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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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I'm a 19 year old girl. I have Bipolar 1, depression, severe anxiety, severe panic attacks, and insomnia. I also have some learning disabilities and agoraphobia (fear of people). Not only is all of this very difficult to deal with as it is, but I can't get a job or complete my GED because of it. I'm absolutely terrified to do most anything; make phone calls, go to the store, go out with friends, even just sitting at home alone triggers panic attacks. I've tried to get jobs but I've failed in all attempts. The farthest I've gotten, was past the interview which was very very difficult and started my first day but I had a severe panic attack and a mental breakdown, to which they sent me home, and I wasn't able to continue working there. It was humiliating and worsened my depression and confidence. I have no idea what to do. I'm so stressed out and I just want to be able to move on in my life like a normal person. I can't afford therapy, and I'm already on 1mg Xanax 3 times a day, 100mg of topomax a day, and 600mg of lithium a day. I feel like a failure because I can't accomplish these things and function normally. Does anyone suffer like this? What are your methods to overcome this? Is there anything that can help me? I'm extremely desperate. Please help. I need someone who understands.
Sweet lil angel is right, there must be some kind of help center for those with disabilities like yours. So if not on disability, check into that because you and I know that since so much ends up being a big challenge to you, you are going to need some help.Can the parents at least help get you hooked up with a social worker from the dept. of social and health services?I am going to s These are people trained to know how to help, what programs to have you try. They can even help get you working part time with companies that are understanding of people with disabilities and tend to hire the disabled. So having a bad day and ending up with a panic attack won't end your job. There should be a job counsel to go with you, someone who's worked with counseling you and knows what your abilities are and acts as a helper to get you acclimated and through training at a job. If its determined you can not handle even part time work, you have to go on full time disability. The biggest obstacles are finding the right agencies to help. they may be overstaffed these days and you may need to be patient to get seen by someone but you'll also need someone, a family member or friend willing to help you with being persistant to check back with agencies until you get the help you need.
Sorry but I can't say that there is a way to overcome all the things you have. I used to work as a caregiver part time for several people with mental health issues and variations of all the things you mentioned you suffer from. From what I have seen, people with what you suffer from have to find a way to get on disability, all of them were well taken care of once they were hooked up in the system.
Ok I won't say the names of these school, but one will be School A, and I went to school a for 6 years and it was ok, then I left and went to School B for a year and loved it. I made so many friends, but I had to annually do a public speaking project, and it scared me so much I decided to go back to School A. Now I need to decide where to go next year. I have friends at both schools and I like School B better but I'm soooo scared of Public speaking there. What do I do? If anyone can help I would be sooo grateful and give advice in return!!
I hear ya. I used to be afraid of public speaking too. In my case what I refer to is book reports in front of the class. I was terrified and eventually just refused to do it.
Refusing to do it, running from it isn't the answer.
The best course of action is to find a way to overcome your fear. This is social anxiety. I was also shy then too. I wish someone had told me what to do to learn to overcome it.
You may feel you're doing great and can handle talking to your friends so you don't have the social anxiety problem, only with public speaking. So is it just talking to people you don't know? If so, I have something I can share with you regarding that. Let me know. Maybe if you could provide more detail as to what this public speaking thing is. Is it like book reports in front of the class, or a project you studied and have to give a talk on to a whole school auditorium, or are students expected to give some kind of speech out in general public to non students, just random groups of people?
I have studied personality types a little and found that the majority of people are one of two types that are very friendly and supportive and acceptive and understanding....and that is 90 % of people out there. Of the other two types, one tends to avoid any social contact, the hermit type and wouldn't care what you're doing, whether good or bad, they just dont want to be there. The last group of people are the bossy, name calling, controlling types that no one likes. Never take personally what they say as they just haven't got a clue, they have such a big ego and think they know it all, they're God. Thank God they're not though LOL. They need to be ignored if they say something. But usually its not worth their time to give you a hard time if you were doing your public speaking. You think talking to a crowd is harder than talking to one stranger, one person who is not a good friend of yours? No, not really. Once you have gained self confidence of doing well with strangers one on one those same skills will apply perfectly to a larger group.
I wonder, if all these friends you have at both schools are people who approached you first, or did you approach them first? At one point the students were all strangers to you. I was the one to shy to approach others and the only friends I had were those who had approached me first. If this is you, let me know. And I'll share how I got past that. If theres something else instead going on that makes you so terrified that you'd change schools, I can't even begin to try to help unless you share what that might be. Is it something perhaps about the way you were raised at home, home situations? Let me know. I can't answer if you write in the comment section for grading this response, I'd need you to go to my column and write to me from there. Thanks.
I seem to have the most acne for my age. The thing is I eat healthy compared to other kids ( not too many processed foods) and I exercise and wash my face and use organic facial scrubs with nytric ( idk how to spell it) acid. I guess I am sorta stressed but not put under the pressure that other kids are. WHAT IS GOING ON I had a clear zit free face last year and now, well now there's acne on my forehead and both cheekbones. I have tried using salt it doesn't work and the the acid stuff just prevents . My parents won't let me get prescription because my moms against drugs( she thinks everything can be solved by eating vegies) WHY ARE ZITS POPPIN UP AND HOW DO I GET RID OF THEM thx 😘
I can't remember where I found it, but recently came across info that says massaging the lymph nodes of the face, neck and upper chest can help the lymph nodes to carry away and flush out of your body any toxins or whatever it is causing the acne.
This is all natural. These nodes are throughout our bodies and rather than have to know a specific exact spot, if you look up videos on line for regular facial massage, I couldn't see anything different from lymph node massage. So learn how to massage your face and neck and it should help to at least improve it if other things are still affecting it or if thats the only problem there was, should get rid of it. Hope this helps you. I'd be curious to hear back how it works for you.
Ok, so there's this guy at my school, we usually always sit on the same lunch table. I haven't ever noticed it before but recently he's been staring at me, like ALOT. Like, whenever I'm not looking, he stares at me, but whenever I turn back, he turns away. What do I do?! I don't know if he just finds me weird or something. But, I don't want to talk to him, because whenever I get to close to him, I start feeling all weird, like I get all hot and start sweating, and my face turns red its embarrassing. Someone help me! I don't no what to do and I have no idea what's wrong with me!
Here's a question to ask yourself. Do I feel weird when I get near all guys? Or do I feel that way only when I get near him.
If you feel that way with all guys, it may be a social anxiety connected with guys, not knowing how to understand them or how to talk to them cus its something you haven't done much before.
Or if its only with him, you may feel an attraction to him. You don't know enough to "Like" him yet but if You're of an age where you're going through puberty, having these strange feelings are quite normal when near a guy you find cute and attractive, especially when he stares at you lots, smiles at you or finds reasons to be near you.
Those are things a guy does when he has some initial interest in a girl. He may not know if he will really like you yet and is just as scared and embarrassed as you to make any move to try to talk and have conversation because this is all new to him too. Next time you have a chance, just smile at him, keep that up, smiling anytime he's caught looking your way. Smiling is a way people who don't know each other yet, let the other person know that they are friendly and approachable, that you won't be mean if he comes over to talk to you. If the smiling goes well, add a greeting, using his name Hi Kevin. Good morning Kevin. You have to start learning sometime how to talk to the opposite sex. May as well practice with someone who seems to have an interest in you to begin with.
I'm a 14 year old girl, I haven't been diagnosed with depression but it's kinda obvious....
Before Christmas 2013 I started cutting because I was upset about my life at home, my dad was a control freak and wouldn't let me go anywhere or even be with one of my best friends just because she said something he didn't like a while ago. I got so frustrated and sad that I didn't know wheat else to do, after about 2months my parents found out.. They did try to help me by asking what I wanted to change but I know it really hurt them that they knew what I was doing to myself and that I was so upset. I stopped for about a month and then it got worse, all because I fell in love with this boy and we didn't work out the way I wanted it to.. Still today I'm always feeling sad and even if I do manage to be happy it doesn't last long! I always find myself listening to depressi music such a 'London grammar' or 'bring me the horizon' I just like that sort of stuff and I go on my iPad every night on we heart it and that really doesn't help but I like reading that stuff...
I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, I don't think I could bring myself to do it but if there were to be a car coming and I was stood in the road I'm not to sure if I would move?
I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to be in love with that boy anymore as he flirts with everyone and he hurt me emotionally.
I want to be happy again, I wouldn't mind going to see someone for help but without my parents knowing! I don't want them to know that I'm still like this, they didn't help me last time and I'm too scared to ask for help this time.
Thanks.
If Dad,s truly a control freak and home life is mainly responsible for you feeling depressed and its not just how you are interpreting it, then for as long as you live under their roof, you will be around that which causes the stress that brings on depression.
Our bodies run in some ways like a car does. If a car ran low on oil, it would have to try harder to do its job, in a way that begins to wear down its functioning parts. The moment theres no oil, it freezes up and destroys the engine.
Humans are meant to run on something called feel good hormones. I wont go into the technical names but these hormones are produced within our bodys, we manufacture them under the right conditions and with the help of neuro transmitters are brought to the brain to help us deal with the pressures and stresses of life. Problem is, many people attempt to run on low or zero amount of feel good hormones. Its like the cars oil, we as humans need to deal with stress. Stress of an upcoming exam at school, of a bad relationship, problems at home, etc...
When you don't have any, thats when you begin to have the problems you have. There are things a person can do to help their body produce the daily hormones needed for your brain to handle these stresses. Only a few people who try these things to up their feel good hormones wont work cus of something wrong internally so the parts of their body that make the hormones is broken. Thats when seeing a Dr. is needed to go on synthetically produced hormones, a prescription for life to deal with it. Too many people who are perfectly capable of producing their own supply are automatically put on meds. I suggest you try first what I am going to mention, give it a good hard try and if it doesnt improve, let the parents know you want to be tested by a doctor for depression. If they don't take you seriously, then talk to a school counselor.
You said:
I always find myself listening to depressi music such a 'London grammar' or 'bring me the horizon' I just like that sort of stuff and I go on my iPad every night on we heart it and that really doesn't help but I like reading that stuff...
Thats going to be a problem. It'll be in conflict with what I tell you. As you said, the happiness is fleeting or you dont have any.
Things you can do to naturally raise the levels of feel good hormones are:
Listening to spirit uplifting music, not depressing ones. i am talking about not the words, but a melody that when heard, does something you can feel instantly inside, like your heart feeling as like as a balloon, about to float right out of your chest. After a 3rd time through the song, you should be feeling better. A melody that does it for me is Clocks by Coldplay. Sound therapy is well known in ancient cultures as a way to natural healing such as with gongs and such.
Dancing or movement, exercise. Movement helps to release these hormones.
Singing also helps to release them. All these 3 can easily go hand in hand. Ever watch a random person whose just whistling or singing a tune randomly during the day. Watch their face, do they look depressed? They look happy cus you can't do those things and remain stressed and unhappy or depressed for long.
The word depression simply means that you have depressed meaning low levels of the hormones needed to function.
Laughter is good too. Comedy, watch more comedies.
Hugs. Get your friends to help. Tell them you need hugs to feel better. Make it an experiment with them. I am talking not of brief hugs but full on big bear hugs that last more than a second or two, the longer, the better. You may not feel much better the first few times you try because you're at zero but as you continue to expose yourself to things that aren't dark, depressing and do some of these things you'll find those levels rising. If you have any other questions, please write me, I'd be glad to help you further. But you must go to my column and click on the button for sending me a direct message. I wont be able to reply if you write in the comment section of this answer I give.
Good luck!
I have a female friend..who is extreamly jealous..way to much to where she gets agravated when her husband even looks at another woman on t.v and mouths to him ."oh does that turn u on"and just other stuff that is not right. They have been at my house hanging out talking, listening to music..and she will spaz out for no reason and attempt to throw things at him. She actually hasnt done that yet but it has got to the point now to where I dont even want her at my house. Also she is so jealouse that she accused her husband of cheating and doing this or that..when she has been the one infact being caught talkn to her ex husband and who knows who else. We are all cool with eachother and all but also. I had went to her house without her there. just to hang out for a bit and have someone to talk to. MY boyfriend as well knew I was there. He didnt care but the friends wife is who would have spazed out if she new I was there with out her being there. She has told me noumerous times how her and my boyfriend talk all the time as she claimes and i dont care.. but I know she would care if I told her that me and her husband talked all day . Its like for her its ok but if her husband was doing it then hes cheating and trying to sleep with whores. I dont get it. I told him it wont change and she will continue to be the same. What else advice could I tell our friend to convince him he is better off with someone else. Thanks in advance.
I can't say whether this gal will ever change during her lifetime. But treatment like that by especially a female partner toward her guy usually kills the mans love and respect for her. Dating coaches on the web who counsel women in the do's and don't of relationships list the jealousy and checking up on the guy thing as one of the big no-no's. If he is willing to accept this treatment from her, it will emasculate him and possibly kill his sex drive. Maybe he saw this at home growing up, and thinks its normal? Its hard to know what to tell him not knowing anything about him. And what's worse, he's not the one asking for help. You are the one wanting to help. But unless someone is asking and in the mode of ready to recieve some constructive advice, they will likely not respond to any helpful info offered. Now if you tell him about this site and he wants to know if this is normal or not and if not what to do about the relationship, then he will write to us and be open to hear advice. He's in a bad situation that requires counseling. if the gal is even willing to go for marriage counseling, it may up with her requiring private one on one lessons for her issues. Just the examples you give sound like a possibility of a case of verbal abuse against him. So he may need counseling as an abuse victim.
I also know that It's hard to get an abused person to respond to friends and family trying to help them see how bad a situation is. So if he's being verbally abused, he may not be in a state of mind to want to leave. I know...I was there once...verbally abused by ex. I had to learn to love my slef enough to no longer want to expose myself to such damaging treatment. The stress of living with such treatment 24/7 will eventually take its toll on a person, either mentally/emotionally with low self image, depression etc, or physically with migraines, headaches, stomach ulcers, high blood pressure, etc... So there are some things he needs to know of how this relationship can and will eventually affect him. Is he really okay with that? He may not believe it but someday he will hopefully see it and ask for help.
You're a good friend.
I met a new guy at my college who happens to go to another college in another state. It's not far from me but we met and clicked really well. We did hook up, minus the sex, and got each other's numbers. He even slept in my bed the night we met. Quick, I know, but it happened and I don't regret it. However, before anything happened and we were just laying in my bed, cuddling, I asked him how many girls he hooked up with at my school and he told me it was only one. I ask because the friend he was visiting, his roommate had made me think he hooked up with many more in just the way he was saying things to him and I knew something was going to happen and I didn't just want to be another number for him, so I asked. I guess after he told me it was only one, I seemed skeptical so he told me I think too much and to just trust him. He said "let me explain something to you, I stayed awake til five in the morning with you waiting for your shift for work to be over, I let you paint my nails because you were complaining you were bored, for the first half hour we were together in your bed, we just cuddled and I don't do that and you were the only girl that I actually gave me real number to tonight."
I just don't know how to approach this now, I do like him and he was very sweet and kind and I would love to keep talking to him but he does go to school in another state and when we text, it seems as if I bother him. After he left this morning, he told me to text him, though so that must mean he really did want me to.
I just need to know if I'm being crazy, should I keep talking to him? Or was he being a gentlemen in telling me this because he thought of it as a one night stand? Should I just let it go?
Sounds like he's into you for you. What another person says is just speculation. You can't count on it meaning anything. Its only his opinion or his interpretation of what he heard this guy say.
As was already stated, its a rare guy who'd spend the night and be content with just cuddling and not sex. And no...it doesnt mean he's gay, just respectful of you and giving you time to be ready for that part of a relationship. A guy letting you paint his nails? Wow, he was really comfortable with you, not many guys will let girlfriends or wives do that with them.
It takes time to build trust in a relationship. So though there was no reason to know whether he is telling the truth, there's also no way to know if he was lying. So treat the situation as innocent until proven guilty. I dont know if a guy 'used' you in the past but if so, you'd have an idea of what possible signs might point to there being a similar issue. I said might not for sure cus we all can misread signs in someone we dont know too well yet.
Cuddling to me isn't something I'd consider a 'one night stand' even if he slept in your bed. If a guy was really after sex with you for just one night, not intending to see you again, why would he go through the trouble to tell you how different he feels about you and try to give examples, give you his cell # asking you to keep in touch?
Only a guy trying to line up a permanent sex partner to come back to might try to do that if he liked the sex but according to you, that did not happen. Kissing and cuddling are not sex in my book but are intimate gestures between a couple.
Keep a tight guard on your thoughts dear. Letting one over-imaginitive negative thought take up residence in your mind, with your dwelling on it so much, over thinking, can start a snowball effect of that negative thought inviting another and another until you've imagined an entire scenerio and in your mind have condemned him already or suspect him of something. Its good to remain alert and watchful in regards to dating someone but there's also going beyond a point that is healthy when it comes to a suspicious nature.
Sure, keep talking to him. LDR's are hard but you both have met in person first. I dont know how soon either of you will be done with college, if you continue to hit it off well, it will be hard for certain parts of the relationship to grow until you can be together frequently in person on a regular schedule. One example is the growth of trust, that can't happen online or by cell or texting.
If he doesnt respond immediately to a call or text, it doesn't mean anything bad at all. Guys are able to have and juggle several priorities in life at same time, school, job, girlfriend. More often, females put the guy as top priority and everything else takes 2nd or 3rd place and on down. Guys don't necessarily run their lives that way so thats nothing to worry about. You are not bugging him but not keeping in touch. Once a day should be fine, even every other day if he's really busy cramming for a test. I figure most women want to find a great guy that they can eventually be with long term, married or unmarried. If this is also important to you...then dating is the way to find out what a guys character is made up of, and whether he is right for you and you for him. What we feel initially for a person can change over time as we get to know them better. You haven't spent enough time with him to determine yet if he's the best guy for you or not. good luck!
Help!! My hair is wrapped around a round comb and it's literally near the scalp! It hurts everytime I try to get a piece of hair out. I tried using conditioner and water, which helped, but when my hair dried, it became all hard and now I can't get it out. Please, is there still a way without chopping my hair off????
Oh dear, I remember this predicament from childhood, combing my moms hair and then rolling the comb up as if rolling a curler and it became stuck and I was horribly scared. LOL
It is indeed hard to get out but you shouldn't have to cut it out. I can't remember what we did at that time way back. But I had a daughter try to do the same to me and got it almost to my scalp before i realized what she was doing and had her stop. It takes a lot of patience and painstaking time to try to loosen a few strands at a time. You likely wont be able to do this on your own and need some help. Embarrassing? Yeah, but not as embarassing as giving up and having a chunk of hair missing. Trying to unroll the stuck hair just doesnt help and from my experience made things worse. If sisters, mom, aunts, can't get anywhere with it, I would next call a hair salon to ask for help and perhaps they have a product and may have experience with trying to untangle badly tangled hair. Good luck with that.
I'm adopting a black domestic short-hair kitten from a nearby rescue, and I was wondering if I should get one or two of them. We have two kids who should be mature enough to care for a pet, and a medium-sized house. I'm a stay-at-home parent, so the kitten(s) wouldn't be alone too much. We already have a kitten picked out (short black fur with a white patch on her neck), and are planning to name her Kia. So, now we just need to decide if we should get a second kitten. There are five other kittens in the litter (two black boy kittens, two black girl kittens, and a white girl), who all seem to have pretty good bonds with each other. So, should we get another kitten? (We are well aware of the costs of having a cat) If yes, which one should we pick, and what would be a good name? Any suggestions would be great. Thank you.
I think its great the child will have a pet or pets to grow up with. Whether you have one or two is entirely up to you. Normally people get a 2nd so the first pet isn't lonely. However, cats are so very independant creatures that they don't necessarily need much interaction with humans let alone another cat. So its more about offering a forever home to not just one but two animals.
A good second name could start also with K, Kera, Kalista, Kylie.
Hi,my wife is 40 and I am 49. Our love life is so so. If and when we do, we both fantasize. Hers is mature light skin men, big guy, hairy chest who can overwhelm her with his strength ( I am only 5'7")or her ex boss who tried to seduce her, she was in her 20s n he around 50. She also asks me if I was also fantasizing and I would also fantasize. After few years I asked her if she wants to try out her fantasy and also it would make me happy too but she says no. I told her atleast try it once and if U dont like then we dont do that again and for I know I may not like it. She says no. So, how do I convince her? Ofcourse men will be screened and safety will be priority. Any advise? I really want her to try it ONCE and then we go from there. Kindly advise please. Thank you.Thank you.
I can see where missundersmock is coming from on regarding fantasizing possibly being harmful to the relationship. If relying on only one thing to improve the sex life, a person could get soo used to that one thing only that they are unable to become aroused any other way. Is it dangerous, not in my mind, it is limiting but if both of you are finding that right now this is the only thing working to help the love life....go for it. Its really no one elses business what you do behind closed doors that works for you and does the trick.
The brain is our largest sex organ and there is a lot of good to be said about fantasizing. There is no good or bad fantasy. What helps arouse one person may not arouse another. Some men fantasize about a young girl seducing him. That does not mean in real life he has a desire inside to have sex with young girls. Some women fantasize about being raped. It does not mean they want to experience it in real life. Fantasy is just that, fantasy and it has very little if any connection to reality. Do not think that the wife has a desire to experience any fantasies in real life. And most certainly do not think that acting out fantasies in real life will help the sex life. Opening the relationship as you mentioned brings the same issues as swinging does. Lots of comparing, jealousy, accusations, and always the wondering if ones mate might fall in love with someone else. People having problems in the love life area deciding on open relationships or swinging to help improve it will find that instead of improving it, it brings to light in more glaring details what may be wrong with the relationship. You are not a young couple like college age. You are of the age group that many enter this sexual type of life style. In most cases (I was in it and asked couples) the female was the one who came up with the idea of wanting to go, not the male. I have also witnessed the behavior of the females dragged along into this by the husband who weren't really into it. They just weren't into it and just going through the motions, no one even wanted to just talk to those gals. I was in a marriage that had difficulties in the same area, there were other issues too but this was one of them. He came up with the idea, but I wasnt wanting to cooperate at first. Eventually I came around and the whole experience was very enlightening to me. Remember I said it can bring to light what may be wrong in your relationship? It sure did for me. I discovered that he and I were sexually mismatched from the very beginning and our libidos were different. It wasn't for lack of expertise. Another guy could do all the same but there was chemistry there and I had zero sexual chemistry with the husband. Had my first orgasm from a man with a swing partnVer er in my early forties. Did it break up my marriage? It gave me the knowledge I lacked before to make a better decision for my own future. The marriage was dead for many years. About the same time, I took a turn off the Christian path to follow a more Spiritual not religious path and it was a combo of both areas that began to show me that due to his mental illness on top of it and ill treatment of me, there was no marriage to save to begin with.
I know other couples where one partner, sometimes the hubby and sometimes the wife would get extremely jealous and fear losing their mate and they no longer feel secure, lose their trust.
Its not worth it. If anything is dangerous in my opinion, it is the open marriage/swinging concept rather than fantasizing.
My husband wanted this not because he wanted me to enjoy myself more. It was all about him. He asked if I'd let him go to a club without me if I didnt want to go. I'm not saying that you have the same situation. But you're theVert one doing the asking of her. It was a positive learning experience for me because before opening our marriage that way, I thought that passion and orgasms and great sex was all stuff of romance novels and not a reality in life, just a drummed up image and story. So I learned lots during those times. I am now remarried and do have a wonderful husband who is also my sexual equal.
Sounds like you guys are doing what you can to spice up your sex life in a safer way. Stick with the fantasizing if it works. Don't press the issue of open marriage...you may regret it.
Can a friendship be saved in anyway if the person has made their whole life about their boyfriend/husband and dumped all their friends and some family to put ALL their energy into that person and no one else in life?
Its a long and complicated story that i dont want to type all out on here, but their now bringing a baby into the world, while living with a controlling mother who hates all her childrens friends. Its been increasingly harder to contact her as everytime i call someone ELSE picks up her cell phone and says shes "busy", doesnt live there anymore, or the phone no longer belongs to her. She is easily influenced by her mother and her overly controlling ways. it is engrained in her to give up a fight easily and submit to her mothers ways but i feel i cannot give close this issue for good until i get some answers. we didnt end the friendship with a fight or anything. best friends for over 6 years before this. so i just dont get it.
What you're wanting to know is if you can find a way to make this an active working friendship right now? No. But as Adviceman said, you can decide to still be her friend, it means you don't give up and you'll encourage her in any way you can find to contact her but at this point don't expect much if anything in return. At some point in life, hopefully she'll grow tired of this life, grow up and develop some backbone and leave what is a bad situation for her.
I am guessing that since she and boyfriend are living with her mom, that she's a teen or college age? With a baby coming, its not like she can go to work and if the boyfriend isn't bringing in a decent income, they are kinda stuck having to rely on others for their welfare.
I married at 20, it was a bad relationship and I stayed way too long after realizing he was abusive. Not so much overtly controlling as verbally abusive. I was still allowed to see friends and other people but when a person is so controlled that a person doesnt allow them any contact with the outside world as a way of keeping them under their control, thats a hard cycle to break out of. One of the biggest reasons people stay in an abusive relationship or situation is financial. The woman knows she can't earn as much as he does and stays with a partner who is abusive in exchange for getting their basics like food and shelter. I can tell you, that was the biggest fear I had. Once I got past that fear and was willing to do anything to break away, I was able to do so, but thats after coping for 30 yrs which had its effect on my body physically. I grew up a normal childhood and went into an abusive marriage, everyone fooled by him for the first year. However, your friend grew up in a controlling household and is still there. She doesn't know anything else, so it will be much harder to make a break or see a need to break away from this. I feel bad for her. All you can do is wait. It could be a few years or maybe closer to a big chunk of lifetime like with me. But she will be grateful when the time comes to have her safety nets out there, people like you who never gave up and patiently waited for the time when they came asking for help, not to pay a bill but help to keep from going back to an abusive situation, help in encouragement to seek professional counseling, to set up some goals, to have her own dreams and wishes and wants again. When that day comes, you will pick up where the friendship left off and continue as if there was no time in between. good luck
my boyfriend wants to insert his penis in my ass.. but im not allowing as we are only 17! now he just wants to touch his penis on my ass.. im not ready for that also as im scared of precum.. he cannot take a condom.. so he has asked for using plastic instead of condom. is it ok to allow him to cover his penis with plastic bag and let him touch my ass?is it safe?
You have a pretty flimsy reason for not allowing him to have anal sex with you. With your line of thinking, the next question woud be: At what age do you suppose it is okay to have anal sex?
You need to have it clear in your mind why you do not want anal sex, or anything sexual to do with him. It shouldn't be age that makes a difference but whether you are ready for it or not, if you want it or not. End of story!!
If a 28 year old woman goes on a date a 2nd time with a guy and this time he pressures her to have sex with him and she doesnt want to, when he asks why not, should she say....because I am 28 or because I am not interested in doing anything sexual with you at this point.
As you can see, a plastic bag used or not, or condom doesnt even become an issue if you just say no. And if he won't take no for an answer, no matter how cute he is, no matter how badly you want a boyfriend,
you must keep clear in your mind that the purpose for dating is to learn what you like and don't like about another person, how he treats a girl. He badly wants sexual experiences. So does every other teenage boy. Some will wait until both he and girlfriend have really deep feelings for each other, really caring and putting the comfort and feelings of the other first. Other teen boys will continuously whine and pressure girls to 'put out' and in this case ...what does the girl get out of it if she wasn't emotionally ready? Nothing but a poor memory and regrets, or maybe a pregnancy.
You started out with "my boyfriend wants..." that says a lot, he is making his demands known of what he wants. Is he asking you what "You want?" Probably not. He is approaching this relationship wrong. He should be asking what would make you want and what would make you happy and do it...whether its a stroll in the park, brushing your hair, attending a concert with you, etc.
You said that he told you He cant wear a condom? Why? Did he explain? Did you ask? If he says cus he can't feel enough sensation through it, too bad. A responsible male wears a condom. If he's allergic to latex condoms, that's no excuse either. There are non latex condoms out there. He can find what brands to look for if he does a quick search on the internet.
Don't let him tell you its not sex simply cus it's not penis-in-vagina. There are many ways to be sexual with another person. But there has to be a certain level of trust to be that intimate with another person. If you're not ready to kiss, take off your clothes in front of him and are only considering doing this to make him happy, you set him up to learn to become a spoiled brat. He will learn to make demands and expect to get them or threaten to break off the relationship and will never think once of treating the girl nicely.
He isn't concerned about pregnancy cus he can't get pregnant. A guy who really cares about the girl he is dating and when both of them are ready for sex, will not only make sure she goes to Planned Parenthood to get on birth control, but will still use condoms to make sure no STD's are passed on.
If he thinks he'd be satisfied with only touching the tip of his penis to the skin of one of your butt cheeks, did you even think about that, if it isnt the vagina or the anus, skin anywhere else on the outside of the body is just the same. If he wants to know what it feels like to touch the tip of his penis to your butt cheek, he can just do that to the inside of your arm while you are fully clothed.
Such a stupid statement, "Let me just touch the skin of your ass with my penis and I'll be satisfied." Baloney!
The answer is simple, if you aren't ready to have sex yet, or just plain don't want to with him, then don't. Plastic bags or not safe. If he threatens to break up, dont let that intimidate you. Break up with him first. Tell him he is too immature and inconsiderate for you and let him go. A girl who knows what she wants, set ground rules of what is okay or not, sets barriers and requires a guy to follow it, will find in time that she begins to attract better quality males. There are teen guys who are good quality and worth the time to date, maybe not many of them but they exist. This kind of confidence is what makes a girl attractive to a guy and good guys find that kind of confidence sexy without demanding sex.
I am a single parent. I have two children. My oldest 7 years old has aspergers. I sometimes feel I have it figured out I can handle this. Other times I am on the verge of tears and just don't know what to do. He is in therapy, the school knows about his disgnoses, he is now being medically treated. ( he has ADHD and Aspergers) If I take him to a store, zoo, holiday party, etc he will have a melt down just cry scream not want to be there. If we go to friends birthday parties he will get angry with the other kids and they are being kids not being any meaner than normal kids would be. I stand right there supervising because with him having problems I dont always know how hell get or how other kids who have not been around kids with problems may react and it doesnt help that he is a lot taller than children his age he is 4'7". He plays sports but when his younger sister is in gymnastics which his grandfather takes her to because I normally work that day he will act up in public. I feel I cant take him anywhere feeling trapped. Dont get me wrong. I love my son and would never trade him for anything I enjoy all our good times but I want him to interact with people. I want to be able to call people over and do a dinner or play date or take my kids on a summer vacation.
When a person is going through something in life that is tough, that they cannot change, you feel so alone and isolated, that no one can understand what you are going through.
It's true for most people that they would have no clue so it would be hard for them to 'be there' for you and give emotional support or other. However, there are support groups for all sorts of things like people who are single parents, those who've lost someone to cancer, and I am sure there must be one somewhere in your area for people with children who fall somewhere on the Autism Spectrum. Those parents are the only ones who can really understand what you are facing and when its something that you must navigate through because there's no choice but to do so, it helps to have others to talk to who do understand. Ask the Drs who diagnosed him if they can recommend a support group you could attend or perhaps the school counselors may know of something like that. Keep asking and looking, maybe online for your area. And get involved. Blessings to you.
I'm 14 and in the 9th grade, I'm obsessed with this boy! He started talking to me in December 2013 and we've been talking until today but I don't think we are quite ready for a relationship... It's complicated. We see eachother around school everyday but it's almost impossible to make eye contact either he looks away quickly or I do, we only talk online. I want to talk to him in person but I get so shy because of my social anxiety and I stutter when I talk, it'd be nice if someone could give me advice on how to get over that too! I should say that we went out in February for about a week but never spoke, and then we went out again for 3 days but he ended it because he's aid he wasn't ready? Could anyone help me?
Oh and I don't want people saying 'just move on' ect because I don't want to...
There's no hurry to date. Perhaps both of you are not ready, so don't feel bad, thats perfectly fine and normal. Its also normal to see someone of the opposite sex that you can be attracted to and like, but not feel ready for dating yet.
The reason you both have trouble holding eye contact is because you both are attracted to each other, thats one of the signs, looking at each other often and looking away out of unsureness how to handle it. You mentioned your social anxiety, not that he has any too. If he does, you might pass the following info on to him. I had social anxiety too until my last year in high school when i did something about it. I just got sick and tired of always missing out on stuff cus of being so frozen by fear of other people. I finally prayed and asked God for help and this is what I heard. It worked great for me and I'm sure it'll help you too. If you take your time and practice,you'll conquer the anxiety. this boy cant be one of your practice people...you know him, it has to be total strangers. By time you've finished this, you'll be able to walk up to him and start a conversation without any issues.
Here's what to do:
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
I've been using Triphasil now for month I thought my period is gona come back to normal but not yet what should I try or must I contineu using it? I want to try for a baby wil it help me to fel pregnent
Triphasil is a contraceptive, a birth control. When a person takes this pill, they are trying to prevent a pregnancy, not try to get help getting pregnant.
Birth control does the opposite by the use of hormones a females body releases when they become pregnant. This natural hormones a body release will tell your ovarys to not release an egg because you are pregnant. With triphasil or any other birth control with hormones, the body is being told it is already pregnant when in fact it is not. That is the basic way BC pills work.
If a doctor put you on birth control pills because you were not having periods and they hoped this would bring regular periods I am not sure if the pill is a common treatment choice of doctors. I've heard of the pill being prescribed when period cramps are too intense every month, or the bleeding is too heavy. Going on a pill to "start" a normal period cycle, and wanting to try for a baby at the same time is just going to cancel out the possibility of getting pregnant.
You need to have a good talk with your doctor. Does she/he know you wish to become pregnant?
I didn't see age listed so I must say something on the next part in case it applies, if not, you can ignore.
If you are not yet an adult of 18 or older, I suggest you do not try to become pregnant. Its a big responsibility and the scientific fact is that though humans bodies may be mature in the teens, the brain is not yet done growing and the prefrontal cortex won't completely be done until ones mid 20's. This is very important to making good decisions and handling some of the pressures of life and if another life is in your hands, you want that baby to have a parent who is able to handle making the best decisions possible for it. Babys may be cute but It's no cake walk.
If you are an adult trying to become pregnant, you can try to see a doctor that specializes in fertility concerns and female reproductive issues. Not every gynecologist has the same expertise. If something is medically wrong that is preventing you from being able to ovulate and have a period, then that problem needs to be addressed first and going on hormonal birth control is not the right move. Doctors need to first address the issue of not having a cycle and clear that up first.
Hi, I am fifteen years old, and my boyfriend is seventeen years old. We have been together for five months, and I am madly in love with him, there is just one problem. He tells me he loves me a lot, but I really don't feel as he means it. He'll hug on me, hold me, and kiss on me, all the time, especially in public, but I just still don't feel as he really loves me. I really don't want to lose him, he is the light to my world. I have spent hours crying over this, because I don't want to lose him. What should I do?
When we are young and experience our first love, it's always special. Since we have not experienced any like this before, we have nothing to compare it to, we just know its very intense feelings. Many call this puppy love. Enjoy it.There's no way for you to instantly know whether he means it.
True love for another is proven over time through the experiences, how he treats you, through the nitty gritty of life, does he have opportunity to see you at your worst, not your best and still love you? Love is not snapping back at your sweetie when they have a headache that makes them short tempered at the time and they snap at you. Love is getting up from watching a movie and asking if you can bring your sweetie a refill on their drink, love is making a trip to Walmart at 2am because your sweetie is sick and you discover you're out of flu and cold medicine...all things my hubby as done for me.
He says he loves me all the time, but he proves it by his actions. All you need to do is experience it and decide for yourself whether his actions are loving and supportive instead of controlling, and selfish.
At this age range, many boys wanting their first sexual experience will 'court' a girl so to speak and tell her that he loves her to get her to the point of wanting to experience sexual things. Thats okay
Hi i have a corn snake which is around 5-6 months old he was bred by my two older corn snakes when he was around 1/2 months old i started to realise a little bump on his head i don't know wether its a tumor or he has to grow into his skull this is my first time raising hatchlings and was wondering if it was anything to worry about? Thanks for advice
There are few vetrinarians who can answer questions about pets that are not the more common ones like cats and dogs. So it's even less likely that someone on here may have an answer. My suggestion is that you call and ask the pet store where you got the snake if this is something common to not worry about. Or find out from them referalls for vets who deal with snakes. If they deal with the sale of uncommon pets, they're the most likely to know.
So, I'm 10 and in school. So anyway, this might sound crazy but I think people are gonna hate me. I'm not getting invited to much party's lately, and a girl who acts all friendly to me and we are friends but I'm wondering about it not that I don't trust her,I mean, I've been friends with her since I was 2 or 3, but she's been hanging out with this one girl every Saturday, and I don't see why she would like her more than me because she's a cry baby, and she keeps “forgetting" to invite me over when we agree on hanging out. One boy keeps annoying the hell out of me, and one thing I find suspicious, is that a girl asked me to take notes for her when she had to go to orchestra lessons, but then she said before she left,“you don't have to take notes for me anymore" and then whisper-asked a girl to do it for her. Also, in PE, on the traveling rings, everyone got cheered no matter what, but only about 1/3 of the class cheered me. Also, another friend suddenly ditched me. What is happening?
I've been there and can relate to what you are feeling. I hope to give you a different perspective ons this though, something that I wasn't able to get frt om anyone at your age, but wish I had.
First I'll share an example, in P.E./gym class, on days the class had to split into 2 teams, without fail, every time it came to whatever 2 kids were chosen by the teacher to chose who was on their team, no one chose me, so I went to the next team by default as the left over. So I know how it feels.
Problem is, I did not know that unwittingly, I was doing things that in some ways influenced this problem.
1. Over-thinking things, trying to 'predict' the future outcomes. This is a dangerous practice to take on because if you think you know the future outcome, you basically talk yourself out of trying to make a difference today. “Why bother? It's not going to make any difference “, are the thoughts and feelings you end up having.
2. Negative thinking. In all my imaginings of any other persons look on their face, things said or actions done, when one negative thought is allowed to stay in your mind and is focused on, it will invite another and another negative thought until when strung together they become a whole negative story line in the mind, like watching a sad movie. The multiplying negative thoughts if not stopped can pave the way to feeling depressed. How to stop, the moment you realize you've had a negative thought, mentally or out loud say, I reject that thought, it is not true...whether you feel it or not. It takes a long time and perseverance to break the negative thought cycle, but don't give up.
2. I was too fearful. This is connected to the negative thought process. Fear of not being popular, not fitting in, not being accepted for who you are, fear of ridicule/teasing, fear of people in general, I was so anxious about stuff that hadn't happened, that I was living in the future 'what ifs' rather than living in the present. It's important for all people to feel accepted and this starts around your age and continues through high school being the main issue for all young people. Do people like me? If we feel thats in question, we immediately think the opposite must be true, that we are hated instead. There is a third catagory that young people don't see yet, its the catagory of indifference and it's the largest group of people...those who have no opinion in their mind about you yet, who have not decided one way or the other. They see no obvious reason to dislike you or as you said 'hate' you. But on the other hand, they also don't see any obvious reason to 'like' you yet either.
4. Comparisons: When we compare ourselves to others and feel that others are 'better' than ourselves, we are already on a downhill cycle. Who says one thing is better than another? Some expert? Another kid? An adult? What they are using to base their statement on is personal opinion, some measuring system they came up with in their minds based on their own personal preferences. Unfortunately in this world, some of the more 'outspoken' people who have influential positions in society will end up "Forcing" their personal preferences of what is popular or 'better' than others, onto the public and the worst thing is that most of us fall for it.
Take the beauty and fashion industry. What we are told is the 'beauty' women need to strive for today to be popular and desired by men is so unreasonable and cannot be achieved by anyone because it's mostly camera tricks and computer imaging touchups, Photoshopped. The experts of today on beauty don't apparently have the same opinion as people did in the past. Before photoshop, models and actresses like Marilyn Monroe were the standard of beauty and ended up as popular pinup models. She was full bodied and appeared big boned. Then there was a period where the thin, willowy type was the popular standard, called the Twiggy type. Twigs for arms and legs is just about right, She'd be someone accused of being anorexic today. Before we had camera's and photography, oil paintings of previous centuries show nudes as smaller breasted, big hips with a rounded belly rather than flat belly and big boobs. I hope you see now that comparing is useless, because you and I will never appeal to all of the people, due to personal preferances of those people.
So my personal recommendation for you is to not change anything abut your personality as far as who you are at core, what your hopes and dreams are, your morals, your interests and hobbies. The only thing that needs to change is becoming more friendly, outspoken/vocal. I lived in my own little world, assuming everyone could read my mind and know I wanted their friendship. But I did nothing, not looking at people, not talking to, not smiling.....
I don't know if you are doing these things and if they are forced or how it appears. Check yourself out in a mirror when you are feeling relaxed and yourself. In your normal relaxed mode, what does your face look like. Mine looks too serious and comes across as unfriendly. Those who don't know you won't know that there is actually a fun happy person behind the face. Try smiling at people more often. Compliment others on whatever, people can't help but like to be around people who make them feel good and recognition of their good grade on a test, their choice of shoes, purse, earrings, etc... is a good start. It doesn't work like magic overnight. Remember the "Indifferent group of people? These People will rather want to observe you for a while to see if this really is a tactic you are using or if you truly have made a change. The majority of kids, teens and adults are drawn to people who are more vocal and outspoken, the ones who always start the conversation. I never did in school so I was overlooked a lot. If the indifferent group of kids was all that confident in reality, they'd be starting conversation with you first rather than waiting for you to say something first.
After high school I got a chance to take a class on personality types. I came to learn that the great majority of people fit into two of the most friendly personality types, Promoters, and Supporters. Promoters are the popular kids, the ones who seem to be leaders and supporters are the ones who follow their lead. Very few fall into the other catagories of Controller or Analyst. Analysts are more the bookworms, nerds, hermit type who dont socialize by preferance. A controller is what the word implies, someone who attempts to control others, force them to be someone they are not, have too high an ideal for others to live up to...that sort of thing so they end up not having many friends.
I am giving you a link to see what personality type you are. Its helpful in understanding yourself better and what others may see you as.
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/67180
Most supporters are all waiting for someone else to approach them first or speak first. If you push yourself a little beyond your comfort zone to talk to others first, 90% of the time I find that people respond favorably. Take my example of bring a batch of homemade cookies to every new person moving into the apts I lived at on the first day or two they were there. Never did anyone take the cookies and say nice to meet you but close the door. They all invited me in and began to thank me for the wonderful greeting into the neighborhood. Conversation just flows from that point. They have kids so they ask if I have kids and what I thought of the local school, etc....
I hope this helps. If you come up with any issues as you work on this, you can let me know by going to my column and writing me from there so i get your question to answer personally. Good luck dear
my girlfriend of 3 years is constantly looking for fights. she says she gets mad when i don't give her attention and that's why she's always wanting to fight about nothing. when we start fighting she gives me the lowest blows though. she's always reminding me that she can get any guy she wants. which i already know but i don't need to be reminded. she calls me selfish and the worst boyfriend she's ever had. she's constantly telling me that if she wanted a crappy relationship she'd have stayed with her ex. not only that but she's very controlling, anytime i go out i have to pretty much ask permission. i don't like her talking to guys but all of her friends are guys and she knows how much i hate it but does it anyway. what do i do? i've tried so many times to let her go but i can't, i really love her. i just don't know how to get her to stop without starting another fight.
You didn't provide age, so in case shes a teen, you may want to read this. Otherwise, you can ignore.
She may be a controlling manipulative person either way whether adult or teen, BUT...
There may be another factor for her behavior. You said shes been a girlfriend of yours for 3 years, not that she's been acting this way for 3 years. If she's been like this from the start, dump her...you deserve better.
If friends, family and you have noticed a gradual change in her behavior to what she's like now...it could be a drastic hormonal imbalance. There are many cases of females who go from sweeting caring personalitys to mean hateful bitch like people all due to the influence of hormones. A simple test at doctors office can determine if thats the case and if so, females are put on medication just for the teen years until the hormones level out on their own as she grows older. This would be something her parents would need to be aware of and take her to the Dr. to be checked out if all this seems to fit the scenerio.
Good luck.
21/f I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now with no problems, except my boyfriend's crazy cousin. At the beginning of our relationship we got close, then she became a little crazy and always seems to have a problem. Long story short I drifted away from her a bit after a few freak outs she had on me for no reason; now it's extremely uncomfortable to be around her since we don't talk as much. Recently she invited my boyfriend out to a party in front of me and didn't mention inviting me at all, something she would have talked to me about had we been closer like before. It really upsets me, and my boyfriend agrees she's very rude. Should I talk to him about confronting her behavior? Or have him say something to her? She's just blatantly rude to me. Thanks!
I don't see what the problem is. In life, we are going to at least once come upon a person who hates us or can't stand us when we've done nothing to deserve it. Happened to me when I was about 18. So when you come upon someone like this and after giving it time to be resolved without a chancany success, then move on, avoid being around the person, stop placing yourself in her presence. It sounds like she has figured out that it's best if you two do not see each other at all.
And so, in one way I must say it makes sense that if she is having a party, that she would invite her cousin/your boyfriend, and not you. Doing so right in front of you was tactless but she has that right to invite whomever she wishes and is not obligated to invite you.
But yes, this does go against the rules of proper etiquette, or good manners as others call it. If lets say the boy had been in a multitude of short relationships and she didn't really feel comfortable inviting a girl friend of 3 months to the party, thats one thing. However it is better to be gracious and invite a person to bring their significant other along, married or not. Thats how its been in my family.
Your issue could be more than just the rudeness, you've said she's had issues of emotional outbursts the with you before and you generally find her behavior to be crazy. Perhaps her hormones are out of balance which are causing erratic change in behavior, a person going from a happy friendly person to psycho-bitch all because of hormones being out of balance, or maybe its a mental illness. However she'd be acting like that with everyone not just you in those cases.
If you know you've done nothing to cause any of the problems with her, then don't take it personally, you're in the clear. You can not do anything to change her behavior but you can change how you deal with it in your head. It is not important that every single person in the world likes you. It is awkward tho when it comes to family members or connections and social events requiring participation of family, like baby showers, weddings, Christmas, etc. Just a random party for no special reason is not an event that the boyfriend is 'socially required' as family to attend. It's up to him to accept or not. If he doesnt accept, and she asks why, I'd say only then should he be saying something. If she isnt asking, say nothing.
As to what he says to her if the day ever comes, he should not bring up an issue of you not being invited because if you were, you wouldn't enjoy it anyways. The missing invite is NOT the issue. The issue is whatever is causing her to not treat you civilly. If he must say anything at all, he'd have to ask why she is treating you like an enemy and try to get to the bottom of this with the cousin. If she is uncooperative, then he will need to make a stand with her and tell her what he will and won't allow of her treatment of you.
None of this is for you to say anything. Its all up to him as 'family'.
If it were me, I'd be telling her, "Julie is my significant other. I enjoy going places with her, not leaving her behind, so if you intend to invite me to events and leave her out, you can count on me not coming. If you do invite her and we both come over, I will expect you to treat her civilly and politely. You dont have to be her best friend. But the moment you are out of line, we both will leave. If this happens repeatedly, we will no longer accept your invites. It's up to you."