|
What do I do about being pregnant when I wasn't expecting to have kids for a few more years...
I'm 21 and married. I'm 10 weeks pregnant, and as time goes on I become more and more scared. It has made me very aware that I honestly don't think I'm ready for it. I don't want an abortion, I'm very against that. What I want is advice on how to cope. I know that if it ends up being a successful pregnancy then I will be a mom in May. How do I come to terms with not being able to do some of the things I wanted to? I LOVE kids, but I wanted to be established in a career, have a few more years with my husband - just him and I - and to live life for a little bit with only having to worry about rent and how to handle a disagreement I have with my husband. Now, I will have so much more to handle on a daily basis. How do I do it? I wasn't expecting to have kids for a few more years...
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Pregnancy?
I know it's scary, now, but you're going to fine. Life happens when it happens and not when you find it convenient... but you're going to be just fine.
You don't have to give up on your dreams. A baby doesn't mean you can't work toward your career and get yourself where you want to be. A baby doesn't mean you have take anything you've ever wanted to do off your list. In fact, MAKE THE LIST. Sure, things will be different, and you'll have things to worry about... but a baby will be part of your life and you'll just fit in him into your plans.
I'm the oldest of three girls. I'm the only one that didn't have a baby yet. My stepsister was the first and she was scared, too. After she had my nephew things got even shiftier when her boyfriend dropped him and social services took him away... as scared as she had to have that baby and everything having a baby meant, she cried for months. You end up loving them whether they're planned or not and you end up making things work. My other sister loved her baby very much, and she was only 19 at the time... he dies, however... and it's still killing her. She only had him for 5 months but motherhood was the most fulfilling thing she ever did.
You're scared, I get that, but you're going to be fine, and you're going to be happy.
One day you'll look back and wonder what scared you. Love does that to people.
]
My wife and I were married for six years when my son came along. While he was a planned pregnancy many of the questions you are asking here were on our mind too.
I do not think anyone is ever absolutely ever ready for children. There are and will be things you want to do together. Places you want to go, careers to be enhanced, bills to pay and children bring new bills with them.
Part of being a parent is learning to cope. My son is now now 35 and I remember wondering why, many times over the years, children didn't come with an owners Manuel like everything else new to our lives. Fact is I now look back on those times with no regret that he didn't come with one. Part of the joy of parenting is learning to cope.
I would love to tell you how to cope or to write a book on how to cope. Fact of the matter is I can't. Every child presents different challenges in parenting. I think the reason god invented grandparents is to help with parenting skills. Your child will be very much different yet the same as you were as a child. Your parents will be able to help you cope if you let them.
The way you come to terms with not being able to do some of the things you wanted to do is: You are not canceling those plans only postponing them to a time when you are older and more appreciative of them. Many of the things we did before my son came into are lives we plan to do again in retirement. Some have already been done and enjoyed better this time. Why, we are more financially secure now then when we were when younger and doing those things on a shoestring budget.
What I would suggest is you and your husband may want to do to help you be more secure is take a parenting class. Your local hospital or Red Cross may offers these classes. You both need to take them to learn about everything a child will need in the first months of its life which are the most trying on parents as this is the time a child is most helpless. A child is totally dependent on it's parents at this point and until age of about one when it is able to get around for itself. Then things really get fun and you get your daily exercise as well.
A baby brings it's own workload with it in addition to you existing household chores. You and your husband need to sit down and work out a plan as to who is going to do what with the chores and child care. This will lessen the disagreements you are concerned with.
Okay, enough with the bleak side which is really the lesser of the two sides of child rearing. Bringing a child into this world is really a joy. Watching a child, someone the two of you are responsible for its being, grow and mature is truly a joy and a gift. Even the heartaches.
Relax I believe your going to be a great mom.
]
If you and your husband love one another deeply and children in general than this may be a wonderful blessing. Maybe you are in the baby's life for a reason or him/her in yours to enrich it or teach you something about life or love itself.
There is no question that it will be difficult at times and you may feel you don't know what to do but I know you have your parents support and others to help guide you. Reach out to them they won't let you falter.
Life is something you can't script. You can plan for a career, education etc. but sometimes something else comes along. This doesn't mean you can't work, go to school or be a mom. What it means is that you may need to post-pone for a bit and come back to it as your child grows. It's a temporary sacrifice.
There's always adoption but I have a feeling that's something that would hurt you inside and be long-lasting to have to deal with.
I think you should embrace the opportunity GOD gave you and reach out to family and friends for help. Tell your parents that you're worried about a career and other goals and see if they can help you keep that on track while raising your child at the same time. There's a way. They can definitely mind their grandchild while you pursue those goals and work and give you time to yourselves so you aren't overwhelmed. It may have come faster than you wanted but could be the best experience of your life. As long as you have a support network and can reach out to people when you need help you will do alright.
]
More Questions: |