|
The love that was never meant for me
It's been a year now since me and my friend met online. We immediately became really close since he also go to the school where I am studying. We really talk and text a lot. We plan things together, or make decisions base on each other. There are even some complications in our schedule since his classes is in the morning, and mine starts at noon. So some hours after my classes starts, he'll have to go home since he doesn't have any schedule anymore. There is only one day in the week where we can meet, every wednesday. Where miraculously, I have lesser class at that day, and that he could wait for me for only 2 hours. Since he lives on the northern side, and I live on the southern part, we take turns every wednesday to tag along while going home.
Our entire relationship was really sweet. I guess for me, we almost function like we're boyfriends already. Like the way he get's jealous, or how the way he gets upset when I don't reply on time, or how we always talk to each other, during class, after class. Like my world already revolves around him.
But then I guess, that's just me.
He then act really strange, and lost. I tried to help him and ask what's going on with him. He shrugged me off, time and time again, until one day, when we broke into a quarrel fight, he told me that this person he was "seeing" cheated on him.
At the time, you could've imagine how much I wanted to run for the gates and just get lost. How much I would just like to run, and cry, and punch. How much I would like to die. I lost him. And I'm starting to lose myself.
I already love him. And he knew that.
He tells me he loves me, even held my hand.
But I don't even know he was seeing this guy. For a year I didn't know that he doesn't belong to me. For a year I believe that I belong to him.
And what hurts the most. Is when I lost him that day, I didn't know that I've lost him even way before. That the thing we had before, was forever lost.
I didn't know what to do. I don't know how to reach out. I don't know how should I handle all of this. If I should get mad, or who to get mad. Please help. I'm barely hanging.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You did say: 'I already love him. And he knew that'
Well if he knew, You actually told him you love him, that was his opportunity to tell you and come clean. While he didn't lie to you, he kept the truth from you which is deceitful and counterproductive to building trust...which is a very important aspect of a good relationship.
You also did say: 'He tells me he loves me, even held my hand.'
It isn't required to have love in your heart to hold someones hand or even say that you love them. Words are cheap. Actions are what will back up those 3 words "I love you", and prove the love.
So far, he either has no clue how to go about being a good partner in a relationship, or he is not into serial monogamy, meaning one relationship at a time, only moving on to the next when the current one has ended. As with heterosexual relationships, I would guess its possible that some of the same things could apply such as there not ever having been a commitment to you on his part, wanting to eventually gain you as another sex partner with sex really the only goal for him, not lasting love and friendship.
The lesson for you is to become a better judge of character when attempting to find just friends or something more. Most of that is going to be learned thru the school of hard knocks, by experiencing that which doesnt work.
All I can think of to help in advice is tell you that there are situations that don't allow for you to get to really know a person, to have a chance at even weighing what their character is and those things are:
a relationship where there isn't enough time spent in person,
where it is an on line relationship, fully or partly,
mostly texting and maybe phone calls,
FB or some other social network
It is much easier for a person to be on their best behavior or display a false self to another if they are not in each others lives almost 24/7.
The more time you spend with the person, and longer amount of time, months or years to know a person will enable you to truly see who they are for no one can keep a falseness or mask up indefinitely, it takes too much personal energy and eventually it will come down and the true self is revealed.
So don't get mad at yourself, you didn't have enough time to get to know him. Don't get mad at him, think of this as a very much needed learning experience for you that wouldn't be possible if he hadn't come along. If you want to give this a second chance now that this other guy has dumped him, and he is free to focus on you, then a good talk is very important. You will need to let him know that you are monogamous and then set ground rules for the relationship that you both promise to abide by. Those rules will be to protect both you and him. If he agrees to the rules but breaks them, then leave him and don't look back.
]
More Questions: |