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Stranded, on the same ground.
I am friends with this guy for whom we have some recent history.
We were never official, but at one point, we became the center of each other's universe. We've begun to drift apart because he's "starting" to see someone else. Well, I guess he started to really date someone.
I was always the best friend that he had, and at most we were always there for each other.
I guess, what I wanted to say is, I really miss him. I also miss the way we were before. But I don't want to interfere with his relationship, and I don't want to lose him as my friend.
Right now, I am keeping myself at a safe distance with him. As much as I can, I am trying, to fight the struggle within me, to reach out to him, and demand.. no, BEG for his attention.
I know I really sound pathetic, but it's really hard for me. All the changes. And even the realization that he's seeing someone else.
I like him, and I guess I lost the chance already. I wanted to be as supportive and as a good friend as I can be. So I can't do it now and I don't know if I can do it. I can't see him just as a friend anymore. And at times that I'm seeing them, or just him, it always breaks my heart.
Cliche friend zoned. I know.
I just don't know what to do.
Please.. I don't know what to do..
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well the smart thing to do would be to move on and let him go.
It's fine to miss him and miss what you guys once were but it obviously won't and isn't going to be like that anymore.
A lot of girls would force themselves to still try to talk to them all the time and remain friends but it just ends up hurting them.
Being friends with him would mean listening to him talk about the other girl. It's already hurting you to even think of him with her so it's best to just take the distance.
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When you say you lost the chance already, it leads me to believe you are talking about a chance to be more than best friends. The best and most successful of long term and married couples are each others best friends. that is where it should start. But there can also be chemistry, that romantic spark for each other that takes it to another level.
You were not clear on whether either of you ever felt that in the past, only seems to me you are realizing this now that he is dating someone.
Even without any romantic feelings, there can still be deep emotional feelings attached to a friend of any sex and when they become preoccupied with someone else that is hard. Besides doing stuff to take your mind off of him, there's one more thing you can do. Say a little prayer, cus if fate has meant for you to be together as a couple for life, then nothing can change that. But don't pray for specifically one thing. Ask for your angels to either work circumstances that would bring you both together if you both are meant to be a romantic couple or if that isn't meant to be your fate in this life, that the angels help you to emotionally deal with your feelings as another female becomes the most important thing to him and center of his universe.
And then forget your prayer. Keep busy. DO not dwell on it. If anything is meant to be, it will happen.
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I can definitely feel your pain. You don't sound pathetic at all. Most people have been there including myself. It sucks when people don't feel the way we want them to and unfortunately there's no magic way to make them. But I can tell you the best way is to keep distancing yourself away from him. By trying to hang around at all you'll just torture yourself (it's not pathetic, everyone's done it) because you do have feelings. It's not to say you guys don't have a future or cant be friends later but for your own sanity right now you need to focus on anything but him. Of course you'll still think about him and if he says hi or somethin you don't have to ignore him but I would not initiate anything and keep busy with anything else (school,work,other friends,etc) . Because if you can stay away thoughts of him will become less frequent and eventually you will actually move on even if it doesn't seem like it now. If he didn't see the potential relationship you guys could've had before then he's probably not the guy for you anyway...you need to be a priority and have your feelings returned instead of just hoping for them to be returned ..you know? You should try to meet other people and distract yourself bc the less he's around or in the picture, the less you will think about him until you don't anymore. You gotta focus on yourself and protect your heart for now so you can find something better for you. I hope this helps. This was the best advice I got when I went thru something very similar. It is possible I promise.
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It's hard to move on. I've been in similar situations where I had to accept that what I wanted wasn't there. It takes time and it's gradual, but it is indeed possible to get over someone who was the world to you.
You need closure. And I'd hate to say it, but the best way to get it is distance. And I don't mean growing distant and talking less. It could take a long period of not seeing him or talking to him at all. You require time for feelings to fade and they won't easily fade if you're constantly reminded of them.
I would talk to him about how you feel. If you decide to create even more distance and not communicate with him at all for a while, I would tell him why before you do.
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