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PromiscuousCouple
Dear Dragonflymagic, first of all i would like to thank you for your sound advice. I have spoken to her and took your advice to give it deep consideration. And yes, she was not happy as she said she did not understand what the fuss is all about as back in her city where she came from, what she did was acceptable but why isn't it acceptable here. I did tell her that it's different here and what she and I did will affect us in the future as being Chinese in a small conservative place is not exactly, sex will always be a "taboo subject". She asked me to think about it and she will not change her ways and I told her I will never force anyone to change their sexual habits or preferences. But i did tell her that I am a businessman and the last thing i want is gossip behind me that will affect my business. I even told her that for the sake of trying out this relationship, I am willing to work something out no matter what the outcome is. However the reply she gave me was "so what if I slept with any of your friends or co-workers or employees or business associates? It's none of their business and you should either accept it." I explained to her that it was precisely due to my promiscuous past that I lost a lot of good and childhood friends after they found out I slept with their wives (before they were married off course) and they didn't know how to face me or deal with the "mental image" which is churning through their minds. Her reply : they are stupid and should grow up. Now my question is : Should i continue this relationship or should i end it? It really seems that all she is into is enjoy the present, forget the past and to hell with the future. All she wants is to enjoy great sex and no commitments at the moment (she said it herself) but she doesn't want to lose me (yet). What am I to do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
When considering getting into a relationship, the best candidate is going to be someone who has the same current values as you and same goals, etc...
Another consideration is your business. You may have strong feelings for her. But those nice feelings could turn to hate and disgust if she were to jeopardize your future in business by sleeping with or attempting to seduce your business associates so you lose business deals or lose your business. In the economy of this current world, it is best to make decisions that support keeping what work, job, income you have.
Please understand that I am not saying that work is more important than a loving relationship. An already existing marriage should have higher importance when making any decisions for your future that will affect both of you such as where you live, the hours you work or type of job.
I think you may also have to consider what her level of mental maturity is or her ability to make a commitment. Her comment if the words are as you said,"they are stupid and should grow up," can be a possible indicator that she focuses more on what is right for her, selfish, not taking into consideration a couple steps ahead in her mind what possible results could come from her actions. It is good manners to take into account how your actions will affect others and do what you need to so that you do not offend others. In the current world, we must be careful that we don't say or do anything that would offend someone regarding their sex, their gender,such as gay people, their beliefs and religion if it differs from yours. If the girlfriend were to say, "I understand the need to keep this secret and for me to be careful and subtle, not blatantly out there trying to find my next sexual fling and I am willing to do this for you, or I am not willing to do this for you so I think we need to part." That would show some maturity on her part. But pointing the finger at other people and calling them stupid or demanding that they change their views to match her is a very narrow-minded thinking and what has gotten our world into much trouble and wars and killing in the past. Especially religion, demanding that someone convert because belief #1 is the only true belief while at the same time those of belief #2 feel that #1 is mislead and going down the wrong path, that belief #2 is the only true belief and so they begin to kill each other when one doesn't convert their beliefs. Thats what our history is full of, people with that attitude and it sounds like the girlfriend has it too.
If I remember correctly she is about 30? And that is not youthful naivity and immaturity simply due to age. It isn't until our mid twenties that the brain completes growing, mainly the pre-frontal cortex which is responsible for making more sound decisions and better judgement calls to name a few, and that is why people 25 and younger often do not make very good decisions because physically in the development of their brain they are unable to do so. Either your girlfriend is choosing to limit her mind or her brain never matured which would indicate there is something wrong there.
If there was something wrong with her mentally, it would not be so obvious that anyone could see it, and she could function reasonably well.
After all I've said, there is one more possibility, that she has a sexual addiction, same like being addicted to drugs or alcohol.
Sex addicts describe a euphoria with sex similar to that described by drug addicts with drug use.
I have an article on that, please read all of it.
A lot of it sounds like your girlfriend. It may not be true. But if it were true about her, and she were to resist going for treatment, it could destroy your life, job, relationship.
Here's that link:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
All points considered, it sounds safer to avoid having any more contact with her. She may say she loves you, but is she really IN LOVE with you? I doubt it, the depth of love needed to be in love will cause each person to want to do what is best for their partner, not do anything that could hurt them, but you also love them unconditionally at the same time so little things like forgetting to hang up your coat are insignificant.
I think you summed it up well when you said,
" It really seems that all she is into is enjoy the present, forget the past and to hell with the future." It is good to enjoy the present, but remember the past to have learned from it, and use what we learned to make wise decisions for the future. If she is into gratifying only herself, without commitments, so she is not long term relationship material nor possible wife material. And do you Really know why she doesnt want to lose you? Was she able to put into words what it is about you that make ynd most likely
ou so special that she must have you in her life? If not, you could ask her to tell you what it is about you that makes her want you in her life and not lose you. She better have some very good reasons, other than liking sex with you. If you are nothing more than just another sex partner to her with no other depth to the relationship, that's a definite let her go.
If you believe you would be stressing and worrying constantly about your business and wondering if she has done anything to mess it up for you, that will rob of mental and emotional peace and can affect your physical health in the long run and is therefore not worth it to stay with her.
It is ultimately your decision, but it sure looks like the logical choice would be to stop seeing her. Good luck sir. You can write again if your feel the need.
ha
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