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Friend/Pet question
19 - Female
So, I went to my friends house today and it STUNK of cat wee. She has two cats which are about 7months old (if that) and she hasn't wormed them or flead them in a while. So i stayed in the lounge area because the cats don't go in there and Im pregnant so I don't want to get toxemia from the cats. Anyways, she kept asking me to go into the other section of the house but I honestly just couldn't because it just STUNK OF CAT WEE! Surely she must notice this right? I understand you get 'used to a smell' but once you leave the house and go back, you would notice. The cats don't even go outside or anything.
I did explain to her that she needs to worm and flea her cats because otherwise they're just going to get problems. She hasn't even taken them to the vets but she won't listen to me.
Makes me so angry.
Soooo do I tell her that her house smells or is that rude.
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Tell her that her house smells.
DON'T tell her what she has to do about it. Don't tell her that she has to get her cats wormed and flea treatments - you probably aren't a vet and you aren't the expert in what care her cats require - and if you act like you are she'll get really, legitimately, mad with you.
Instead, tell her the thing that you know is true, and that you have enough knowledge of the situation to fairly say: Her house smells. By all means keep encouraging her to take her cats to the vet, since the smell is so strong it could be contacted to health issues, but stop diagnosing her cats. That's not your place to do so, and it's not helping her to see the problem.
If she wont listen to you, or take her cats to the vet, then it's time to simply decline to visit her home. She might get mad, but if you want to keep her as a friend it might be the best thing to do. Let her know you'd still love to see her, but that it's going to have to happen in coffee shops or at other people's home, because you aren't comfortable with the smell in hers.
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I checked online and didn't find anything regarding the odor of cat urine being a problem for pregnant women. The smell of cat urine might not be pleasant, but it isn't dangerous for the mother, nor for the baby. Cat feces can carry a disease called toxoplasmosis, so that is what is considered dangerous to a pregnant woman so it simply means the pregnant woman shouldn't be cleaning or changing the litterbox. Now if you are talking about cat feces in many places throughout the house on carpeting, furniture, etc....then it is hazardous for you.
So you can't use toxicity as your concern with your friend, as you did not mention the feces being the problem.
I know what you are talking about regarding the smell. When I was first married, hubby did an adult paper route for extra money. I went with him to do collections of money monthly. One customer was a very old lady who had 2 couple dozen cats that I could see as she invited me in while she went to grab her purse. It was so overwhelming, it made me feel sick to the stomach. Certain smells or odors can give me an instant headache, even the smells of strong perfumes on people or the department store. And that also was a problem with the strong urine odor.
If you can can stand the smell to spend time at her house, then you need say nothing to her about the odor. After all she did not take actions on your other suggestions regarding her cats. Likely she would do nothing either if you mentioned that the house smells of cat urine.
If you can't stand the smell of the cat urine, then don't voluntarily go to her house. If she wants to see you, invite her to come to your place. If she wants to meet at her place or calls and extends an invite to come over, thats the time when you will have to say that you like her as a friend, but there's a smell in her house that you are sensitive too. And then if it ends up that you are asked to explain, you might explain how it affects you such as I mentioned in my case. Does it give you a headache after a while, or make you feel nauseous. Those are real reactions some people have to strong odors.
I know its hard to witness someone not being the best pet owner. But it's not anyones job to tell her things in order to attempt to get her to follow the norm for most humans. There could also be some personal issues, or psychological things going on, mental or emotional issues that are part of the reason why this is going on. So are you really angry because she hasn't taken your advice or is it merely disappointment. If you do truly have some strong feelings and find you can not get past the issue of how she keeps pets, then maybe it is time to move on and start spending time with other friends, or take a moment or two to look deeper at yourself and discover what your real issues with her are. Is it the cat urine or something else. We can't change others, only ourselves. If you know that truly you have no hidden issues yourself or hidden agenda's, then as I said, find another friend you have more in common with.
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