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Ex-Best Friend Dilemma
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My ex-best friend and I haven't seen each other in 2 years. Thanksgiving Eve this year was the first time I saw her, I introduced her to one of my best friends and now they are friends so she was invited out with us. It was extremely awkward and I had to leave early because I felt so uncomfortable, I couldn't be myself. She said hi to me and I said Hi back but that was it. Now, its my good friends birthday on Saturday and my ex-best friend will be there too. I don't want to feel awkward again because I am just so angry at her still ya know and I don't want to talk to her unless she can give me a reason why for 2 years she never answered my calls/texts and just last month she deleted me from her friends list on facebook which means she obviously doesn't ever want to talk to me again. So I don't want to show up at the party but its my friends birthday so I want to make her happy but I am also sacrificing my fun I feel like. Should I still go to the party and just ignore her but ill be polite if she says something to me? How should I act if I go, or should I not go? Sorry this is long I am just really nervous about Saturday, your input is greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
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Wyes, y hat I want to know, my burning question is: if you two were not on communicating basis with each other, then how the heck did you even come across an opportunity to be in her presence the day before thanksgiving? Apparently you had this other friend(the birthday person) with you at the time. It is rude to not introduce by name the two people who do not know each other. So you did right to introduce them. But doing so did not mean they would automatically like each other. That takes some time to figure out that usually one initial meeting won't tell.
So, Your birthday friend is now an acquaintance of the ex friend, and she has good manners because she invited your ex bud to go along with you. I am guessing she knows nothing of your and ex's past together and the treatment you've gotten. So in the meanwhile she invited her to her birthday too. Its high time for you to say something to birthday girl without pointing out details or saying anything bad about ex. Just let her know that you and lets call her Sally, that Sally used to be friends but at one point you both didnt get along well together and that you feel unhappy and uncomfortable when hanging out with her now so you don't associate with her at all anymore. Let her know that you feel so strongly about Sally that you are seriously not wanting to attend the party since she'll be there.
Ask if you and her can plan to do something together the following day in honor of her birthday instead. She shouldn't change plans now and should go ahead and meet with Sally. Let her know that if she likes Sally and wants to be friends with her, you're happy for her, but she can't have both friends present anywhere at the same time. If she presses for details, you can truthfully answer you really don't know why there is a problem now, she'll have to ask Sally instead and see if Sally can enlighten her as to why you two are no longer friends.
Be kind to yourself. Some people maybe could handle being in the same room with someone who doesnt like them cus they screen them out successfully and focus on the people they have fun with. But if you know you aren't capable of doing that, nor willing to try to do it, then don't torture yourself by going to the birthday party. But you can't just not show up with giving some kind of explanation. Can't say you are sick cus there may come another time you are invited to a get together where Sally is present. And you can't be sick each time for an excuse. Honestly is the best policy. This is a big issue to you since you;ve written before and I feel it bothers you not having it resolved, no answers so at least you can lay those questions to rest.
Its kinda like people wanting to know whether a missing loved one is alive or not, they have no information to help them make a decision whether to keep hoping or be able to have a funeral, honoring them and to lay the loved one to rest.
It is terrible not knowing in your case too why, why she is not friendly to you now and why she won't explain and why in mixed company is willing to speak a few words with you for appearance sake.
Just know that she's the one with some issues if she can not be totally open and honest with you.
I don't know you well enough if you have some issues that may contribute to the problem but in all case where two do not get along together, if one is truly innocent, then they are in that situation to learn something, something that will bring about some growth, some change in them for the better...not that one was bad to begin with, i am talking about character developement, or as in my case, I had to learn how to forgive even if I knew I was not at fault. My only problem was I did not love myself enough for a long time to remove myself from the situation. That was marriage to an ex. So I learned many things in going through the process of not associating with him in any way again. I can't say that is whats happening for you, but I can't say that it isn't either. Listen to your inner voice. Go with your gut feeling. If it's your intent to make the best decision for all but you come first, then even if what you decide turns out to be not the best decision, it will be the best one you could make at the time. And you will have to be at peace with yourself in that case.
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