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Son with aspergers
I am a single parent. I have two children. My oldest 7 years old has aspergers. I sometimes feel I have it figured out I can handle this. Other times I am on the verge of tears and just don't know what to do. He is in therapy, the school knows about his disgnoses, he is now being medically treated. ( he has ADHD and Aspergers) If I take him to a store, zoo, holiday party, etc he will have a melt down just cry scream not want to be there. If we go to friends birthday parties he will get angry with the other kids and they are being kids not being any meaner than normal kids would be. I stand right there supervising because with him having problems I dont always know how hell get or how other kids who have not been around kids with problems may react and it doesnt help that he is a lot taller than children his age he is 4'7". He plays sports but when his younger sister is in gymnastics which his grandfather takes her to because I normally work that day he will act up in public. I feel I cant take him anywhere feeling trapped. Dont get me wrong. I love my son and would never trade him for anything I enjoy all our good times but I want him to interact with people. I want to be able to call people over and do a dinner or play date or take my kids on a summer vacation.
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My best friend has aspergers and it is difficult at times to do things especially when he feels out of control. The best thing that I have found is putting us schedules and planning ahead for him, we also have discovered that he tends to get upset if he is confronted with a difficult situation in public where there is a possible audience ( I am sure you know how that feels). Try finding things that your son has an interest or hobby in, my friends is fish. And then do things that relate to that hobby. We go to the aquarium a lot and have sushi afterwards. The best thing to do is let them know that it is ok and they don't have to worry. When tommy gets upset or frustrated we sing a song and it usually calms him right down. It takes time but the best thing to do is to fing out what "works" for him and take it from there. Good luck
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People on the autism spectrum (of which Aspergers is a part) tend to have sensory processing issues. This can go both ways; that is, either too sensitive or not sensitive enough to certain types of stimuli. A lot of the meltdowns are caused by these issues. It may be possible to improve your son's behaviour by addressing these issues.
For example, a common one is sensitivity to sound. If your son is bothered by noise, allow him to wear earplugs or earmuffs. Let him try some on and see if he can still hear you talk. It may sound counter-intuitive, but it is possible that he will actually hear you better with them because they block out background noise and allow him to focus on what you are saying. With that being said, only ever use them when needed, and do not allow him to wear them all day, because he will get used to them and become even more sensitive.
(Earplugs are less obvious to other people, but are also more easily lost, and may be harder for him to put in or remove if he has poor fine motor control, which is also common amongst people on the autism spectrum.
In contrast, earmuffs are less convenient to carry around and can be more uncomfortable (especially in hot weather), but have a better frequency profile for conversation, and are probably easier to put on, especially if he requires your help with that.)
Another common one is sensitivity to light. Next time you go to the shops, take note of whether they have fluorescent lights. They flicker at double the supply frequency (which is 50 or 60 Hz depending on the country), and most people do not notice it, but they are a problem for people who are sensitive to light, including some people on the autism spectrum. If possible, go to shops with non-fluorescent lighting. Alternatively, let your son wear tinted glasses.
(Irlen glasses ([Link](Mouse over link to see full location)) are specifically targeted at people with autism or ADHD, but tinted glasses that are made for people who have migraines can be suitable too. I like the photochromic wrap-around ones from Axon Optics. [Link](Mouse over link to see full location))
I have Aspergers too (but not ADHD), and my mother can only wish she knew about these things when I was a child. I only realised how good it is to have earplugs when I was given a pair at work and tried them on, and I went looking for tinted glasses because the fluorescent lights in my office were making me really miserable.
Each person is different, and things that are helpful to one person may not be so effective for another. Try one thing at a time, stick with it for at least a few weeks, and keep a diary of how things go. If something helps, that's great. If it doesn't try something else.
If your son currently plays sports, make sure to give him the chance to continue. Proprioception and motor skills also tend to be a problem for people on the autism spectrum, so you should give him the chance to develop these skills. Getting enough exercise also tends to be good for improving attention span, and team sports also provide a chance to spend time with other kids and learn to cooperate.
When you have plans (such as inviting people over for dinner or going places), tell him in advance if possible, so that he knows what to expect.
Also, do not let the conditions be an excuse for bad behaviour. It is important to teach him which behaviours are acceptable in what contexts and why. (The latter part is important because people on the autism spectrum are less likely to accept "rules for the sake of rules" and will want to know why a rule exists.)
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When a person is going through something in life that is tough, that they cannot change, you feel so alone and isolated, that no one can understand what you are going through.
It's true for most people that they would have no clue so it would be hard for them to 'be there' for you and give emotional support or other. However, there are support groups for all sorts of things like people who are single parents, those who've lost someone to cancer, and I am sure there must be one somewhere in your area for people with children who fall somewhere on the Autism Spectrum. Those parents are the only ones who can really understand what you are facing and when its something that you must navigate through because there's no choice but to do so, it helps to have others to talk to who do understand. Ask the Drs who diagnosed him if they can recommend a support group you could attend or perhaps the school counselors may know of something like that. Keep asking and looking, maybe online for your area. And get involved. Blessings to you.
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