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Angry and tense when I'm upset
Whenever I experience negative emotions, they surface in the form of anger and I feel like the only way to be able to release these feelings is to scream and punch things. Other people release their negative feelings by simply crying. I can't cry until I scream and shout first, and even then it often doesn't come out. Crying feels good to me because it's the negative feelings without the edge. So it's not as bad as feeling rage. Thankfully I don't take my anger out on people most of the time but then the tension just stores in my body making me seem like an overall cold-hearted unemotional person. How do I release my emotions in a gentle way without anger and frustration?
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Anger is a natural emotion, a way of showing displeasure with someone or something as it affects you. Unmanaged anger can have catastrophic results. At the moment your way of managing your anger, or a way of releasing the emotions brought on by the anger, is to yell and scream, maybe cry. On the surface this is not all that bad though it could have an unnerving effect on those around you.
How you respond to something that may anger you really depends to a point on what has angered and to what degree it has angered you. To have a full blown tantrum over a broken every day dish would be disproportioned to the event. Whereas say a loved one did something that could have gotten them seriously harmed or killed to my mind is warranted of a full blown tantrum; and yes yelling and screaming is warranted also.
Now to your actual question. If the only way you can relieve yourself of any and all anger is to yell, scream and then cry, regardless of the offence that angered you. Then I would suggest you seek out the help of a good psychologist for help as there is more her than any of us can help with. You need anger management help/classes.
IF you want to try some other ways to rid yourself of the stress caused by the anger, exercise is a good way to do so. Running, working out, swimming, playing a sport like basketball all release endorphins that help release stress.
I have been disabled for the last 10 years because of an auto accident. It was a 3 car accident where I was the only innocent and the only person injured and taken to the hospital. Because of my injuries I had to find a different way to relieve stress.
I found letter writing to be a good way to relieve my anger issues. I never mail them but I do write them. I still get upset at the young man who caused the accident. It is too bad I cannot post the letters I have written to him over the years. I say some very nasty things in those letters to him, things I'm sure that would more than anger him. In the end I relieve my stress at his expense and he has no knowledge of how badly I have spoken of him.
I have written letters on many subjects that have caused me stress and generally the letter writing has relieved my stress. In some instances the letters actually get mailed and the cause of the stress is corrected by the other party. In this case misguided anger resolves nothing if channeled correctly anger can be useful. With these letters I write them while angry, save them on my computer, then reread them the next day before printing them and mailing or emailing them.
My advice then is this. If you have not found any other way to channel your anger and relieve your stress other than the way your have written about. Then I think anger management classes would be of benefit to you. A good psychologist will help with this and most insurance companies will pay for visits to a psychologist.
You might also try one of the other methods I suggested. Exercise will not only help relief your stress, it will also make you healthier. Anger is a natural emotion, a way of showing displeasure with someone or something as it affects you. Unmanaged anger can have catastrophic results. At the moment your way of managing your anger, or a way of releasing the emotions brought on by the anger, is to yell and scream, maybe cry. On the surface this is not all that bad though it could have an unnerving effect on those around you.
How you respond to something that may anger you really depends to a point on what has angered and to what degree it has angered you. To have a full blown tantrum over a broken every day dish would be disproportioned to the event. Whereas say a loved one did something that could have gotten them seriously harmed or killed to my mind is warranted of a full blown tantrum; and yes yelling and screaming is warranted also.
Now to your actual question. If the only way you can relieve yourself of any and all anger is to yell, scream and then cry, regardless of the offence that angered you. Then I would suggest you seek out the help of a good psychologist for help as there is more her than any of us can help with. You need anger management help/classes.
IF you want to try some other ways to rid yourself of the stress caused by the anger, exercise is a good way to do so. Running, working out, swimming, playing a sport like basketball all release endorphins that help release stress.
I have been disabled for the last 10 years because of an auto accident. It was a 3 car accident where I was the only innocent and the only person injured and taken to the hospital. Because of my injuries I had to find a different way to relieve stress.
I found letter writing to be a good way to relieve my anger issues. I never mail them but I do write them. I still get upset at the young man who caused the accident. It is too bad I cannot post the letters I have written to him over the years. I say some very nasty things in those letters to him, things I'm sure that would more than anger him. In the end I relieve my stress at his expense and he has no knowledge of how badly I have spoken of him.
I have written letters on many subjects that have caused me stress and generally the letter writing has relieved my stress. In some instances the letters actually get mailed and the cause of the stress is corrected by the other party. In this case misguided anger resolves nothing if channeled correctly anger can be useful. With these letters I write them while angry, save them on my computer, then reread them the next day before printing them and mailing or emailing them.
My advice then is this. If you have not found any other way to channel your anger and relieve your stress other than the way your have written about. Then I think anger management classes would be of benefit to you. A good psychologist will help with this and most insurance companies will pay for visits to a psychologist.
You might also try one of the other methods I suggested. Exercise will not only help relief your stress, it will also make you healthier.
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Swiss psychologist Carl Jung looked into this. If we constantly supress an emotion, and force it out of our minds, the emotion/issue will keep forcing ITSELF back INTO our mind in an attempt to make us confront it and resolve it. While we keep 'pushing it down' and NOT resolving it (the act of doing so is where the 'cold and unemotional' persona you describe stems from) it will build up and up until it becomes an 'anger bomb'. Ticking away like a time-bomb, ready to explode without warning and at any moment (which is what happens with you, your bombs are quite powerful by the sound of it!). Intuitively, we know that hiding away a ticking time-bomb is not a good way to deal with it. Hence the tension and frustration, a predictable reaction to living with a time-bomb hidden away in your home! We need to 'de-fuse' (as it were) the bomb, so that it is safe. So that it is not making us edgy ticking away, can't explode. Jung suggested we act like a detective, and keep revisting the 'crime scene' (the source of the anger) to gather new information and knowledge and self-knowledge, new 'evidence' until we can 'solve' the case. Hope you're seeing the parallel here, you confront the person, situation, issue that the anger stems from and attempt to solve it. It may be that you have to visit the 'crime scene' alone, in your mind if the event/issue demands it. As it often does. The detective visits the scene AFTER the crime has been committed every time. He cannot prevent it...it's already happened He tries to make sense of it, solve it. So, you gather enough information to de-fuse that anger bomb. Important thing to remember is that we ALL feel anger, the only difference is how we 'manage' our anger. While you're shouting and screaming and crying, you are at least managing it in a manner (rather than suppressing it, which is not managing it at all). We just need to find a way of releasing the energy in a more controlled way, or at least reducing a little of the explosive potential (make it a smaller bomb!). We cannot prevent the situations that cause us anger, and you cannot replace your rather explosive management with nothing at all. So try and resolve things at the time and not 'let the sun set on an argument' as they say. And if you can't....be like that detective and solve the case later. Any help??
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It might be good to have some examples of what is causing you to experience these negative emotions because there may be some things you can try to stop letting your situation go to the point of having negative emotions.
I commend you for wanting to do something about it and know the best most effect ways to handle it, but until I know more, I am clueless as to what to suggest.
I have heard all the things like punching a pillow or working it out in a gym, etc...
Lets put it this way. Negative emotions are like "the germs" in your body that got in through a cut or something. If a person knows they got scraped or cut but does not do anything to treat the situation and germs are left alone, they can multiply, grow stronger, infect and erupt on the surface like anger does, only with your cut, you may see pus. Now imagine tossing a bandaid on the pus infected cut and not going after what caused the infection in the first place. The bandaid is not going to being very effective is it?
All these "proper" ways to release anger and tension may work to some extent. But its like waiting for your cut to become infected before taking action, rather than trying to find ways with dealing with your thinking beforehand so it never gets to that point. I hope I made this clear.
So if you want, let me know what exactly, or several different scenerios of what in each case brought you to the point of negative emotions.
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