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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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So me and my boyfriend have been doing some sexual things but NOT sex itself. I usually give him blow jobs then he acts like he is done and can't do anything else after I give him that. But lately after I give him one I kind of regret it also I give him one like 1 a week. Is that bad because idk about that stuff it's all kind of new to me and why would I start to regret it. Also one time he was sucking on my breast and I think he bit it and it starting to bleed and hurt but why would it bleed like that I got super scared are your breast sensitive or something?
Teens in general know very little about sex so it's not as enjoyable as it can be. All that kids are taught if even that, is how to prevent pregnancy and STDs but nothing at all about the mechanics or physiology of the male and female sexually and how to pleasure ones partner. It is definitely not supposed to be a one way street with the guy getting his orgasms and the girl getting nothing. Right now, his focus is just on himself without a care as to what your getting out of it.
Believe me, Sex is not supposed to be a 'chore' that you don't look forward to. It should be one of the best things you've ever experienced in your life and you enjoy it and look forward to it with your partner.
There's a simple saying, "If you're not enjoying it, you're doing it all wrong" and that applies in other areas of life besides sex, such as life goals and vocation. Life should be enjoyed.
You'd know if he bit you, so there's no guessing there. If its your nipples you are talking about that are bleeding, it could be a coincidence and they were dry and cracked to begin with. In my entire life, I've never had nipples bleed from a guy sucking. However, my nipples have gotten sore and chapped at times from nursing babies 3 times.
The only thing that might cause bleeding which will happen if a baby is too aggressive in nursing is if the guy sucked too hard for really long. So wash the sore nipples in warm water only, pat dry, don't rub. and then smooth a 100% Lanolin ointment into them which should help them to heal.
It is important to have good communication with a sex partner...at any age. If you are too embarassed to bring up the fact that he was excessively rough on your breasts since it is rare to hurt and bleed right after, then you shouldn't be having sex yet at your age. If you can't bring yourself to tell him that you feel all thats happening is that he gets to experience all the fun and you are not being pleasured, then you have no business having sex yet.
If he says that if you won't do sexual things, that he'll dump you, then let him go, he was just using you to get blow jobs and such and didn't care about you to begin with.
If he tries to tell you that having penis in vagina sex will make things better and feel better for you, don't believe him. The majority of women do not have orgasms with the penis inside. Its through stimulation of their clitoris or their g-spot, all of which the guy can do for her to give her pleasure.
If you haven't thought to get on birth control yet, you shouldn't be doing anything sexual yet.
Girls can get pregnant without penis-vagina sex due to semen getting near her vagina, or some of his cum on your hand or his and then that hand touching your private area.
I believe the best thing you can do is to self educate you on the topics of relationships, and a positive healthy and knowledeable outlook on sex and I have a you tube website for you to check out regarding that. It's sex positive instruction in short 3-4 min videos by a peer, young college age gal Lacy Green who is very very good and gives the actual facts and has worked with Planned Parenthood too. I highly recommend her. She's funny and entertaining but gets the facts across to you. I would recommmend watching as many of her videos as you can, theres a lot of them. Here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen/videos
Good luck dear.
I've known this guy for a long time I'm 18 he's 23, we've always been flirty and hang about in the same social circles but he always thought I had a boyfriend (which I didn't) so things never went further than a flirt. Recently he found out that I am infact single and we've been having casual sex and I'm really starting to like him. Our relationship is secret at the moment as we both don't want anyone spoiling it, gossiping or starting rumours so it's on the down low until anything more comes out of the relationship. He's always saying how he thinks I'm perfect and all his ex girlfriends have been crazy and i could be the one to change his bad luck. This isn't him just playing me this guy is genuinely nice, well mannered and pretty charming, he wants me to go out with his 2 best friends and their girlfriends. Would I be getting my hopes up to think that he possibly wants a relationship out of this?
If a guy had something to hide, he would not have you meet or hang out with his best friends cus they will reveal things about him he may not want you to be aware of. If he feels safe having his buds meet you, thats a good sign.
What you need to learn is to be able to have very clear communication with him. "How you interpret the phrase "wanting a relationship" and how he would interpret it could be very different.
YOu are in a relationship of sorts with him.You yourself said, "Our relationship is secret at the moment" For some guys, this level of commitment is enough, a casual female friend he's sexually attracted to, enjoys the company of but he is not ready yet for anything deeper. Are you willing to spend time together to see if anything more comes of it? How much time are you willing to give a deep friendship and love to bloom between you? How long did it take you to come fast friends and besties with your female friends? I can recall becoming close with female friends usually over a 6 month period of seeing each other very often. It shouldn't take much longer than that for him to come to the same realization, especially since the two of you are not high school kids and a bit older now.
I know you guys have that spark and sexual attraction, so now its waiting to see if you can be best of friends, and be intimate mentally and emotionally, not just sexually
I can't really answer your question and say 'yes he does want a relationship, or no he doesn't'. That's for you to discover. Here's my advice: when you have conversation, and talking about some issue very important to you, choose your words wisely, go into some detail and give examples of what you mean so there can be no question in his mind. If he ever says anything or gives answers that leave you wondering exactly what he meant by it, dont wait to write here and ask us what he meant, ask him at the moment he said it. Good communication is important to a healthy relationship. My daughter lost a boyfriend because she was afraid to communicate with him and ask him questions so she was always wondering and questioning in her mind what he meant and what he was really looking for from her. She was too embarassed to ask in case he might not be somewhat serious about her. Don't let embarassment hold you back from asking as my daughter did. If you take the time to ask or question him, he should take that as a compliment that you truly care enough about him to ask and learn exactly what he thinks and how he feels.
Me and my best friend have been very close and we used to have dance classes together but she quit and I don't have any classes togeather and we are kind of growing apart weather we want to or not how do I stay close with her
Change happens in life that we can't predict and often have no control over which will affect the closego for.ness of a friend.
A couple of examples of things that cause this are ones parents moving the family to another town or state so you can't be with your friend anymore, or friends going off to different colleges once out of high school. Or once an adult with family and finding out your friend is moving cus her husband found work far away. Life brings changes and we need to learn to adapt with it.
In your case, it sounds like your friend will still be in town, just not in classes together, so you'll need to find time on weekends to see each other or days off school. It might feel like you're growing apart but if you are good friends, you'll find ways to keep in touch, it just won't be as often as before and in the same circumstances. I have 3 daughters who all had their own close friends in school. All of them are now in their 20s. They do not see their friends as often as they did before.
Heres an example, My oldest had a friend I'll call Sara. When they began to date seriously after high school, each was more into thier boyfriend to have enough time for each other. Jobs or local colleges took away more of their time so they only saw each other occasionally. Sara became pregnant and married a navy guy who got moved across the country so for a few years, my daughter never saw her, just kept in touch with occasional calls and facebook. Then Sara came back as he was re stationed back where they started and by then my daughter had her first baby so Sara would bring her kid over even though two years older than daughters baby and they'd visit while watching over their kids. Then Sara moved away again with hubby but divorced and had a 2nd child with someone she didn't marry. She recently decided to move back since family is in the area and she was now a single mom with 2 kids. Sara has recently come back to the area and of course she and my daughter are finding time to hang out together again. But they definitely are not spending time together the way they used to when they were in school together, and yet their friendship has survived all these changes and unexpected situations.
I believe your friendship can too.
There is a guy I like and he doesn't notice me most of the time and I want him to notice me and think I'm atractive but how do I do that and I have standerd dress
Hon, it all comes down to personal taste when it comes to attraction to the opposite sex.
Do you take notice of every guy out there in your daily life? How do you know that one of those guys isnt also secretly hoping you are going to notice him too?
And the guy who wants you to notice him may not look attractive to you at all.
So what can this unattractive man do to make himself more noticed and attractive to you?
There is nothing he can do that would make you take notice. There is a saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." It is the one looking who decides if someone is beautiful to them.
This means a man can be in a room full of beautiful women, not one any less pretty than the other and yet he finds himself drawn to just one particular kind of look in a woman. The same would happen to you if in a room full of male models, all pretty enough to be on TV and considered handsome by Hollywood. Yes, you'd be looking at all of them because they all are handsome but the guys you find yourself actually attracted to and taking personal notice of will have a certain look that catches your eye more than others.
Never change who you are to catch a guy because if you trick him into being interested by changing your look and acting in ways that are not your natural self that relationship will end in disaster. You can not pretend to be someone you are not every day for the rest of your life and you will soon go back to being yourself because you think you've caught your guy. As soon as he sees the real you which is a type of woman he is not attracted to, he will either want a divorce or he would be cheating on you to be with the type of women he's more attracted to.
What you need to be looking for is a guy who has no problem noticing you without you having to do anything special and he tells you that you are beautiful even on days your hair is messed up and your wearing dirty stained clothes, and he'll be the best guy you could ever meet
Help I'm in competitive dance and sadly there is no bathroom or dressing room where us dancers can change I'm really not ok changing in front of other people and worst of all all of my dancer friends are flat and I'm not I'm so embarrassed how do I change infront of other people with confidence or discreetly! I need this answer ASAP! :(
Sorry but there's no instant way to gain the kind of confidence to change clothes or be seen nude or semi nude in front of other people. The embarrassing feelings and fears beforehand are way worse than how you feel afterwards.
Just change as quickly as you can without looking around to see if anyone is looking at you. If you make a big deal of seeming to want to hide your chest or any part of your body from view, the actions of your trying to hide or acting embarrassed is what is going to attract their attention and looks rather than what your body looks like.
Heres a short story of mine and how this advice worked for me. Hubby and I went over to the home of new friends of ours for the first time, invited for dinner. Some time after dinner they said, Hey lets all get in the hot tub to relax and continue our conversation. We stated we didn't know they had a hot tub and so were unprepared, not bringing swimsuits. What we didn't know yet is that they were nudists. They said, Oh, thats okay, we never wear suits in our own tub, you don't have to, we're okay with that, being nudists. I was shy and embarassed having only been nude for the husband, never in front of other people let alone another male. If I said I didn't want to it would look like I was embarassed about my body. So we agreed to get in their hot tub. They showed us where their towels were. I grabbed one, quickly stripped as if I strip in front of people every day, and got into the tub. As time went on, I found that it felt freeing, as I was no longer embarrassed and by time it was time to exit the tub, it was easier to see nude, I still didn't look to see if they were looking.
I think since you have no time to get over your self confidence and no options at the location, this would be your best thing to do.
There was guy I knew when I was younger we went to school together. He was my first crush but I never told him. We went off to different high schools and I never saw him again. Over years I use to think about him. I would wonder where hes at or what hes been up to. Then one day he sent me a friend request on facebook. I was so excited. Im messaged him and we talked a little bit. I wanted to know what to do this time to not lose contact with him without coming on too strong or being annoying. Any ideas?
The fact that he did a search for you on facebook shows that at the very least, he has a curiosity as to how you are doing and a person searching doesnt do that if a person were never a good friend or a close friend in the past. I know that I have only done searches for people I haven't seen in years that I would enjoy keeping in touch with.
Facebook is a wonderful way to stay in touch with people. But you can always get his email or phone # also, and just tell him that you want to be sure you both don't lose contact with each other this long ever again.
I don't know if you're still in high school or out of high school, but if your an adult now and still single and wanting to be in a relationship with the hopes of finding that someone to be with long term or life long, then you know you'll kick yourself if you don't give dating him a try this time. Good partnerships are the ones where two people are not only best friends but find passion together too. I don't know how great and close a friendship you had back then or if you were only acquaintences but not really friends back then and you'd be starting one brand new here.
So, what you say would kinda depend on what kind of interaction you had with him in the past. If you hung out lots as friends (its just that you never said anything about developing feelings), you could tell him you really enjoyed your great friendship in the past and you've really missed not being able to keep in touch and hang out with him. Ask him if he'd like to get together for old times sake. Be sure that he is single and available, otherwise just keep in touch via facebook and if his status changes, invite him then. I would wait to confess how I felt back then because it may be irrelevant if you find that in hanging out with him now that those feelings are gone. I experienced that twice in my life, someone I was crazy about I found my feelings changed years later when we meet again.
If in hanging out as friends you find you still have these feelings now as an adult,
I would say,
" Hey I know we've only been hanging out a short while but I find that the feelings I felt for you back then, Have come back since hanging out with you now and I feel like I am falling for you all over again. I figured I should say something now just in case you feel the same way."
The key here is stating your words as being in the process of becoming interested again or having feelings, not the more blunt "I have strong feelings" or "I have a crush on you," or "I am in love with you". That is more final...a state of being there, leaving no wiggle room for the other in case they haven't quite come to the point of having the same feelings as fast as you and need more time. If they know they won't ever feel that way, it is easier for them to be honest and tell you so now "before you get to the point of being in love".
Don't not do anything but just chat on Facebook, relationships on there are very one dimensional and therefore become more fantasy in your mind than the reality of where you can be in relationship with him. It's best that you get together with him in real life, sooner than later. Start off with an innocent invite to meet up at a coffee shop or go to lunch. If that goes well and you both really enjoy your time together, then invite him to come to your place and you can spend hours telling each other what you' guys experienced in the years apart. Share stories of your highschool life, drag out the yearbook, show photos and tell stories.
I'm scared to take my 7 day break from my pill incase my period dosnt come, if I had sex last night and stop it today is there a high chance of getting pregnant?
You really should call and ask your OB's office or ask the head pharmacist at the drugstore where you pick it up about how your particular brand works. I can only share the facts that can be found on the web which don't make sense to me and would seem to be contradictive. Heres what I've read.
Supposedly, since the hormones in the pill tell your body it is already pregnant so it won't ovulate, it also wouldn't need to build up the endometrium, the lining of the uterus for an ovulated egg to attach itself. The shedding of this lining is called a period which they say doesnt happen if on the pill.Some articles call this bleeding during the 7 day break, a withdrawal bleeding or breakthrough bleeding as there is no lining to shed. In fact there are now pills for women who do not want this withdrawal bleeding and take a pill that is active the entire time or with only a 4 day rest. It is said that the hormone has built up enough if taken consistantly without missing any days during the 3 active weeks, so that a woman is still protected from getting pregnant during her 7 days of break. However instructions on line from pill manufacturors and drs. will say that missing one day can increase chances of becoming pregnant. The premise of how the pill works to prevent ovulation is confusing so I think its best to ask a professional. Drs. will say if you miss a day during your 3 week of active pill that you increase chances of pregnancy and should use extra protection like condom. If one day of missing the hormone coming into your system is enough to trigger your body into maybe releasing an egg, but not taking any during the break will not increase chance of pregnancy, something in the explanation doesn't jive ...
which is why I used the copper IUD, it uses copper instead of hormones to prevent pregnancy. I never had to remember to take anything cus once inserted into uterus, its good for 10 years, 10 years of no fuss, no bother, sex anytime I wanted without having to worry about possible pregnancy.
Until you have a chance to talk to Dr or pharmacist, use a condom until you know if you will be safe. And you might consider checking if you're a good candidate for using the Paragard (copper) IUD. You wouldnt have to worry if forgetting a day of pills.
apparently it can happen and that is why so many women are paranoid while on their break.
but not taking any during the break will not increase chance of pregnancy, something in the explanation doesn't jive
person you actually met in real life rather than like a celebrity
Lets see, when I and my best friend were 5th 6th and 7th grade, we would spy on any of my parents friends they had over on the weekends, the male half of the couple. Boys our age were not handsome in a mature way and grown men would catch our attention long before the boys our age. It doesnt mean we dreamed of a relationship with an older guy, we just enjoyed ogling them.
Even as I grew into an older teen, I would find that I had definite tastes in looks. om the inside too, even when she was in her room, the sisters couldn't just barge in. It was a way they had to learn to announce themselves and their reMy dad was bald, with the ring of hair. I found I liked guys either totally head shaved, (No ring of remaining hair) or with longer shoulder length hair. It wasnt so much about a guys character or personality at those ages, just the looks. As a teen in church, I liked to ogle one of the gray/white haired men because I found that from all the other men his age, he was the only one who stood out as having some charm, handsome and sexy still for his age. I decided I wanted a man who cared about his looks as he got older and took good care of himself.
My younger sister is asked in my room doing something like jumping on the bed, trying on my jewelry, playing with my toys and electronics, taking things, playing with my trophies like they're dolls, out begging me to let her watch me get dressed. And everytime I invite friends over, she wants to tag along and tells my mom later,“I wanna have a play date with (friend's name) without (my name)" and acts like they're HER friends, not MINE. And when I go to my friends house without her, she throws a fit! You can hear her from across the street. And when I was watching a TV show, she ask of a sudden became a Jessie phsyco crazy mega long time fan. She always follows me, and when I went to a dance last night, she screamed and yelled and tried to steal my dress just because she can't go. And when I walk downstairs, she yells,“I WAS THERE FIRST" then cuts in front of me, and once she gets to the bottom of the stairs, she says,“I win I win I win I win" over and over again. When I'm sleeping during the day she kisses me until I wake up, and when I get dressed for a special occasion she starts walking like an elderly man who needs a cane and says that's how I'm supposed to walk, and then starts singing like a cat dying 9 times over, so loud that the people living downstairs start yelling. Any is my sister so annoying? I can never do anything without her wanting to tag along, and she never respects my privacy or items.
When people are children, pre teen and teen age years, we grow and mature at a faster rate than can be seen once we're adults....so even 2,3 yrs difference in age from one's siblings is a great age gap. Siblings may not have even begun to master something that you are good at, like making friends for example. I was the oldest and had a sis 2 yrs younger who liked to tag along, partly as dottie4 has already said, cus the sibling looked up to and loved the older sibling. But in my case, it was also because she didn't have any friends her own age. If this is the case with your sis, it might be worth your time to work with her and help her to discover how to talk to and make friends with those she goes to school with. Think of your friends and do any of them have siblings your sisters age? Collaborate with your friends to get the younger siblings introduced to each other. My oldest had a girlfriend I'll call Alice, who came to our house alot. Alice knew there was a sister 3 yrs younger than my oldest. So one day she showed up with her younger sister who was painfully shy and quiet, so bad that when I asked her name, she wouldn't speak to me. My guess is she didn't have any friends because of that. She and my middle daughter formed a bond in the end much closer than the two older ones.
You might have a good talk with mom and let her know you plan to schedule times just alone with your sibling, but other than that, you wish for sis to not tag along and throw fits and try to compete with you or enter your room without permission. Ask for Mom's help on this. Cus if sis does not comply and times outs don't work, it might take having to purchase a doorknob with a lock and keys. I had to do that for my oldest. I couldn't always be around to monitor whether the 2 sisters sneaked into her room. It is good to teach the siblings respect but at the same time while they are in the phase of being taught and still not getting it, a locking door is great. We had one key and the oldest had her key and since it locked from the inside too, even when she was in her room, the sisters couldn't just barge in. It was a way they had to learn to announce themselves and their reason for wanting to come in.
Work some plan out with mom so that she entertains your sis and keeps her busy when you require time away with friends, and you will take sis away and keep her occupied at times so that mom has time to herself without having to look after her.
Good luck dear. Eventually this stage will pass once she's older and has come to the same maturity level and you will actually enjoy and look forward to time together and yet have your own friends.
Whenever I experience negative emotions, they surface in the form of anger and I feel like the only way to be able to release these feelings is to scream and punch things. Other people release their negative feelings by simply crying. I can't cry until I scream and shout first, and even then it often doesn't come out. Crying feels good to me because it's the negative feelings without the edge. So it's not as bad as feeling rage. Thankfully I don't take my anger out on people most of the time but then the tension just stores in my body making me seem like an overall cold-hearted unemotional person. How do I release my emotions in a gentle way without anger and frustration?
It might be good to have some examples of what is causing you to experience these negative emotions because there may be some things you can try to stop letting your situation go to the point of having negative emotions.
I commend you for wanting to do something about it and know the best most effect ways to handle it, but until I know more, I am clueless as to what to suggest.
I have heard all the things like punching a pillow or working it out in a gym, etc...
Lets put it this way. Negative emotions are like "the germs" in your body that got in through a cut or something. If a person knows they got scraped or cut but does not do anything to treat the situation and germs are left alone, they can multiply, grow stronger, infect and erupt on the surface like anger does, only with your cut, you may see pus. Now imagine tossing a bandaid on the pus infected cut and not going after what caused the infection in the first place. The bandaid is not going to being very effective is it?
All these "proper" ways to release anger and tension may work to some extent. But its like waiting for your cut to become infected before taking action, rather than trying to find ways with dealing with your thinking beforehand so it never gets to that point. I hope I made this clear.
So if you want, let me know what exactly, or several different scenerios of what in each case brought you to the point of negative emotions.
My dad keeps blaming me for things around the house that he is actually doing. He yells at me for these things and I can't tell him that he's actually at fault because he'll just deny it.
Sometimes I think that he does it on purpose. For example, a couple days ago, my mom griped at him for leaving the pantry door open which let dogs get into the trash. My dad denied doing it and told he to talk to me. However, when I went to bed the previous night, the pantry door was closed. When I got up that morning, it was open and trash was everywhere. It HAD to be him and he blamed me for it.
Sometimes I think he does it on accident. Like tonight, he jumped down my throat for getting food all over his new recliner, but I can't remember ever spilling food on his recliner and he's a real pig and eats in it every night.
This may not sound like a big deal, but my dad can lose his temper and get crazy over anything. He can be down right scary and I can't wait until I can move out. Also, I resent when he tells my mom that I dis something that he knows he did.
You can't tell him that he's the one doing wrong because he won't believe you. He acts like he's perfect and everyone else is at fault for everything that goes wrong. What should I do?
I am sorry to hear that your dad is having such issues. He doesn't sound like he'd be open to going for counseling but something is seriously wrong with him. He is not normal.
People with trigger tempers and anger problems have something going on in them emotionally that is causing it. Could be something from childhood, trauma that they have never sought or gotten healing for. Second, a normal adult would not 'always' be blaming some one else. They might make a wrong assumption on a couple occasions and once proven wrong, would apologize for it. But a person who is always finding fault with or blaming others, that person is not happy with themselves, probably miserable and likely scared that someone will discover their emotional and mental issues so in order to keep people off track, as a pre-emptive defensive motion, in hopes people will be too busy defending themselves or looking at the one accused, to see that he is the one with the actual problems.
What about the marriage, How is he treating mom? Does she seem to be happy? She probably has no one to talk to about it. I don't know how old you are, but perhaps you can talk to mom in confidence. Tell her you'd like to share some things your feeling, sensing without her sharing it with Dad because it is about Dad. If she can promise you that she won't say anything, you could go on to tell her of your concern for Dad. That something about his behavior doesn't add up and the problem he has with anger. It would be good to know if she sees this too and doesnt know what to do. Find out if she knows that you are not responsible for each thing Dad accuses you of. She may be acting in a certain way as to not rock the boat and make things worse with DAD.
I met this guy at work years ago, we would speak and have quick conversations here and there. When we first met years ago, we both felt something but never acknowledged it because we were married...we brushed it off. A year ago now, out of the blue we acknowledged that there was something there and have acted on our feelings. We are consistently in touch with each other, we see each other briefly almost everyday and also text.
We've admitted once that we love each other but have also acknowledged that we wish things could be different and that we could be together. Neither one of us wants to breakup our families but we can't seem to walk away from each other. I have tried several times and just can't seem to completely cut communication from him...now I feel like it will be an extreme void. I always say I wish that what was between us was just sex, but it's not. Sex is not even the focus of what's between us...it's really some strange need to be around each other and just to communicate with each other. I am trying hard now to not initiate communication with him as a way to start backing off but it's so hard because, yeah I do love him...I think about him all day....what can I possibly do to end this and not be completely devastated...but I know I probably will be.
Oh btw...my husband and I are really going through it, found out that he was cheating on me...yes I know karma right?! I found out and was hurt, but yes I'm still dealing with my friend and I even to,d him about it.
If both of you had healthy marriages, I would say that it is possible that both of you are naturally geared to be polyamourous rather than monogamous.
But at the end, you reveal a husband who is cheating on you. Regardless that you love someone else, your first priority is to see if there is anything that can be done with your marriage. Dont make assumptions. Talk it out. Let hubby know you want to truly know what he is feeling, thinking and that he can share anything with you...that is if you are ready to hear the truth and think you can do so without taking things personally. I can't say what happened to lead up to your current situation in the marriage, if it was a lack of time devoted to kindling the romance or time for each other or what. Or it could be that the two of you were never the best romantic sexual match in the first place and after years of frustration, he finally caved in to his desires. You need to find out if he wants to save the marriage or truly wants out. The best way is to go to a marriage counselor. If he is not willing or really wants out, then you know where your attention needs to be focused. I can't say how it will turn out, he may love you and not want to leave you but in talking may come to the conclusion that the two of you just don't have that spark and if there are children, there may be that reason to stay together as a family unit if the two of you don't fight and can be loving and show a unified front. What happens in your sex life, in the bedroom is not the kids problem, or need to know. If the two of you agree that neither of you want to be sex partners any more but remain married, then it might be good to discuss allowing each other to seek to get their sexual needs met outside the marriage. I have run across many people like this. When instead of doing so behind someones back, both have agreed and given permission....the same action no longer can be considered cheating, it is now a new agreement between the two of you.
I don't know if this is where you two are at...but it is a possibility. I know of several people personally for whom this has worked.
If you give each other permission to seek others for sex or for the loving intimate connection, then I am not saying just because you are free to do so that you can interfere with the guy from work. He is still married. If he ever divorces and becomes single, then you two should feel free to explore. If he and his wife have a happy marriage, and she is not polyamorous in nature, then he has no business continueing on with you and just torturing himself and you over something that can't be. If they ever get to the point of discussing and she is willing to have an 'open marriage' with him, I know of several couples for whom this has worked successfully for years, and then he would be free to pursue a relationship with you as well as maintain a loving relationship with his wife. But both you and he are a long long way off from even coming close to such a possibility. Deal with things at home for know and you can worry about your need for love and how you will get it later.
Im starting to like A LOT of guys. And there's so many of them that I don't know what it really is. Do I like them as a relationship or just as a close brotherly/friend sort of way. I've never really had a guys in my life because I'm always surrounded by my gender. I do long for a guy best friend or a shoulder to lean on a different gender. I just really don't know what to think anymore that I sit in class and zone out to what it would feel like if they were by my side helping me through whatever problems I have.
You didn't mention age but this is something that happens when one goes through puberty. All of sudden a girl is very aware of and attracted to the opposite sex, to learning all about them, interacting with them and yes experimenting with flirting with them. If you are a bit older and just trying to say that you are finding yourself attracted to several guys at the same time, that is okay and normal too.
For each situation, my answer is that there is nothing wrong with liking, being attracted to, hanging out with and getting to know several guys at once. Until you have experienced the differences in each guy, how are you to know who you truly have the most in common with, the most chemistry with, a connection with in conversation and in how you think, etc. The reason people are forever dating and breaking up in short amount of time is because they made a commitment to someone they knew nothing about and found out in the hanging out together of the dating process that they really don't like or have any strong feelings for the other person. You can do the same thing without making the commitment to be someones girlfriend dating/romance wise. Believe me, as long as you are not making a promise to be someones girl, then guys have no problem sharing you as a friend, and knowing that their friends or other guys will be spending time alone hanging out with you, not just in a group. This puts the guy in the position of having to be the best they can be to win you over to be their girlfriend. A girl in this position is the one in control and will get to choose the best guy for her. The girl who thinks she has to wait for a guy to ask her to date him, is going to be forever worried about not being able to attract a guy to ask her out and so act out of desperation the moment a guy asks, whether he is a nice guy or not, she agrees to date him.
So the thing to do is learn how to approach guys and become friends with them first. Talk to them as you would your female friends. If you feel really lost as to what to do, watch for the guys who are looking at you alot and finding reasons to be near you, they already have an interest. Say hi and chat a bit about school, and classes in common. Then let him know you are just starting to talk to guys and don't even know what to talk about with them, and ask if maybe he or he and his friends would be willing to help teach you how to talk to and understand guys. A guy likes being able to help or rescue the girl and you should be able to find some guys who want to talk to you and over time, they'll become closer friends. And if they all treat you well, you will next be looking for the one that makes you feel like wanting to kiss him.
Hope this helps you a bit.
This girl who really hated me in elementary now wants to organize a class reunion,since we had graduated 5 years ago. Most of the class has been awful to me except for my best friend but he said to ditch them. So I did,I left the Facebook conversation she started on the topic,but why would they invite a person they loathed? Trust me,they are not the type of people to have a change of heart. They did everything they could to make my life miserable and now they want to see me? It made me sick. Why are they showing interest in me all of a sudden? They made it clear in those 8 years that they hate me.
Actually, many young people can have a change of heart because there is a lot of personal growth and maturity that occurs during the middle school, high school and college years.
Do you want to be defined today by what you did in your past, especially if you have changed for the better? Nope, I know you don't. Neither should you be making assumptions and defining all these kids. How they treated you in the past is not an absolute guarantee of how they will treat you today.
I personally think it would be a good healing experience for you, so you don't continue on your life holding grudges against people. The important part is that a good majority have changed. There will be the odd one or two who may have something wrong with them mentally or they're really slow cus they have not matured at all. there's adults in their 30s and onward, who have never ever matured and become real adults. Their are adults in body and age but not mentally and likely never will be. And thats okay. You dont have to associate with those kinds.
If you aren't convinced yet to give it a try...let me share something about the maturity or lack of the maturity of a persons brain, before it is done growing in our mid 20's.
The prefrontal cortex, is a section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. The prefrontal cortex section of the brain in teens is still a little immature as compared to adults; and it doesn't fully develop until your mid-20s.
So if its a little immature in teens, then its fully immature at even younger ages. I am not the same person I was when i was in school, not that I was a mean kid or anything, but I have grown personally and matured in so many ways and will likely continue to do so until I die. Our entire life should be learning experiences and opportunities for growth but one of the biggest most noticeable maturing situations is in our 20's.
So get on facebook and look up those who contacted you and apologize for leaving the conversation the other day. Tell them you'd be interested in helping organize a reunion...but only if you truly are. If you're only interested in attending, tell them to be sure to give you the particulars of where and when.
Good luck dear.
My mom won't let me have a bikini how do I get one without her knowing and I can't drive! Please help and I'm 15
It's winter and cold for most of us, perhaps you live somewhere where you can visit the beach any time of year?
Or are we talking about a swim class for school?
I have no idea what you need a bikini for. I must assume that from the years of age 1 to 14, that you have owned and worn beach wear of some sort. So you need to be honest and share all the facts of what is involved here.
If its for swim class, a bikini is not the best choice because the two parts can move and shift and show all your body parts, especially if any diving is included. Professional swim atheletes do not wear two piece swimsuits for that reason.
Until you turn 18 and are an adult, what the parents say, is what must be followed because you still live under their roof and are under their care and they are making what they believe to be the best decisions for you, whether you see their decisions as out dated or old fashioned.
If they think that wearing a bikini will attract the wrong kind of attention from boys, it could be why they wont allow it because in a way its true, it will attract more of that kind of attention than normal. But it doesn't take a bikini to get a guy all riled up about a girl. She can wear sack cloth and ashes and if she's is still the type of look that is a guys personal favorite or taste in girls, she'll still catch some guys attention.
It is better that you be taught how to understand guys, to be able to spot who is genuine and who is a user, just wanting to get into your pants. You may be horny enough that you'd welcome that but can you handle doing the adult thing and going to get on birth control? Sex in ones teens isn't all its cracked up to be, for one thing--our bodies haven't fully finished maturing, and our minds certainly don't until our mid 2O's which is a big reason we make so many bad decisions as teens cus we can see the full picture or contemplate the possible repercussions of any one choice we are thinking of making.
To attempt to do anything, not just getting a bikini behind the parents backs, without them knowing is not a choice that is for your highest personal best. The attitude of "I know better than anyone else", if you allow yourself to cultivate that attitude inside of you is going to come back and bite you someday in your life...especially if it involves you and an employer cus you'll lose your job if you don't follow their instructions and rules. They can fire you. Parents can't fire their kids so they endure all sorts of things as they attempt to make the best decisions they know how to for their kids and the difference between the world out there and the parents, is that they are doing so because they love and care about you. For an employer, workers are a dime a dozen, they can easily find a replacement. If you want to become more adult like, try having an adult conversation with mom. Have you only yelled so far, argued? Have you said any childish things that confirms for them that you are not adult enough to handle the decision to wear a bikini? Have you said, "You annoy me, your'e a bad parent,I hate you, thats my choice not yours, etc"..thats what I am talking about.
Did mom explain why she doesnt want you wearing one? Or did you even ask or just react? I know this sounds like I am picking on you but I don't mean it that way. If you have some more information, more specifics about your situation, I may have some advice to offer how to talk to mom about it but I will still not give my okay and support for doing so behind her back. That is not an adult choice and you at 15,need people showing you and encouraging you to practice becoming more adult like. This may be one of your first big opportunities to learn. Good luck dear
Hi im a 14 year old female, i know , young. But i have a boyfriend of 2 months and i like him alot but i feel like im starting to loose feelings , like i wanna be flirty with other people and not tied down, but if i do break up with him i dont wanna miss him. He gets mad over the littlest things and hes grounded so how am i supposed to have feelings if we can barley talk ?! If you were in my situation what would you do?
The early attraction to a person which is mostly their looks is sometimes all that a young person uses to base their decision on whether or not they will commit to dating someone. And that is often not enough to hold a persons interest for longer than days, weeks or a couple of months. What feels so good in the beginning is an energy released in people, where their head is up in the clouds and they have that tingly excited feeling inside because someone is paying attention to them, it validates you as being desirable as a girlfriend/boyfriend but once you've gone past the initial how good it makes you feel, you then begin to closely examine the other person and realize that there isn't much of anything you find interesting or attractive about that person. What you experienced may have been NRE, new relationship energy which once it wears off, leaves you with the reality of what the real attraction is or not.
It is good that you experienced this early on. Knowing what it is will help you in future dating. So if your feelings about him have changed or you finally discovered you never had them, then it's time to end the "dating" relationship but it doesnt have to be the end of friendship. Be nice about it. Tell him he's a nice guy, and you still like him alot as a male friend but you were so excited to be asked to be his girlfriend that you didn't realize until some time had passed that you don't have that kind of attraction or feelings needed to be his girlfriend.So you plan to go back to being free to date others again.
There's nothing you can do to prevent him from being disappointed, or totally crushed by this. But do not ever stay with a guy because you're afraid of hurting him. Dating and relationships is a situation in which everyone is going to feel let down, disappointed or really crushed and upset when the other does not feel the same and breaks up. This can happen many times during your dating life span.
You can have several guy friends at once and practice your flirting with them all. Hanging out at times with several different guys does not mean a girl is slutty, especially if she is not having sex. Kissing and holding hands is okay...you have to learn somehow which guys kiss feels better than anothers. If you make it clear that you are not going to commit to being anyones girlfriend right now, you just want to casually date a few different guys to be able to form an idea of what you like in a guy and then decide which one you are most interested in, guys will actually understand and have no problem with that. Its when you promise to be only their girlfriend that they have a problem. If one guy says you can't do that and must choose him or someone and pushes at you to do so...avoid him, he is not good relationship material. He is insecure, jealous and will likely be controlling and bossy too.
Hopefully this informations helps you decide what to do. If you encounter anything else that comes from this situation and need further help, just write me and I will be glad to help.
Hello.
I am a 27 year old mother to a 5 year old boy, a 3 year old girl and a 1 year old girl. My entire life I have always wanted a family. I can't remember a time when I wasn't excited to have babies of my own. I was the kid who babysat for free because I just enjoyed being around babies and kids so much.
I also enjoyed babysitting because it got me out of my house. I had a pretty rough childhood filled with a lot of emotional abuse. So any reason to get away and to have a moment of unconditional love with a sweet baby AND get paid was like, majorly awesome!
Growing up I always just assumed I'd be a great mother. I just knew that I would never treat my kids the way I was treated; I swore I would never forget how it felt to be an oppressed kid.
Fast forward to 1 and 1/2 failed relationships and 3 kids later, I have turned into this miserable wretch of a mother. I am horrible to my kids, more often than not I hate my significant other and I totally take it out on the kids. Every night I feel so much guilt and disgust with myself and I swear that I will Di better the next day... Then the next day comes and things haven't changed a bit.
I am so ready to give up, and even though I know everyone would probably be better off without me, I just can't bring myself to let them go. I know I love my babies, and I know that I am blessed to have three healthy, beautiful, smart and just over all wonderful kids, but I also know that my inability to get my emotions in check is just fucking them up. I want so badly for them to have a great childhood, and to grow up to be happy, successful and respectful adults... But I'm doing such a terrible job. I'm basically repeating a shitty cycle and I feel powerless to stop it.
Everything I read about emotional abuse is geared towards how to help a child deal with an emotijnally abusive parent.
Well I am an emotionally abusive parents trying to find a way to deal with myslef. I have no insurance, no money, the state keeps giving me the run around every time I try to apply for Medicaid, which is the only way I will be able to get the professional help I so obviously need.
I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with my situation. Maybe some advice on how to get a freaking grip. I feel like I am going crazy.
Its tough when there is no insurance and I can see that you want to deal with yourself and get better. Of course you would be getting better for your kids but its important that it's not the key reason why you want healing...you need to want it for yourself...so that you can learn to love yourself for who you are.
Theres something I'll paraphrase from the Bible: It starts with loving God with all your heart and soul and mind, but its the next part I am focusing on,...."and love your neighbor as yourself." We look at the verse and think its all about learning how to love our neighbor. NO! It's not!
The 'as yourself' part is what changes the whole context. It literally means that until we know how to love ourselves, we are not going to be little rable to truly love any other human being in the way they need to be loved. Its not limited to "neighbor" its anyone other than you...so that includes family and friends too. We may be trying really hard to do a semblance of that love we know they deserve but our actions can kill what effect those 3 little words "i love you' had, or teach something entirely different than love.
So they key to focus on here since there's no insurance, is rather than hunting down something for someone who's been emotionally and verbally abused, is look for information on learning how to love yourself for a start.
The second part would be how to work with your subconscious mind where all the negative thoughts and tapes keep playing. And the moment you have a negative thought from childhood come to mind, replace it with a positive statement of what you want to become and are becoming. There are books by psychologists on working with negative thought patterns which are running full time here.
A third part will be learning how to forgive the parents. I was once in a therapy class where a classmate sat in front of you and you poured out your heart, talking to them as if they were the parent or the person who hurt you in some way. They sit silently and say or do nothing, just listen while you have a face to focus your attentions on. At first, the couple of early sentences may feel stiff and unreal, like you are acting in a play but as you get into acting it out, it becomes real and very emotional for you. I was bawling my head off as I explained how I had been hurt, and what I had wanted instead. I asked why couldn't you be this and that. And finally after my tears subsided, it was time to forgive them even though they werent asking for forgiveness. You are doing this for yourself. Carrying this burdon will contribute to holding back your healing. So you tell the person that you choose to forgive them, because perhaps for whatever reason they didn't know any better and may have been a victim themselves.
If I were you, I'd talk to my partner, and ask for their help and support in trying to find healing...he'd make a good silent partner for the forgiveness exercise and can ask you during the day how you're doing on replacing your negative thoughts. You might even find a way for your 5 yr old to be supportive too. Despite your abuse towards them, children are very forgiving and want to get on the bandwagon and encourage you the moment they see you need some. Agree to a key word or phrase they can say ahead of time if it looks like you are losing control. When you hear it, remember your agreement. Hold back whatever you wanted to say and instead Thank the child. Tell them you need a minute or two alone. Leave the room. Stand by yourself and count to ten or longer to 25. Then once enough time has passed, time another couple minutes to take in deep breaths and hold for a sec or two and then release. Do 3 -5 at least. This will help to calm you a bit, then go back to whatever you were doing once you feel you have control back.
I don't know whether you believe in angels or anything spiritual, but if you do, ask them to help you through this.
Here's the link I mentioned. Its a holistic, natural way to achieve some healing. Not all natural healing modalities work for all people as we are unique. I know of a few others if you care to know, just ask. But this one is called EFT tapping. Emotional Freedom Technique and the tapping you do is on the same points of the upper body and head that acupressure practioners use. In fact, some medical doctors are now recommending the tapping, however its without the words that are just as important if not more so. There's many many videos. Read the titles and the ones that jump out at you as being your situation, listen to them and repeat along after him. This must be done when its quiet and you are alone so it may be best to do when your partner can keep the kids out of the room, or when they are napping. Good luck dear. Write me any time.
http://www.youtube.com/user/eftwizard/videos
I wish I really had more links to give you but i can only think of one to start.
She has a boyfriend...I know I'm such a bad guy for this and she's such a cheating girlfriend for this too but we have sex almost every week. We're classmates, we eye contact like ALL the time in school during class or recess time. During our sexual activity we always pause. And have this frozen romantic moment. We also kiss each other in a very cheesy way after we're done.
Last night we were smoking after sex and I mentioned our moment and she said she loved it. Then we cuddled lying down on bed all night long and went to school together the next day.
I NEVER get enough of her. During school we're like 24/7 eye contacting and flirting or talking about our sex and stuff...
I don't know if she has feelings for me but I do for her. A lot! She means a lot to me. I think she'd pick her boyfriend over me though...
Any clue if she has any sort of love like feelings?
Its a dangerous line she's trying to walk...and many guys do this too. They find one person whose personality they click with most, it's the sweetest person and they love the person very much but there's no passion, no sexual compatibility, that pheremone connection is missing, so they go looking for that part in a 2nd person. Who will they make a commitment to date long term or marry? Who knows. I know that a great majority of people are married to their best friend, but have no sex life so they cheat or do without.
I can't tell you what she might feel for you. It may be only sexual, but in sex, feelings do develop too, so who knows. All you can do is telling her that you are beginning to have deeper feelings for her, even though you agreed it would only be a sexual relationship. Any time something changes (such as your feelings) it is important for both to revisit the rules and agreements they made and make any changes or adjustments to the relationship if both parties are willing. If not, the agreement ends, and the relationship ends.
A long term, or life long relationship needs two crucial things, two people who are each others best friends and sexual compatibility. She seems to be trying to get those two things in 2 separate guys by seeing two at the same time, rather than continue to look until she finds it all in just one guy.
You're really not going to know anything unless you ask. If you want more and she's willing to stop the other relationship and pursue a full one...not half of one with you, then great. If not, then perhaps its time for you to move on because if you are feeling love, its going to hurt you more to stay and see her keep going back to the other guy, than its going to hurt to break it off. Oh the intensity will be the same, but eventually your heart heals and the pain ends with a break, staying with her when there is no hope is heartache without end.
You seem to give good advice. So I'm gonna ask you this question: recently I met this really cute, athletic, smart, kind,charming, guy. I am in love with him and I'm pretty sure he likes me back. Then there is another guy… let's just say he's the exact opposite from the other guy, but I think he likes me. He always tries to tag along when I'm with my friends, smiles at me, and invades my space. I try to show some signs that I don't like him. I scowl at him, goes out of my way to avoid him, and let my friends back cut me so I'll be far from him, but he still acts all flirty with me! I'm afraid my crush will think I'm takin and give up. And my crush is more than a crush. He's like the boy me. The other guy is not my type at all. I wanna tell him flat out I don't like him and never will and to leave me alone, but I'm afraid that maybe I just think he's in love with me but I'd really not, and I don't wanna hurt his feelings. But I don't want the other guy that I'm takin and to give up. What should I do?
Sometimes, it isn't obvious to others when one person is crushing on another and the two may be interested in each other.
Most young people don't know how to look for the subtle signs that people give off when they are interested in someone, if guy #2 isn't able to pick up on the clues which really are quite obvious then most people will back off if the person doesnt respond to your presence in a positive manner. I wonder what your friends think of him if he keeps tagging along if none of them are friends with him. What are they saying? Or is no one saying anything at all? Anything other than coming out and having a little clear talk/communication, can always be taken to mean something else. So perhaps, somehow as long as you aren't saying anything at all, he takes that as encouragement. Whether there is or isn't another guy you are dating or interested in, it is a good thing to learn how to bring up the subject and not say anything to totally be mean to the other person. It is not up to you to shield them in case they have a low self image. Thats something they have to learn personally to deal with. So, next time he tags along and tries to get close to you, turn and talk to him. I assume you at least know his name. Tell your friends to go on ahead and you'll catch up. The nice thing to him would be if your friends were not witnesses, if no one witnessed this talk you need to have.
Lets say the name is Steve. You can choose your own words later: "Hey Steve. Hi. I kinda have been noticing that you follow me and my friends around and they aren't friends of yours so that leaves me wondering if you are hanging around trying to catch my attention cus you're interested in me. When you do this----fill in with examples of how he flirts and give examples of his standing too close to you or following you around when not invited, like a lost puppy dog) those are pretty obvious signs that someone really likes you. So answer me honestly, is that why you have been finding every opportunity you can to follow me around like a shadow? Cus if so, even though you may be a very nice guy, I just am not interested in you that way. I hope you understand. I don't even find anything that attracts me right now to even just be friends. Maybe I'll feel differently when I am much older. But right now, I am not interested...sorry."
Say it in a friendly tone of voice. No one needs to be let down with a scowl and a mean tone of voice. If you'd rather not confront him yet...I don't know how long this has been happening, but if its just been days, then after more time goes by without you acknowledging him, he may come to the conclusion on his own. So you may not need to say anything yet. If weeks go by and he is still tagging along after you, you will need to say something.
I have a burgundy room and my grandmother got zebra print curtains for my room. The problem is I don't know what type of bed set to get. I was going to get black or white but then I saw that the curtains aren't a white the white part is like silver. So my question is if I got a white bed set would it look okay? And I don't want black because I fear it will be to much black if my dresser is black too! My second question is I want throw pillows but I don't know what colors or prints. I want to incorporate pink because it's my favorite color but how could I do that either?
All I can think of is getting an all white comforter for your bed and finding a way to incorporate fabric appliques of all the other colors, silver, black, burgundy and pink and do the same using throw pillows of those colors. If you don't know someone handy enough who knows quilting and could sew cut squares of these contrasting colors on, the fabric store has fabric glue for attaching fabric patches to other fabric items. Or try a pink spread with adornments you add on of white, silver, black and burgundy.