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My Dad Keeps Blaming Me For Things That He Does
My dad keeps blaming me for things around the house that he is actually doing. He yells at me for these things and I can't tell him that he's actually at fault because he'll just deny it.
Sometimes I think that he does it on purpose. For example, a couple days ago, my mom griped at him for leaving the pantry door open which let dogs get into the trash. My dad denied doing it and told he to talk to me. However, when I went to bed the previous night, the pantry door was closed. When I got up that morning, it was open and trash was everywhere. It HAD to be him and he blamed me for it.
Sometimes I think he does it on accident. Like tonight, he jumped down my throat for getting food all over his new recliner, but I can't remember ever spilling food on his recliner and he's a real pig and eats in it every night.
This may not sound like a big deal, but my dad can lose his temper and get crazy over anything. He can be down right scary and I can't wait until I can move out. Also, I resent when he tells my mom that I dis something that he knows he did.
You can't tell him that he's the one doing wrong because he won't believe you. He acts like he's perfect and everyone else is at fault for everything that goes wrong. What should I do?
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I'm sorry you have to suffer this way. I know this is no consolation but I could have written this letter for your dad and mine are exactly alike. My dad never accepted blame and never apologized at least to me and my sister. If we did not apologize to him then we got the silent treatment until we did.
With someone like this there is nothing you can do about it. This is a character fault he has built around a depression he suffers from. Depression is something hard for the sufferer to realize they are suffering for . Literally they are normal and everyone else is not. They will never ask for help or accept the fact they need help until they themselves realize the y need help. My father was this way until the day he died.
The best advice I can offer is to try and stay out of the line of fire until you can go off to college or move out on your own. Even then you can expect that he will try to blame things on you or someone you may love. My father did with my wife. Well it backfired on him, I wrote him out of my life and did not speak to him for the last 12 years of his life. Hopefully this will not happen to you.
I will recommend one thing. Depression is hereditary, my sister and I both have suffered with clinical depression and have been told it is related to the fact that our father suffers from it. You need to guard against falling into the trap of becoming depressed by informing your family doctors that depression is in your family and you should be screened for it on a regular basis.
The screening is harmless just a series of questions you answer truthfully and with the first thoughts that come to mind. Based on your answers the doctor can make a diagnosis. This screening can be done during your annual physical.
If things get too bad at home talk to a trusted teacher at school. There are things they can do through the school to help.
I'm sorry I couldn't be more help but there is really nothing you can do but to stay out of the line of fire. He has to ask for help.
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I am sorry to hear that your dad is having such issues. He doesn't sound like he'd be open to going for counseling but something is seriously wrong with him. He is not normal.
People with trigger tempers and anger problems have something going on in them emotionally that is causing it. Could be something from childhood, trauma that they have never sought or gotten healing for. Second, a normal adult would not 'always' be blaming some one else. They might make a wrong assumption on a couple occasions and once proven wrong, would apologize for it. But a person who is always finding fault with or blaming others, that person is not happy with themselves, probably miserable and likely scared that someone will discover their emotional and mental issues so in order to keep people off track, as a pre-emptive defensive motion, in hopes people will be too busy defending themselves or looking at the one accused, to see that he is the one with the actual problems.
What about the marriage, How is he treating mom? Does she seem to be happy? She probably has no one to talk to about it. I don't know how old you are, but perhaps you can talk to mom in confidence. Tell her you'd like to share some things your feeling, sensing without her sharing it with Dad because it is about Dad. If she can promise you that she won't say anything, you could go on to tell her of your concern for Dad. That something about his behavior doesn't add up and the problem he has with anger. It would be good to know if she sees this too and doesnt know what to do. Find out if she knows that you are not responsible for each thing Dad accuses you of. She may be acting in a certain way as to not rock the boat and make things worse with DAD.
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