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I'm depressed and I want help!
I'm a 14 year old girl, I haven't been diagnosed with depression but it's kinda obvious....
Before Christmas 2013 I started cutting because I was upset about my life at home, my dad was a control freak and wouldn't let me go anywhere or even be with one of my best friends just because she said something he didn't like a while ago. I got so frustrated and sad that I didn't know wheat else to do, after about 2months my parents found out.. They did try to help me by asking what I wanted to change but I know it really hurt them that they knew what I was doing to myself and that I was so upset. I stopped for about a month and then it got worse, all because I fell in love with this boy and we didn't work out the way I wanted it to.. Still today I'm always feeling sad and even if I do manage to be happy it doesn't last long! I always find myself listening to depressi music such a 'London grammar' or 'bring me the horizon' I just like that sort of stuff and I go on my iPad every night on we heart it and that really doesn't help but I like reading that stuff...
I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, I don't think I could bring myself to do it but if there were to be a car coming and I was stood in the road I'm not to sure if I would move?
I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to be in love with that boy anymore as he flirts with everyone and he hurt me emotionally.
I want to be happy again, I wouldn't mind going to see someone for help but without my parents knowing! I don't want them to know that I'm still like this, they didn't help me last time and I'm too scared to ask for help this time.
Thanks.
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Once upon a time, don't you just hate it when people start a response like that, back in the dark ages of your parents and grandparents teenage years did not see what you are going through as depression. It was seen as a phase that many young people went through and would grow out of. It was seen as a response to the hormones of puberty.
At the time they were partly correct. Today medical science knows better, teenagers do get depressed partly because of the bodies reaction to the hormones of puberty and partly to environmental factors. Now that doctors recognize this there are ways for them to help teenagers effect in this manner and they have even given this illness a name. The diagnoses is called teenage Depression, a form of clinical depression brought on by what another advisor called the happy hormones.
You really need to be properly diagnosed which is something your family doctor can do. Diagnosing is simple and painless as the doctor will ask you a number of questions by which he or she will make a diagnoses. The doctor will also want to do a complete physical to rule out any organic reason for why you feel as you do. The doctor will then either prescribe medication or refer you to another doctor.
So the first thing to do is to ask to see your family doctor. Ask the doctor to screen you for depression. When the doctor asks why tell him or her what you wrote us. You are by law old enough to make your own doctors appointments for certain types of exams and a complete physical is one of them. Since you live at home a controlling family may make this hard to do.
IF you cannot or are not allowed to see a doctor then what I suggest is you speak with a trusted teach, your principal or another adult you trust. Your teacher or principal after hearing what you have written and showing them the scars of your cutting are required to step in and help by contacting the right agencies to see to your safety.
Cutting is possibly the worst thing one can do to themselves. Cut in the wrong place or cut too deep and you can bleed out before help can arrive. So please try not to cut and talk to a teacher or your principal at school if you cannot get to see your doctor for help.
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I always said if you don't like your life change it. However you are a minor so change your life where you can. Delete the music weather you like it or not it makes you feel awful my boyfriend was the same way until he found other music he liked that made him happy. Read happy stories find something you enjoy I enjoy being on here giving advice when I'm sad advicenators here I come. :) I walk a lot working out keeps me happy and I have Lot of stress I swear I am not just saying this I'm a single mom two kids 22 getting divorced not a walk in the park my emotions are like a roller coaster but I always tell myself there is someone some where who has it worse. Talk to your parents because when you live on your own your away at college or working what ever path you decided to take you need you parents. You'll want to call home or come home for the day night weekend. Smile say hello to a stranger. Good luck hun if you want to be happy you can do it. As for cutting I did it to :( rubber band does wonders!! Keep it on your wrist you are real stressed snap that band. You'll be in my prayers
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Don't be too hard on your parents, they may seem to be all-seeing at times, but odds are they really don't know how you're feeling. If you can't talk to your parents, is there someone else you could confide in about this?
Cutting and other self-harm methods are a kind of learned behaviour. Stress and tension build up inside until the easiest way to release it is to hurt yourself. It then becomes a habit which can be very hard to break. Lots of people do it but lots also recover and lead normal lives.
Find someone you trust to talk to, let them know how you feel and why you feel you have to cut yourself. Just talking about the way you feel may release some of that tension and lessen the stress you feel and the need to cut.
You sound like a lovely, normal girl, who is struggling with being a teenager and modern life. Most 14 year-old girls have problems with boys' at your age, relationships can be stormy and short. This is normal and it does get better.
Look for friends who enjoy doing the same things you do, whether that is dancing, music, reading, sport, crafts, whatever you enjoy. If you get interested in doing something enjoyable, you tend to forget to worry about the stressful stuff. This might also reduce your need to cut.
I hope this was of some help, you can always find someonehere to talk to. Best wishes x
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If Dad,s truly a control freak and home life is mainly responsible for you feeling depressed and its not just how you are interpreting it, then for as long as you live under their roof, you will be around that which causes the stress that brings on depression.
Our bodies run in some ways like a car does. If a car ran low on oil, it would have to try harder to do its job, in a way that begins to wear down its functioning parts. The moment theres no oil, it freezes up and destroys the engine.
Humans are meant to run on something called feel good hormones. I wont go into the technical names but these hormones are produced within our bodys, we manufacture them under the right conditions and with the help of neuro transmitters are brought to the brain to help us deal with the pressures and stresses of life. Problem is, many people attempt to run on low or zero amount of feel good hormones. Its like the cars oil, we as humans need to deal with stress. Stress of an upcoming exam at school, of a bad relationship, problems at home, etc...
When you don't have any, thats when you begin to have the problems you have. There are things a person can do to help their body produce the daily hormones needed for your brain to handle these stresses. Only a few people who try these things to up their feel good hormones wont work cus of something wrong internally so the parts of their body that make the hormones is broken. Thats when seeing a Dr. is needed to go on synthetically produced hormones, a prescription for life to deal with it. Too many people who are perfectly capable of producing their own supply are automatically put on meds. I suggest you try first what I am going to mention, give it a good hard try and if it doesnt improve, let the parents know you want to be tested by a doctor for depression. If they don't take you seriously, then talk to a school counselor.
You said:
I always find myself listening to depressi music such a 'London grammar' or 'bring me the horizon' I just like that sort of stuff and I go on my iPad every night on we heart it and that really doesn't help but I like reading that stuff...
Thats going to be a problem. It'll be in conflict with what I tell you. As you said, the happiness is fleeting or you dont have any.
Things you can do to naturally raise the levels of feel good hormones are:
Listening to spirit uplifting music, not depressing ones. i am talking about not the words, but a melody that when heard, does something you can feel instantly inside, like your heart feeling as like as a balloon, about to float right out of your chest. After a 3rd time through the song, you should be feeling better. A melody that does it for me is Clocks by Coldplay. Sound therapy is well known in ancient cultures as a way to natural healing such as with gongs and such.
Dancing or movement, exercise. Movement helps to release these hormones.
Singing also helps to release them. All these 3 can easily go hand in hand. Ever watch a random person whose just whistling or singing a tune randomly during the day. Watch their face, do they look depressed? They look happy cus you can't do those things and remain stressed and unhappy or depressed for long.
The word depression simply means that you have depressed meaning low levels of the hormones needed to function.
Laughter is good too. Comedy, watch more comedies.
Hugs. Get your friends to help. Tell them you need hugs to feel better. Make it an experiment with them. I am talking not of brief hugs but full on big bear hugs that last more than a second or two, the longer, the better. You may not feel much better the first few times you try because you're at zero but as you continue to expose yourself to things that aren't dark, depressing and do some of these things you'll find those levels rising. If you have any other questions, please write me, I'd be glad to help you further. But you must go to my column and click on the button for sending me a direct message. I wont be able to reply if you write in the comment section of this answer I give.
Good luck!
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