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Loyal to the end. an outsiders need to answers
Can a friendship be saved in anyway if the person has made their whole life about their boyfriend/husband and dumped all their friends and some family to put ALL their energy into that person and no one else in life?
Its a long and complicated story that i dont want to type all out on here, but their now bringing a baby into the world, while living with a controlling mother who hates all her childrens friends. Its been increasingly harder to contact her as everytime i call someone ELSE picks up her cell phone and says shes "busy", doesnt live there anymore, or the phone no longer belongs to her. She is easily influenced by her mother and her overly controlling ways. it is engrained in her to give up a fight easily and submit to her mothers ways but i feel i cannot give close this issue for good until i get some answers. we didnt end the friendship with a fight or anything. best friends for over 6 years before this. so i just dont get it.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
What you're wanting to know is if you can find a way to make this an active working friendship right now? No. But as Adviceman said, you can decide to still be her friend, it means you don't give up and you'll encourage her in any way you can find to contact her but at this point don't expect much if anything in return. At some point in life, hopefully she'll grow tired of this life, grow up and develop some backbone and leave what is a bad situation for her.
I am guessing that since she and boyfriend are living with her mom, that she's a teen or college age? With a baby coming, its not like she can go to work and if the boyfriend isn't bringing in a decent income, they are kinda stuck having to rely on others for their welfare.
I married at 20, it was a bad relationship and I stayed way too long after realizing he was abusive. Not so much overtly controlling as verbally abusive. I was still allowed to see friends and other people but when a person is so controlled that a person doesnt allow them any contact with the outside world as a way of keeping them under their control, thats a hard cycle to break out of. One of the biggest reasons people stay in an abusive relationship or situation is financial. The woman knows she can't earn as much as he does and stays with a partner who is abusive in exchange for getting their basics like food and shelter. I can tell you, that was the biggest fear I had. Once I got past that fear and was willing to do anything to break away, I was able to do so, but thats after coping for 30 yrs which had its effect on my body physically. I grew up a normal childhood and went into an abusive marriage, everyone fooled by him for the first year. However, your friend grew up in a controlling household and is still there. She doesn't know anything else, so it will be much harder to make a break or see a need to break away from this. I feel bad for her. All you can do is wait. It could be a few years or maybe closer to a big chunk of lifetime like with me. But she will be grateful when the time comes to have her safety nets out there, people like you who never gave up and patiently waited for the time when they came asking for help, not to pay a bill but help to keep from going back to an abusive situation, help in encouragement to seek professional counseling, to set up some goals, to have her own dreams and wishes and wants again. When that day comes, you will pick up where the friendship left off and continue as if there was no time in between. good luck
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If ever a person needed a true friend it is this person. At some she is going to need to reach out to someone and when she does a true friend will be there for her regardless of her short comings or her controlling family.
To be a true friend it does not mean you have to see and speak to that person each and every day. You just need to let that person know that you will always be there when and if they ever need someone to talk to. It does not matter how many days, months or even years that go by when she needs you; you will be there. That is what you need to communicate to her.
Given all the electronic social media we have today there are ways to stay in touch that her mother will not be able to control like a phone call. Suggest to your friend that she and you stay in touch over Facebook or something like that. IT doesn't have to be everyday and I'm sure you know how facebook works. She makes a general posting about her day and you respond with a general posting about your day.
As long as her mother does not have access to her postings or you restrict your postings to each other. Her mother should not see them.
Most importantly though is you remaining her friend regardless of circumstances today. For one day she will need a real friend.
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