening, My questions is my mother isn't ready to speak with my boyfriend in order for him to ask for my hand in marriage. What can I do? This all started this past summer, by me being pregnant and then having a miscarriage, now he wants to make things right by asking for my hand, however my mother isn't ready to speak with him, especially when it comes to permission to marry. She has beaten me down ever since the incident, her along with my sister. And now that we want to marry, she won't even speak to him. I feel like Im torn apart by the man I love, and my family. Im 22 years old and I've let her and my sister control most of my life. I feel like she's pushing me away towards the things I want. Im heart broken as it is. If I could change the past I could, but there isnt much, but to heal the open scars. I just wish I was more cautious when this happened but theres nothing I can do. I feel horrible. My boyfriend is willing to wait till she's ready, but I think she'll never be ready, since she's upset with him after what happened this past summer. I want to move out, but I can't since they control my finances and schooling, I just feel like a caged bird sometimes, yet I deserve it for doing such a thing to them.
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Why do you need her permission to marry unless you live in a country other than the U.S. where I live. You are of legal age, old enough to make a decision to marry or not. You did admit to allowing yourself to be controlled. If you have no personal strength and backbone hon, it's gonna be a long hard road for you. It' possible you may never leave your mothers home until the day she dies.
Everyone makes mistakes in life. But to beat someone over the head because of a past mistake makes no sense. What a person did in the past does not and will not ever define who they are in current day. Many of us learn from our hard life lessons. You have one more lesson to learn before you can marry, and that is to learn to stand on your own two feet and stand up for what you believe in, no matter if family or friends believe otherwise. It's actually a very freeing feeling, that feeling of a surge of personal power for standing up to someone and then doing what we feel is right for us. No one should be trying to live their lives through other people or telling others what is right for them. But humans will do it anyways, especially those closest to you. I have not always listened to family. If I had listened and caved in to their pressure, I know I would be dead right now. That is pretty drastic but its' true.
Get this through your head, you do not deserve anything but love, no matter what you have done. That is what the Creator of us all would do.
You have done nothing wrong to your mom or sister. If they feel embarrassed rather than becoming loving and supportive when you needed it most, it just goes to show that they are very misguided people believing that withholding love and punishing you will make things better. Well, did it make things better? No.
Their way will never work. They have a choice how to re-act or respond in any life situation.
All people have a choice to respond in a positive manner or a negative manner. You have no power to force them to act in a positive manner, any more than they have the power to make you do something. We only give up control of our own lives and allow others to influence us.
If you think getting married is the solution to your personal problem, think again.
A happy successful marriage takes two strong people working equally on the marriage, not one who is weaks and leans heavily on the other, which in your case would be you leaning heavily on the husband. It becomes very draining and them stop treating you this way. exhausting for him and could cause problems with him feeling trapped, not having an equal partner...unless of course you live in a country where men prefer to have all the control, even if they say they love you and then punish you, blame you, do whatever they want because you are not another human, just some property. there's men like that all over the world. I hope you cry out to whatever higher force or power you believe in and ask It to show you how to gain control of your life back, how to become strong, for once you have, you will be ready to find a man who will truly be a good husband. ...your guy may be that, but you want to be able to recognize the controlling habits of a possible mate before marrying. And if you have learned to master gaining control from mom and sis you'll be able to do it in other areas of your life.
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