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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Me and my ex were dating for a year and everything seemed almost perfect. Of course we would argue quite a bit but it was small stuff that every couple goes through. We both loved each other very much and never lied to each other or anything like that. Sadly my dad passed away from brain cancer and it took a toll on our relationship. I wasn't able to be there for him and
I became depressed. We had a small argument on December 19th and he told me he was done with me. I told him I was so sorry for everything and that I would try harder but he didn't want me anymore. He said he was doing it for me and that he wasn't able to be there for me, he aslo said he wanted to fix himself. I told him multiple times how sorry I was and that I realized I was not there for him. I told him how much I loved him and that I wanted to be there for him now and that I regretted everything I did. He said he still cared about me but he just couldn't be with me anymore but maybe in the future. A couple days later he tells me that he is over me and that he has moved on and I should move on. Then a couple days later he tells me he still has feelings for me again and that he wants to love me. Then he popped by my class two days in a row and we had lunch together and he asked for a hug. Only to have him ignore me again. It seems that he is constantly changing his mind about how he feels about me and ignoring me. I finally sent him a message about how angry I was that he was constantly changing his mind and told him to talk to me when he made a final choice and that I still loved him. I also told him I would always be waiting for him because I dont want anyone else, he was a big part of my life. I told him that if he never messages me after that I will message him in June to see how he is. It hurts because he was able to move on so quickly and all I want to do is love him and be there for him. He never replied to the message and I know he read it. I feel so confused because he would message me and see me and then ignore me again. I dont know what to do I love him so much and I know he is going through a lot right now. He even admitted he keeps pushing me away because he feels numb right now and doesnt care about anything. He also said he couldnt keep going on knowing how much he is hurting me right now. Is their even a possibility we could get back together? I feel like a part of me is missing I just care about him so much.

I am scared for you dear. From your choice of words, it sounds to me like you are putting all the blame on yourself regarding the relationship. Remember it takes two to Tango, he is part of the equation.

When someone is going through emotional distress as you were, of course you may not be yourself and say and do things you usually would not do. But someone who was truly in love with you and really knew you, would know that is not your real self and know that you were not acting in any ways towards him on purpose. A mature, loving, supportive man would not have lashed out at you in a fight but doubled the support you needed and ignored any behavior from you that was not up to your usual self. The natural inclination when a partner is hurting is to want to make them feel better, not make them feel worse.

You need to wake up and realize that you are causing him to feel guilty in part, by being overly apologetic and blaming yourself for not being there for him. This is not your time to "Be there," for any man....You are still in the grieving process and any man worth his salt is going to understand that you will need him to "be there" for you, for as long as it takes for you to go through your grieving process. And that is something not accomplished in weeks.

]Here is some of what you said that jumps out as too apologetic, which makes you seem needy, a weak woman, only a man can make you whole, putting the man on a pedestal and his needs first:

I told him I was so sorry for everything and that I would try harder

I told him multiple times how sorry I was

...that I realized I was not there for him.

... that I wanted to be there for him now and that I regretted everything I did

I also told him I would always be waiting for him because I dont want anyone else

I told him that if he never messages me after that I will message him in June to see how he is

A woman should not ever have to "Beg" like a dog for a handout of support from her man. Your way of talking to him, seems to me to be a bit on the groveling side. I am sorry if that hurts you dear, but to someone on the outside looking in, it's not just that he is a guy you be better off to forget about as the last person wrote you...theres much more to what is going on. I have listened to many women or men who finally realize they need to leave the relationship because they truly are not in love with the other person, however the other person in knowing they are leaving are saying whatever they think will work to make them stay, groveling, apologizing, promising to be a better partner or change for the person to make them happier, or they announce they will become depressed and want to kill themselves. The one who has decided to leave, now feels guilty and may care about them as a person but not really be in love with, and so is confused as to what to do. They don't want to see their friend so needy, forlorn or suicidal, etc... so in fear of the person not recovering well, they waffle back and forth, coming in and out of the persons life, hoping to stay until the person becomes strong enough to stand on their own two feet without them but once they've committed to hang around again, they immediately are reminded by reality that they just aren;t the right person to be in relationship with their old partner, for many different reasons. So in a way, your old boyfriend, has made the right decision to leave.

Here's a possibility why you are confused by him: His asking for a hug or saying he still has feelings just might be an attempt to make you feel better as far as your grieving loss of dad and him, but its confusing to you and you are reading something entirely different into it.
this could also explain why he read your message but did not respond. He does not want to give you false hope so his plan is to cut off all contact to make it easier for you. It may be he is doing this ithout any conscious thought really as to what he is doing--doing so subconsciously. He can see how giving even a little contact to you hurts you even more so it makes sense to cut if off totally for him and I really can't see that he has any other options. He may not be mature enough or even understand himself and the difference between his needs and his wants, to be able to explain to you whats going on inside of him and that you are not the problem, just that he is not right for you.
I understand you feel love there for him. People can love those who are wonderful to them and people can love those who treat them like sh#t and anything inbetween. Love feelings in a person does not seem to take into account whether the two people are the best possible partner for the other, one who can help their partner grow more mature, wiser, independant with their support and love, not causing the person to become the opposite, dependant emotionally. In all this I am not talking about financial independance at all...just the emotional. It is best to let him go. Stop contacting him. That means no email as you told him you would send in June.
You were together a year but this realisation on his part of what strength of feelings he had for you may have been slowly coming to the surface over a period of a month or 6 months. It doesnt matter, what matters is that he has decided to leave as he should.

The man did admit that he also wanted to fix himself. He may instinctively know that he is not a whole person and ready for a serious relationship. Perhaps he is emotionally needy too and knows that two emotionally needy people together cant be good. And theres a chance thats why he sometimes said he still cared or loved you.
I am sorry it took so long to give you all these explanations and possibilitys to your situation.

For the future, men are attracted to confident, secure, independant women. Perhaps you already are that type of woman, just temporarily sidetracked by Dads passing. But if you aren't, as soon as you are done grieving, then focus on yourself and becoming that confident woman and you instantly become more irresistable to men.

A good book someone loaned me when my mom died, was called simply, "Good Grief". Its very short book and gets right to the point of the normal steps to go through the grieving process in order as human nature processes through. We all go through it in the same order. The only problem is some of us can get stuck at one of the stages and not process any further which will make for other areas of our life getting stuck and not continueing to move on. You probably can find it on Amazon books. I highly recommend it.
An encouragement to you: it takes some personal strength, to reach out and ask for advice or help as you did here, so I know you can make the growth steps needed right now at this point in your life. Good luck!

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Where do I begin..
When I was 16 I started dating Levi. I was a high school drop out, he was a 4.0 student. We fell in love, hard. I was head over heels for this kid. Things were pretty good, aside from his cliche over protective and hateful Mother. (Ah the classic evil mother in law situation). And the only real complaints I had about Levi was that he wasn't super cuddly or emotional with me, whereas I'm a very cuddly, almost clingy type. lol. And that he had an interest in experimenting with drugs in college(weed, molly, alcohol). I didn't like the idea at all, but he was more adventurous than I.
When Levi and I turned 18, he was applying to Universities around the state. He ended up getting into one that was about 6 hours away. This sparked some thought on his part as to whether continuing our relationship would be best. At the time I felt that a long distance relationship would be worth it to me, I was very in love. Long story short, he thought it would be best to break it off. So he did, and let me just say it was the worst time of my life. I have never experienced heart break like I did at that point. Levi then moved 6 hours away.
This next part, I'm not too proud of. Within 2-3 weeks of this break up, I fell for someone else; a definite rebound. This new guy, David, was not my type, he just showed up when I was heart broken and in need of a hug. He was 7 years older than me, and was very charming. I was hooked pretty quickly, only to find that he was emotionally, physically and sexually abusive.
About 3 months after meeting him, David decided he wanted to run back to an ex and see if there was anything left between them. At this same time he and I were on a 'break', Levi and I began talking and he explained to me that breaking up with me was a huge mistake; he wanted me back. He wanted that long distance relationship with me. But I was stuck. David already had me in his claws and I was battered, he had isolated me from my family and friends and he had made me believe that he was the best I would ever have. I can't explain why at the time I couldn't just leave him. I still wish I could go back in time and shake myself for that one. Anyway, David and I were on a break, and while he was out hanging out with his ex, Levi was in town for Christmas, visiting his family. Long story short, we hung out, and ended up having sex. I was very conflicted at this point and ended up shutting Levi out and going back to David.
3 years later....
David still had me under his thumb, but I was extremely tired of being pushed around, hit, yelled at, and made to feel inadequate. I left him in december of 2011. It wasn't easy, but I did it. David was of course devastated and he began stalking me (at one point finding out I was dating around, breaking into my house with a baseball bat, shattering windows, kicking down doors, etc.). He was arrested 3 times in the 3.5 years I was with him, mostly for domestic violence.
After I left him, I felt so free. During those 3 years, Levi and I still occasionally talked through text, phone or skype. Usually a catch-up type conversation. We always remained friends with a soft spot for one another.
Levi was still away at college, I was 22 by this point. In November of 2012 I met Chester (yes that's his real name, lol.) Sparks flew, he was perfect, we fell for each other very quickly. I thought I had found 'the one'. Then at that tell-tale point in the relationship (roughly 6 months in) Chester started sort of backing off, not trying as hard, etc. He had kind of put on a facade and acted the way he thought I wanted him to. Then once I was hooked and in love, he stopped being as sweet. Chester lives about 45 minutes away from me, and he drives to see me on the weekends. We're both in college, but we go to different colleges. Now I am 23 years old, in a relationship with Chester, and not super happy. We've been together 1 year and 2 months. Chester is hoping to get a job once he graduates in June, and wherever that job is, he is going to move and he hopes I'll move with him. The problem is that I'm an emotional, needy person and I would hate to move away from my family and friends and my hometown for someone that I'm not sure will be sweet enough, supportive enough, or compassionate enough to take care of my feelings, especially if I move with him and he's the only person I have.
SO!
Here comes the predicament..
Levi graduated college and moved back home. He and I caught up and we have yet to kick those residual feelings for one another. He told me that all these years, he couldn't date anyone else, and every time he heard I was with someone else it made his stomach churn. He was been in love with me since we were 16 and that hasn't changed. He said it hurts less and less over the years (5 and a half years since we broke up) but the pain never went away, and he went through some pretty deep depression because he felt he had made a huge mistake.
I on the other hand have dated other people which helped cover the feelings I had for Levi. I tried to get over him by connecting with other people. It worked for the most part, but I've been conflicted still and always left with a 'what if' feeling.
So comes the question of whether security is worth it... I am in love with Chester, though our relationship is missing his emotional support and affection. He makes me feel secure, I know if I lost the roof over my head he would be there, if I needed emergency money, he would be there to help. Hell, I'm driving his car or truck at any given point because he stored my car because it is unreliable and he wanted me to be able to get around reliably.
I feel like Chester could provide for me financially, if I stick with him I won't have to worry about money or being homeless. But often times I feel sort of lonely with him.
Then there's Levi, who is staying with his grandparents until he can find a job. He doesn't have a car and doesn't have an income. There's no security there. But I feel myself drawn to him romantically. I'm the type of woman who wants to marry, have a kid, adopt a kid, and be a house wife/mother. Security is huge for me, yet so is love. So I guess my question is... What would you do? This seems to be a timeless predicament, doesn't it?

Doesn't sound to me like you've met the right guy yet. Our feelings can lead us astray you know and make choices that are not in our best interest.
Usually somewhere in there, we are lying to ourselves....I've done it when I was your age...end result married 30 yrs to the wrong guy.
We lie even though our gut instinct tells us something is off, not quite right, but because we want love or have other wants and goals, we tend to lie to ourselves so we will settle for less.

Another mistake we tend to make is to think security is better than having love. I settled for having a roof over my head and bills paid because he could earn more than me and on my own I couldnt survive if I left him. You woke up and left an abusive man sooner than I did...but you are still concerned about security over love.

Does this mean I think you should be with Levi over Chester? No, because with neither guy do you seem to be romantically, emotionally and sexually matched. I understand there can be some feelings..for each..but neither one is an 8 9 or 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 for you as far as I can see from what you wrote.

You said, "...Levi was that he wasn't super cuddly or emotional with me"
and yet you feel drawn to him romantically? Remember that what you feel for him needs to match what he feels for you. Maybe he is perfect for you, although I am not sure from your words.
Don't make excuses for the amount of emotional nurturing or romantic cuddling and attention you need. There is no right or wrong amount of loving and affection if both partners are okay with the amount and not adjusting their wants and need to match the partner. For example, lets use sex to explain this: One woman has a high libido and wants the hugs and kisses and cuddles every day and she's okay with sex once a day or twice, in fact she wants it that often, her partner rarely touches her and considers himself a sexual tiger at wanting sex once or twice a week. The national average they say is couples have it only 2 to 3 times a month! The woman is going to feel lonely and unloved because her needs aren't met. The same goes for a man with a wife who decides he doesnt do anything for her sexually and so now he gets zero sex from her. This two people still love their partners regardless if they are getting what they need but the need is so great that at some point a situation will come along or they go looking and find themselves someone to have an affair with. This is too common. When I was dating before I met my 2nd husband, you wouldn't believe how many lonely married men wanted to have a relationship with me without the wife knowing of course. When I asked why they don't leave her to find their sexual equal and receive the sex they need, they said they couldnt because they love her. The same goes not just for sex but love as well. Some are not getting the kind of emotional love and support they need. And thats the most dangerous of all, because if a mismatched married person gets to finally experience someone who does give them the love and emotional support plus the sex is good, the one they are married to pales in comparision and this will be the most tempting situation in which to divorce and leave the first partner. There may not be anything wrong with their partner, he's just not with the right woman, a female who doesnt have as strong a need for emotional love and or sex. Find your match in that way and also the security and you'll be happier and likely to stay married.
You have particular dreams of being the mom at home with kids and adoptive kids. Not every guy can handle fathering a kid who is not his own blood. It takes a special person to want to be a foster parent or adoptive parent. Depending on how important that is to you even if its still many years down the road, you want a guy whose dreams and goals are much like yours. Don't assume you can talk him into it. You want someone 100% on board with that, not kinda half hearted about it. And thats something to know before you decide to marry.
The decision is all yours, I've just given you some things to think about. If you decide on Chester, remember that in todays world and economy, even Chester could lose his job and income and not be able to find a new job. Then you'd go from having security but no great love to having no security and no love. At least when you have someone who will love you no matter what happens, is security comes and goes, you will at least still have love.

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Hello! First of all I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to read my question and offer your advice.

Female/23

My boyfriend and I are having a bit of a rough patch right now. Everything was perfect up until 3 weeks ago (almost 4 weeks now). We are both busy with our jobs and college/graduate courses so we usually only hang out during the weekends because the week is just too hectic. We would talk every single day (or just about every day). The last time we hung out it could not of gone any better and just before I left to go home, he told me that I was the best thing to have walked in his life in 25 years. Well then out of nowhere things started going south. We have not talked as much and here we are 3 1/2 weeks later and we haven't hung out since. I try to ask him whats wrong and he says that he can not explain it to me because it will make him worry too much. He says he knows he's being selfish but not telling me makes him not think about it and then he doesn't worry as much. He said that in my eyes it might be nothing but it his eyes it is something and right now it's easier to keep it to himself. I'm really worried because he's being so distant and I'm not sure why. He also told me that I worry too much. I know I worry a lot, but it's mainly because he hasn't been the guy I know he is. He hasn't talked to me and we haven't seen each other in a while. It's killing me and I'm not sure what to do anymore. I told him that I feel like things aren't working out anymore and maybe we shouldn't be together and he answered that by saying "wow I'm pretty much at a loss for words" so I said "don't think for a second that I don't want to be with you, because I do. You're the only one I want to be with." and he said "I feel the same way but I don't think you realize how busy I am right now" I feel like he wants things to work out but he has a funny way of showing it. I don't want to do anything rash like that again because trying to have a serious conversation like this should be face to face and not over the phone or through texting, so that's what I have been trying to do. I'm just really worried and I don't know what I can or should do.

I'm really sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense, if I added every detail this would be really long. Thanks again for the advice.

This is indeed mysterious. I can understand being busy and only having the weekends. But he did say, 'You are the best thing to have walked into my life' and those are not the words of a guy who is insincere or has ulterior motives. I believe he meant it. The one thing I don't know is how long you have known each other and been boyfriend/girlfriend. It could be that it takes him longer than most to build up a level of trust in his partner where he feels 'safe' to be 'an open book', revealing all his thoughts, concerns, fears, etc.
You and I both have little info as to what his schedule is like and whether he believes he truly has no time for down time to relax. If this is the choice he is making, he could burn out quickly if he doesnt find balance. I don't know if he's taking time even to text or call you during the week. Perhaps he doesn't do it as much because hearing your voice makes him want to be with you more which he feels he can't even afford a little time on the weekend to do.
A good healthy relationship takes time to nurture and grow it, it takes spending time in each others lives. Understandably, in college he will have less time but it seems he's headed for choosing to have no time or contact with you, and forgetting how important balance is in ones life. There are many sayings about how "all work and no play" are a problem. We are not meant to carry that kind of stress load. Over time, it could cause serious problems with his health, physically but can affect emotionally too. The saying holds true whether it's all work or all school and studies. You might trying telling him that you understand there hasn't been enough time for him to feel total trust to share with you whats on his mind, what his concerns are, but that it is just as important to have some balance in life. Work or studies 24/7 without any time to recharge not only makes an individual ill but will severely affect any ability to have a good relationship. It is this type who goes on to marry a girl but decides to be married to his job so she never sees him. Those marriages do not do well. He is at a crucial time when he needs to learn balance now and put his own health and welfare higher on the list as well as relationships. Perhaps he is carrying too heavy a load and needs to drop a class to take later. You can try to mention that too. He is young enough to not have life experience of knowing the pitfalls that come with having no free time.

I can share a true story of my 2nd husbands daughter in a prestigeous college for digital art. These kids go on to work for places like Pixar and many other animated movie producers. The school really does push the kids hard because no one can be successful in this business if they cant put up with long hours to meet a production schedule. So she and other students have worked around the clock all night, wee hours of the morning, no time to eat, let alone sleep, maybe a short nap and right back to classes the next day. She has paid for it. She's been really ill, fainting/ passing out, walking pneumonia, and cracking emotionally, calling us at midnight or 2 am bawlling her head off can't she can't handle the stress but yet this is what she is determined to do for a living and be very successful at. Every time, her dad tells her she needs some down time or she could end up in a serious situation she does not recover from. He will also ask her if she's had any opportunity to have sex...because that is one of the best natural stress relievers for humans. He'd ask if there was anyone in school she liked. So once she followed the recommendation and started focusing on finding a sex partner, she felt much better. I am not saying to have sex but if the relationship is at the point, it is a good thing. However just the dating and cuddles and kissing and hand holding is good and will release some of those hormones that help a body de-stress, by filling you with those 'feel good' hormones.
A lot depends on his response and willingness to see you even if for a short while for his sake as well as yours.
Two people who love each other but are apart for a long time or periods of time, begin to lose some of that bond and the feelings too. Women with husbands in miliatary may be excited that he's back home but I've heard that often they feel like they are hanging out with a stranger and have to start all over again with getting to know and feel comfortable with, etc....

If he won't respond and continues to stay distant, you can choose to wait for him, but after a while, the feelings may fade. Once he's done with school, will things be better or will he pour all that extra time into work instead of into you. There's no way to know that, no way to even have a hint of anything if he is not talking and sharing whats going on in his head.
Some people are very private and don't talk much. I suppose there are guys like that who are married. I know of a lot who aren't because of that. If you are outgoing and like to talk and know whats going on in peoples heads, that is normal, thats the way my husband and i are. I never have to guess whats going on, the moment I ask, he shares all. This is not a sign that you worry too much when you need a certain level of communication to be happy. I've found that with a higher level of communication, it is way easier to build our level of trust in each other. These Are important things to have in a relationship. So you will need to decide for yourself whether to wait for him, but no guarantee with things changing, or have some good talks with him, and he see's the light and starts making some subtle changes now and he should end up happier and less stressed. If spending time with you is not helping his stress go down, my guess is his mind has not disengaged from his school and work to focus on being in the moment with you and it doesnt work for him, that or he's not with the right woman...one who will merely by her presense calm him. Doesn't mean anything is wrong with you,,it can be a thing of having chemistry that differs too much. I think you will know what to do. Listen to your gut feeling. Tell yourself not to worry, that you will take whatever path is best for you no matter how strong your feelings for him. I have found over time my feelings will change to fit the new path as long as I am not resisting it mentally. Let your angels guide you too. Say a prayer. Whatever answers come to you when you are not flooded with fearful feelings at the time, but peace instead, thats probably the way to go. Best of luck. Write me again if you need, any time.

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My hand writing has alway been good, but now I have thus bump on my ring finger of my right hand. I learned that this while time I've been holding the pencil wrong. Grippys don't really help. Its starting to hurt my finger a lot so what should I do?

There are a few different ways to grip a pencil that make for easier control of the pen or pencil, and less stress or no pain to the hand. There are do's and don't. Your grasp may not be wrong, just wrong for you.

the idea is to find a new pencil grasp or a pencil gripping aid that works better for you. There is such a thing as OT's (occupational therapists) dealing with pencil grasp styles and there are many styles. not one of them wrong. I will post the article by an OT with good photos of all the different grasps and what they are called. You might try studying whatever you can find on the web under a search for "therapy for pencil grasps" Have you asked your teachers or the school counselor where you can turn for help in having someone work with you to show you a better way to hold the pencil. There could be some weaknesses in the hand that contribute to your problem and hand strengthening excercises would be recommended by an occupational therapist. I can't really say if you need that. If you are an adult out of school and experiencing this problem, find out if your insurance will cover a visit with an OT to learn how to avoid pain in writing.

http://theanonymousot.com/2013/03/22/when-to-fix-a-pencil-grasp/

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Uhhhhh . I am always third wheel. I don't really have a big school either so I can't find someone else. So I don't know, I came to this area when I was about 8 but GUESS WHAT ALL FRIENDSHIPS STARTED EARLIER THAN THAT. I found a friend and she intro duced me and we've been friends ever since but I am always picked second, here's a poem I wrote about it.
Left out in the scorching sun.
Already rotten.
I scream for someone,
Just anyone.
Instead they choose to leave me forgotten.
I was talking to my friend about the trip( we are supposed to pick someone to be with for the hotel because we are going on a field trip to LA)and I was telling them I talked to the teacher in charge of it and she'll only do a group of three for people who don't have someone. Me," I guess she'll only put threes for kids who can't get a partner"friend " I think you are that kid"
It hits me like a slap and then memories flood back. My other friend gives that friend a shut the hell up look. We stare at each other for what seems like hours and my eyes become watery. All I could think was NO! I blink the tears away and the bell rings. We walk to class without saying another word. I had planned on being partners with another friend well my only other friend and she then texted me and said she had forgot she was with someone else. It's not the drama that bothers me it's me it's just I'm always 2. Always. If my mom had to pick between me and my sis, she'd not pick me. If my friends had to pick between us they'd not pick me. 2. 2. Always. Always............................ Second .

Hon, you didn't ask a question, just stated what you feel the situation is.

So I can't answer a question. But from the sound of it, no matter how much truth there is to the situation, versus how much of it is your perception of it, it sounds like one of those situations you need to look at in a positive light like a popular saying, "When Life gives you Lemons, make Lemonade!"
What's hard is to see that positive step you can take to feel better about yourself no matter what others think of you. Just 3 days ago, I watched a talk done by a girl only 24 yrs. old. She is living her dreams, even though she has a rare disease, one of 3 in the world that make her incapable of gaining weight. She was born with one eye missing, weighs only 65 pounds and looks like a walking skeleton. Her parents raised her as if she was normal, that she could do anything she wanted. Was she ever hurt, did she ever cry? Yes. Lots of times, but she made a mental decision to not accept what others thought of her and give up and accept how they defined her. She made one of the hardest decisions that any human ever has to do in life, not allow ourselves to go down for the count for too long, to rise above the ill treatment and decide how they want to be defined, who they really are and what they will achieve. Please dear, watch her story and let me know what you think of it and if it speaks to you. I hope it does.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sohGDfNQV7M

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I'm 28f married for 6 yrs with 2 kids. I'm so confused and hurt he's a truck driver gone for a month or more at a time. He hardly ever calls when he does he usually ends up putting me down or mad. When he's home he has friends over all the time or always on the phone never time for his family. He's started drinking when he used to not like to be around anyone who was drinking and he has his fronds over in the house with the kids drinking I'm not happy with this at all. The last time he was home he told me we were going grocery shopping and I got ready he went and took a shower put on his best clothes and cologne which is extremely unusual and had his friends leave and flat out refused to go together and wouldn't tell me where he went he didn't come home until 3 am and still didn't tell me anything. I think he was cheating maybe not physically but maybe emotionally or whatever. ( I think he was with his ex gf). He's always telling me I'm boring and tells me we don't do anything together but play video games and watch movies. That's hard to do anything when he comes home and spends all the money on crap or his friends are stuck up his butt all the time. If I try to talk to him about anything I usually get put down or ignored but if I did that to him he would go all to hell on me. He left his Facebook logged in one time and yes I read messages he was telling his friends that are female that he never really loved me he is just growing to love me, and how bad of a wife and mom I am. He told me this week that a ex gf was calling him asking him if he was unhappy married and he told me he said he was happy with me. I'm so confused I don't know what to do anymore I can't talk to him, I'm hoping something changes soon. Any advice?

Sounds to me like your place is just a non motel stop to stay at between scheduled drives. He doesn't sound like he's happy to be home to see you and the kids.
One thing that can change a person is drinking.But he isn't totally 100% drunk the whole time he is home, is he? When "All goes to hell" as you say when you confront him, I wonder if some of those times he is sober. There has to be a time in the past you can go back to, where he treated you wonderful, was loving and caring, spoke kindly to you, always building you up instead of verbally abusing you as you seem to be saying. If there was such a time, then it must be the alcohol, maybe even drugs, that brought on the changes that you see today. If he never did treat you good at all in all the 6 years but it just wasn't as bad then as it is now, then he is a verbally abusive man who in not in love with you and as long as you are married to him, without him going for help to a counselor, then you can expect his behavior to get worse. My ex was such a person and got worse over the years, putting me down, never saw himself as having a problem....and that dear is likely the problem with your husband. If he doesnt see that he has a problem or worse, is pointing at others, accusing them of being the problem, he is not ready to change. When finally at the time my kids were teen agers, one out of home, he finally went to see a counselor but only because some friends of ours talked to him, that they would have nothing more to do with us and that I was planning to leave him if things did not improve. He would have shouted me down but felt he had to listen to them. He admitted he was not and never had been in love with me. But he did go to a counselor and I went along. It was confirmed I wasn't the one with a problem, he was. The counselor told me in private that even if he dutifully came for counseling appts. weekly that it could take the rest of his life for him to make even a tiny little bit of progress and improvement in his behavior. Did I think there was still hope for my marriage and would I stick with it? Its easy to look at getting by the next 6 months, the next year if there is no improvement, maybe even I could handle the next 2,3 yrs in my mind, but being in my forties then, when I looked at living the next 10 or 20 yrs with him with no improvement, just more of the same I was getting from him, I felt instantly depressed and knew I could not face it.
So try to talk to your husband about marriage counseling. This is not proper treatment of you and certainly not the kids either. If he won't listen to you, try to find a mutual friend who's willing to talk to him, cus he may be more likely to listen to someone other than you. This friend might also bring up going to AA, alcholics anonymous. The only problem is that with his schedule of being on the road alot, he won't be able to go regularly to counseling and AA even if he is gung ho for it. And just that fact, may cause him to fail at getting any better due to the lack of consistancy in help. You can give it a try if he's willing. Otherwise, if not, you will need to decide if you are willing to sacrifice your emotional health as well as the emotional health of your kids by staying with him, as I did. Or would you be brave enough to leave him. I wasn't. I can't tell you what to do. But I can say that there is a life lesson to be learned in all this. I can't tell you what it is but eventually, your inner voice will confirm what you are supposed to do, the experience you must go through, anything that would help hone and shape you into something even more beautiful as a soul for going through it. But there's comes a point when a stone has been shaped and honed and polished and no longer needs to go through the abrasive rough handling. The trick is to know when that is and move on.

I am going to burst your bubble if you think that you can make him change for the better. No one can change anyone else. The desire to change is something that develops internally once the heart and mind of an individual gets to the right place. external influences can only perhaps touch their heart or mind...but he has to decide to put action and willpower to the feelings that he needs to improve.
What about family? Do you have family that can help be supportive of you if you and he need to split? I have given you some things to think about and can't tell you what to do in the end. That decision is yours to make. I wish you the best dear. I know what its like to be in your shoes.

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19 - Female

So I have been with this guy for nearly 8 months and I am 5 months pregnant with his child. We went away to his family house down the country and it was late at night and I went to bed. I was still away, but was just laying there. Anyways, he was taking forever to come to bed so I was like what the hell and then I received a Facebook message from this girl with a screenshot of what MY boyfriend was saying to her. He was being all sexual towards her and she mentioned that she knew me (she doesnt have a clue who i am) - and he apologised and said he was going to be good.

Obviously I rushed out of bed and was like 'what the F is this' and he denyed it for a while but then I just got real angry because it was right infront of my face, I have the screen shot infront of me on my phone. He said 'sorry doesnt mean a thing' which is true - but I forgave him. I don't trust him fully.

Was is wrong of me to forgive him? I don't know if I forgave him because I love him, or if hes the father of my child or why I forgave him.

I really want to work through it and I think it's important to do so. Just any advice overall would be great.

Even if he's a couple years older or 19 too, he's at an age when most guys have yet to learn how to be responsible, trust worthy adults and he may be prone to more slips ups and bad decisions, whether it meant anything or not, at least until he grows a bit older. Most humans have a fully developed body before a fully developed brain. The pre frontal cortex, responsible for one thing for making good decisions, is not going to be totally complete until your mid 20's so the chance that both he and you will make some poor decisions on the spur of the moment like his to contact another gal for sexting or whatever, is not surprising. There can be young people who do learn to make good decisions but it takes some personal willpower and want to do so and make the mature and right decisions.

Forgiving or being forgiven is something that will affect you in positive ways, but these actions don't necessarily affect the other person. He will need to learn to forgive himself, or learn how to really ask for forgiveness and mean it. You can't make him do it. Forgiveness is important so that you don't carry bitterness, hate, anger in your heart which will only affect your physical health over time. So forgiveness is something you aren't doing just for the other person but for yourself.

Trust on the other hand is different. It would seem to make sense that if one has forgiven the other, that there should automatically be trust there again. Wrong. Forgiveness or asking for it is something that comes from the heart, it isn't an action like just speaking the words. In your case...his first reaction was to not own up to his bad choices, denying it until presented with proof and even then wanted to brush it off as nothing important until you began angry at which point he says sorry.

Words are cheap, and speaking the word "Sorry" does not necessarily mean that he meant it from the heart. Without experiencing true regret for what he did, you can expect no change in his behavior other than attempts to hide future events like this better. If his apology is not genuine, you may have the ability to sense something is off here.

Trust is a fragile thing. It takes time to be built. You are not the one who needs to build a trust for him inside of you, he needs to rebuild it and earn it. So don't expect yourself to feel those feelings of trust just because you forgave him. It doesnt mean anything is wrong with you by not feeling it.
Trust is built over time so this means as the months and years go by, he is making daily deposits in your bank account of "Trust", and the interest rate is great, its pretty high. When he does something to break your trust or break the bank, that's liketaking out the entire amount of trust sitting in savings, bringing the savings down to zero. Now he has to start building up the amount of "trust' in savings all over again. However this time it will be much harder to get back up to the amount you originally had cus the interest rate is lower, so it will take longer. If he breaks the trust a second or more times, then there is no interest at all making it even
harder to accumulate "Trust", or no matter what he does to try to deposit trust by doing the right things, it' like the bank looking at him and saying, you can't deposit 'monopoly money' or fake money in here. And so at some point, trust isn't just a struggle to regain anymore, but totally impossible because of issues with himself that are not being resolved by him.

This all explains to you what Forgiveness and trust is and how it applies to your situation.

If you want to work through this, he needs to be willing to learn and take correction from someone who knows better, whether a life coach, relationship coach or counselor and of course you would attend too. But he must have the desire to go. If he would go, only to pacify you, without desire to change, its a smokescreen you'll eventually see through and realize you're going no where with him. No matter who donated the sperm, it takes a mature man willing to admit his mistakes and really apply himself to learning from good male role models how to be the best mate and father he can possibly be. Go for counseling. If things don't improve over time, leave him and find a male who can really be a man.

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Does long distance relationship can be conquered?

There are two types of LDR, long distance relationship. ONe is somebody you met on line but have never met in person. The other is someone you've known for a period of time in person but for some reason they had to move away whether for school or job or family reasons.

The one starting out a relationship in person and getting to know them well before you are separated by distance has the better chance than the other. This is the situation where as Zane said, it will take twice the amount of effort to make the relationship continue to work. And even then, if the time apart is stretched out too long, it can still fail.

The other LDR which seems to be the more common thing these days where two people meet on line and go for months if not 2 years or more of knowing each other on line, refusing to see any people in person to date for they believe that with all the time invested into the on line relationship, that they are in love. While a person can develop feelings for someone on line, when we are unable to meet face to face due to distance, our minds begin to imagine them to be a certain way, based on the little information we can gather on screen or on the phone. A person will present their best side on screen whether its someone met on screen, a dating site, a singles club or anywhere out and about in real life. It takes time spent in person to discover if there are personalities flaws, bad habits, what they are like at their worst and best, etc... and those are things that can not be experience and found out by spending years on line with someone long distance without meeting.
Even I when I used a dating site, when chatting on line and by phone with a guy I really enjoyed conversation with and met in person after 2 weeks, I found that he was nothing at all as I had imagined and I really didn't like anything about him at all once having met in person. This happened quite a few times. Over time, we can develop a lot of false assumptions about a person which once we meet in person, the whole deal falls apart. Or one or the other over time eventually begins to lose their interest because they are really missing having someone in person, they miss the companionship of going to the beach together, shopping together, washing dishes together, the touch and cuddling and level of intimacy you just can't achieve on line. So the near by live breathing human is going to look alot more appealing than the face you see on screen. Some people also develop distrust issues...imagining that their special someone is not staying faithful to them because there are people they come into contact every day that could easily draw them into a relationship.
If deciding to engage in an LDR, only chose those where there is a possibility of being together in person fairly soon.

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So I'm having trouble when I'm part of a group in joining the conversation. I just think I'm being rude by butting in with comments.
Also when I do make a comment, people always speak over one another to comment back and then they go off on a tangent again which I think is a little rude.
So how can I join in a conversation with people who are loud without being rude?

I have found that there are two different types of people in conversation. The ones who politely wait until another is finished talking and get upset when someone assumes they were done or just butts in and find it rude such as yourself, and then theres the family I grew up with who jumped right in, sharing a short phrase to add to what the other was saying while they were still talking, it's like layers of talk, like different voices harmonizing all at once while singing if done correctly. If someone is not trying to add to but is attempting to take over the conversation because they are an attention hog taking everyone on their own tangent...then it doesn't go well. Unless you grew up experiencing the multi conversational input like I did, you will not ever really do well with it. People like me, my family and friends who do conversational this way, find it normal, don't think its rude and actually welcome the tidbits others add in when telling the story. There are times and places where one should not interrupt the speaker, especially if its a public forum where someone is on stage sharing over a microphone to an audience, a lecture.

To answer how to join a conversation without being rude, find the right people to join it with and they likely won't consider your verbal offerings rude. If they are doing it, then most likely they won't mind if you do.
As to how to make comments to get into conversation. If you hear a statement you totally agree strongly with, make a quick short statement of your own, "I know what you mean, I totally agree". I have caught myself in hearing someones story, remembering one of my own that I think the others would appreciate to hear, so I barge in with a quick, "Oh, Oh, I have a similar story." then fall silent and listen to the rest of theirs. Theres a good likelihood of at least one person turning to you in a brief lull of conversation to ask you what your story is...and so the conversation continues.
Try watching such a conversation not to hear the stories but to see how others comment to add to what the speaker is saying. Are their comments related to the topic or not, are they interrupting cus they want all the attention instead. If so, you will know from many other situations that a particular person is "So into themselves" that they don't really care about what the others have to say, they just want all the attention focused on them all the time.
I hope this helps you a bit.

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Is it really your spirit leaving your body? I've heard stories of it happening while a person is wide awake and waling around

I can't say that a body would continue to function and walk around when the spirit has left the body but is still attached by a cord, a tether which keeps the soul attached to the body so it can return. However, while awake one moment, a spirit can leave the next for whatever reason.

Here's why I think it's possible.
My father was sitting at a table at McDonalds with his buddies when all of a sudden as he sat there, he saw the soul of my dead maternal grandmother talking to him as she stood near their table. He was having trouble making out what she was saying, it was too quiet. The next thing he knew, he came to on the floor. His friends say he all of a sudden passed out and landed on the floor. I believe the moment he saw my grandmother was because he was no longer in his body. And when the soul leaves the body, there is nothing to animate it so all functions collapse, and so his body fell to the floor. It only happened to him this one time.

I have also read that our spirits have a need to be free of our bodies on a regular basis and will do so mainly at night when we are safely laying down in bed. You may have heard of people who say they do astral projection, like their soul being somewhere else where they are conscious of all they are experiencing and remember it. I have never experienced that. But I do get something else. I can be fully asleep but I wake in a jolt of startled fear cus I just felt like I was falling out of bed. If you have ever felt this, this is a sign that your soul was outside the body and when it re-entered, it did so too fast, more like colliding with the body rather than smoothly slipping back inside. On those few occasions it hits hard like that, you will instantly wake with a sensation that you were falling. You won't have any recollection of having left the body. Apparently our spirits do this regularly, daily. Its just that we don't notice all the other times when the spirit smoothly re enters the body.

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19 - Female

So, I went to my friends house today and it STUNK of cat wee. She has two cats which are about 7months old (if that) and she hasn't wormed them or flead them in a while. So i stayed in the lounge area because the cats don't go in there and Im pregnant so I don't want to get toxemia from the cats. Anyways, she kept asking me to go into the other section of the house but I honestly just couldn't because it just STUNK OF CAT WEE! Surely she must notice this right? I understand you get 'used to a smell' but once you leave the house and go back, you would notice. The cats don't even go outside or anything.

I did explain to her that she needs to worm and flea her cats because otherwise they're just going to get problems. She hasn't even taken them to the vets but she won't listen to me.

Makes me so angry.

Soooo do I tell her that her house smells or is that rude.

I checked online and didn't find anything regarding the odor of cat urine being a problem for pregnant women. The smell of cat urine might not be pleasant, but it isn't dangerous for the mother, nor for the baby. Cat feces can carry a disease called toxoplasmosis, so that is what is considered dangerous to a pregnant woman so it simply means the pregnant woman shouldn't be cleaning or changing the litterbox. Now if you are talking about cat feces in many places throughout the house on carpeting, furniture, etc....then it is hazardous for you.

So you can't use toxicity as your concern with your friend, as you did not mention the feces being the problem.

I know what you are talking about regarding the smell. When I was first married, hubby did an adult paper route for extra money. I went with him to do collections of money monthly. One customer was a very old lady who had 2 couple dozen cats that I could see as she invited me in while she went to grab her purse. It was so overwhelming, it made me feel sick to the stomach. Certain smells or odors can give me an instant headache, even the smells of strong perfumes on people or the department store. And that also was a problem with the strong urine odor.

If you can can stand the smell to spend time at her house, then you need say nothing to her about the odor. After all she did not take actions on your other suggestions regarding her cats. Likely she would do nothing either if you mentioned that the house smells of cat urine.

If you can't stand the smell of the cat urine, then don't voluntarily go to her house. If she wants to see you, invite her to come to your place. If she wants to meet at her place or calls and extends an invite to come over, thats the time when you will have to say that you like her as a friend, but there's a smell in her house that you are sensitive too. And then if it ends up that you are asked to explain, you might explain how it affects you such as I mentioned in my case. Does it give you a headache after a while, or make you feel nauseous. Those are real reactions some people have to strong odors.

I know its hard to witness someone not being the best pet owner. But it's not anyones job to tell her things in order to attempt to get her to follow the norm for most humans. There could also be some personal issues, or psychological things going on, mental or emotional issues that are part of the reason why this is going on. So are you really angry because she hasn't taken your advice or is it merely disappointment. If you do truly have some strong feelings and find you can not get past the issue of how she keeps pets, then maybe it is time to move on and start spending time with other friends, or take a moment or two to look deeper at yourself and discover what your real issues with her are. Is it the cat urine or something else. We can't change others, only ourselves. If you know that truly you have no hidden issues yourself or hidden agenda's, then as I said, find another friend you have more in common with.

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So I am afraid to talk to a past friend cause of a misunderstanding of communication and who I am My past friend overreacted and was confused the the school, parents, and unwanted people were involved an punished me for doing the right thing Im extremely afraid the school getting involved causing more Bullshit again or her parents judging me before they even get to know me again do you think I should at least try to prove myself to them both and talk to her?

Adviceman49 is right, without knowing a little more it is hard for us to know what to tell you. This actually sounds quite complicated. I did note in the first sentence that its not just a misunderstanding of what was said but you stated "and who I am". If who you are, your personality, your tastes, your beliefs and what you stand for is also what is being misunderstood...welcome to the world. Many today find that others react usually in fear when coming up against something different than themselves, kids and adults alike. Thats why we see discrimination for the color of peoples skin, their religious beliefs or lack of beliefs, sex discrimination, sexual preferance, body type, etc....

If this was a case of just a misunderstanding due to the particular wordage used to state something or explain something, that is very common in young people who make too many assumptions simply because they still lack social skills. I do not believe that simple misunderstanding between friends becomes an issue with the school parents and others, perhaps even to the point of the media. With all the students in a school who misunderstand or miscommunicate and get upset with their buddies on a daily basis, teachers and other staff would be interfering with each social squabble and focusing all their energy all day long on trying to smooth ruffled feathers and have no time to teach. I highly doubt teachers and others would have gotten involved in what is not their business unless false accusations (on a topic of critical nature) were made about you by this friend who did so out of anger or fear, revenge or whatever reason. And if there were such accusations, this is one of the missing links in your story. I dont know how well this person knew you or for how long. I have found that superficial friends are the ones who dont know me well enough to be able to look past the words spoken and still know my actual intent. They are the ones to make terrible assumptions. Experienced that in church long ago. Terrible things were said about me by one person to the pastor and anyone else who would listen. This was an adult who didn't really know me as well as she thought, she was not a friend. Only with people who are really true friends do I never find reason to worry about misunderstandings. So for you, classmates or acquaintences that you speak with and see on some regular basis like I did with the woman in church, can't necessarily be considered a true friend. If you feel you can't share any more details, but this whole event has blown over and for the most part has been forgotten, then it may be best to not stir things up by trying to resume some kind of friendship/relationship. You do not have to say anything to defend or explain yourself after things have calmed down. If this person is special enough to you that you want to resume hanging with them, give her a call and share the latest funniest story or something other than the topic of the past fiasco. Dont refer to it, don't expect an apology because some people are not mature enough to do so but may be over their confusion and anger and want to be with you again but dont know how. I had to do the same with a younger sister, again we were adults at the time. I let a couple months go by to let her cool off, and she never called. One day I felt prompted by my inner voice to let her know the latest funny thing my toddler had done. I called and told her. She laughed and began talking. I never brought up the topic, she never asked for forgiveness. If you do attempt to talk again and this friend brings up the misunderstanding again, not to apologize because just rehash and relive it again, find an excuse to end the call, something boiling over on the stove...and never contact this person again.

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Okay, so, ive realized lately that Im developing much more awareness in my dreams. Not only mental, but physical. I have all five senses, I can feel temperature and pain and even the good feels. Im actually hearing things, the same way you do in real life. Usually in dreams when you hear something, you hear it in your head, you dont really feel it like you do when you hear it with your ears. Im feeling the sounds I hear through my ears in the "dreams". Theres also alot more natural sound. I hear people talking, you can hear the wind, theres even been music and machinery lately. These arent exactly lucid dreams, they feel different, but I can feel when the dream starts to fade and I become slightly conscious and have to try to stay only sub-conscious so that I can stay in the dream. Im revisiting places Ive dreamed about before as well. These dreans arent like lucid dreams though, Its like while Im sleeping, Im awake somewhere else, and its the coolest thing ever. And after i wake up briefly and roll over to go back to that same exact dream, I can do it, and remember what i was wanting to do or where I planned on going before I woke up. I dont even know where I am in these dreams, and Im conscious of that, but im still able to navigate around these towns. And in the one I had today (which is what ive mainly been reffering too), I was interacting with these other people like you would in real life, but they were like me. Its kind of hard to explain. Like, I dont think people-people could see us. Like we were invisible to them. And we were different, almost like fairies or something (i know that sounds riddiculous), we're small i think, and we were moving much faster. My dreams have developed so strangely, that I dont even know if theyre actually dreams anymore. They arent lucid dreams because i have a different sort of awareness in them than lucid dreams. Im wondering if maybe its almost like astral projection?? Please only leave responses if you arent going to tell me im nuts, only leave a response if you think you can help me out here. Id really like to know what im experiencing. Again, its not a lucid dream, the feel of it and my mental awareness arent the same as they would be in a lucid dream. Thanks (:

Wow, sounds fascinating. You're not nuts. Just because you and I dont know of someone else with that experience doesn't mean it isn't a possibility and might actually be an indication of something.

Some of todays rarest diseases were finally given a name when one doctor decided to specialize in studying all they could on it. Before hand, without a name for it, or anyone who could explain it, those people were shuffled around and told, "We can't help you, or It's all in your head.

I am not sure if its some form of astral projection or not. Maybe it could be a higher form of lucid dreaming that no one has coined a term for yet. Or perhaps if you believe in past lives, your subconscious mind, in your dreams is reliving memories of past lives, whether the mortal form was human or alien or something like a fairy which lived in a different dimension along side others which could explain not being visible to some in the dream, possibly smaller and moving faster. What I would do since you've got such ability to manuever in the dream is to make sure in the next dream or two, you find a mirror to view yourself in and see what you actually look like. You may be seeing the friends in the dream, those you associate with based on the only thing you know from real life, the human form, but if in the reflection you saw a fairy or some beautiful extra terrestrial, then you would have some helpful information. At this point, those who are like you, may be seen as their real selves too, whether fairies with wings, or something else.

It would be fascinating to search to see if there's someone who specializes in interpreting dreams like this, perhaps through hypnosis. Since the subconscious mind is involved during these dreams, hypnotism directly accesses your sub conscious during a session and they could ask you to remember a dream and lead you through it asking you questions and directing you as to what to see and do while you are visualizing while hypnotized.
I do know there are people who specialize in what they call "Past Life regression" and in hypnotherapy, they help take you back to view past lives that you know nothing about with your conscious mind. Where to look for such people who might be able to work with you? Start doing searchs on line and describing what you experience in an email to them asking if this is something they work with or not. You could always ask at metaphysical book stores if they have any references cus they have people with talents come to help people in short sessions, whether it's tarot reading, palm reading, or other.
Good luck

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So here is a very short over-view of it: Katy and her friends are a close knit-group including seven different people with different ages (all 18+) and gifts such as one person can get anything (legal or illegal) another always has money etc. They all met because of one girl, Claire. The books plot and problem is having to reconnect with all of their pasts leading up to how they became who they are today and having to face their problems. (It's more interesting than it sounds.)

So far I have nothing much but barely a first chapter and an overview. It's an R rated book that inludes a lot of drugs and violence, its inspired by the show: Skins. I'm hoping to make a series out of it, but I absolutely love the simple yet daring name skins. It doesn't reveal much about the tv series, but it gives off the right vibe when you are knowledgeable of the shows plot.

Each book will include their adventures of being in the popular battle of peer-pressure, societys rules and morals. I'm looking for a very simple and memorable name, something that you see in the book store and just pick it up due to the title, you know? Thanks in advanced

So if I understand correctly, it could be seen as their 'past' catching up with their 'present'. Maybe some word or two that signify that happening.
Too many people worry today about people finding out about their past and defining them today based on their past, which is not a good thing to do as people change and shouldnt be condemed for their past....so just the one word, "Defined" might apply. It's really hard to give you some clue. Sometimes a book doesn't get it title until the writer is almost done writing it. I was probably 6 to 8 chapters into a book I am writing before I settled on a name for it.
I have read books where the title makes no sense as to what the book is about and not until far into the story does one of the characters say something odd, different or profound where a short phrase of it was used as the title. I still think it odd but one series of books I am thinking of became a great hit, despite the titles. Good luck!

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Can a woman get pregnant if having anal without the man wearing a condom

The anus and the vagina are two separate cavaties. There is no internal connection where a sperm can traveol from inside the anus into the vagina.

Some people may believe a person can get pregnant that way because it happened to them. What they don't take into consideration is that even tho the guy comes in the anus, if any of that cum leaks from the anus right into the vagina lips and makes it successfully inside immediately after him coming, those sperm are still alive. If in foreplay, mutual masturbation, or any type of play where his pre cum sperm got deposited on the labia even tho he did not enter, or sperm was on his or her finger which then were inserted inside her, then she can be become pregnant those ways too. But because they never had penis-vag. sex, they assume it means you get pregnant through the anus.
It takes the sperm at least three days to travel to the females ready egg if deposited in the vagina and only one egg will be successful. Since they are so small and travel so slowly, the likelihood of sperm living long enough to travel from inside her anus to the outside of her and crawl along on wet skin from the anus to the vagina is very slim, there'd have to be a great gush of liquid that comes out the anus and depending on gravity and the way she's positioned, it can dribble straight to the vagina entrance in a split second.
this is why it's better for the female to be on some kind of birth control like the pill or IUD, and leave the condom for protection against STD's, because either the condom gets forgotten in the frenzy of the moment, is used improperly or sperm gets inside her vagina in some way other than through the penis being inside.

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When I inserted finger inside the vagina I saw blood on the finger.
This is not my period time. Why does this occur?

I am going to guess that you are in the young teens age range. During this time, even though your period may have been somewhat regular so far, during these years it is normal for it to be all over the place. It was like that my first 2 yrs.
Shorter or longer periods, anywhere from heavier flows to just spotting for a period, and shorter or longer times in between periods, which meant I could go 2,3 months and not have a period. Or i got one, a week or two after having finished one.
This is my guess why you find blood on your finger.
If you have been experimenting with sex toys the first time, perhaps using one tore the hymen a bit and might account for it. Otherwise, I would not be concerned unless you are experiecing any severe pain, or a great blood loss from a heavy flow that wont stop. For either situation, you would need to see a Dr. asap.

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17F

So let's just start out by saying I'm a lesbian. Well at least I think I am. When I first came out, I came out as bisexual only later to feel no strong connection towards guys at all. I am physically and emotionally attracted to females. I am also demisexual, meaning I can't pursue sex in a relationship until the romantic/connection aspect is there.

So here is my problem. I am attracted to guys as well. Physically, and depending on the guy, emotionally/mentally as well. The only reason why I wouldn't pursue a relationship with a guy is because I don't think I could have sex with one. I mean people have said when you're actually having sex it doesn't matter, but if I could only deal with male genitalia during sex, that would create a bad sexual connection.

The reason why I bring this up is because lately there is one guy who has caught my eye. A bit older, artist, cute and has a great personality. I've gotten the hint that he's into me and as much as I want to pursue it, I don't know if I can.

Do you think I'd be more comfortable with sexual aspects of a relationship with a guy if a romantic connection were to happen? Or do you think I'd be better off just dating girls?

So confused.

I am confused too dear. In the first paragraph you say "feel no strong connection towards guys at all" and in the 2nd paragraph, "I am attracted to guys as well." You clarify saying you are attracted to guys physically, and sometimes emotionally and mentally all of which in my opinion is needed for there to be a strong connection which at first you said you don't have for guys.

Considering you are just 17, you have many years, 10 maybe more before deciding who to settle on for a long term mate and whether they will be male or female. I see no problem with pursueing both sex's. I have known some bi-sexual women. I can't think of a single one who had many males as sex partners with whom there was a connection, only one, a long term boyfriend or more usually, a husband. They had anywhere from one to two steady female love partners besides the husband. But some had no girl in particular and would date several at once. So if you think it might be odd to have the kind of relationship you want and have it with one guy, yet be attracted mostly to women, it can work. Don't automatically rule out guys.
How do I know this all? I am not bi but attended a swing club with my ex years ago. Bi women went there with their husbands. They played with women there or at least met them there. With all those men available, not a single one wanted to have sex with any other male other than their husband. They as a rule did not like men at all, it was only some strange coincidence where they came to love and trust and enjoy just the one man but have great attraction to many females. Perhaps in time you will discover this is the case for you too. I wouldn't worry about it. Like I said, you have a long time to experience and figure things out. There's no rush. Enjoy whatever comes your way that catches your eye.
So this means, if you decide to talk to the guy and he asks to date you, you must be open and honest and tell him what you are feeling and what you aren't sure of and can't promise him anything, etc. When a girl may be lesbian or bi but is still in the stages of figuring it out, it's best to be honest and say so. If he can;t handle it, he's too immature for you anyway's. If they are insecure about their selves as males sexually, or have too big an ego, it wont sit right, wondering why you need females to satisfy your needs if you have them. As I can attest, there are plenty of men who have no problem having a bi sexual girlfriend of wife. And these men by the way, were only interested in their lady for sex, and never did anything with other women, so they were there just to support her. I know cus I kept many of these guys company just chatting for the evening while their girlfriends or wives were having some private time with other females.
So do I think you'd be more comfortable with having a relationship with a male if a romantic connection were to happen....yes I do. Do I think that at age 17 to early 20's you'll find a male who is sure enough of his own sexuality to not feel threatened to discovered that you may or may not be attracted to and wanting a relationship with a female in addition to the relationship with him. Like you, young men are also still trying to figure out what they like too. Some guys will say they find it sexy knowing you like girls too and say they have no problem with it and it may be true. But for some guys even with good intentions, in the living it out part, they find its not for them. Is there a way to know ahead of time and not get your heart broken? Probably not. It may happen the other way around once you have experienced enough of life to make your decisions what is best for you and you may be the one breaking some guys heart. But there is no other way to learn. And thats why I say to speak of all your unsureness and what you do feel up front so that going in, the guy knows already that there is a chance that he may not end up with you in the long run and is okay with it and willing to take the risk.

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what is the fastest way i can lose my virginity i am a male

To give you an answer, I must ask you a question first. I don't need you to answer me. Its just to give you another perspective.

At what point in our sexuality do we lose 'virginity'. Is it when we masturbate? When we have oral sex, or is it when we get to the penis in the vagina stage? Most will answer the last stage. Probably that is what you have in mind. If we really lose something called virginity at that exact point, and here's the big question....
at what point then do gay couples lose virginity, they either have 2 penis'es or 2 vagina's.
If penis-vag. sex is all that counts in our minds, does it make sense? If putting something into the vagina constitutes as a girl losing her virginity, then does she lose it when she uses a tampon the first time, or a dildo or vibrator? If a penis entering something is considered losing virginity, does he lose virginity if he enters an anus or anything vagina shaped that he can stick his dick in? See? Virginity is not a solid explainable word. It is not based in reality but on concepts created at a time when paternity tests were not yet known.

So in reality... we are not actually losing anything because once a person goes through puberty and the hormones are flowing, from those days onward, anything they experience sexually even masturbation is a part of ones sexual experience and sexual debut. You are not losing anything, but gaining experience along the way.
So the truthful answer is that you have already experienced your first step on your sexual discovery path, masturbation...so if you want, you may equate that with having lost your virginity.
If you are asking about any one part in particular, I think You'd have to spell out for me what it is you are thinking of so we can give you some of our thoughts on it. Because the sexual experiences have many stages, I can't assume which one you are at. If considering anything that requires a female partner, there is no fast way without complications.
I don't know your age so if under the legal age for consent in your state, even if you found a willing partner, if someone wanted to be nasty and exposed the fact you've had sex with a girl, there can be trouble for you. If older and the girl is too young, you can go to jail. If no protection is used, or only condoms are used, or if you figure to leave it to her to get her own protection and not discuss it first, then again, a whole sh*tload of possible scenerios could become your living nightmare.
You need to know your potential partner, know if she wants her sex partner to be someone who has deep feelings for her, loves her, or if she doesn't care and just wants sex for sex sake. Depending on where you're at, and since you want fast, may I assume you don't care if you have any feelings for her, you just want sex? If this is the case, it's not fair to pretend to love a girl to get sex for the first time. Find a partner who is okay with sex with no strings attached. But for this, you must have to have some conversations that have occurred with a female, in which this and birth control and any possible STI's STDs or herpes which the greater majority of people are now all carriers for...be discussed.
Even if there will be no penis-vag. sex but the plans are for lots of other play, blow jobs, fingering her, if any pre cum or cum gets near her vagina opening, or some may be on your or her fingers and that goes near or inside her, then the chances of pregnancy are greater if she's at that fertile time in her cycle at the same time.
So if you are not looking for a steady girlfriend, some one who could end up being your steady romance, love and sex partner, but just want to go for the one time big event of seeing what its all about, then I suggest you ask your male friends if they know of any girls who will have sex with no strings attached.

On the very slight chance that you are a much older male who has somehow gone years and years and still never had your first sexual encounter with a female, thats another story...to get past the stigma of your age and not having had penis-vag. sex yet, and past any possible fears, you may want to think of hiring a sex surrogate to help train and coach you.

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I'm a girl freshman in high school. My friend asked me if he could smoke me out and I said yeah. We're gonna go smoke but I've never smoked before. I don't even know if I need to bring my own piece or something. I don't know how to even smoke at all. I've seen it it seems with a pipe people put the weed in and light it and just inhale it. Seems easy enough. Any tips? Also any tips on how to hide it other than perfume & eye drops ? We're gonna smoke in a park btw. I don't want any hate comments, I could care less I'm just trying to get high man.

I understand that you have already decided to do this. And I also know that it puts us all here in a difficult spot to tell you anything or give any advice to help you in your determination to smoke enough pot to get high. Just recently, a high school kid asked for help because other kids who also smoke ratted on him to school officials and the school has a zero tolerance for students who smoke pot. In many states it's still illegal to use no matter what, in some states, only medical use. I am not against it for medical use. I have no problem either when it is used in moderation, just a little to help a person relax when stressed. But I don't think that qualifies as a medical condition to get treatment for, tho I could be wrong.

The biggest problem you face, no matter how grown up and mature you feel you may be, is that the pre-frontal cortex of your brain is not done developing and wont be until your mid 20's. This area of the brain is responsible for weighing outcomes, forming good judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another.

I was a teen once, though fairly mature, I know I had a hard time with some judgement calls and didn't stop to weigh the consequences if things were to go wrong. Perhaps you are mature, but I'd have to say that in this one instance regarding getting high on pot, you may not have remembered to weigh the consequences. I take pot to help with menopause symptoms. On occasion, I happen to smoke a bit more than needed, unintentionally cus the effects of it were delayed, I couldn't feel it, thought it might be too old and smoked extra. I know what its like to have too much, it's the same stuff that happens when I might have too much wine which I can count on my hand how many times in my life that has happened. I begin to lose motor control of my body, whether, drunk or high, a person in that state is not capable of driving or thinking straight or many other things. Too much of anything can be bad for you either in instant effects or effects that occur over time. Even sugar which in itself is not a poisonous substance, if eaten in excess over time, can cause diabetes.
Just ask yourself why you feel the need to get high. Usually getting high or drunk is something that happens when someone is wanting to be accepted by a peer...at any age, and we feel like we're more likely to be accepted if we do stuff like this. If you have a life that you hate that you're trying to block out of your mind and thats why you're willing to start using pot, the thing is, pot won't cut it after a while and you'll be on to street drugs to get the same mind numbing effect. It is better to go after the cause if this is the case for you and get counseling on other better choices for dealing with your situation, but that means not being too proud to not speak out and ask for help.
If you still want to smoke just to try it and be able to say you've done it, think again...what kinds of good decisions are you going to be able to make with two things against you, 1. Being stoned, 2. Having an incomplete brain ability to handle. This guy is a friend. What if you both had sex and are too stoned to think of condoms and you become pregnant or he's got access to a car and drives while stoned getting into an accident where you and both of you are injured terribly, scarred for life or dead. Those situations are very common ones that happen to teens all the time who are not drunk or high at the time, and are much more likely when you are.
Just think about it again before actually going through with it.

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ok so me and my husband have been trying to have another baby for the past 8-9 months now.. and I have a tilted uterus so therefore it makes it a little more harder for me to get pregnant.. its pretty frustrating and gets a little depressing.. anyways my question is that does anyone know what we could do/try to make conceiving a little more easier? and yes, we try different positions as well.. thank u in advance!!

In case no one on hear has a similar experience to share about, you might try an advice site that is strictly for health and reproductive related questions that actual Doctors answer on line. If it's something that can't be diagnosed on line they will tell you.
This has in recent years become very popular with the amount of people who no longer have health care insurance. The doctors on line who do this take it seriously and are there to help.

Here's one of many sites on line if you do a search for "Ask a Dr. online".

http://www.healthcaremagic.com/

Goodluck!

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