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I want my ex back! :(
I'm 14 and in the 9th grade, I'm obsessed with this boy! He started talking to me in December 2013 and we've been talking until today but I don't think we are quite ready for a relationship... It's complicated. We see eachother around school everyday but it's almost impossible to make eye contact either he looks away quickly or I do, we only talk online. I want to talk to him in person but I get so shy because of my social anxiety and I stutter when I talk, it'd be nice if someone could give me advice on how to get over that too! I should say that we went out in February for about a week but never spoke, and then we went out again for 3 days but he ended it because he's aid he wasn't ready? Could anyone help me?
Oh and I don't want people saying 'just move on' ect because I don't want to...
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Enjoy the way things are now and it will be ok. If hes shy too maybe you can get over it together in good time. Enjoy being young, i sure am. SOunds like an infatuation and you might get over it even if you dont feel like that now.If you actualy like him you can wait until hes ready'
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There's no hurry to date. Perhaps both of you are not ready, so don't feel bad, thats perfectly fine and normal. Its also normal to see someone of the opposite sex that you can be attracted to and like, but not feel ready for dating yet.
The reason you both have trouble holding eye contact is because you both are attracted to each other, thats one of the signs, looking at each other often and looking away out of unsureness how to handle it. You mentioned your social anxiety, not that he has any too. If he does, you might pass the following info on to him. I had social anxiety too until my last year in high school when i did something about it. I just got sick and tired of always missing out on stuff cus of being so frozen by fear of other people. I finally prayed and asked God for help and this is what I heard. It worked great for me and I'm sure it'll help you too. If you take your time and practice,you'll conquer the anxiety. this boy cant be one of your practice people...you know him, it has to be total strangers. By time you've finished this, you'll be able to walk up to him and start a conversation without any issues.
Here's what to do:
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
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