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it not that he's mean it just his way or high way...
Hi, I'm a girl 14
My mom has a new live in boy friend. It not that I don't like him or he does not like me or he does not love my mom(he does with all his heart)It just that he's old fashion and his way or high way. He wants to change so much(moms other boy friend were not even like this)For one He think I to young to date and has been trying to get my mom to make me break up with my boy friend of 1 year(I have been friend with him for 5 yrs)he wants to re-do the house (that means my room to!)he does not like my friend because three of them don't believe in God and there moms and dads don't make them believe.He think I should get new ones. he want to make us not only go to another church but to change from christian to catholic and to make me go to catholic school! And he has this "kids should be seen not heard" thing(what the Hell!!) I don't have any say in any of this!! He not mean is just his way or high way. And I think Mom might give in to his bullshit! Hellllp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Let me just add to what Xenolan has said.
It sounds as if your mother has found a very old fashion boyfriend. There is nothing inherently wrong in his beliefs; they are just out of step with today's society. In fact their are many who believe his values are the type of family values that this country needs to get back on track to where we need to be as a society. That though is a whole other discussion.
You did not say if your dad is still in the picture and if he is what if any custody decisions he has with your mothers raising of you. If your father is alive and actively in the picture he too can be your advocate if mom will not be. Even is this man were to become your stepfather his role in your life is limited to whatever role your mother allows him. That is the biggest problem you may face. At the moment he has no say, but if he were to be come your stepfather his role in your life could change.
I understand where your feelings are and you have a limited amount of resources to defend yourself. If mom decides what he is asking or suggesting is the right thing to do for you; Then unfortunately you have no choice, at least for the next 4 years.
If mom won't advocate for you, you are to young to legally advocate for yourself. Then you must find someone you trust that you can go to, who mom will listen to who will advocate for you. That person can be an Aunt or Uncle or one of your grandparents. Any of these people are as far away as the closest phone is to you. Meaning they don't have to live near you to advocate for you.
You can also talk with a trusted teacher or your school principal about your home life. One thing I see in what you have written is that your mother may have "revolving boyfriends" living in your home. Even by today's standards this is not considered a proper home life for young children and yes you still fall in to that category.
Now this is entirely up to you. If you were to speak with one of your teachers or your principal concerning the number of boyfriends mom may have had living in your home and what this current boyfriend is insisting on your mother change in regards to your up bringing. It is very possible child protective services would tell your mother that the boyfriend has to move out. At least until they are legally married. She would not be allowed to share her home with anyone until you and any other sibling you may have turns 18.
Just think about this before you act. Mom is sure not to like this and be very upset with you. Doing or reporting what is happening in your home to your teacher or principal may get this man removed from your home. It may also make your home life worse as mom may get very upset with you. So think about this before you act.
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There are a few things you can do. How successful you will be depends mostly on how much support your mom gives you.
First, talk to your mom alone and explain to her that this man is trying to exert a level of control over you that you are not comfortable with. He is not, after all, your father. He certainly doesn't get to choose who your friends are or when you are allowed to date; the first is your decision, the second is your mother's.
If he wants to redo the house, I think that it would not be unreasonable for you to ask that your room be left alone - unless it's being done for structural reasons, but if it's just a matter of changing the way things look, then you should be allowed to keep your room as it is.
If your mother decides that you're all going to go to a new church, that's something you may have to deal with, but you cannot be compelled to change religions against your will. Your beliefs are your own.
Don't bother trying to change his mind on anything. It's your mother who needs to be your advocate. Make it clear to HER that you don't want to go to a Catholic school, you don't want your room remodeled to fit her boyfriends' ideals, your friends are decent people who her boyfriend doesn't know well enough to pass judgement on, and that you refuse to sit down and shut up just because of his ideas about how children should behave.
You'll need to pick your battles. I think all the things you mention are important ones which you should stand your ground on. I must acknowledge that I happen to agree that 14 is too young to date, but if your mother has already given you the go-ahead, he shouldn't have a say in it. I'm sure that there's a lot of less important stuff that he's also insisting on. It would not be to your benefit to fight him on everything; that will make it look like you're just being difficult. But the matters of your friends, your school, your room, and your religion are important ones which you should stand your ground on as much as you can.
If your mother gives in to him and won't stand up for you on important things, then you should make it clear to her that it's going to seriously hurt your relationship. The bottom line is that she was your mother long before she was this man's girlfriend, and that should be her priority.
One more thing needs to be said. The way you describe his beliefs and ideals leads me to think that he may be someone who believes in the use of corporal punishment. If that's the case, then make sure your mother understands from moment one that you will absolutely NOT tolerate him hitting you for any reason, and that you expect her to be 100% on your side on that one. If it ever happens, and your mother lets it slide, report him to Child Protective Services (warn your mother first that you intend to do that, but if she takes no action to protect you, make the call).
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