about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

My dad seems to always try to snoop through my CDs and I don't like it and I try to stop him. Then one night, he wanted to borrow my Maroon 5 CD, and I wouldn't let him, so he said I can't go to any Maroon 5 concerts. Then he calls me ungrateful child. What should I do? Is he serious?

I liked Razhi's answer. She as the saying goes hit the button right on the head.

Now what can you do about this situation? Fact is both you and your dad are wrong. In this case he tried to do the right thing and asked to borrow it and you were rude to say no. In your writing to us you made it sound as if you said so out of spite if for no other reason.

Parents do have a right to go through their children's things. TO monitor what music they are listening to, what they are reading and most importantly to see if they are hiding any drugs. This is part of being a responsible parent.

I'm not saying this is why your father went through or goes through your CDs. I'm just saying this is one reason why he would.

My advice would be to go to your dad and apologize. Say whatever you feel like but acknowledge you were wrong and maybe being vengeful or ungrateful and you realize this now.

I'm sure your dad will appreciate this apology and most likely modify any punishment he gave you. This will also open the door to communicate with him your desire for more privacy. He then can tell you if he feels the need to monitor your music, reading and on-line viewing and why.

If going through your CDs was as much to see if you had any he wanted to listen to as well as monitoring what you are listening too. Then I can't say he is wrong for doing so as he is being a responsible parent. Something that later in life you will thank him for.

[view]


16/f

Hey guys. So, uh, this is a little gross and awkward, but that's why I'm here and not Facebook. A week ago I was just having my period like I do every month, no big deal, just a thing I do. But this month my pads were rubbing against one of my thighs and it caused sort of an irritated not-quite-raw spot that hurts like a mild b!tch when something rubs it. Now I'm done with all my period stuff for the month but the spot is still there. I think it's a little better but not much. I'm really afraid it'll get infected or something but I don't know what to do. Obviously it's kind of embarrassing so is there any way I can handle this on my own? PLEASE HELP ME IT'S SO ANNOYING ERMAHGERD TANK YOU.

Trauma's advice is excellent. I will add to it to avoid wearing any type of leggings or panty hose as this irritation will heal faster if it is allowed to be open to the air. Panty hose restricts air getting to it.

If you are still chafing from underwear try covering the area first with the antibiotic (over the counter) cream then cover the area with a 4 x 4 piece of gauze. Yes, you will have to cut and tape it to fit but only for a few days to give the area time to heal.

If the irritation does not heal in a few days you should see a doctor for the are may be infected needing a stronger cream and possibly an oral medication as well.

[view]


can you work any where over the age of 50

flare is correct in what she has said. Here in the U.S. it is Illegal under Federal Law to discriminate on the basis of age or sex. Now there are exceptions where by law you must be of a certain age or between certain ages. Other than that if you are healthy enough to do the work you cannot be discriminated against based on your age.

[view]


I'm 21 and married. I'm 10 weeks pregnant, and as time goes on I become more and more scared. It has made me very aware that I honestly don't think I'm ready for it. I don't want an abortion, I'm very against that. What I want is advice on how to cope. I know that if it ends up being a successful pregnancy then I will be a mom in May. How do I come to terms with not being able to do some of the things I wanted to? I LOVE kids, but I wanted to be established in a career, have a few more years with my husband - just him and I - and to live life for a little bit with only having to worry about rent and how to handle a disagreement I have with my husband. Now, I will have so much more to handle on a daily basis. How do I do it? I wasn't expecting to have kids for a few more years...

My wife and I were married for six years when my son came along. While he was a planned pregnancy many of the questions you are asking here were on our mind too.

I do not think anyone is ever absolutely ever ready for children. There are and will be things you want to do together. Places you want to go, careers to be enhanced, bills to pay and children bring new bills with them.

Part of being a parent is learning to cope. My son is now now 35 and I remember wondering why, many times over the years, children didn't come with an owners Manuel like everything else new to our lives. Fact is I now look back on those times with no regret that he didn't come with one. Part of the joy of parenting is learning to cope.

I would love to tell you how to cope or to write a book on how to cope. Fact of the matter is I can't. Every child presents different challenges in parenting. I think the reason god invented grandparents is to help with parenting skills. Your child will be very much different yet the same as you were as a child. Your parents will be able to help you cope if you let them.

The way you come to terms with not being able to do some of the things you wanted to do is: You are not canceling those plans only postponing them to a time when you are older and more appreciative of them. Many of the things we did before my son came into are lives we plan to do again in retirement. Some have already been done and enjoyed better this time. Why, we are more financially secure now then when we were when younger and doing those things on a shoestring budget.

What I would suggest is you and your husband may want to do to help you be more secure is take a parenting class. Your local hospital or Red Cross may offers these classes. You both need to take them to learn about everything a child will need in the first months of its life which are the most trying on parents as this is the time a child is most helpless. A child is totally dependent on it's parents at this point and until age of about one when it is able to get around for itself. Then things really get fun and you get your daily exercise as well.

A baby brings it's own workload with it in addition to you existing household chores. You and your husband need to sit down and work out a plan as to who is going to do what with the chores and child care. This will lessen the disagreements you are concerned with.

Okay, enough with the bleak side which is really the lesser of the two sides of child rearing. Bringing a child into this world is really a joy. Watching a child, someone the two of you are responsible for its being, grow and mature is truly a joy and a gift. Even the heartaches.

Relax I believe your going to be a great mom.

[view]


Hi, I'm a girl 14
My mom has a new live in boy friend. It not that I don't like him or he does not like me or he does not love my mom(he does with all his heart)It just that he's old fashion and his way or high way. He wants to change so much(moms other boy friend were not even like this)For one He think I to young to date and has been trying to get my mom to make me break up with my boy friend of 1 year(I have been friend with him for 5 yrs)he wants to re-do the house (that means my room to!)he does not like my friend because three of them don't believe in God and there moms and dads don't make them believe.He think I should get new ones. he want to make us not only go to another church but to change from christian to catholic and to make me go to catholic school! And he has this "kids should be seen not heard" thing(what the Hell!!) I don't have any say in any of this!! He not mean is just his way or high way. And I think Mom might give in to his bullshit! Hellllp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me just add to what Xenolan has said.

It sounds as if your mother has found a very old fashion boyfriend. There is nothing inherently wrong in his beliefs; they are just out of step with today's society. In fact their are many who believe his values are the type of family values that this country needs to get back on track to where we need to be as a society. That though is a whole other discussion.

You did not say if your dad is still in the picture and if he is what if any custody decisions he has with your mothers raising of you. If your father is alive and actively in the picture he too can be your advocate if mom will not be. Even is this man were to become your stepfather his role in your life is limited to whatever role your mother allows him. That is the biggest problem you may face. At the moment he has no say, but if he were to be come your stepfather his role in your life could change.

I understand where your feelings are and you have a limited amount of resources to defend yourself. If mom decides what he is asking or suggesting is the right thing to do for you; Then unfortunately you have no choice, at least for the next 4 years.

If mom won't advocate for you, you are to young to legally advocate for yourself. Then you must find someone you trust that you can go to, who mom will listen to who will advocate for you. That person can be an Aunt or Uncle or one of your grandparents. Any of these people are as far away as the closest phone is to you. Meaning they don't have to live near you to advocate for you.

You can also talk with a trusted teacher or your school principal about your home life. One thing I see in what you have written is that your mother may have "revolving boyfriends" living in your home. Even by today's standards this is not considered a proper home life for young children and yes you still fall in to that category.

Now this is entirely up to you. If you were to speak with one of your teachers or your principal concerning the number of boyfriends mom may have had living in your home and what this current boyfriend is insisting on your mother change in regards to your up bringing. It is very possible child protective services would tell your mother that the boyfriend has to move out. At least until they are legally married. She would not be allowed to share her home with anyone until you and any other sibling you may have turns 18.

Just think about this before you act. Mom is sure not to like this and be very upset with you. Doing or reporting what is happening in your home to your teacher or principal may get this man removed from your home. It may also make your home life worse as mom may get very upset with you. So think about this before you act.

[view]


Hello,
I wanna hv sex wit my virgin g/f how to i convince hr to hv sex with me, Coz i really want it.

You do not say how old you are so allow me to educate you on sex between the sexes.

First and foremost; you never, ever, ever convince anyone to have sex with you. Doing so is considered badgering, could also be considered sexual harassment and even rape. The last two could put you in serious trouble with the law regardless of how old you are.

Sex or sexual intercourse is something that happens between two loving ADULTS when the time is right for BOTH of them. If only one is wanting to have sex and badgers or in any way causes the other to have sex against their will or better judgement it is RAPE. That is the absolute fact of the matter.

If you were to convince your girlfriend to let you have sex with her and she later regrets it. She can say you forced her as she didn't want to. Convincing is a form of force as you are trying to get someone to do something they would rather not do. When it comes to sex force equals rape.

Also sex does not always mean love. For young teenage males sex usually means lust. Teenage males have a hard time separating the two. For women, adult or teenager, sex is always a very intimate act. They need to feel safe, comfortable and most of all loved not lusted after.

There are other more suitable and safer ways for you to relieve the sexual tensions you are experiencing with out badgering your girlfriend to do something she is unwilling to do. My advice is to stop badgering her and take advantage of what you can do for yourself to relieve your sexual tensions.

[view]


21/f

Sorry this will be kind of long. I was on multiple anti-depressants for about 6 months after a tramatic event that unfortunately happened to me. I wanted to get off of them so I took a pill to slowly get off the anti-depressants. After going off them I realized I gained 20 pounds in a month. I was concerned because that did not seem normal to me I was a size 3 and I am 5"6, I went from 135 pounds to 158 pounds and a size 11. I went to my gyno and she said 3 of the anti-depressants I was on were proven to gain weight as a side effect she said it was normal but to go to weight watchers if I wanted to lose weight.Great. I am a college student, so I walk everywhere.For almost 2 months I have been watching what I eat,as a snack I eat fruits or a handful of nuts. I work out 7 days a week for either 30 minutes to an hour. I walk almost 3 miles and then I go for an hour i split the time between a half hour on the eplliptical machine and the last half hour on a exercise bike. I am now a size 7 but I still am not at a size 3 that I have been since I was in 10th grade. I do not look chubby, my legs are not "fat" they seem to have become muscle now and I had a "pancake butt" before but now it looks more toned and lifted. I also take a womens multivitamin everyday. My question is what is wrong? I feel like I am doing something wrong and I get so upset with myself that I start to cry because I am not at the size I used to be. Is it because my body is changing and I am getting older? I dont know. If anyone had any suggestions or might know what is wrong please let me know thank you!

First there is nothing wrong with you. What is happening to you is all very normal for someone who has taken to exercise as you have. You are gaining muscle, as you have noticed. Muscle is heavier than fat so even though you have slimmed down you won't loose as much weight as you might think since you are replacing the fat with muscle.

Muscle being heavier than fat also takes up more room so to speak. This means you will probably not slim down to a size 3 again as you now have a more toned muscular body. In your rush to get back to a size three you may be over exercising to accomplish the goal you set out for.

Since you are in college my advice is to talk to one of the physical education teachers and work out a proper exercise program to help you get where you want to be without gaining muscle definition that adds to you. Your school may also have a nutritionist on staff to advise students on what is a good diet plan. If so take advantage of this by visiting the nutritionist and having a proper diet plan worked up that you can easily follow for your daily routine.

Other than being a little over enthusiastic you have done nothing wrong. In fact even your enthusiasm is not wrong; it has just lead to goals you did not start out to obtain. It is my belief if you take my advice to speak with someone in the physical education department about a proper workout routine to obtain your goals. You will get back on track to where you want to be.

[view]


Or psychology and social work?

Or sociology and social work?

Both are excellent and rewarding career paths. To practice these careers many states are now requiring social workers to obtain a PHD in either sociology or psychology.

My advice would be to find out what level of education the state you wish to practice in requires in order to practice. If a PHD is required I would recommend psychology as this gives you a wider area in which to practice.

While you can if you wish do social work; a psychology degree allows too work and practice as a psychologist as well. Sociology somewhat limits the scope of your practice to just certain areas of sociology

[view]


i'm having this brownish kind of discharge,i jus had my period almost a week back n before my period i took ipill..is it because of it??m so confused

I really can't say especially being male and not a doctor. You should see your GYN as this does not sound normal.

[view]


hi im 14 and im physically a female but i want to be a male i like the clothes and everything with it in school i act and sometimes talk like a boy. my best friend when we are out of school refers to me as a boy
i need help i really do think im transgender???????????????
and how do i tell my parents??

You are 14 years old and while you are still very young what I know about this subject says you may very well know if you are a boy trapped in a girls body. While this is a problem people have faced for years medical science is just starting to accept the fact that this is so.

None of us here are doctors so medical advice is not possible. Frankly I doubt any of us understand your situation enough to offer you any type of advice that will truly be beneficial. I am purposely going to put the cart in front of the horse, so to speak. So you know what I know about what you may be facing. I will get to your question after that.

What I do know is at 14 you will have to wait at least 4 more years if you want gender reassignment surgery. There are several reasons for this. Among them is your body needs to finish growing and going through puberty and you need to be at least of adult age which in most states and countries is 18. Next you need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist and live as a male for a period of time before the certification doctors require before performing this type of surgery will be given to you.

How to tell your parents is a tough question. Depending on how well educated and how well versed they are in this area will depend on how accepting of what you may tell them they will be. They may think you are just a Tomboy. A phase that you will eventually grow out of. If you are truly a boy trapped in a girls body, something I believe in what you are saying you feel. Then your problem is going to harder to make them understand.

I did find while searching for a hotline support group to offer you the following website. http://glbtnearme.org/. Through this website you should be able to find a local support group that can help you better than I can with this question.

What I do know is you are going to need professional help both in discussing this with your parents and in whatever decision you may make in the future. Give this website a try and find a local group to call and ask for help. Lastly if you cannot come right out and tell them ask your parents to find you a psychologist to work with as you are having some problems you are not comfortable talking to them about.

Another alternative is that by law at 14 you can make your own doctors appointments. You can make an appointment with your family doctor. Your visit at this age is totally confidential and if you are accompanied by mom or dad they must wait in the waiting room while you are with the doctor. Nothing you say to the doctor can be told back to them as you have by law medical confidentiality. You must give your permission in writing to release you medical information. Once with your doctor you can discus with him or her what you have told us. Then he or she can refer you to a psychologist.

All though mom and dad may be questioning of the doctors reasoning for the referral they should not try to refuse you seeing the psychologist. Once you have met with the psychologist he or she will help you with telling your parents.

FYI: There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. This is how you were born. Promise me one thing. Regardless of when, if or how you decide to tell you parents; If ever you get so depressed over this that you can't bear it. You will pick up a phone and call 911 for help. There is help out there. I hope this website will be able to help you find the help you need.

[view]


hi, so im straight but when im horny i like to watch gay porn and jerk off with guys on webcam, i would only date a marry a girl, but in the locker room showers sometimes i get turned on looking at guys d*** and a**, dont tell me im gay or bisexual because i havnt done anything yet. what is this feeling i get when i am shpwer at the gym locker room? im 16 years old. is it just hormones and puberty? thanks!!!

Relax your normal.

Time for a little grandfatherly advice and since I am of that age I will try and give you some.

As I said you are experiencing normal reactions, activities and curiosities for your age. We hear so much about gay sex today and yes when I was your age, even though it was more hidden at that time. It is not unusual or even to be considered by curious to to want to wonder about what same sex, sex is all about. Some boys will even go further having some type of sex with someone of the same sex. Not all of this activity results in any type of intercourse.

In my day we did not have web-cams so what your doing over the web we did in what was then called circle jerks. A few guys got together and jerked off together. If we were really lucky we might have a girl there to give us all hand jobs. Rarely were we that lucky.

Looking at other guys is also normal. Guys like to check out other guys to see how they compare, equipment wise. If you get turned on, this too is normal and for the most part hormonal due to puberty working overtime.

Your teenage years are meant to be a time of life exploration. This will sound somewhat corny, but it is your time to spread your wings and experience life with the safety net of your parents to teach and protect you.

This is the time when you learn about life in general. What you like and don't like. When you learn about your sexuality and sexual identity. One thing I do know you do not learn to be gay, you are born that way. You can learn to be bi or bi curious. Again there is nothing wrong with this. There is nothing wrong with being gay. First and foremost though this is a time to explore, properly, to find out just who you are.

Right now you are still to young to be having sex with someone of the opposite sex as you, no matter how mature you are, have not matures to the point to fully understand or appreciate the nature of sex between the sexes. This is another reason why boys and girls explore sex within the same sex, it is safer for both it does not mean you are gay. It is totally normal for your ages.

Why am I telling you this rather than your parents? I can say why your parents may not be telling you this. It may be because you haven't asked? Maybe you should?

I'm telling you this because I believe teenagers need to know the facts. Most of us as young parents pledged to ourselves that we would be very open with our children when the time came to talk to them about sex. Then when the time came if we spoke to them at all it was the basic birds and bees talk.

[view]


I have been married for about 2 months. Me and my husband have talked about having kids, but I'm not sure when the right time to have them is. Help?

To a certain degree I agree with Trauma. The factors pointed out are important and need to be taken into consideration before bringing a child into this world.

Some of these factors, such as financial security, are floating factors in that they are forever changing. The overriding factor is the relationship between husband and wife. A child should not be conceived so as to repair a broken marriage. Bringing a child into this world rarely repairs a relationship.

If you have a loving solid relationship and the other factors mentioned are manageable. Then if you are both ready to raise a child, I would say the time is right. If you wait for exactly the right time to come along, that may never happen.

It really boils down to when you and your husband are solid enough in your marriage to raise a child or children. While children are a great delight they also bring a lot of stress into a marriage. Therefore it is important that your marriage be stable before you bring a child into this world.

Below is the URL to an article you and your husband may want to read while deciding when the time is right. I found the article very interesting and very much on point as to some of the things you may want to discuss and be aware of.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/life_transitions/becoming_a_parent/is_our_marriage_ready_for_a_baby.aspx

[view]


I'm 27 years old and have a one year old child. I split up with the father of my child about six months ago. Since then, I've been seeing someone who lives in another state. Things are really good with us, minus the fact that we don't live together. We've been talking more about taking this to the next level (kids, moving in together, marriage). There's only one problem, my ex refuses to allow me to move our child to another state, which I totally understand. So, without going into to much detail.. How can I ask my boyfriend to move to me instead of me moving to him? He's living where he was born and grew up, knows everyone, has a decent job, his family is there. If I moved, I would be moving from my family, taking my child from her father, no friends. I just really want this to work and I feel it would be easier if he moved to me.. Just don't know how to ask. All he talks about is "when you move here.." "We can do this when you get here.." Help!

You have a problem for which there may not be a viable solution.

You cannot legally move so far as to disrupt your ex husbands rights to visitation and any joint custody as spelled out in your divorce decree. You can if your ex husband is willing give him custodial custody of your daughter, which would allow you to move to your boyfriend. This though I doubt is a viable solution.

There are only two other options open to you. The first is to go back to court seeking the courts permission to take your daughter to another state. Your primary need to do so may not meet with the courts feelings as need to modify the custody agreement. By going to court you also run the risk of your ex husband winning a modification in the agreement.

That leaves option two, which is telling it straight to the boyfriend. To tell your boyfriend that legally your ex husband has you glued to a certain radius from him so that he may maintain his parental rights. Until such time as your daughter is old enough for the court to accept what your daughter tells them; as to what she may want, the custody agreement is binding.

He will need to decide if he wants to come to you. He can also look to see if he can move closer. Close enough so that you two can be together without violating your custody agreement and still keep his job?

Some of the things he is saying that you can do together when you move there probably can be done anywhere. The biggest problem is going to be his job. The job market right know is not good. If he cannot keep his present job, what is the outlook for his future employment if he moves closer to you? I would say this is going to be the biggest factor in any decision you two make.

I wish I had a better answer for you. I just don't see one that would be satisfactory to all concerned. You could try negotiating with your ex. Some how though it is my feeling that your happiness is not his concern. Custody and his rights are a control over you he probably is not willing to give up, at least not without a fight.

All I can do is wish you luck.

[view]


I'm seriously at the end of my tether, I have nobody to talk to about what I'm goin through and nobody cares whether I'm dead or alive, I just wanna end the pain.

I care, so do any of the other advisors who answer you. You don't say what your problem is or why it is bothering you like this. What I do know is there is no problem so huge that it can't be fixed or resolved in a manner you can live with.

At the moment this problem is causing you to be depressed. Depression is something I have personal knowledge of. When you are depressed you do not think clearly and everything you see and hear is not always as it appears to you.

Even reading this your saying to yourself; he doen't know what I'm going through. He knows nothing of my problem he is full of sh*t. I may not know your exact problem but I DO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH

[view]


I had asthma when I was a kid. I haven't had problems with it since I was 14(I'm 21 now). Well I recently had an asthma attack and the fact that I have asthma will put my job at risk. Suffice to say I like my job and losing it is not an option. I've been doing research and I'm trying to figure out what could have caused it. I don't have allergies, I hadn't done anything outside the normal range of exercise I'm used to. I haven't gained any weight. I weigh 185. I've been in this area for 4 months and I keep my room very clean. I run all the time and work out too. My diet is not different or anything. Is It possible it's coming back? If so what are some causes of attacks so I can avoid them? P.S I can't just quit this job I have to wait until my contracts up. The whole point of this is to avoid having to get kicked out early.

None of us here are doctors so we cannot give you a definitive answer to your question. What little I know about Asthma is not much help either. There was some research that was thought to point to the fact that childhood asthma might be outgrown though this study was not definitive.

There are a lot of factors that can trigger an asthma attack. Other than saying this attack puts your job at risk, which legally it cannot as you cannot be terminated for being ill. The only pertinent risk factor of your work would be your work itself. Those factors could environmental directly or indirectly such as a sick building environmental situation.

Should it come to it that the job is the cause of your asthma returning; then no one morally or legally can hold you to this employment contract. Your health always comes first.

I believe though we are putting the cart in front of the horse. You need to see an Asthma specialist to find out if your Asthma has truly returned? If your work environment is the cause of the return? Can the asthma be controlled with medication which will allow you to complete your contract?

Once you have the answers to these questions then and only then can you make an informed decision as to what you need to do. Until then try to stop stressing over this so as not to trigger another attack. Find a doctor who can make a proper diagnoses. If necessary go to a hospital ER but see a doctor and get the medication you may need to help you until you have all the answers.

[view]


Alright so me and my boyfriend were in bed and one thing led to another i was giving him head and he came and i cant remeber if any was left on his... but then he put a condom on and we started to have sex and at first the condom like sliped off, but it didnt and he didnt cum inside me and i was on my period so im wondering if it sounds like i should be worried about getting pregnant ?

The chances are good that you are not pregnant. To become pregnant you need to be ovulating. It is rare that a woman would be ovulating during her period though it is not unheard of.

You said you were using a condom, that it did not come off. If none of he cum got inside you then it would be hared for you to get pregnant.

The best way to easy your concern is to buy a home pregnancy test and follow the directions as to when and how to use it.

[view]


Can i get pregnant if i have sex while i am on my period?

In theory you can get pregnant anytime you have sex. The overriding factor as to when you can conceive is when during your cycle you ovulate. It is while you are ovulating that you can become pregnant.

While it is unlikely a women will ovulate during her period it is not unheard of. My advice is that you use proper birth control and condoms for added birth control if you are sexually active.

[view]


Im 11 im dating a 14 year old am i old enough to have sex with him if so can i get pregnant cuz he says he wants to have a family with me rite now

I'm going to start by saying you may not like my answer either. At 11 years old you are not only to young to be having sex, your body may not be able to conceive a child.

Both you and your boyfriend are too young to be thinking along these lines. While it is nice to think about having a baby and living with your man in most states you would not be allowed to do so by law.

If you were to get pregnant your not even old enough, by law to make any decisions as to whether you continue the pregnancy, give the baby up for adoption if you do or have an abortion. These decisions would be made by your parents. Your boyfriend and his parents would have no say in the matter.

Given the fact that your boyfriend is 3 years older than you. If you were to become pregnant by him; he could be in legal trouble for getting you pregnant because he is 3 years older than you. Fact is by law in some states you could be violating the law by dating.

I'm not saying this to scare you or to be mean Fact is you are way to young to be dating. You are 2 years away from being a teenager and even then you should not be in an exclusive relationship.

I know the world has changed since I was your age. But somethings have not changed and never will. What has not changed is that all of us need time to grow and more mature. This is what childhood and your teenage years are all about. Learning about the world we live in while we have the security of our home and family to protect us.

You may not fully understand what I have written but trust that I have your best interest at heart. You may be a very mature 11 year old but you are not as mature as your boyfriend. In the three year difference in age he has experienced a lot more than you have and I fear he is taking advantage of you sexually or at least trying too.

While I know this is not something you want to talk to your parents about I believe you should. They need to know what this boy is trying to do and to help him get the help he needs. For if you say no he will try and find someone else who will say yes to him maybe someone younger than you.

I'm thinking your boyfriend just may be a sexual predator in the making. This is the only reason I can see for him dating an 11 year old. So please talk to your parents or a trusted teacher.

[view]


Yes, I'm gay and have a boyfriend. His name is Myles. we are both 13 and this summer somtimes we would have sex inthe late night. I don't have any problems but i was wondering if it was okeay. weve been doing this for some time now. Is it okeay please anserw.

I'm going to start by saying you may not like my answer either.

First and foremost it is okay to be gay, IF THAT IS TRULY WHAT YOU ARE. Fact is at 13 I don't believe you have really explored your sexuality. At your age sexual exploration between two people of the same sex is quite normal. It is for this reason that I warn against labeling your sexuality at this time.

Another reason for not labeling your sexuality at this time is not only could your sexuality change in the future. Your classmates may not be so accepting of your being gay. For you or your BF to label yourself at this time could needlessly expose you to gay bashing both at school and out of school.

As I said it is quite normal for young teenagers such as you to experiment sexually with people of the same sex. Both girls and boys have such relationships in their early stages of sexual exploration. Their are a myriad of reasons for this experimentation none of which are relevant to your question. All you need to know is this is normal for someone your age.

For now though I would recommend you not label yourself, for your own safety and the fact that this just may be as I believe; sexual experimentation. Leave yourself some room to venture and explore other sexual experiences. When you are older, living in an adult world will be the time to actually put a label on your sexuality.

[view]


I'm 18 and I've always hated not having boobs. I'm a 34A if that, I wouldn't be caught dead in a sports bra beause I'd look like a 12 year old or a little boy..are they really done growing? Or is rhere a way to make them bigger (for my own personal preference, not anyone elses or society) also my left is bigger than my right which is noticable with small boobs, my left fills out a 34A cup and my right doesn't so my bra like has a space before my boob..embarrassing. Also usually when you grab a boob it's squishy because it's fat, but mine feel almost like I have some kind of tissue implanted boobs..because they aren't squishy there's like some kind of tissue feeling ness as my boob Practically. They haven't grown that I've noticed at all over the last 2 years idk if it's my diet or what, I'm 5'8 and weigh about 113 I've always been slim but all my family has big boobs, my sister is a 34C shes had boobs since she was 14 and here I am 18 and can't even wear a bathing suit in public -_-

Obviously you must be looking for a non surgical way to handle your problem. Unfortunately I am not aware of one that actually works. Most insurance companies will not pay for cosmetic surgery. In your case if the difference between the size of each breast is large enough it is not considered elective cosmetic surgery rather corrective cosmetic surgery.

Only a surgeon can make the call as to which one it is and then your insurance company should have to make a decision as to if they will pay. If they decide against paying there is an appeals process with the state insurance commission you can appeal their decision to. It has been my own experience that when appealed to the insurance commission the commission has sided with the patient.


Normally I would advise you to either live with what god gave you or start saving for a surgical option. In what you have written you may have a medical condition where surgery is required to correct it. That being the size of one breast being so much different in size then the other. This is a known medical condition that now that you are 18, and for the most part fully grown, surgery is the only option to correct. Since surgery, cosmetic implantation and removal of the fibrous tissue, is the only corrective action; your health insurance will most likely foot the entire cost of the surgery and implants.

My advice is to seek out a Board Certified Surgeon who specializes in Breast reconstruction. The surgeon should show you before and after pictures of other surgery's he or she has done so you can see the work he or she has done.

For a referral to a Breast Surgeon ask your family doctor, your insurance company, the state medical board or your local hospitals referral line.

If I am correct in what I am thinking. You have a correctable medical problem not just a cosmetic elective surgery desire. The insurance company will want information from a surgeon before paying for this operation.

Good luck. Hopefully you will soon have the bust line you have always wanted. Just make sure to stay proportional to your body. I would think based on your weight and height a small to medium B cup would look good on you.

[view]



<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop
eXTReMe Tracker