|
Open relationship
Hi,my wife is 40 and I am 49. Our love life is so so. If and when we do, we both fantasize. Hers is mature light skin men, big guy, hairy chest who can overwhelm her with his strength ( I am only 5'7")or her ex boss who tried to seduce her, she was in her 20s n he around 50. She also asks me if I was also fantasizing and I would also fantasize. After few years I asked her if she wants to try out her fantasy and also it would make me happy too but she says no. I told her atleast try it once and if U dont like then we dont do that again and for I know I may not like it. She says no. So, how do I convince her? Ofcourse men will be screened and safety will be priority. Any advise? I really want her to try it ONCE and then we go from there. Kindly advise please. Thank you.Thank you.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
To be strictly honest. I couldn't do it no matter how much I trusted my husband I couldn't full dill my fantasy or want him to full fill his and if he asked me to I would feel pretty depressed knowing I could no longer give him what he needs I'd feel he wanted it from some where else. Try a another way there are the adult stores romance parties your wife could go to with other females pick up ideas. Romance your wife the roses music candles if that is what she likes. Good luck
]
I have one firm policy that I advise on when it comes to sex.
First: there is nothing weird or strange about any sexual activity between two consenting adults.
Two: The operative word here is "CONSENTING." Your wife is not consenting to having sex with another man therefore it is a nonstarter. To continue to try and convince her is actually sexual harassment. Yes a husband can be charged with sexual harassment and even rape of his wife in many states.
Fantasizing is wonderful; it is great for masturbation or for when being given oral sex, a hand job or fingering. Sometimes reality and fantasy are not the same. For the sake of discussion lets say you wife gives into you and does as you ask. She finds she likes making love with other men it is everything she fantasized about. On the other hand it is a disaster for you. You couldn't stand watching another man make love to your wife. What do you do know, you have let the cat out of the bag so to speak.
There are a lot of other fantasies you can try to spice up your love life that your wife might be willing to try. One popular fantasy is one that adds an element of danger such as being caught making love. It brings back the teenage years. You go for a hike in the woods find a small clearing of the hiking path and you do what comes naturally. Will someone come along and see you? What will they so, what will they say? This is the fantasy.
There are others but that one seems to be very popular, adds some spice to the sex life. Most importantly it is safe and it is between the two partners no third parties are involved.
]
I can see where missundersmock is coming from on regarding fantasizing possibly being harmful to the relationship. If relying on only one thing to improve the sex life, a person could get soo used to that one thing only that they are unable to become aroused any other way. Is it dangerous, not in my mind, it is limiting but if both of you are finding that right now this is the only thing working to help the love life....go for it. Its really no one elses business what you do behind closed doors that works for you and does the trick.
The brain is our largest sex organ and there is a lot of good to be said about fantasizing. There is no good or bad fantasy. What helps arouse one person may not arouse another. Some men fantasize about a young girl seducing him. That does not mean in real life he has a desire inside to have sex with young girls. Some women fantasize about being raped. It does not mean they want to experience it in real life. Fantasy is just that, fantasy and it has very little if any connection to reality. Do not think that the wife has a desire to experience any fantasies in real life. And most certainly do not think that acting out fantasies in real life will help the sex life. Opening the relationship as you mentioned brings the same issues as swinging does. Lots of comparing, jealousy, accusations, and always the wondering if ones mate might fall in love with someone else. People having problems in the love life area deciding on open relationships or swinging to help improve it will find that instead of improving it, it brings to light in more glaring details what may be wrong with the relationship. You are not a young couple like college age. You are of the age group that many enter this sexual type of life style. In most cases (I was in it and asked couples) the female was the one who came up with the idea of wanting to go, not the male. I have also witnessed the behavior of the females dragged along into this by the husband who weren't really into it. They just weren't into it and just going through the motions, no one even wanted to just talk to those gals. I was in a marriage that had difficulties in the same area, there were other issues too but this was one of them. He came up with the idea, but I wasnt wanting to cooperate at first. Eventually I came around and the whole experience was very enlightening to me. Remember I said it can bring to light what may be wrong in your relationship? It sure did for me. I discovered that he and I were sexually mismatched from the very beginning and our libidos were different. It wasn't for lack of expertise. Another guy could do all the same but there was chemistry there and I had zero sexual chemistry with the husband. Had my first orgasm from a man with a swing partnVer er in my early forties. Did it break up my marriage? It gave me the knowledge I lacked before to make a better decision for my own future. The marriage was dead for many years. About the same time, I took a turn off the Christian path to follow a more Spiritual not religious path and it was a combo of both areas that began to show me that due to his mental illness on top of it and ill treatment of me, there was no marriage to save to begin with.
I know other couples where one partner, sometimes the hubby and sometimes the wife would get extremely jealous and fear losing their mate and they no longer feel secure, lose their trust.
Its not worth it. If anything is dangerous in my opinion, it is the open marriage/swinging concept rather than fantasizing.
My husband wanted this not because he wanted me to enjoy myself more. It was all about him. He asked if I'd let him go to a club without me if I didnt want to go. I'm not saying that you have the same situation. But you're theVert one doing the asking of her. It was a positive learning experience for me because before opening our marriage that way, I thought that passion and orgasms and great sex was all stuff of romance novels and not a reality in life, just a drummed up image and story. So I learned lots during those times. I am now remarried and do have a wonderful husband who is also my sexual equal.
Sounds like you guys are doing what you can to spice up your sex life in a safer way. Stick with the fantasizing if it works. Don't press the issue of open marriage...you may regret it.
]
I think if she really doesnt want to try out the fantasy, then i think you shouldnt force it. just because a person has fantasies doesnt mean you need to make them come to life. That specific one could just be what starts to get her off when shes with you in her mind to get things going. Also with alot of marriages, this kind of thing could permanently damage the marriage beyond repair. I would seriously urge you to try ANYTHING ELSE BUT this idea.
]
More Questions: |