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Asking him to move closer to you?
I'm 27 years old and have a one year old child. I split up with the father of my child about six months ago. Since then, I've been seeing someone who lives in another state. Things are really good with us, minus the fact that we don't live together. We've been talking more about taking this to the next level (kids, moving in together, marriage). There's only one problem, my ex refuses to allow me to move our child to another state, which I totally understand. So, without going into to much detail.. How can I ask my boyfriend to move to me instead of me moving to him? He's living where he was born and grew up, knows everyone, has a decent job, his family is there. If I moved, I would be moving from my family, taking my child from her father, no friends. I just really want this to work and I feel it would be easier if he moved to me.. Just don't know how to ask. All he talks about is "when you move here.." "We can do this when you get here.." Help!
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You have a problem for which there may not be a viable solution.
You cannot legally move so far as to disrupt your ex husbands rights to visitation and any joint custody as spelled out in your divorce decree. You can if your ex husband is willing give him custodial custody of your daughter, which would allow you to move to your boyfriend. This though I doubt is a viable solution.
There are only two other options open to you. The first is to go back to court seeking the courts permission to take your daughter to another state. Your primary need to do so may not meet with the courts feelings as need to modify the custody agreement. By going to court you also run the risk of your ex husband winning a modification in the agreement.
That leaves option two, which is telling it straight to the boyfriend. To tell your boyfriend that legally your ex husband has you glued to a certain radius from him so that he may maintain his parental rights. Until such time as your daughter is old enough for the court to accept what your daughter tells them; as to what she may want, the custody agreement is binding.
He will need to decide if he wants to come to you. He can also look to see if he can move closer. Close enough so that you two can be together without violating your custody agreement and still keep his job?
Some of the things he is saying that you can do together when you move there probably can be done anywhere. The biggest problem is going to be his job. The job market right know is not good. If he cannot keep his present job, what is the outlook for his future employment if he moves closer to you? I would say this is going to be the biggest factor in any decision you two make.
I wish I had a better answer for you. I just don't see one that would be satisfactory to all concerned. You could try negotiating with your ex. Some how though it is my feeling that your happiness is not his concern. Custody and his rights are a control over you he probably is not willing to give up, at least not without a fight.
All I can do is wish you luck.
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