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how to politely join a conversation
So I'm having trouble when I'm part of a group in joining the conversation. I just think I'm being rude by butting in with comments.
Also when I do make a comment, people always speak over one another to comment back and then they go off on a tangent again which I think is a little rude.
So how can I join in a conversation with people who are loud without being rude?
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Love your reply from Dragonflymagic as an introduction to the art of conversation. It's rapidly becoming a 'dying art' I often think. It is absolutely a 'flow', with no predetermined idea as to where it will lead. Verbal 'jousting' and jostling when it's done properly. The interjections and butting-in are not rudeness. They are like the constant 're-fuelling' of a roaring log fire, they keep it alight and burning. The pleasure is so often that it does 'fly off at tangents'. I wonder if social networking/text messaging etc is responsible for the rather unimaginative process of an ordered sequence of 'my turn...SEND...your turn'? And, yep...the dinner party bore who goes 'swimming in lake ME' all night can tend to kill it dead! Still, there's always next time...and they often find themselves "accidentally uninvited...oh NO!"....By general agreement! Those curious little 'silences' I find intriguing too. As if the general spirit of repartee & riposte has a sort of 'life of it's own' and pauses for a moment...saying "Come on, someone throw a fresh log on the fire". As for joining the conversation, drop something in which is broadly in keeping with the topic of the moment, but endeavours to add something 'new'. If it hits a generally receptive spot...you've created your own tangent. A fresh path to wander down. If it misses...another opportunity shall surely come your way. You may have guessed...I enjoy conversation!
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I have found that there are two different types of people in conversation. The ones who politely wait until another is finished talking and get upset when someone assumes they were done or just butts in and find it rude such as yourself, and then theres the family I grew up with who jumped right in, sharing a short phrase to add to what the other was saying while they were still talking, it's like layers of talk, like different voices harmonizing all at once while singing if done correctly. If someone is not trying to add to but is attempting to take over the conversation because they are an attention hog taking everyone on their own tangent...then it doesn't go well. Unless you grew up experiencing the multi conversational input like I did, you will not ever really do well with it. People like me, my family and friends who do conversational this way, find it normal, don't think its rude and actually welcome the tidbits others add in when telling the story. There are times and places where one should not interrupt the speaker, especially if its a public forum where someone is on stage sharing over a microphone to an audience, a lecture.
To answer how to join a conversation without being rude, find the right people to join it with and they likely won't consider your verbal offerings rude. If they are doing it, then most likely they won't mind if you do.
As to how to make comments to get into conversation. If you hear a statement you totally agree strongly with, make a quick short statement of your own, "I know what you mean, I totally agree". I have caught myself in hearing someones story, remembering one of my own that I think the others would appreciate to hear, so I barge in with a quick, "Oh, Oh, I have a similar story." then fall silent and listen to the rest of theirs. Theres a good likelihood of at least one person turning to you in a brief lull of conversation to ask you what your story is...and so the conversation continues.
Try watching such a conversation not to hear the stories but to see how others comment to add to what the speaker is saying. Are their comments related to the topic or not, are they interrupting cus they want all the attention instead. If so, you will know from many other situations that a particular person is "So into themselves" that they don't really care about what the others have to say, they just want all the attention focused on them all the time.
I hope this helps you a bit.
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