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I need a father figure in my life
I am a 24 year old female and my dad died when I was 12 and I didn't really get to see him that much when he was alive because my parents got divorced when I was 3 and then when I turned the age 15 I felt like I always needed to have a man in my life constantly as soon as one relationship ended then not even a month later I was in another one and needless to say being in over 20 relationships since I was 15 got me into a bunch of trouble even though my stepdad has been in my life since I was 5 he never really played the part of a dad and now when I am 24 years I still feel that need that I always have to have a man in my life to feel complete and now my cousin is married to a man that is 38I am extremely close to not like intimate but I feel like he is more of a dad than my own stepdad and the other day I was really depressed about not having my dad around and he noticed I upset I was so he sat down beside me looked me in the eye and gave me a hug and said that he is not going to try to replace my real dad because he knows that he could never to that but if I wanted to I could consider him a dad a father figure and I could even call him dad if I wanted my cousin was in the room when all of this happened and she thanked her husband for doing that and for giving me a hug but the problem is that I don't know if it is okay for me to consider this man my dad or for him to be my father figure that I feel that I need to have in my life and to even call him my dad any opinions on this would be greatly appreciated . Thanks for any advice in advice .
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Parents role as mother and Father change when a child becomes an adult and they move from parenting to being a sounding board, a mentor which function on an adult to adult level. Often it is a connection with an adult older than you by a handful or more years with a little more life experience, and often that can be an emotional connection, not just a mental connection.
Emotional ties can be made at any point in life to any person who one believes feels like "family" to them. I had both parents growing up but many adopted "uncles", all friends of dad since all my relatives live in another country far away. And I remember us kids looking forward to their visits. Even today, hubby and I will meet a new friend and say, they feel like they are becoming 'family' to us. My feelings are that 'chosen or adopted' family is just as special or maybe more so than blood relations.
He already is "family" to you, being married to your cousin. Your cousin and her husband/your father figure, are Very Special people.
There are not many who find it easy to be so loving, caring and sharing. Enjoy the special gift you've been given.
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What I'm about to say is coming from a perspective that lacks a strong father figure. My dad was never really there and I never really had a strong, male presence.
This whole thing. I feel or hope that it is temporary. That's not to say needing a father figure is in any way a bad thing, I can understand wanting a father figure. Confiding in your cousin's husband as a father isn't wrong, support is great, but independence, where you don't need a father figure, is also a great thing. Regardless, I think using your cousin's husband to take the place of a father figure is fine.
Keep in mind that true bonds like this are indeed rare. Don't feel bad about it. Enjoy the support! And don't worry about any jealousy occurring. It won't necessarily occur and in the event where that's a situation that might happen, trust that a father figure is a very different bond from a husband. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
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Well It just depends on how much time ur spending talking to him and all. I would suggest getting a male psychologist that is a dads age maybe...that way you would have a male you could confide in and he is trained to help you deal with your fathers death in a healthier way and could probably help you in your relationships, etc. But if you don't feel comfortable with that I understand. I don't know your cousin or how close you guys are but I'm sure she knows you aren't tryig to get with her husband ..but she could start to get jealous if you lean on him too much for support. Probably not tho if you already asked her.
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