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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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I have a friend with a very difficult family and personal situation. His mother has cancer, his little brother has heart problems, his relatives are cruel (possibly abusive), and his father walked out among other things. I am a female in the same year of school (high-school) as him. We're friends, but not terribly close. Today he was in a hallway crying after school (never seen him show any emotion beyond mild anger before), I approached and asked if he was alright, but he told me to go away so I left, and when I came back later, he was gone. I'm not sure if he's suicidal or not, and something in my gut tells me I shouldn't have left. I do have both his phone number and his email address, but I doubt he'd respond to either. I don't really know what to do at this point, but I care about him quite a lot and am rather concerned. Suggestions?

Adviceman is right in saying it is best to inform some adult at school. A teacher may be too busy or caught up with their classes to pass the message on in a timely manner to the office, to the principal and counselors. I would go straight to counselors. Even if he were not suicidal, the emotional distress will affect his performance in school and his grades fall because he can't focus. So they need to know, even if just for that reason.

Kudos to you for being such a loving caring person. Keep it up.

I am a 24 year old female and my dad died when I was 12 and I didn't really get to see him that much when he was alive because my parents got divorced when I was 3 and then when I turned the age 15 I felt like I always needed to have a man in my life constantly as soon as one relationship ended then not even a month later I was in another one and needless to say being in over 20 relationships since I was 15 got me into a bunch of trouble even though my stepdad has been in my life since I was 5 he never really played the part of a dad and now when I am 24 years I still feel that need that I always have to have a man in my life to feel complete and now my cousin is married to a man that is 38I am extremely close to not like intimate but I feel like he is more of a dad than my own stepdad and the other day I was really depressed about not having my dad around and he noticed I upset I was so he sat down beside me looked me in the eye and gave me a hug and said that he is not going to try to replace my real dad because he knows that he could never to that but if I wanted to I could consider him a dad a father figure and I could even call him dad if I wanted my cousin was in the room when all of this happened and she thanked her husband for doing that and for giving me a hug but the problem is that I don't know if it is okay for me to consider this man my dad or for him to be my father figure that I feel that I need to have in my life and to even call him my dad any opinions on this would be greatly appreciated . Thanks for any advice in advice .

Parents role as mother and Father change when a child becomes an adult and they move from parenting to being a sounding board, a mentor which function on an adult to adult level. Often it is a connection with an adult older than you by a handful or more years with a little more life experience, and often that can be an emotional connection, not just a mental connection.
Emotional ties can be made at any point in life to any person who one believes feels like "family" to them. I had both parents growing up but many adopted "uncles", all friends of dad since all my relatives live in another country far away. And I remember us kids looking forward to their visits. Even today, hubby and I will meet a new friend and say, they feel like they are becoming 'family' to us. My feelings are that 'chosen or adopted' family is just as special or maybe more so than blood relations.
He already is "family" to you, being married to your cousin. Your cousin and her husband/your father figure, are Very Special people.

There are not many who find it easy to be so loving, caring and sharing. Enjoy the special gift you've been given.

20/f

I noticed that ever since I've been on birth control, my hips have gotten wider. I know because I have to go a size up in pants and I have always been slender. Recently, I started noticing that my upper body is getting bigger. I do not mean my breasts, I am not sure if my breasts are getting bigger but I have been noticing that I am starting to no longer fit in my regular size tops and I would need to go a size up.

I recently contacted my doctor and they said widening hips are not due to the birth control pills. I was thinking that maybe I was eating too much but I have always had a fast metabolism. But my doctor also said that the birth control that I am taking does not slow down my metabolism either.

I am slightly paranoid just because my coworker told me that she knew a girl that was taking birth control pills and she "blew up."

What exactly is going on with my body?

You did not state if you were on hormonal birth control. If so, my guess is its a combination of your body still maturing and a side effect of hormonal birth control.
If not, then its just due to your body still growing. Both men and women can be maturing still by mid twenties and a few folks even into their early 30's. My current husband says up until his early 30's, his body was smooth and hairless. By time I met him later in life, he was as hairy as a Sasquatch all over. That was a body change that occurred over a couple years so that by time he was 35 it was very noticeable.

If I were you, I wouldnt be concerned about it. Go on line checking out side effects to hormonal birth control. It is best to be informed so you know in case it occurs. If you were going to have reactions tho, most would have presented themselves right in the beginning.

What the co worker said may not have been an exaggeration. Some females can gain quite a lot of weight when on hormonal b.c. because the hormones trick the body into believing its already pregnant, so some females bodies are more susceptible to the changes while others do not react. If weight gain ever becomes a problem for you, see the Dr about trying another contraceptive, and if that also presents side effects, ask to get on non hormonal IUD. I have heard that body weight returns to normal and all symptoms go away once off hormonal b.c.

I am friends with this guy for whom we have some recent history.
We were never official, but at one point, we became the center of each other's universe. We've begun to drift apart because he's "starting" to see someone else. Well, I guess he started to really date someone.

I was always the best friend that he had, and at most we were always there for each other.

I guess, what I wanted to say is, I really miss him. I also miss the way we were before. But I don't want to interfere with his relationship, and I don't want to lose him as my friend.

Right now, I am keeping myself at a safe distance with him. As much as I can, I am trying, to fight the struggle within me, to reach out to him, and demand.. no, BEG for his attention.

I know I really sound pathetic, but it's really hard for me. All the changes. And even the realization that he's seeing someone else.

I like him, and I guess I lost the chance already. I wanted to be as supportive and as a good friend as I can be. So I can't do it now and I don't know if I can do it. I can't see him just as a friend anymore. And at times that I'm seeing them, or just him, it always breaks my heart.

Cliche friend zoned. I know.
I just don't know what to do.
Please.. I don't know what to do..

When you say you lost the chance already, it leads me to believe you are talking about a chance to be more than best friends. The best and most successful of long term and married couples are each others best friends. that is where it should start. But there can also be chemistry, that romantic spark for each other that takes it to another level.

You were not clear on whether either of you ever felt that in the past, only seems to me you are realizing this now that he is dating someone.
Even without any romantic feelings, there can still be deep emotional feelings attached to a friend of any sex and when they become preoccupied with someone else that is hard. Besides doing stuff to take your mind off of him, there's one more thing you can do. Say a little prayer, cus if fate has meant for you to be together as a couple for life, then nothing can change that. But don't pray for specifically one thing. Ask for your angels to either work circumstances that would bring you both together if you both are meant to be a romantic couple or if that isn't meant to be your fate in this life, that the angels help you to emotionally deal with your feelings as another female becomes the most important thing to him and center of his universe.
And then forget your prayer. Keep busy. DO not dwell on it. If anything is meant to be, it will happen.

Hey dragonfly, I'm sorry to be sending you another message. but i started to not worry about this guy so much ( the one that taught me the register at work ive asked about before). i texted him a couple days ago but he neverr replied so i just kind of left it. well yesterday he came in to work over night and when he pulled into the parking lot i was sitting in my car with my door open because i was on break. he parked across from me then started flashing his brights at me and messing around then he went inside. well once inside i got scared cause one of the doors started opening and closing by itself so i was looking for the manager and i found that guy first. i told him what happened and he said it usually does that then offered to turn it off for me so i quit being scared so we walked to the front end and he turned it off for me. well a few hours later i went to tell the manager i was ready to go home cause it was my time to leave and the guy said "youre going home already?" and the manager said "ya shes been here since earlier" and then the guy looked straight at me and said "i'll miss you" and i just smiled and said "uhuh i know you will" and walked away. he said this in front of me another girl the manager and another guy. he usually talks to me in front of people but that was the first time he said something like that. and he just said it like it was nothing but it wasn't rude or sarcastic. im so confused. why did he all of a sudden say something like that and in front of 3 other people? a couple times i have told him dont miss me too much. but we usually use eachothers lines against eachother he could have told me not to miss him but he just flat out said ill miss you when i didnt even say anything to him except that i was going home already. is this guy complicated or am i making it complicated. i over think everything and it annoys and bugs me. thats why i had to ask you about it cause you are really smart. thankyou again in advance :)

It could be nothing more than his style of flirting and not have any other meaning behind it.
Here's a thought, for some folks, going to work can be a drag, you can always think of places you'd rather be so why not make work more pleasant by spicing it up with flirting. Of course, you still will choose as your target someone who is your style rather than someone you usually don't have for friends.
It could be that and nothing more. He seems nice so far. If I am remembering right, neither of you have had much in depth conversations, the kinds that help give you insight into the character of a person to know whether there is enough there for a relationship of some sort away from work.

So my suggestion is to offer an invite to him to join you doing something or going somewhere. If you feel awkward making the invite, then say that you don't like doing stuff alone, its not as fun and your friends can't go. Would he be willing?
Some guys are brave enough to flirt but not to making the next step. If he's only into being extra friendly at work just to liven up the time he's there, you should know pretty quickly by his response. If he's truly interested in getting to know you better and start dating, he'll find a way to accept your invite or at least make a date for another event or another time with you.

why cant men just love one woman without controling her. doesnt he know i love him and will die with out him why doesnt he care or love me back , its ok its too late now any way, te sun will shine without me tommorrow and he wont even missme or even care. i just wanted some one to hear me bill boerner this is for you, i love you onto death i wish you could have loved me back. good bye forever my love hope i see you on the other side, you wont even look at me there eigther. its ok like you say im not worth it

always waiting 4you jenn 12-01-13

If you're reading this, humor me and please read to the end. This isn't to convince you to not make the decision you're alluding to, but to be well informed and look at all possible facts of reality before doing so.

Suicide is never the answer to what someone else does that hurts us.
Yes, this world we live in is a harsh place. Each soul born into a body on this planet, chose to come here to learn a particular lesson or to experience something in particular and be strengthened by it.
And no, we don't remember what happened before we were born, so those choices are hidden from our memory.
The fact that we do not recall ever having made the choice to experience the particular soul shaping hardship of this current life that we picked, means that

we either bitch and moan to who ever will listen,

we stoop to someone elses level and try to hurt back--be vindictive,

we get so depressed we don't want to face life anymore and contemplate death

OR.....

we are challenged to make something positive of the crappy deal dealt to us, you know that saying about when you have lemons, make lemonaid. Lemonaid is a good thing, it quenches thirst and is refreshing.

So what good thing can come from your experience?
Oh I don't know...maybe some character building?
Here's my story: My ex was controlling and verbally abusive. A church going family, you wouldn't think to find this there. 30 yrs I stayed before I left him. I always thought God could fix things. The thing is, He never interferes with our free choice,
not trying to get religious on you....just making a point, whether you believe in God or not.

You and the next guy all have the same rights to make any decision you want, being abusive or neglective in a relationship just as you have the right to decide to end your life.
But, before you do, it would be best to be well informed of what lifes reality actually is before making a decision.
During my church days I did not believe in reincarnation, but about the time that I left the ex, I went thru some major changes in belief, not in Gods existance, but some things that actually helped me to make my decisions and be able to live with them knowing they were the best choices for me.
So here is what I learned, in hopes that perhaps it will help you too. I feel like God or my angels placed this info inside me.
Life on earth is the school building. The people on the planet are the student souls in the school of life. Not everyone is in the same grade. Some Souls are kindergarten in their ability or maturity level, some are 5th grade, high school, or college. And just as there are students who apply themselves and study hard, there are Souls who do. Likewise on the other hand, there are souls who are goof offs and never really try to learn and graduate to the next grade, they don't take anything seriously, try to coast through life not accomplishing anything, or are actually trouble makers, malicious and end up making school difficult for the other students.
I am sure you can relate to that comparison.
So lets say the guy you speak of, his soul is at 4th grade level and you are at high school level. He has made decisions that keep him having to repeat in each re incarnation to another life the same lessons or 'same grade' if you will, until he passes that grade. There is no such thing as flunking, no such thing as failing a grade and moving on to the next. God doesn't require that we mature or learn anything in a particular amount of time, no time limits, he has eternity to wait to see us graduate.
So with this is mind, you will come up across people all the time in life who are very immature souls or much negative intent to steal, kill or destroy something. Some are easier to ignore cus they don't come into your life as often as one in a close relationship, like the store clerk, the bus driver on your route.
For a student to choose to drop out of school because of a trouble maker at school, it doesnt hurt the negative soul, in fact it doesnt even hurt the soul who wants to drop out of the school of life, but what it does do is bring an abrupt stop to your chance to learn what it is you are here to learn and experience. And if you don't pass this lesson successfully, or drop out "kill oneself", guess what, you just have to go through the same thing in the next life, different people but the same hard nasty things that happen to you until you learn how to make the right choice of response to what is happening to you.
And what might those right choices be? First, do what I did, I asked myself and asked angels to help me find out:

What specifically do I have that I can learn from this, something positive I can find in this...
And
how can I learn and personally grow from this experience.

IN my example, I discovered he was never in love with me, admitted to friends that he just loved me as the mom of his kids, but I didnt even recieve the kind of love one gives a friend. Was I hurt, did the verbal abuse have its effect on me? Yes, the emotional distress began to manifest as physical problems, headaches, migraines, stomach ulcers. I kept believing that God could heal my marriage.

I was believing a misguided concept since God could not force my husband to change because if He did that, then the husbands soul really never had a choice of free will. What changed me to decide to leave? God spoke inside my head one night in a dream, that if i did not leave the marriage immediately, I would be dead in 4 yrs due to heart problems or cancer. I left. I learned that leaving the ex. was It not giving up on a relationship, not giving up on a marriage, but believing in and loving myself foremost, above anything else. If I loved myself, I would not allow the ex to actually become a vehicle of the coming about of end of my life. I discovered that during most my marriage, I had not loved myself enough. After leaving him, I had to deal with my feelings of how I was treated, with less love and respect than one gives their pets. I had to Choose to find a positive way to look at it. Although I share my story often, there is no hurt or pain or wanting to give up on life behind it.
I actually feel sorry for him, kinda like Jesus musta felt for Judas betraying him. Someone had to be the one to turn him in. But Jesus forgave him, he just couldn't forgive himself.
So here I found myself actually feeling sorry for my ex, that he had to be the 'bad guy' role in my life story so I would have the opportunity to learn to love myself and to really forgive.

But he will have another chance to do better next time around so I feel better knowing his soul has another chance. Once I passed this crucial lesson in my life, wonderful things began to happen, unimaginable to my previous life, real blessings came my way. The biggest of these is finding my 2nd husband just 2 years after leaving the ex. This guy is the most wonderful husband. If there was such a thing as teaching a class to men on how to be good husbands, he would be the teacher.

If you decide to give up because of what this one immature soul did to you, then you will miss out on the blessings that await once you pass this difficult test successfully, and you get to graduate this grade level of the soul and not have to repeat next time.

Now that you have all this information, now you can make a fully informed decision... Which if you truly were listening to and absorbing what I had to share will be to not give up. I truly expect to hear back from you. Please write and let me know how you are doing. I would be glad to give any encouragement and advice at any time you need. Just go to advice column for dragonflymagic and write me from there. Hugs to you.

It's been a year now since me and my friend met online. We immediately became really close since he also go to the school where I am studying. We really talk and text a lot. We plan things together, or make decisions base on each other. There are even some complications in our schedule since his classes is in the morning, and mine starts at noon. So some hours after my classes starts, he'll have to go home since he doesn't have any schedule anymore. There is only one day in the week where we can meet, every wednesday. Where miraculously, I have lesser class at that day, and that he could wait for me for only 2 hours. Since he lives on the northern side, and I live on the southern part, we take turns every wednesday to tag along while going home.

Our entire relationship was really sweet. I guess for me, we almost function like we're boyfriends already. Like the way he get's jealous, or how the way he gets upset when I don't reply on time, or how we always talk to each other, during class, after class. Like my world already revolves around him.

But then I guess, that's just me.
He then act really strange, and lost. I tried to help him and ask what's going on with him. He shrugged me off, time and time again, until one day, when we broke into a quarrel fight, he told me that this person he was "seeing" cheated on him.

At the time, you could've imagine how much I wanted to run for the gates and just get lost. How much I would just like to run, and cry, and punch. How much I would like to die. I lost him. And I'm starting to lose myself.

I already love him. And he knew that.
He tells me he loves me, even held my hand.

But I don't even know he was seeing this guy. For a year I didn't know that he doesn't belong to me. For a year I believe that I belong to him.

And what hurts the most. Is when I lost him that day, I didn't know that I've lost him even way before. That the thing we had before, was forever lost.

I didn't know what to do. I don't know how to reach out. I don't know how should I handle all of this. If I should get mad, or who to get mad. Please help. I'm barely hanging.

You did say: 'I already love him. And he knew that'

Well if he knew, You actually told him you love him, that was his opportunity to tell you and come clean. While he didn't lie to you, he kept the truth from you which is deceitful and counterproductive to building trust...which is a very important aspect of a good relationship.

You also did say: 'He tells me he loves me, even held my hand.'

It isn't required to have love in your heart to hold someones hand or even say that you love them. Words are cheap. Actions are what will back up those 3 words "I love you", and prove the love.

So far, he either has no clue how to go about being a good partner in a relationship, or he is not into serial monogamy, meaning one relationship at a time, only moving on to the next when the current one has ended. As with heterosexual relationships, I would guess its possible that some of the same things could apply such as there not ever having been a commitment to you on his part, wanting to eventually gain you as another sex partner with sex really the only goal for him, not lasting love and friendship.

The lesson for you is to become a better judge of character when attempting to find just friends or something more. Most of that is going to be learned thru the school of hard knocks, by experiencing that which doesnt work.
All I can think of to help in advice is tell you that there are situations that don't allow for you to get to really know a person, to have a chance at even weighing what their character is and those things are:
a relationship where there isn't enough time spent in person,

where it is an on line relationship, fully or partly,

mostly texting and maybe phone calls,

FB or some other social network

It is much easier for a person to be on their best behavior or display a false self to another if they are not in each others lives almost 24/7.
The more time you spend with the person, and longer amount of time, months or years to know a person will enable you to truly see who they are for no one can keep a falseness or mask up indefinitely, it takes too much personal energy and eventually it will come down and the true self is revealed.

So don't get mad at yourself, you didn't have enough time to get to know him. Don't get mad at him, think of this as a very much needed learning experience for you that wouldn't be possible if he hadn't come along. If you want to give this a second chance now that this other guy has dumped him, and he is free to focus on you, then a good talk is very important. You will need to let him know that you are monogamous and then set ground rules for the relationship that you both promise to abide by. Those rules will be to protect both you and him. If he agrees to the rules but breaks them, then leave him and don't look back.

What are the chances of pregnancy when you have sex on your 7day break from the pill? Before your period arrives, thankyou

Whenever you miss taking a pill or aren't taking one due to it being the break, it is recommended that you use a condom. While you don't ovulate just days before a period, which is needed for one to get pregnant, it doesn't hurt to take extra precautions, especially if a period hasn't started yet.

What happens if I skipped a trigestrel pill for a day and took two pills the next day?

Never double up on any medication, it is not healthy for you. If you skip a pill, the experts recommend you use a condom if having sex.
To help remember to take a pill every day, set the alarm on your cell phone to go off the same time every day. That way you won't forget to take it ever again. Your other option is getting a birth control that you don't have to remember to take such as an IUD, Intra uterine device. There are two offered, the Mirena which has hormones and the Paragard which uses copper to get the same effects. Both are put in place by a doctor, and other than checking to make sure it hasn't fallen out, (that rarely happens) the IUD is good for many years and can remain in place 7 -10 yrs some even a bit longer. So in the long run, more cost effective too

Alright, i'm 22 years old and I known a guy for all most 3 months now. we were talking like far as trying to start a relationship and he was 32 and he just turned 33 a few days ago. He lives alone and I have met his parents on several different occasions and went on different trips already with the family. Well, There is a guy that he was "talking" to like he was talking to me. Everytime he said he was hanging out with this friend. I got jealous and he was making it noticeable. Like trying to rush me off before he gets there. So, I went thru his phone and seen some of the text messages that were dirty between his guy. I have seen pictures of him and he is albino looking and muscular and i'm nowhere like that. We are just friends now because i'm jealous of the guy still. He told me that he didn't think that i would get mad about the guy coming over to the house. I'm not sure what to do. I need advice.

You didnt say if you were a male or female. If you are female, perhaps this guy of yours is attracted to both men and women and would be a bi-sexual. That isn't something a person shares in the first handful of dates but now that you are discussing having a real relationship, thats one of the topics that needs to be brought out in the open. You share what you are and are not comfortable with. If you are female and just dont want to be with a guy who is attracted to men too, say so and break up.

If you are a male, this guy friend you've dated, may be gay but may not be monogamous, meaning sticking to only one partner. I don't know what these messages were, but if they aroused suspicion and anger in you, then you both need to have a good talk and be honest. If with a talk you still feel you can't trust what he is saying, I wouldn't bother with even just a friendship with him. Trust is very important in relationships, even friendships and even more important in a couple relationship.
If he has nothing to hide and is not in a relationship with the other guy, then he should be willing to give you details of how he knows the guy, why the texts are sexually dirty talk, does he have any regular conversation with the guy. Is the other guy gay or bi?

Relationships whether heterosexual or homosexual, must have two partners totally dedicated to each other if both claim to be monogamous. If both are polyamorous, many relationships at the same time, then it shouldn't hurt your relationship.
If one is monogamous while the other likes having more than one at a time in his life, then it will not.
So first on the list, some real in depth conversation. No blaming or accusations or assumptions, just get out the facts. And second, based on what you find out, you'll have decisions to make, whether to continue with going into a serious relationship or breaking it off now because there are too many major differences.

my boyfrined cummed in my mouth and then wanted to finger me I said no he washed his hands and then like a half hour later he fingerd me he washed them in hot water could there be a possibility I'm pregnat. I haven't had my period yet I think I'm late . is there a chance it was under his finger nails

As for reasons of period not being on time, it can be related to stress or recent illness. Also, the first couple years of having a period, many girls get one that is very inconsistant and irregular.

That may also be what is going on with you and is quite normal. As you get older the cycle will begin to follow a more predictable pattern.

Lately,my mother has been flirting with me!!! She is 42,and im 21. We have always been very close,but now I see her in a new way!! As soon as my.stepdad leaves for work,she changes clothes!!! She will wear tiny shorts,low cut tops etc. and acts normal!! My cock betrays me and gets huge everytime!!! She sees how hard I am and just smiles !!! My mom looks alot.like Sharon Osbourn,and has big full british tits!!! She loves showing them off,almost completly!!!! What should I do??

If it makes you uncomfortable, tell her that. Is it bad to be sexually turned on by mom? No. Thats quite normal. Not everyones one looks sexy to begin with or has the kind of looks that appeal to the son so not all may be in your predicament but then they are likely drooling over one of their buddies moms. While ok to be turned on by her, it is not the same thing to actually have sex with ones mother. There are a very few people in the world who do practice having sex between family members. I do not know their situations, so I can not judge.
What I can say is that step dad is her husband and lover. If she were to have sex with another male would he be okay with that? Most guys do not like sharing their woman with another man let alone a son or stepson.
It is best you acknowledge what you see her doing. She seems to want to see if she is still attractive sexually to guys other than her husband, but to use her son to find out, is beyond me why.
I'd be careful about what you say. I would say something about being uncomfortable with her going to extra measures to dress sexy when dad is out of the house and to flaunt it in front of you. So yes, you are sexy and yes it affects you but no, you are not going to do anything sexually with someone who is related to you by blood and certainly not with a woman who is married or in a relationship with another man. Tell her you love her as a mom, not a possible lover and want to keep it that way. Even if you are curious and wonder what it would be like, and would be open to trying something, don't open that can of worms or you will have a terrible situation on your hands soon. Perhaps she is not completely satisfied sexual with step dad. If she married someone not her sexual equal, that was one mistake, she can end that relationship and try to find the right guy for herself. But to use you to take care of her unfulfilled needs is a 2nd mistake. It causes emotional, psychological problems for youto get into that. So you have to ask her nicely to stop changing her clothes just to get a reaction from you. YOu will often find in your life time, other situations where you find yourself turned on by some women whether she is baiting you or not like mom, and it will be inappropriate for many different reasons, you will have to learn how to exercise self control and not succumb to the attraction. If it was a married women and her husband found out, or the boss's wife and he found out..well you get the picture. If mom does not change her ways out of consideration for you.. i'd try to find a way to get a roommate and move out of the house. If not living there, she can't affect you.
Hopefully you can find some way to do that. If you are basically stuck living at home and in no position to move out yet, think of some relative you could ask to go live with. Otherwise, if still stuck at home and mom progresses to the point of touching you in sexual ways, you have to ask her to stop that or you at that point have no other alternative but to speak to someone about it. Who that someone is, I must leave up to you, if you have a pastor or a counselor you could see, talking to your birth father if he's alive, telling another relative, aunt, uncle, or lastly your step dad. He may or may not believe you. It may cause trouble not just between him and you but him and mom. Basically lets hope you find a way to move out.

i am an indian .i m 39+but look like 10 to 12 yers younger than my age.i am divorcee and have a son who is 10 years old .i want to get married with somebody whom i like appeanancewise..should be smart well placed and settled ...even with a kid also but he should be good looking..i have registered myself in few matrimonies also but not geeting a suitable match ...i am so frustated and worried with every passing day as i am geeting older with this day...seek help suggest me how to search or what to do..because those who like me they are 45 +..not maintained males..and whom i like they just because of my age nd a child dont consider me.please help

I am guessing that your matrimony sites are the equivalent of the American dating places on the computer where you put a picture of yourself and write about yourself. If so, I have used dating sites and found my 2nd husband on there. He had a teen daughter still living with him. He worried no female would consider dating him.
It takes the right person and it is not easy. I got many men answering my ad who were not suitable for me either.
So in my ad I had a list of what I was looking for in a guy and was careful to word everything in a positive way rather than negative. For example instead of saying "please be slim, not overweight", I put down "want a man who is height and weight appropriate, (thats a way of saying his weight shouldn't be more than what is healthy for his height and age. Another good word to use is "athletic" because a person who is athletic takes care of their body with exercise and makes sure to eat healthy. You will need to think of beside his looks and wealth and social standing, what are the personality traits you seek. I do not smoke so I put down that I have tried but just can't be with someone who is a smoker. I am very spiritual, very sexual person so I wrote that I was looking for someone who believed much like me or had an open minded view of beliefs. His morals, his views on life, his hopes and dreams and hobbies and much more are important to me. If he was to be the average american man who is crazy about any kind of sports, and all his life revolves around being a sports fan, then it would not go well with me. Because we would never be doing anything together. A husband should be your best friend, and as such should have some things in common with you, the same passions about certain things.
If you would like me to look over and critique a sample of what you have written, perhaps I can help but without knowing how this system is set up in India, it is hard for me to know what to suggest. If you would like me to help more, give me some idea of what you what written in this matrimonial place and write to my column, not where you post a comment on this answer of mine. I cannot answer you there even though I can see your comment. It has to be by your going to my column Dragonflymagic and then choosing the button to post a question.
Best wishes to you.

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=614902
(This link explains the back story, read before question)

My ex-best friend and I haven't seen each other in 2 years. Thanksgiving Eve this year was the first time I saw her, I introduced her to one of my best friends and now they are friends so she was invited out with us. It was extremely awkward and I had to leave early because I felt so uncomfortable, I couldn't be myself. She said hi to me and I said Hi back but that was it. Now, its my good friends birthday on Saturday and my ex-best friend will be there too. I don't want to feel awkward again because I am just so angry at her still ya know and I don't want to talk to her unless she can give me a reason why for 2 years she never answered my calls/texts and just last month she deleted me from her friends list on facebook which means she obviously doesn't ever want to talk to me again. So I don't want to show up at the party but its my friends birthday so I want to make her happy but I am also sacrificing my fun I feel like. Should I still go to the party and just ignore her but ill be polite if she says something to me? How should I act if I go, or should I not go? Sorry this is long I am just really nervous about Saturday, your input is greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Wyes, y hat I want to know, my burning question is: if you two were not on communicating basis with each other, then how the heck did you even come across an opportunity to be in her presence the day before thanksgiving? Apparently you had this other friend(the birthday person) with you at the time. It is rude to not introduce by name the two people who do not know each other. So you did right to introduce them. But doing so did not mean they would automatically like each other. That takes some time to figure out that usually one initial meeting won't tell.

So, Your birthday friend is now an acquaintance of the ex friend, and she has good manners because she invited your ex bud to go along with you. I am guessing she knows nothing of your and ex's past together and the treatment you've gotten. So in the meanwhile she invited her to her birthday too. Its high time for you to say something to birthday girl without pointing out details or saying anything bad about ex. Just let her know that you and lets call her Sally, that Sally used to be friends but at one point you both didnt get along well together and that you feel unhappy and uncomfortable when hanging out with her now so you don't associate with her at all anymore. Let her know that you feel so strongly about Sally that you are seriously not wanting to attend the party since she'll be there.
Ask if you and her can plan to do something together the following day in honor of her birthday instead. She shouldn't change plans now and should go ahead and meet with Sally. Let her know that if she likes Sally and wants to be friends with her, you're happy for her, but she can't have both friends present anywhere at the same time. If she presses for details, you can truthfully answer you really don't know why there is a problem now, she'll have to ask Sally instead and see if Sally can enlighten her as to why you two are no longer friends.

Be kind to yourself. Some people maybe could handle being in the same room with someone who doesnt like them cus they screen them out successfully and focus on the people they have fun with. But if you know you aren't capable of doing that, nor willing to try to do it, then don't torture yourself by going to the birthday party. But you can't just not show up with giving some kind of explanation. Can't say you are sick cus there may come another time you are invited to a get together where Sally is present. And you can't be sick each time for an excuse. Honestly is the best policy. This is a big issue to you since you;ve written before and I feel it bothers you not having it resolved, no answers so at least you can lay those questions to rest.

Its kinda like people wanting to know whether a missing loved one is alive or not, they have no information to help them make a decision whether to keep hoping or be able to have a funeral, honoring them and to lay the loved one to rest.

It is terrible not knowing in your case too why, why she is not friendly to you now and why she won't explain and why in mixed company is willing to speak a few words with you for appearance sake.
Just know that she's the one with some issues if she can not be totally open and honest with you.
I don't know you well enough if you have some issues that may contribute to the problem but in all case where two do not get along together, if one is truly innocent, then they are in that situation to learn something, something that will bring about some growth, some change in them for the better...not that one was bad to begin with, i am talking about character developement, or as in my case, I had to learn how to forgive even if I knew I was not at fault. My only problem was I did not love myself enough for a long time to remove myself from the situation. That was marriage to an ex. So I learned many things in going through the process of not associating with him in any way again. I can't say that is whats happening for you, but I can't say that it isn't either. Listen to your inner voice. Go with your gut feeling. If it's your intent to make the best decision for all but you come first, then even if what you decide turns out to be not the best decision, it will be the best one you could make at the time. And you will have to be at peace with yourself in that case.

Would a true friend date your ex even as much as they desire and wish to, is that nice.

Yes, it should be okay but often people do not realize what they are dating for and that is what causes the problem with being jealous if a girlfriend dates an ex of yours.

One or the other of you wasn't totally happy with the other. Dating is to find out if we are a good match and have enough in common. First we are attracted to what we see, so we talk, maybe we're attracted to what we hear, so then we date, now its getting to know more about each other and its sometimes at this point that eventually a person realizes, gee they are awfully nice but I dont have that spark, that chemistry with them, theres no romantic feelings towards them. This is something you cannot make happen. Its there or it isn't. Or one or the other see's a behavoral trait they cant stand or tolerate, one is verbally abusive, or has low self esteem and is too needy, etc... so one will break up with the other. If you broke up with him because of something you didn't like, its possible it wouldnt bother you as much to see your girlfriend date him unless you feared for her welfare cus he is abusive. If he split up with you, and you aren't sure why, then it makes you feel like you were lacking in some way. No one is ever lacking, we are all just different. You, just as you are right now, will never make a perfect date for every guy at school or at your job. That's not how it works. If you can realize that you and he were not a perfect match somehow, but perhaps your girlfriend is, then wouldn't you want her to be happy? Even if you don't have someone interested in you at the moment.

The problem is, too many people date cus it seems to be the social thing to do. Makes them feel they are doing what is normally expected at this age. If a person is dating just so that others know they are part of a dating couple and can be socially seen together, and its not for the purpose of beginning to learn who is the right person for you and who are you right for, then just about any Tom, Dick or Harry will do. If you are dating just for the social reason, then yes, if he and your girlfriends also believe in dating only for the social reason, yes it is in bad taste to date your ex. Because the same applies for her in this case, any Tom, Dick or Harry will do so she's got plenty of choices, it didnt have to be him.

So you see, it kinda all depends on what mindset you're coming from and why you date to begin with.

If a cum touches a women private area in a thin clothe and then tongued her vagina there is a chance of pregnency although she has her first period in time and after some days period goes again for two days ???

Its unlikely that sperm traveled through clothing no matter how thin.
If she is having irregular periods, its more likely due to her age. whether a girl starts her period at 10 ,12, or 17, 14 is the average age it starts and not all have regular periods for the first year, sometimes two years. It can range from just spotting to heavy flows, last two weeks or two days only and have great amount of time in between such as not getting it for two months. Its all common at that age. So she cant rely on not having a period as a way to know if she's pregnant.
It is possible to get pregnant by sperm being directly on the skin right near the entrance of the vagina or on your hands when you go to finger her. So even if you arent planning on doing any penis in vagina sex, it still is risky. There is sperm in your precum too and that can get her pregnant. If you are determined to continue being sexually active, its just a matter of time before you want to go further. If I were you, I would suggest she go to planned parenthood and get on some reliable birth control like the pill which would cover her for these cases, and use a condom for protection against STD's STI's. It would be nice of you to offer to accompany her unless she is uncomfortable with that. The law is that teens can go and be seen regarding anything involving their reproductive rights and its kept confidential from her parents or anyone else.

I love to read. I visited the school library a lot and read books ALWAYS returning them on time. I checked a book out and was going to return it but a rule stated we couldn't go to our lockers in the morning or at lunch. So, I tried to figure out a way to get it back but I never had enough time. I just got a letter from the librarian (whos always nice) saying that I couldn't use the library anymore. My parents got really mad and I don't know what to do because I am so embarrassed and afraid that he'll yell at me....What do I do?

Also, if I tell him what I explained he probably won't believe me..(Plus we only get 4 minutes between each class.

I know from when my girls were in high school that very little time is given to get to next class.

So, I am not sure I understand then when you had time to go to the library in the first place to even check out books if there isn't time between classes? Did you check out books at the beginning of the day before school started, during your lunch time, or after school? What ever time worked for check out should have worked for returning it too. Unless the rule for not going to lockers in the morning or lunch was made after. I do not understand that rule. What is the purpose of the locker if you can not use it until the end of the day? There must be something you didn't explain clearly enough.

If you had to get the library book from your locker at the end of the day, take it home with you and bring it again with you in the morning to return it to the library before your first class, or carry it with you to all your classes until lunchtime and return it then, that could have worked.
If it all boils down to this crazy rule, then perhaps it's time for the students and their parents to create a petition asking that the rule about not going to the lockers be canceled or revised or lengthen the amount of time between classes so that students have a little more breathing space to do important things between classes. And Heavens! When the heck do they expect you to take a quick bathroom break? Certainly not between classes.

The easy way of not fighting against school policy and library policy to get them changed is to get a card at the local public library and deal with them...many students do, its way easier, you can go evenings, and weekends to check out and return or they have book drops if you are returning one at times they are closed.

Did you let any of your teachers or staff in the office or a counselor know what your situation was?

I wanna talk to my dad about dating but don't know how to and convince him in meeting my guy friend . What should I do ? I am a junior

I suppose you don't have a mom or live with her? Its always easier to feel comfortable talking to a female.
But if it must be dad, remember, he's a guy who remembers what he and his friends were like at that age and thats about the biggest concern he will have is how a guy will treat you. Is he really interested in you or just sex. When it comes to fathers, that is one of their biggest concerns and the other would be his personality. Does he have a mean streak, does he have a temper, would he abuse you verbally or beat on you or take you down a path of drinking and drugs?

So first of all, would your guy friend be comfortable hanging out at your house often like your girlfriends do?
This is the best way for Dad to get to observe your guy friend and get to know him and feel comfortable with him. This is a good step to take before the dating where you both go off somewhere on your own to a movie or something.
You know your dad best, maybe he would be okay with you starting to date, and just need to meet the guy one time.
Have you and Dad ever had a conversation about at what age you would be allowed to date? If not, it's time to ask to have that conversation. Ask Dad if you and he could have a talk about boyfriends and dating. Let him know the reason you want to have a talk is because you have a friend at school who is a guy and you really like him and the two of you woould like to spend more time hanging out together. So does he have any idea about what ground rules he feels are important as you start the dating realm. You both will need to agree on the rules or compromise as needed. If he for example says he doesnt feel comfortable with you doing any serious dating yet, then ask him how you are supposed to learn how a guy thinks, and how to understand him better and those kinds of things, if you dont get to spend time with him. Ask if it would be okay if he was welcome to hang out at your house while dad was there to be sure you are safe and also to get to know the guy.
Your dad may be able to see some things that you do not see about a dangerous character flaw. Let him know you value his opinion of what any guy is like so that you will have a boyfriend who treats you well.

My ingrown toenail is what I wouls say badly infected..... Could my toe need to be cut off? Is there anything i can do to prevent this from happening?!

I certainly hope no one has been telling you a toe would need to be cut off.
No toes are not cut off. Some people have nails that grow differently than other peoples. Some are flatter, and others curve more around the nail bed. Those that curve alot can grown into the skin at the corners and down in front too. And yes it gets very painful and inflamed and can be infected too.
Your general med. Dr. would likely need to see you to recommend you to a podiatrist (a foot doctor)
These people are well trained to work on foot related problems. Once seen by a foot dr. they will tell you what they need to do. If not done at the time, they will set an appt. for you to have the ingrown part of nail removed.
Since it is so sensitive, they will numb the area first with a cream like a dentist does, then give a numbing shot so that you wont feel anything as they work to remove the embedded nail. If theres an infection they will give prescription for anti biotics. I took a friend to Dr for this, she dosnt drive. So afterwards, all she had to do was soak the foot in epsom salt baths for a week and come back for a follow up appointment so he could see how it was healing. The doctor can probably give you tips on how to trim your nails frequently so it doesnt happen again. Some peoples nails also grow faster than others so you will figure out how often to take care of your nails. A person can go to a beauty salon for foot nail trims, some will do work on both hand nails and feet nails. It would be too expensive to see a podiatrist for that. The only exception is that diabetics who need their feet and nails cared for must see only a podiatrist.

I'm 7 months pregnant and my husband keeps joking that I'm fat and I need to loose weight. I gained weight in my face. I was skinny before I was pregnant & I know I won't be skinny after I give birth. But he keeps calling me fat it really hurts my feelings because I feel like he thinks I am disgusting. What should I do?

Have you brought it to his attention and let him know it hurts your feelings and you do not want him to ever talk to you like that? You did not clarify if you said anything to him about it.That would be the first step.
However, I doubt that is enough to help change things for the better if this has been his behavior in general before and you just never took notice of it until now.
If you have said something and he is still doing this kind of behavior, I would suggest going to marriage counseling. A woman needs a man to be supportive no matter what IF he is truly in love with her, and even more so during pregnancy when you are carrying his child. Notice that I capitolized "IF", because he may like you, love you in words but not know how to love you in actions. Or as was my case with my ex, he was never in love with me to begin with but he wanted to marry more so that he wasn't alone.

Your husband, as an adult should know better than to talk to you or anyone like that.
It could be a sign of a bigger problem. The fact that he does it shows he does not really care how it affects you, he is insensitive, so I can tell he is not a very supportive and encouraging man.

Also, it is a very childish behavior. This sounds like what goes on in middle school and high school...so I am guessing that he never really grew up and matured mentally and emotionally.

If his supposed love for you was only skin deep, then any changes to how you look now or permanently after childbirth may not sit well with him and could be the reason he says such things now, because subconsciously what he is attracted to does not match what you look like. The problem lies with him...NOT with how you look. There are many men who find a beauty in the pregnant female form, especially if the child is his. They also find other pregnant females beautiful. Its not cover girl model beauty but it is a different kind of beauty....there is no comparing. On an aside, very obviously pregnant women are sexually arousing to their husbands and to many men, so much so that the porn trade has sites of pregnant women for men who have a fetish for that. Never let anyone tell you that being pregnant means you can't be sexy still.

You will be more sensitive to anything related to how you look because Lots of women can have self image issues during pregnancy, and there is the overflow of emotions as well added to the mix. It is a difficult time to begin with. So I come back to the original suggestion that you both get counseling. Good luck dear.

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