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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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19/f
A few days ago I wrote in asking you about advice with my ex boyfriend. I'm sorry that I didn't go too much into detail before.
Well, that day we met up, we talked and everything went well. This time he was doing most of the talking and we ended up talking about where we went wrong and where we needed more effort in the relationship.
So a couple days pass and he comes to me and wants to get back together. So far everything has been good but I don't want it to go back into a cycle. Like we would have good moments, then something would bother me, we'd fight and not really talk about it, then it would pass. Now I know we need to talk about problems we have instead of ignoring it or fighting about it. I'm just not sure how to communicate it the right way and that's where I need some help.
I also loved what you said about building each other up. I don't want to be the girl that drags him down or be the one who's not there supporting him to follow his dreams. So I have been trying to compliment him.
Anyways, sorry for it being long and sorry for writing in again but if you can help me by letting me know how to have a healthy relationship with no fighting and better communication, I'd be so grateful!
When you said: I don't want to be the girl that drags him down or be the one who's not there supporting him to follow his dreams. So I have been trying to compliment him. I thought to myself, thats good, you get one half of it. But you did not say whether he's always been good at complimenting you, and supporting and upholding your dreams. If he is at such a young age, its a miracle. Most guys struggle to figure out how important that is.
My husband put it best when he wrote to me on a dating site.
"the strength of my integrity as the male that I am to you, as a female and friend, is…
To support who and what you are becoming…
To strengthen who and what you are…
As the masculine expression of Awareness, I have learned and I am aware of my only two real functions as a male, which is…
To initiate the creative possibilities of feminine expression of Awareness and…
To support, strengthen, and up-hold "her" and "what she brings forth."
This is as important if not more so than the fact that a guy in todays world will always earn more than a female for the same work and thus he is the main bread winner.
If he did most the talking, he must have mentioned some things that he felt went wrong and what needed more effort. I'd be curious to hear what he said because depending on the content, it may reveal that he's a level headed guy who that he has no clue and is part of the problem. Often the problem starts with the guy. If he is not loving and supporting a female the way she should be, she can tend to not feel cherished and is less likely to respond with enthusiasm to him or wanting to compliment and encourage him in return.
I have a natural streak by nature as a Scorpio to want to sting and hurt others with words as I am ignored or attacked. I have learned how to control that and not react in anger. What is most helpful to me when I feel anger rising up is to take a couple deep breaths, say nothing and simply imagine in my mind, putting myself into the other persons shoes. I may not know enough abut the other but certainly can imagine what might be going on. A splitting headache or recent bad news could be the reason for the nasty tone of their voice or why they snapped at me. If I had such a headache, wouldn't my patience be thin and I snap too? If you can be honest with yourself, and realize you would be acting the same and hope that people give you some grace and don't over react. The people who cut you off in traffic, may have a shitty life, always stressed, not enjoying life, not awake enough spiritually to be realizing they need to feed their inner self also as well as put bread on the table. It is a choice to think this way. Once you do, you will find you do not have this force of anger that needs to erupt out of you focused on him.
On communication, I hope he's a talkative guy cus if he isn't I have no advice for the silent type who seldom talk and keep their thoughts and feelings inside most the time. A man of few words can still be okay but in most cases causes problems by being unwilling to talk.
Theres an old saying, "A penny for your thoughts" usually spoken when your partner has been silent for a while or they seem to be reflective but not sharing what they have been focused on. My hubby and I naturally are like that and for no particular reason will share what we were just thinking about, no matter how insignificant it is, of course without having to be asked to share.
We tackle whatever needs to be said at the time and event is happening because we know how to keep our emotions in control and dont need time to cool off. Communicating is important since most of us are not accomplished mind readers. My husband cooks and makes some awesome meals. However on occasion he has put too much salt in or too much of another seasoning. I suspect he has lost some his ability to taste with his tongue. So I have asked him to please leave salt out and add only to his own bowl. He promises to do so and forgets next time and again and again. Sometimes I eat it but other times its so bad I rinsed all the sauce off my spaghetti noodles in a colander but I ate them. He saw this and instead of taking it personally that he didn't do it right, he felt bad that he couldnt make something edible for me. I did not yell or complain that he had repeated over salted the food several times. All I said was, "I was able to save part of this meal for me to eat, but I may not be able to do that with others dear. With the tight food budget we have, I'd hate to see so much food wasted, unedible." That piece of info about budget hit home at a subconscious level and now he is doing remarkably better and will add only little bits of other flavorings and ask me to taste test first if its good as is or if I want more. Thats an example of an irritating situation where It seems I was being ignored and yet I could read his face and body like a map and know he was not doing it on purpose...he really had not had the right info to reprogram his subconcious mind to kick in gear and get with the program.
You may do better looking for a self help book on relationships the differences between how men and woman think, their ideas of what's important and how they problem solve...all different but its in understanding those differences where you will find success as long your partner is studying too and on the same page as you. I hope this helps a bit more dear.
Hi. You had answered my above question, unfortunately the end cut off and I don't know how to finish reading it or if you were only allowed so many characters.
Thank you for your answer.
I have no idea what happened, maybe a glitch in the system.
Starting with the last paragraph:
I met one guy who said he was single cus in my script I said I understood polyamory but he must be single. At our second date, he realized that I was the confident type and felt guilty cus he had lied to me so he figured to remedy things immediately by being honest and gaining my respect that way. He told me he lied, that he was married and that he was sorry. But he felt I would not have met him if I knew. He's darn tooting right! He said it was a sex less marriage, to which I said, if you are mismatched sexually, why not leave, divorce and find your perfect partner? He says because he loves her. Okay, then if you love her, tell her and let her know that having no sex is not an option for you, that you love her and her position with you as wife and mother of your children remains the same, you're not getting rid of her, just want a sex partner. Being open and honest is what is key here. He said he could not say
I met one guy who said he was single cus in my script I said I understood polyamory but he must be single. At our second date, he realized that I was the confident type and felt guilty cus he had lied to me so he figured to remedy things immediately by being honest and gaining my respect that way. He told me he lied, that he was married and that he was sorry. But he felt I would not have met him if I knew. He's darn tooting right! He said it was a sex less marriage, to which I said, if you are mismatched sexually, why not leave, divorce and find your perfect partner? He says because he loves her. Okay, then if you love her, tell her and let her know that having no sex is not an option for you, that you love her, and her life with you is not threatened. Nothing changes for her accept that she gave permission for you to have a sex partner since she wants zero sex. It is a reasonable loving thing a mate can do if they absolutely can't due to illness or accident or just choice have sex. I said I would meet her and talk with her for him. I was not going to trust a man who lied about his marriage status that he got permission from the wife, cus he could lie about that too. I had to hear it from her. He still was too chicken to talk to her....probably figured she might leave him over it.
In this world, you will rarely find a married couple who can talk about and come to such an agreement today but I know of couple who have...not ones I read about somewhere but people I really know. It's not something most people talk about but people feel comfortable talking to me about sex related stuff.
>>Since your guy isn't planning on leaving her, he is not willing to be truthful with himself as to what he really wants and go for it. He is trying to achieve something that is not possible, like saying I can remain in the middle and be halfway pregnant. There is either pregnant or not pregnant, no half way. So there is no way it will turn out good for yom to continue, due to the cheating, lieing, behind her back thing without permission its like a festering infection that will erupt at some point.
The best thing you can do is work on gaining confidence and a higher self image. Pick up self help books on it. I have watched many male dating coaches on you tube who speak to women on how to attract a guy, what to do or not do and what men find attractive and sexy. I have listened to many and every single one so far has said, A woman can be just average looking or less than that, and yet have confidence and she will attract the attention of a man over the model type without any confidence. Confidence and a good self image is beautiful and sexier and will win every time over the gal who only has her looks to lure a guy. But what about the guys going after these women? they are insecure puppies, not looking for a commitment to a long term love relationship, but are motivated by sex. Men with a low self image will believe they cannot get the pretty girl just for sex and will go after the average looking low self confident woman because they believe it's all they can get as in the case with the married man who lied to me. So do yourself a favor and begin working on yourself, your age doesn't matter. I am 55 and happily married a 2nd time. And men still hit up on me. I have some wrinkles, silver in my
brunette hair and I don't look like airbrushed models do, yet guys still hit up on me all the time, in even comes across in my facebook photo somehow...the confidence. I get mens asking to date me when my facebook clearly says I am married. So yes, I can testify that all you need is confidence and you will be able to find a man to love you, who will never be attracted to a prettier women for sex or relationship.
So recently today I recieved my retainer. Right now its hurting so badddd. He said to wear it 24/7 and that got me annoyed like why not wear it during the night? -.- But anyways, I'm 13 and I don't want to wear this thing forever. People at school always have to say something about it and it bothers me. The fact that I have to take it out during lunch every single day. I'm concern on what other kids are going to say about it so please help? ._. I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS TOMORROW IN SCHOOL.
How can people have always said something to say about your retainer when you just received it today?
You must be talking about other incidents where kids made comments and you found you couldnt handle it. Good comments or bad comments, just the fact outgrowuthat someone is looking at you and watching you remove them at lunch may be enough to upset you. I was shy in school and at your age had not learned how to over come it. I didn't like people staring at me, when people laughed, I always thought the negative thing, that they were thinking I looked silly or strange or said something silly or strange. The problem unless bullying is going on, is more likely to be within yourself. Your parents paid good money for you to have your teeth worked on, and their money goes to waste and wearing it part time is not going to have the effect it is supposed to. Theres a reason why you are supposed to wear it 24/7, because without the constant guidance for your teeth to move a certain way, they will not move or may take 3 or 4 times as long to move. You need to learn how to toughen up and not take things so personally. It is possible. Don't consider sneaking them off once you leave for school and put them back on when you get home. The parents might not know but whats worse is you don't learn how to overcome this ANd, if you are supposed to wear it two years, how would you like to end up having to wear it 6 more years just because you didn't follow wearing instructions. The orthodontist will know when he sees you at your next appointment that something is wrong if the teeth are not where they are supposed to be by now.
So, theres no instant way to learn to get over being so self conscious and shy. I can help with the shyness later if you're interested, just write my asking for the steps how.
But for at school, here's what you do. Instead of waiting for someone to notice and point it out or tease you, be proactive, beat them to it. Take a deep breath, calm down and start with friends, and say: "Look at this, (open your mouth) I just got this retainer and have to wear it 24/7. I hate it. Doesn't it look awful? And it hurts so frickin much too." If you start out, it gives them a chance to respond naturally. Some may sympathize and tell you that they soon are going to have to wear one or have a sibling who wears one. YOu might even ask for opinions of the people you usually sit with for lunch and ask, would it bother you to see me remove it at the lunch table or do you think I should visit the restroom quick before lunch to do so? When you have said something first, asked for help or opinions, you have tricked your mind into seeing this as asking for help so that anything somebody says is not going to have a big negative impact because you now are inviting feedback.
For kids you don't know who might say something, respond good naturedly and they likely will never say anything again . LIke if they say, hey look at her, haha she has a mouthful. You turn to them and give a fake chuckle, saying " hahaha Yes I do. Just be thankful you don't have to wear one cus it hurts like hell." Once they see that any comments are not going to bother you, there is no reason to continue to make comments.
"Mental Health" probably isnt the right category. My subject pretty much sums it up. Sometimes, right when Im on the edge between sleep and consciousness, right smack between two different places, I swear I can hear someone say my name just faintly, but because of the weird state Im in, it really catches my attention. I dont know where it comes from. Its like it comes from the sleep and sounds in the sleep and in the wake, like it echos or something, its hard to explain, but you probably know what Im getting at. Im just really curious about it. I want to know what it is, why, and why I hear it and only when Im in that state. Also, because it's so faint and brief, I can't distinguish characteristics such as sex or whether I know the voice or not. If you have any ideas or actually know something or have had a similar experience, pleas leave a response, and thanks very much in advance! :)
It could be nothing more than your imagination or it could be something along the lines of para normal or you having some psychic abilities that really most of us should have to some extent but we dont believe in it or discredit it and make excuses when it happens.
I have always been very spiritually/or call it psychically perceptive. During my church days, in communicating with God, I good so good at it I could tell when it was my thoughts or not and the voice in my head telling me to go share some encouragement on a very specific subject with someone I knew but had no idea if the topic would mean anything. I had my doubts but everytime I followed through, I had confirmation that I'd heard correctly and the other person was excited or blessed too.
Later in life, I felt God directing me to walk a spiritual path a bit broader and more accepting than that of the church. When I went along, here's my first strange experience that reminds me of yours.
I was at the acupuncturist on the massage table with needles on my back. So my face was in the donut piece and my eyes closed. I got to that same half awake/wake asleep point which is when it is easier sometimes for anything of the spiritual dimension to get through, whether God himself, your Angel or spirit guide or a loved one who has passed on. All of a sudden I saw a man off to my left as clear as if I had my eyes open. I was so startled, thinking someone had walked into the wrong exam room, that without realizing, I raised my head, looked and no one was standing in that spot. So I closed my eyes and the moment they were closed, I saw the image again. I have never since seen anything so clearly like real flesh and blood. So since I was used to talking to God in my head, I did the same to the image. When I asked Who are you? The person finally spoke and I heard clear responses in my mind, that he was my Spirit guide. I wasn't looking for one or wanting to have one, not sure I even beleived in it but it happened. So I tested it, asking the Spirit to next weekend prove to me it was real by tapping on my shoulder or head when no one was around. I forgot about it and was surprised when that happened. Yup, this was for real.
Then again, there the story in the Bible of Samuel when he was a child in training under Eli to become a priest. Eli and Samuel had gone to bed. Eli's eyesight was failing so Samuel knew to be available to help him at a moments notice.
And while Samuel was lying down, the LORD called Samuel. And he answered, "Here I am!" So he ran to Eli thinking he had called needing help and said, "Here I am, for you called me." And Eli said, "I did not call; lie down again." And he went and lay down. This repeats several times until Eli realizes the child is hearing from God and instructs Samuel to answer God.
So you might try saying something in response, "I hear you calling my name sometimes, so my question is Who are you and what do you want. If I am unable to hear you answer now, then come to me in my dreams. (Often family members who have passed on find it easier to get thru to let you know they are ok when you are dreaming)
If you have any further questions or want to speak with me regarding anything else that happens, I'd be glad to help if I can.
Hope this helps some.
Alright then, there is a girl that I sit next to on the bus and we're going to prom together. After she gets off the bus some people say that she likes me and "you should go out" and I kinda brushed it off, thinking nothing of it. However a few days ago we met outside school(first time meeting a girl outside of school)
for a movie and a meal but I was really nervous and i couldn't put my finger on why. Anyway after I got home my mum asked me "how was your date?" and i was kinda stunned...the more i thought about it the more i realised i had asked her out on a date. So i gave it some thought and i'm still not sure if i like her more than just a friend or just a friend. I really wanna know so if anyone can help it would be much appreciated.
Likely from talking to friends or watching movies, you figure a person needs to be hit right up front with some kind of strong feelings that start blazing inside of you when you are near a certain girl. Not necessarily. You could have a girl who becomes your close best friend and thats all it is for a long time, no kissing or cuddling but eventually as time goes on, deeper feelings slowly begin to build unv.til you really love the girl. Way too often a girl will say her best friend is a guy who had tried to flirt with her and leave hints all of a sudden like he wanted to date her, but he was just her friend. So he gives up, starts dating others and all of a sudden, she is feeling very jealous and can't figure out why. The reason being, she's known him for years as a close best friend she can trust and share her deepest thoughts with. When all of a sudden she realizes it could change and he wont have the same time for her if he has a dating relationship elsewhere, then she understands the jealousy is because she loves him and it snuck up on her slowly, like blowing on a red coal until it begins to burn the tinder you provide, rather than having something the equivalent of 'charcoal starter for the BBQ" that has those coals blazing with giant flames instantly.
So for now, enjoy the friendship and see what happens. If the feelings aren't there now, thats okay. If they don't develope over time, no matter how special she is then it is not meant to be.
This is what dating is about, these kinds of discoveries and there is no way to keep your heart from getting hurt or her heart from being hurt. But if you don't take the risk out of fear, you will never meet anyone. In case your friends rib you about liking her as a girlfriend, as something romantic, ignore them or you can explain that right now you are dating to find out who you really like, not because you already have strong feelings for her.
I'm trying to wrap my head around this. I've read why men have affairs, and this man does not fall into any category. He's in his 50's, I'm in my 40's, so it's not like I'm some young, hot, woman. In fact, I am not attractive at all (even worse with out clothes on). He loves his wife, he's told me many times, he would never leave her. I'm not exciting, I am not confident and have very low self-esteem, so, it's not like I bring anything to the table. He and his wife still have an active sex life, she doesn't make him mad, they have two wonderful sons and are the perfect couple. He says he has never cheated on his wife and feels guilty doing it (which I know I'm going to hear in the comments, he's lying, but for sake of argument, assume he is telling the truth). Yet, we've met a few times for sex, talked and spent the day together, so you can't say it was just for the sex. He and his wife still go out, he talks fondly of her, they don't have any financial problems. It's not like he wants to leave her. I would think, if a man is going to have an affair, he would reach for the sky, not for some loser.
The last advice giver was right as to why he targeted you for sex.
However that still doesnt explain why if he's happy at home, he is seeking extra sex partners?
There's a slight possibility that he is not truly monogamous in his nature and makeup. Lots of people are not and force themselves into the mold because society seems to accept only that. However it is also quite natural for some people to find they desire extra relationships, if just for sex as in "Swinging" or for a full on loving relationship as in "Polyamory". The subject of polyamory is not well known and some people stumble across it in their lives accidently. Many have no idea that it is there in their makeup and they can not make themselves Not be that way...like a person is born being gay and they can't not make themselves feel that way.
I will say that the difference between one situation being cheating and adultery, and the other being a loving and considerate open lifestyle is that with Polyamory, it's all about being open and honest and talking to ones partner about how they feel they are not monogamous and asking for permission for themselves and giving permission to their partner to have lovers on the side...it goes both ways on mutual decision and agreement to do so. Open marriages fall under this catagory. The other situation is all about sneaking around, not being honest, breaking promises, etc.... a very negative situation. In each case there is an extra partner outside the marriage but they are entirely different situations. This man is a coward if he will not at least attempt to broach the subject with his wife. If she gives her permission and feels secure, then he can proceed and be doing so in good conscience, knowing he is not jeopardizing his marriage. If she says no, then he must not act on his desires for an extra relationship.
When I was divorced from an abusive ex, I never really had a low self image, I stayed because of religious beliefs for so long. But I was a confident woman. I started online dating to narrow down the possibilities of finding a better man and knew exactly what I was looking for. Many found me interesting and were attracted to respond. I met one guy who said he was single cus in my script I said I understood polyamory but he must be single. At our second date, he realized that I was the confident type and felt guilty cus he had lied to me so he figured to remedy things immediately by being honest and gaining my respect that way. He told me he lied, that he was married and that he was sorry. But he felt I would not have met him if I knew. He's darn tooting right! He said it was a sex less marriage, to which I said, if you are mismatched sexually, why not leave, divorce and find your perfect partner? He says because he loves her. Okay, then if you love her, tell her and let her know that having no sex is not an option for you, that you
Hey everyone, I ate mexican food today and used more sriracha sauce than normal, like a LOT more and now I don't feel great. Can you use too much sriracha sauce, will it make you sick?
Thank you!
When hot chili 's in any form are taken in greater amounts than you are used to, it can make you feel bad.
Each person reacts differently...but in general it can burn or numb the mouth, cause heartburn, cause your stomach to cramp and ache or cause problems with the intestines, possibly causing diarrhea. If you happen to have stomach ulcers and ate the sauce, you could end up in severe pain.
These are all normal reactions for a body not used to hot sauce, except the ulcers which need to be treated by a doctor and healed before you eat any more even mild spicy or acidic food.
So you may feel uncomfortable for a while but eventually it will pass through your system. Just make sure to not have as much next time.
I usually never ask for anything!! But I finally asked my mom if I could get a phone because I have never had my own phone & I really wanted one. So my mom said I can have an Iphone as a late Christmas gift. & when I reminded her about it she said she doesn't know if I deserve one because of my attitude!! I mean come on! I clean the whole house everyday, I always get A's & B's, I never give my mom attitude,& I always do whatever she tells me to do. So why is she saying that I am giving her attitude when I never do???
Sounds like she didn't volunteer to explain what she meant by 'your attitude', and sounds like you didn't bother to ask cus you came up with a list of things in your favor. Whenever someone does not say something you can understand, you need to ask for clarification, this is important basics in any kind of relationships, family, friends, work partners, etc and it is crucial in dating relationships.
Bring up the topic again, dont mention the phone but the 'attitude'. Ask mom what she meant by it because you are totally unaware of what you are doing that could be improved. If there are any changes you could do to make things better, of course you want to do so. Ask her to spell out with examples and don't try to jump in to defend yourself. Mom may have a valid point or sometimes parents are as inept at relationships and communication as their kids and can be immature on top of that.
For all I know, your mom could have been making a broad statement as a flimsy excuse to not give you a phone because she doesnt want to pay the extra for a family plan for phone use.
If indeed this is what is going on and you question mom to explain herself, be prepared that there is a possibility she will come unglued and become angry that you just didn't accept her blanket statement and now she has to explain 'what' attitudes you have when there aren't any. That would be total immaturity. Theres nothing you can do about a parent like that. Find a way to earn money on your own and pay for your own phone, like a pay as you go one for when you have the money.
Now to be fair, lets say you do have an attitude that needs dealing with but its a matter of perspectives. You don't see it as an attitude but just your normal self. However she is assuming this is an attitude. Or, it could be that something about you has changed since beginning to go through puberty. Hormones can make a girl girl either cry a lot, be really sad and overly touchy, or she gets angry much easier, is more easily irritated, has less patience and Its not necessarily girls choosing to become like this, its the hormones doing it. When hormonal teen girls are angry or irritated, often the first to recieve her impatient attitude or angry attitude is mom, a sister, or a female friend most often when they have done nothing to earn it.
i wonder if something like this may be going on. So try talking to her. Mom was once a teen and may have forgotten about the hormonal thing we all go through. If thats the case, she should be hugging you rather than complaining about you, volunteering to help you work on controlling your emotions but maybe speaking a code word to alert you when she sees it but you save face before others. Remember to remain calm, not over react back and have a good talk with mom.
I was in love with a girl. I do still now. But, i cant feel the same things I felt before. I love her.I need her.not now, but in the future as my wife , coz she loves me then my mother , she cares for me..i can't help it. i want to enjoy my college days like my friends does. I want hangout with them . but I can't..please help me in this regards.
Your wording of letter is confusing to me. I have no idea what loving some girl and that girl loving you or your mother taking care of you or her liking your mom has to do with hanging out with college friends. I don't understand what prevents you from doing so?
You say you love her but dont feel the same things as before. If before you didn't feel love but now do...isn't that a good thing, nothing to be concerned about. I have no other idea what else you might have felt before other than love that has you concerned. The past is the past, only be concerned about the present.
She cares for you...good, so she returns the same love feelings you have. Many people meet in college and fall in love. That doesn't mean you dont enjoy college all of a sudden. If anything, having a sweetheart should make college more fun.
Unless you are confused over how you feel about her and want to date other girls in college. If you and her have promised to be each others girlfriend and boyfriend and date each other...then focus on her, not other girls you arent free to date. YOu date to find out enough about a person to realize whether this is someone you can see yourself being with lifelong as their partner. If you made a commitment and changed your mind, then tell her so. Don't waste her time. If you'd rather date around cus you feel she's not the one so you need to keep looking, then do so. Just because one person is single in college doesnt mean they are enjoying themselves more. So stay with her if she's the one, and go hang with your friends at times too. Just be sure to make her one of your top priorities, schoolwork is one obviously, your buddies are number 2 and she is the third priority.
Girls tend to make a boy the ONLY priority in their life and expect the same from guys. You'll need to explain to her that you like other males, can juggle several priorities at the same time. So tonight is her night with you, and tomorrow you will go hang out with your buddies.
If she can't be okay with that, then she has a stranglehold on you, is too needy, doesnt have a life of her own and wants to make You, her life. That is a very disfunctional person and does not make a good dating partner or life long partner.
These are my best guesses as to what you actually were asking.
So me 17and my boyfriend 18 have been dating for 1 year.He decited he wanted to try anal.which I agreed to but the only problem was he couldn't get it in and ended up raming it on my butt but he didn't get it in.we are both virgins and have no Idea what to do so if someone could help me and tell me how it works that would be great.Also what's your opinion on anus because I have no idea on how it feels.
So you are deciding on anal sex because? Is it so you don't become pregnant? You're old enough to be put on birth control and have sex the usual way, in the vagina, just go see Planned Parenthood. They do alot towards sex education too so they may be the best to ask how to.
The spincter muscles around your anus is a very tight muscle. A guy doing anal sex will find it an extremely tight fit. The girl has to be very relaxed or she will hold tension in her muscles which make it harder. You need a ton of lubrication, never any ramming it to get it in, I am glad it didn't work or he could have torn you up.
Every female is a little different in how she achieves orgasms. Some have more of the sensitive tissue on the wall of the vagina nearest her anal passage so anal sex will give her great orgasms. I am not built that way so it does nothing for me. I have more of that receptive spongy tissue on the upper side around the urethra so my g spot is very sensitive.
The only reasons people have anal sex that I know of is
1. Out of curiousity as to what it feels like.
2. Young folks doing so to not take chances of becoming pregnant.
3. Because the female achieves orgasms that way or if feels good to her
4. The females vagina is too close for the man to get any friction sensation so he chooses anal sex.
If non of the above reasons apply, there is no need to do so.
since you havent been sexually active, your vagina will still be tight, its a different case for some women who are older, maybe having children did it or a man with a larger penis.
But most woman can regain tightness by learning how to tighten her muscles, you've heard of kegel exercises. I have practiced to the point where I can voluntarily squeeze the vagina which the man can feel and its very pleasurable for him.
Myself personally, any time I allowed a sex partner to have anal with me out of curiousity sake once, I have found that it disrupted my ability to have bowel movements for the next day or two. That and the fact that is does nothing for me thats pleasurable like an orgasm is why I dont do it.
uhhm okay so i want to give my bf a blow job but i dont know what to do..... any tips?
No one knows anything when they start off with a partner. Often in life through break ups, we have occasion to experience different boyfriends, mates or husbands. I can tell you that every sex partner I've ever had is different, different in what they respond to, what feels good, same thing for guys with girls. Even something just like kisses can feel different.
If you are thinking of surprising him with this and springing it on him as a surprise, thats a nice thought but what if he isn't ready yet.
Don't have sex ors do sexual acts to win brownie points with your guy, do so only when you're ready and have deep feelings for him and want to do this for him as a gift.
So just come out and tell him that you been thinking about wanting to give him oral sex and ask if he'd like to go ahead with that and talk you through it, telling you what to do. He will be touched that you asked and even more happy that you are willing to have him show you what he likes.
Imagine a guy assuming what felt good to you in stimulating your clit with fingers or doing oral sex on it. You're going to be even more sensitive than him cus the clit has an extreme amount more of nerve endings than the head of the penis does.
If he wants to seem experienced and just does what comes to mind, you may hate it, it hurts or you feel nothing, or he brings you to arousal and then does something to alter his movements so you lose it. All this kind of stuff needs to be communicated, not just once, but throughout each session. Being someone who has had sex for decades, more often than not, even with a long time partner there comes a need to communicate to him or him to me while we're making love. Something that felt good yesterday for some odd reason doesnt feel good today. Just ask him hon, thats the best thing you can do.
I am a mother to be and I am still trying to dicide if I will bottle or breast feed. Is there any way to simulate someone sucking on my breast. I have tried suction cups. I really don't want answers about how you don't need a feel for it
Thank you (18 btw)
If you wonder, does breastfeeding feel bad? No it doesn't. It doesn't hurt, it is a good feeling. Does it feel anything like your sex partner suckling on it. Maybe a little but I have experienced both and there is something different that I can't put into words of how a baby suckling feels compared to a man.
Are you trying to base your decision on whether to do so or not based on how breast feeding feels? There are many other factors to consider, my favorite 3 are:
1. that the suckling starts contractions in your body that helps it go back to normal sooner, the parted muscle panels of your tummy and the widening of hips for childbirth to come back together. While you may not go exactly back to starting point on the hips, you still have your body doing this naturally while non breast feeding moms have nothing to cause their bodies to want to go back into shape.
2. It is healthier for the baby. Early breastfeeding has immunities passed on from moms milk to the baby. The manufactured formula's no matter what advertisers say, is not as healthy as mom milk. In fact there are reports going around that there may be ingredients in baby formula that may actually be harmful for the baby.
3. I always had milk warm and ready at any time. Its great especially when you're half asleep middle of the night and need to do nothing more than pick up your baby and bare the breast. It's handier when you're out and about too, I just draped a receiving blanket over my shoulder and over baby to form a tent and let her feed under there. Dad and others can also bottle feed baby any of your milk which can be expressed with a pump, I had more success doing so by hand. Froze the milk for others to use to feed baby when I had to be away for short amounts of time or just wanted some time on my own.
Find the local chapter of La Leche League in your area and ask any questions you may have of them. Leche is French for milk. They are worldwide. So on the site link I give, for local help, choose your country, then state and then closest city where they have a chapter.
http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb.html
I have a hard time feeling love towards anybody & especially my family. & when I feel like I love someone it only lasts a few days. Why is that?
You do not provide enough information for me to be very helpful here.
But you did mention love which is an emotion. There are many other emotions too. Are you able to feel any of them? Anger, irritation, anxious, impatient, sad, lonely, happy, excited, etc...
If you simply don't feel love towards family members, I can't begin to guess why. I do not know what your home life is like and what other contributing factors there may be to kill your love for them. Feeling attracted to the opposite sex and having the feeling drop away after days, weeks or a month or so can be simply new relationship energy which is a euphoric type of high, your head is in the clouds and heart does somersaults kind of feeling which is extremely strong from an over release of feel good hormones in your body. Eventually these hormones come back down to a more normal level at which we realize whether it was really love we felt or just the high of the hormones.
If you are able to feel something for a few days at least, somethings working, but perhaps your bodys ability to produce enough hormones doesn't work right and you may need medication for that.
There is a possibilty that you are depressed and have not yet been diagnosed. When a person is depressed, they tend to not have any feelings or desires. Again, hormone levels are too low for some reason, thus the expression 'depressed' meaning the levels are too low to function properly with.
I would suggest seeing a doctor to get tested.
This does not reflect bad on you. It's nothing to feel ashamed about. In fact I have noticed a trend of more people being depressed in todays world than any time in my past. So I believe its due to things present in todays environment (that were not around or not as bad in the past)
that may be contributing factors, and things we can't avoid. So if I were you, I'd go see a doctor.
Hi. I am married for more than 15 years. I love my wife. We are having a fantastic life. The one thing missing is physical relationship.For the last couple of years there is none. It is my lack of interest on her physically created this problem. I feel like getting physical with someone else. I know the hurt it will cause her if she comes to know. I don't want to walk away from her for this silly reason. At the same time it hurts me living this way. Any suggestion? Meeting a marriage counselor is ut of question. I don't even want her to know that I feel this way.
The two previous advice people gave you some good advice. I will put my 2 cents in and try to cover a couple more points of view.
Good communication in marriage is an important thing. Conversation on any topic should be in the realm of possibility if the two of you have total trust in each other which after 15 years together you should have if neither of you have been doing anything to betray or kill that trust.
If neither of you feel comfortable being open, and intimate in talk, and honest with each other, then you may have bigger problems than what you think.
When the two of you met, I wonder what the sex was like then. I wonder if there was great passion between the two of you, if she initiated sex at times through the years or was it just you approaching her after the first year or two, you initiating sex and she let you. But do you know if she really enjoyed it and got anything out of it? A high amount of women have never orgasmed in their life. So if there is a chance that she lost interest in sex after so many years of not getting pleasure out of it, that would feed to your disinterest if it wasnt related to any physical changes in her appearance as suggested. I've had male friends be very frank with me and say that there's nothing like finding the women who is wild and passionate in bed and its easy to see how she desires him, rather than her laying there like a cold fish and letting him have his way. That I've heard is one factor of why a guy finds a lack of interest in a woman sexually.
He may have caused her to become that way, their pheremones may be off, their libido's not a match, or there could be other factors such as depression which already was mentioned, and I don't know her age but if she were going through early menopause, that could affect her response to you which could affect your interest in her. Females can start menopause in their forties but I had a neighbor who told me she went through menopause at 35 and had lots of problems where she had to have everything removed.
If the two of you have not been communicating with each other over the 15 years, then its going to feel awkward to start now but it is critical to do so. And thats where seeing a counselor may help you both to do so in proper ways rather than say things that might hurt or point blame.
How do you know how your wife feels about all this. What if she has carried a big secret from you all these years that after the first 2 years of marriage, what she felt initially for you attraction wise seemed to disappear and she has been faking her sexual interest all these years. She may not feel safe to tell you what she feels, what she wants, for fear of losing you. If she doesn't feel safe, then the two of you never had the depth of intimacy in sharing that is needed for a healthy marriage. Its not too late to start by seeking out a marriage counselor.
Let me share another story of how important communication is. I will make up the names but this is a real life story. I have a long time male friend Pete. He moved and lives on the other side of the continent from me, married, teen kids and kept in touch over the years with email and occasional phone calls. He knew he could discuss anything with me and said, he's tried having talks with his wife to find out what is wrong but she wouldn't say anything and for the last couple years, they've had no sex life. He knew at the time I had gone to swing clubs (with the ex husband) and wondered if that might be a solution for him.
I told him that I learned that what we think adultery means today vs what it meant in Bible days is totally different. If a man came along and seduced the wife away from her duties to hubby, that was considered 'stealing'. The offense was stealing, not having sex outside of the marriage.In those days, women were property and a man would loan his wife out to a visitor for the night. It was considered a very polite gesture to another person.
In most countries today, women are no longer considered property, so the same principles apply to her as to him, if either wife or husband wants to have sex outside the marriage, for whatever reason, they need to bring it up in conversation and discuss it. That way it is not cheating if one gives the other permission. Sneaking off to have affairs in secret, IS cheating.
He told me he understood that. So he got to courage to tell his wife that he really still had interest in sex and since she has been unwilling to tell him what the problem was so they could work through it, he is considering going outside the marriage to get his needs taken care of. I love you, I could never leave you. Your future with me is stable. I would like your blessing to do this, but even if you don't agree, I will proceed and begin looking for a sex partner.
Thats when she broke down and finally told him, she'd had an illness for years that made it painful to be touched, the bed sheets on her skin were painful too at times...she had Fibromyalgia. And that is why she didn't want any sex at all, it was nothing more than a bunch of extra pain to experience. But she felt if she told him, that she would lose him. She actually didn't know thats what it was at the time, she just described it. So he told me they went to see a doctor and it was diagnosed and know they knew what they were dealing with. The wife loved him very much and got really involved in the idea of him finding a sex partner. She got to meet them, the kids were old enough and were told because at one point he had a girlfriend living with them in their home for 3 yrs i think it was. The wife even invited the girlfriend along on a vacation they took without the kids, booking 2 rooms so that her husband and the lover had their privacy at night. She felt secure because her husband still loved her and he felt happy because she allowed him to get his sexual needs taken care of.
A resolution to the situation came about because not just one of them but both of them opened up and shared their feelings, situation, etc.
If you still after all I've said, feel that you can not tell your wife, then I feel sorry for her because you are not being an adult, thinking immature like a teenager, and you probably out of ignorance have never treated her well enough don't to have a healthy relationship together.
Ignorance is NOT bliss. Its a time bomb waiting to explode. NO, you can't just sneak off and be physical with someone else.
Perhaps this line of thought will help you to take some action to start having some real communication on the topic with her.
Without an affair in the possibility, can you see yourself saying and doing nothing and be able to handle another year of no sex...oh it'll be hard but maybe a year, can you handle a sexless marriage for 3 years, ouch that hurts...I don't know if I can handle it, how about a sexless marriage for 5 years, 10 year, how about for the next 20 years or to the day you die? Thats a scary thought, isn't it.
I don't know if she has all the issue or changes to make or if it is you that does but talking is important step toward the healing process.
If you have lost interest in her bodys looks as adviceman mentioned, then I'd have to question how much you really loved her. He is right the the body is just the vehicle that houses the person inside that you make love to. My own husband has gained a lot of weight. But I am still in love with the man who is inside, so much that I still feel the passion and we enjoy sex. Though he needs to lose weight to be healthier, despite the weight, there are still things I find sexy about him. If this is the concern and you were really putting forth the effort, and really loved her, then you would begin to notice things about her that still are sexy. I've been in nudist clubs and have seen on occasion very over weight, actually really obese women. One did not look attractive at all, a couple others had a great self confidence and I marveled that even I as a straight women could notice that these women looked beautiful and sexy despite their weight. And it was their confidence. Have you done anything to build the wifes confidence?
Dear Dragonflymagic, first of all i would like to thank you for your sound advice. I have spoken to her and took your advice to give it deep consideration. And yes, she was not happy as she said she did not understand what the fuss is all about as back in her city where she came from, what she did was acceptable but why isn't it acceptable here. I did tell her that it's different here and what she and I did will affect us in the future as being Chinese in a small conservative place is not exactly, sex will always be a "taboo subject". She asked me to think about it and she will not change her ways and I told her I will never force anyone to change their sexual habits or preferences. But i did tell her that I am a businessman and the last thing i want is gossip behind me that will affect my business. I even told her that for the sake of trying out this relationship, I am willing to work something out no matter what the outcome is. However the reply she gave me was "so what if I slept with any of your friends or co-workers or employees or business associates? It's none of their business and you should either accept it." I explained to her that it was precisely due to my promiscuous past that I lost a lot of good and childhood friends after they found out I slept with their wives (before they were married off course) and they didn't know how to face me or deal with the "mental image" which is churning through their minds. Her reply : they are stupid and should grow up. Now my question is : Should i continue this relationship or should i end it? It really seems that all she is into is enjoy the present, forget the past and to hell with the future. All she wants is to enjoy great sex and no commitments at the moment (she said it herself) but she doesn't want to lose me (yet). What am I to do?
When considering getting into a relationship, the best candidate is going to be someone who has the same current values as you and same goals, etc...
Another consideration is your business. You may have strong feelings for her. But those nice feelings could turn to hate and disgust if she were to jeopardize your future in business by sleeping with or attempting to seduce your business associates so you lose business deals or lose your business. In the economy of this current world, it is best to make decisions that support keeping what work, job, income you have.
Please understand that I am not saying that work is more important than a loving relationship. An already existing marriage should have higher importance when making any decisions for your future that will affect both of you such as where you live, the hours you work or type of job.
I think you may also have to consider what her level of mental maturity is or her ability to make a commitment. Her comment if the words are as you said,"they are stupid and should grow up," can be a possible indicator that she focuses more on what is right for her, selfish, not taking into consideration a couple steps ahead in her mind what possible results could come from her actions. It is good manners to take into account how your actions will affect others and do what you need to so that you do not offend others. In the current world, we must be careful that we don't say or do anything that would offend someone regarding their sex, their gender,such as gay people, their beliefs and religion if it differs from yours. If the girlfriend were to say, "I understand the need to keep this secret and for me to be careful and subtle, not blatantly out there trying to find my next sexual fling and I am willing to do this for you, or I am not willing to do this for you so I think we need to part." That would show some maturity on her part. But pointing the finger at other people and calling them stupid or demanding that they change their views to match her is a very narrow-minded thinking and what has gotten our world into much trouble and wars and killing in the past. Especially religion, demanding that someone convert because belief #1 is the only true belief while at the same time those of belief #2 feel that #1 is mislead and going down the wrong path, that belief #2 is the only true belief and so they begin to kill each other when one doesn't convert their beliefs. Thats what our history is full of, people with that attitude and it sounds like the girlfriend has it too.
If I remember correctly she is about 30? And that is not youthful naivity and immaturity simply due to age. It isn't until our mid twenties that the brain completes growing, mainly the pre-frontal cortex which is responsible for making more sound decisions and better judgement calls to name a few, and that is why people 25 and younger often do not make very good decisions because physically in the development of their brain they are unable to do so. Either your girlfriend is choosing to limit her mind or her brain never matured which would indicate there is something wrong there.
If there was something wrong with her mentally, it would not be so obvious that anyone could see it, and she could function reasonably well.
After all I've said, there is one more possibility, that she has a sexual addiction, same like being addicted to drugs or alcohol.
Sex addicts describe a euphoria with sex similar to that described by drug addicts with drug use.
I have an article on that, please read all of it.
A lot of it sounds like your girlfriend. It may not be true. But if it were true about her, and she were to resist going for treatment, it could destroy your life, job, relationship.
Here's that link:
http://www.jenniferschneider.com/articles/recognize.html
All points considered, it sounds safer to avoid having any more contact with her. She may say she loves you, but is she really IN LOVE with you? I doubt it, the depth of love needed to be in love will cause each person to want to do what is best for their partner, not do anything that could hurt them, but you also love them unconditionally at the same time so little things like forgetting to hang up your coat are insignificant.
I think you summed it up well when you said,
" It really seems that all she is into is enjoy the present, forget the past and to hell with the future." It is good to enjoy the present, but remember the past to have learned from it, and use what we learned to make wise decisions for the future. If she is into gratifying only herself, without commitments, so she is not long term relationship material nor possible wife material. And do you Really know why she doesnt want to lose you? Was she able to put into words what it is about you that make ynd most likely
ou so special that she must have you in her life? If not, you could ask her to tell you what it is about you that makes her want you in her life and not lose you. She better have some very good reasons, other than liking sex with you. If you are nothing more than just another sex partner to her with no other depth to the relationship, that's a definite let her go.
If you believe you would be stressing and worrying constantly about your business and wondering if she has done anything to mess it up for you, that will rob of mental and emotional peace and can affect your physical health in the long run and is therefore not worth it to stay with her.
It is ultimately your decision, but it sure looks like the logical choice would be to stop seeing her. Good luck sir. You can write again if your feel the need.
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I am a 42 yr old male from Asia. Recently i met a woman of my dreams and we've been together for 2 months already. The problem came when she started telling me about her previous sex life before me and she confessed that she loves sex and has slept with over a hundred men (she is 30 by the way) since age 18 (including men she pick at at clubs/bars, strangers, friends, gigolos). While I am no spring chicken myself having bedded more than 150 women in my life, what bothers me was all this happen for me during my younger days and after awake up call, i stopped all my "activities" at 27 while she openly admitted that she cheated on her ex just 2 months before we got together because she wanted to break off with him but yet still had sex with her ex on the day of break up. Also, she keeps telling me that she enjoys having threesomes with two men all the time. Not to mention, she told me that if we were ever to split up, the first thing she will do is pack her bags for a holiday and go find herself a couple of gigolos. Yet, at the same time, i can't say she is not devoted to me as she really takes care of me well (physically and mentally). Things got to a high when i spoke to her a couple of days back when I told her i was pretty "shameful" about my past as I realize what i did in the past was nothing to be proud of. She in turn accused me of trying to make her feel guilty and shameful and she retorted that she is not the least bit "shameful" about it and if the chance arises she will do it again (after we break off that is). furthermore, she added that she ever slept with 6 different men in six days consecutively. Every time we broach on this subject, she will always have new things added like how she told me that even during the time i was courting her, she had 3 different sex partners waiting at her beck and call. She also said that i was only acting to make her feel shameful when I told her i wasn't and that I was really uncomfortable with my past. She keep displaying the "sex is just sex, love is love" kind of attitude which really sometimes make me feel really uncomfortable. Also, the thought has crossed my mind that some of the men she had sex with might be friends or acquaintances of mine. Now, as a guy in conservative Asia, who likes to hear his own friends say that I had bonked your girlfriend before" or "your girlfriend is a slut or whore where anybody can bonk her"? She even sometimes tell me in details about how she had sex with the different men in her life. I know I am in no position to question her as I myself was such before and it really didn't really bother me anyway, but to me now, I can't decide if she really is promiscuous and is our relationship really only based on sex as the primary issue? I need advice or opinions on really how to handle the issue.
Razhie pretty much covered it. However, I will add that there is such a thing as swingers, or open marriages. It sounds like something like that might be right up her alley. However it takes a certain type of man for being able to handle sharing his girlfriend or wife for sex outside of their relationship. I have been in those circles with my ex. And I have seen that it works well for both partners as long as they would be open and honest about going to meet another lover rather than hiding it and in almost all cases the one partner even knew real well the the othersother lovers and were on a friendly basis with them. This is not for everyone. Last I heard when I was hanging out in the swing community, statistics were that 1 in every 100 people you meet will be a swinger. So it isn't too common but there's nothing wrong with it. She is being open about who she is. If this is a make it or break it deal for you, then best to be fair and let her go instead of try to change her.
I don't know if your religion or position in job or title would bring shame to you by other conservative people and cause possible problems for you if her sex habits became known. It is no one elses business but we see it on TV all the time, where the sexual adventures of celebrities are exploited and everyone puts in their opinion on what they think of it. So if you can't take the heat, then as wonderful as she may be, it may not work for you. Two people coming together in a relationship should never have to change anything about themselves. Everything about a partner, not just the sex, should enhance your life and you be able to do the same for her.
You say she's the girl of your dreams. Then focus on those traits that make her the girl of your dreams, are they worth giving up because of her sexual habits? Its all part of the same package?
Or is the stuff that makes her the girl of your dreams, all sexually based. Be honest with yourself.
I'll try to keep this short. I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years. I'm 22, he's 36. Sometimes I wonder if I should break things off so I can meet other people and gain new experiences. I love him SOOOOO much. A lot of me wants to keep things, but obviously if I'm writing this there is a problem. Normally I'm very happy, but sometimes I get very scared at commitment. Sometimes I don't feel like it's fair for either of us to continue, but it'd also be very unfair for me to break things off, miss him and things terribly, and try to get back together.
I know that in the end, it's all up to me and has to be MY decision, but I guess I just want to know what you guys think.
Any ideas would be much appreciated, thanks!
If you've been in a relationship four years, it took some 'commitment' to do that.
This is more like wondering whether to continue the commitment.
So what could be getting you to question whether to continue the commitment to him?
Your conscious mind thinks he's great and loves him, but on another level, I'd say your subconscious mind isn't quite sure about staying with him. And now the question is why? It may not be something obvious to you, your subconscious just senses it but you can't actually put your finger on it.
I'll ask you questions that you don't have to answer to me, just ask these of yourself and how it applies to him and maybe it'll help you figure out why you're having reservations.
The reason you give for breaking things off is to meet other people and gain new experiences. It could be understood 2 ways. Either you are talking about meeting other guys and dating them to have new experiences with them or he is trying to keep you to himself, not allowing you to spend time with your girlfriends and family, and dictating what new hobbies or interests you are allowed to pick up or not. If so, this could be intentional as in a "Controlling type of personality" which is harmful to relationships, or due to his being older and having more life experience, he is making decisions for you automatically without thinking and you want more freedom to make your own decisions. Is this a possibility of whats going on? If so, you need to bring it up and see if things change.
It takes time to build trust in a relationship and there should be a good solid trust in him by now as long as he's done nothing to jeopardize it. If you don't feel you can fully trust him, then ask yourself what he has done to cause you to not trust him? to break that trust? It takes even longer to rebuild trust.
When he states what he believes in, stands for, regarding life issues, how he believes women should be treated, etc... does he merely speak the words, or does he back it up with action. Does his actions prove what it is he says he
believes?
Does he say he Loves you or has he ever said he is In Love with you. There is a difference. We love certain foods, we love a movie or author. Those are personal likes and preferences of things we enjoy. To say I love you shows the person enjoys your company and lots of things about you, but 'in love' is deeper. My 2nd husband and I treat each other as well as we treat ourselves, find life is more fun and exciting when we have each other at our sides to experience life together, the companionship, best friendship and therefore want to do everything together.
Does he enjoy being seen with you? Is he proud of you and enjoys showing you off to family and friends? If so, this is good, if not something is lacking in the level of his interest.
Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have many priorities in life such as job, furthering education, sports, his family, friends, volunteer work, wife/girlfriend, etc. however the female in his life should be one of his top 3 priorities, if not, you don't rate high enough on his list.
Does he respect and encourage you? Do your ideas, or goals have his respect and does he encourage you to pursue your hopes and dreams, and even find ways to support your going after them?
Does he care about your pleasure about sex? Is your being satisfied first, his priority or is it more about him?
Do your libido's differ greatly with one wanting more and the other less of times having sex?
Doe he still look/ or did he ever look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you, his eyes still enjoying taking peeks at you with admiring looks.
Communication is a key element in a relationship. Some people are more talkative than others. Some will not share what they are thinking or feeling very easily and are more quiet in nature. Is there a big difference in how much each of you communicate? Are issues of concern brought up without pointing blame? Does he make sure to speak compliments to you and speak in a calm voice, not consistantly raising his voice to you?
Does he despite his older age, seem to lean on you for mental and emotional support, and seem to be all around needy, relying on you to have a life rather than having a life of his own to which he added you. If one of you is too dependant on the other, that puts a strain on the relationship.
Do either of you suffer from low self esteem and require the other to constantly boost your self image?
Do both of you put equal amount and energy into the relationship? It takes no less than maximum efforts on parts of both people to make a relationship a healthy one. If one is not putting in full effort, then it is bound to have troubles or fail at some point.
I am sure there could be a few other pointers but these are a mix of mine and those of a relationship expert whose book I read.
Whatever you come up with that is making you feel uneasy, address this things with him. Just because you are 22 does not mean you have to be unattached to enjoy life. If he is the right one, you would be so loving it and not wonder or think about what you might be missing because those other things, will pale in comparison to what your life is like with him. If life with him is not as inviting as having the single life again, then being with him really isn't good enough to make that kind of commitment to stay. Once you understand what is causing you to question staying or leaving, it will be easier to make your decision and to stick by it without feeling guilty about it.
One of my friends is competitive with me and it drives me nuts. Don't get me wrong, she and I have similar interests and senses of humor, and we often have deep, meaningful conversations. But her personality is stifling. dShe ALWAYS has to best me academically, even though we are on the same intellectual level. She constantly brags about her advanced english courses (she and I are both English majors, and very intelligent). She ALWAYS has to be right in every situation, and so she is constantly arguing with me about the dumbest things. I tend to have a very chill personality and like to see the humor in everything, but it's difficult because she turns situations back and me, making me out to be the argumentative one.
Everything I do she will try and "one up" me. This has gotten quite bad and petty. Mutual friends have told me that she talks bad about me but she acts totally different to my face. We are housemates so I have to see her everyday. She always makes snarky comments on my clothes and hair and appearance things, and then she will completely copy them! She dyes her hair to look like mine and buys the same clothes as me right after I get them. When we go out she'll try to wear similar clothing as me & sometimes when we go out and someone shows interest in me, the moment I turn around she starts throwing herself at him.. now I'm not the jealous type, but I told her that this needs to stop doing that but she said "its not like the two of you are dating, you barely know each other plus we're in a club so all is fair."
She always disses my outfit, hair, makeup, even saying that my parents come from a third world country, the aren't from the US. Like she tries to make fun of where my parents are from and making snide remarks. Whenever my friends ask me about my accomplishments and such, she gets this jealous expression on her face and tries to argue about what I've done and how "amateur" it is.
At the gym she'll ALWAYS do the exact workouts as me, and keeps looking at my monitor to see how fast I'm going or how many calories I've burned. If I burn more she ask if my machine is broken, but if she burns more she will rub it in my face. What ever adjustment I make she will copy. I did ignore her for a while
Why is she being like this?
No, you're not imagining things in your head.
I would say she is envious of you. Envy is wanting something badly that others have that you feel you dont have. So she envies you. Why? Cant's say what things led up to this, but the reason why is that she has a low self image and believes herself to be inferior. There is a program running in the background, like on a computer, only this program is running in her subconscious mind. When it comes to the subconscious having such a severely negative self image, it will prevent her from getting anywhere in life and will have a great emotional impact on anyone she hangs out with. Being her friend is not going to help her snap out of this someday. She needs some professional help, a life coach or some counseling. She may not have mental illness but she has a great problem with thinking negative thoughts and believing them.
While its nice to have someone look at to you and emulate you and that can be flattering, this is way over the top, buying and wearing the same outfits and watching to see how many reps you do at the gym to do exactly the same.
This is an unhealthy relationship/friendship since instead of building you up and complimenting you, she is saying negative things to bring you down, which is another thing people with low self images will do, attempt to bring others down to hopefully lower than where they are so that they can feel better about themselves. However that tactic has been proven to not work and the person will still feel they are lacking. I would say to distance yourself from association with her but since she is your housemate that is impossible. As long as you are living with her, she is going to make your life miserable. I can ignore someone copying me, but someone trailing me like a shadow so there is no where I can go socially or in public where she isn't there is too extreme for me. Ignoring works only to a point, but when she interferes with your attempts to meet a man, that is total interferance regarding your life choices. Is she going to be the deciding factor of whether you ever marry or not, have kids or not, where you work, work there too and compete to look good for the boss and get you fired, etc... You have to basically decide when you've had enough of her in your life. Once you're there and ready to act, and can do so without feeling any remorse, then you'll be able to work out a different living arrangement, change your phone number, whatever it takes to sever contact with her. Your friend needs professional help and until she gets it, she is not going to be able to truly be a friend.
hi! im a 13 year old girl, and i have these two best friends who I love hanging out with, but they don't really like each other. I want to do things with both of them but I don't want them getting into conflict. should I just hang out with them separately? what do I do?
Unless they learn to exercise some self control over their emotions, you may have to hang out with them separately for a while. If one of them turns their anger on you for no reason, here's the most likely reason why.
Their hormones are just getting the better of them for now. The hormonal changes of puberty don't just bring on your period as your body develops sexually at this age but the influx of these hormones intially has great impact on our emotions. Some girls get sad and weepy all the time, crying for no special reason while others find their anger out of control or irritated with someone for no reason at all. In most cases, its not too bad and if a person knows this is what is happening can put a little extra effort into controlling their temper. But if they have extreme case of out of balance hormones, they may need to be treated by a doctor with medicines for a couple years to bring those hormones back into balance and thus their cheerful nature too. Once teens reach 17, 18 the hormones will have gone back to normal levels on their own.
13/m
So how can I make some money? Im 13 so obviously i cant get a job and i dont get paid for doing chores. Also when i want somthing at the store i ask my mom and she tells me to buy it with my own money but i dont have any way to make money. So yeah i was just wondering how i could make some money.
Ashleys right, ask neighbors if you can do any work for them. I had so many people come ask if I'd hire them for yard work but I loved gardening and doing it myself. So the trick is to find someone who doesnt have the time or simply hates doing the task themselves.
I recently saw something on Facebook, a video, you tube I think about two sisters much younger than you, and they would go to neighbors their parents knew, who owned dogs and offered to routinely come over and scoop up all their dogs poop in the yard. They actually have a full schedule of customers and make a good amount of money and they're elementary school age and they get repeat work because they actually do good work and the owners don't like that job.
Another idea is walking dogs. I didnt mind walking our dog on fair days but when it was windy or rainy I didn't want to go. I would have paid a teenager to take my dog on those days.
So keep thinking, something a person is not willing to do themselves. You might start asking people randomly in public, maybe at the mall, just ask any adult telling them you have a question for a research project. they might think it was for school. Ask them if they can name any task they do that they really hate to do and so put it off or just let it go til it gets real bad. Write down the responses. Next ask if they would be willing to pay someone to do it for them if it was reasonable. Go over the answers to see if there is a pattern of certain jobs people hate but would be willing to have someone else do.
Kids can do some jobs pretty good and can afford to charge less because they dont have overhead expenses as a professional adult doing the same. But if u do good work and are consistant your name will get passed around and you may have to drag in a friend or two who are equally good and trustworthy to take the overflow of jobs you can't.
good luck!