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Whats your opinion? jealous friend or all in my head?
One of my friends is competitive with me and it drives me nuts. Don't get me wrong, she and I have similar interests and senses of humor, and we often have deep, meaningful conversations. But her personality is stifling. dShe ALWAYS has to best me academically, even though we are on the same intellectual level. She constantly brags about her advanced english courses (she and I are both English majors, and very intelligent). She ALWAYS has to be right in every situation, and so she is constantly arguing with me about the dumbest things. I tend to have a very chill personality and like to see the humor in everything, but it's difficult because she turns situations back and me, making me out to be the argumentative one.
Everything I do she will try and "one up" me. This has gotten quite bad and petty. Mutual friends have told me that she talks bad about me but she acts totally different to my face. We are housemates so I have to see her everyday. She always makes snarky comments on my clothes and hair and appearance things, and then she will completely copy them! She dyes her hair to look like mine and buys the same clothes as me right after I get them. When we go out she'll try to wear similar clothing as me & sometimes when we go out and someone shows interest in me, the moment I turn around she starts throwing herself at him.. now I'm not the jealous type, but I told her that this needs to stop doing that but she said "its not like the two of you are dating, you barely know each other plus we're in a club so all is fair."
She always disses my outfit, hair, makeup, even saying that my parents come from a third world country, the aren't from the US. Like she tries to make fun of where my parents are from and making snide remarks. Whenever my friends ask me about my accomplishments and such, she gets this jealous expression on her face and tries to argue about what I've done and how "amateur" it is.
At the gym she'll ALWAYS do the exact workouts as me, and keeps looking at my monitor to see how fast I'm going or how many calories I've burned. If I burn more she ask if my machine is broken, but if she burns more she will rub it in my face. What ever adjustment I make she will copy. I did ignore her for a while
Why is she being like this?
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No, you're not imagining things in your head.
I would say she is envious of you. Envy is wanting something badly that others have that you feel you dont have. So she envies you. Why? Cant's say what things led up to this, but the reason why is that she has a low self image and believes herself to be inferior. There is a program running in the background, like on a computer, only this program is running in her subconscious mind. When it comes to the subconscious having such a severely negative self image, it will prevent her from getting anywhere in life and will have a great emotional impact on anyone she hangs out with. Being her friend is not going to help her snap out of this someday. She needs some professional help, a life coach or some counseling. She may not have mental illness but she has a great problem with thinking negative thoughts and believing them.
While its nice to have someone look at to you and emulate you and that can be flattering, this is way over the top, buying and wearing the same outfits and watching to see how many reps you do at the gym to do exactly the same.
This is an unhealthy relationship/friendship since instead of building you up and complimenting you, she is saying negative things to bring you down, which is another thing people with low self images will do, attempt to bring others down to hopefully lower than where they are so that they can feel better about themselves. However that tactic has been proven to not work and the person will still feel they are lacking. I would say to distance yourself from association with her but since she is your housemate that is impossible. As long as you are living with her, she is going to make your life miserable. I can ignore someone copying me, but someone trailing me like a shadow so there is no where I can go socially or in public where she isn't there is too extreme for me. Ignoring works only to a point, but when she interferes with your attempts to meet a man, that is total interferance regarding your life choices. Is she going to be the deciding factor of whether you ever marry or not, have kids or not, where you work, work there too and compete to look good for the boss and get you fired, etc... You have to basically decide when you've had enough of her in your life. Once you're there and ready to act, and can do so without feeling any remorse, then you'll be able to work out a different living arrangement, change your phone number, whatever it takes to sever contact with her. Your friend needs professional help and until she gets it, she is not going to be able to truly be a friend.
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What I see and for reason only she can explain. I don't see someone that is jealous of you. I see someone who is trying to emulate you. Why this is so is hard to say.
It could be she is using you as a goal. You say that in many ways you are equals;if I take that to mean both intellectually and academically. Then using you as someone she has to exceed is a goal point for her. It's wrong to use someone else as a personal goal though you will not convince her of this.
If I am correct then everything you see her doing is just her way of trying to insure she meets her goal. The snide remarks, talking about you behind your back and copying the way you dress. It is understandable that all of this can be unnerving.
In another sense you should be flattered that she holds you in such high esteem that she is trying to impersonate you in every way. You may have heard that the sincerest form of flattery is impersonation. From what you write she is definitely trying to be you.
What to do about this. There is not much you can do to change her for she probably won't admit to it. Next semester you can ask her to find another housemate if your other housemates agree she is bothersome. Or you can find other people to share a house with. Doing so should send a message, I'm just not sure she will receive and understand the message you send.
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Trying to figure out, and label, what is going on in her head, isn't respectful or friendly. All you need to figure out, is if her behaviour towards you means you want to go on being friends or not.
You can't know why she does this, or what her feelings or thoughts are. What you have to look at is what is actually happening, and if that makes this a friendship you want to keep or not.
Maybe she is mean to you and jealous, that's a perfectly sensible interpretation of her actions as you've described them, but frankly, you don't sound like you have a very high opinion of her either! If you don't like her, don't be her friend.
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