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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I got a phone bill to my partners phone n there was 100s of messags in 2 days I asked what was goin on both said nothing now I'm dreaming there meeting and it's been goin on a while and there seriouse about each other what can it mean

I am a bit confused as to what part is dream and what part is reality.
If in real life you saw your partners phone had hundreds of mssg in 2 days , and now you are dreaming about it and in the dreams imagining more than you have real life ways to prove, well these feelings of non peace are coming from your subconscious which runs all your body functions while you sleep, runs your dreams and stores all our feelings and emotions. When we are lacking information or just 'believe' we are lacking information, then our subconscious starts 'theater of the mind' a place where you begin to visualize when awake or dream while asleep all the possible scenerios to your unanswered questions. Ever notice how our imaginations always tend to be on the negative rather than positive side and about more of scary things or our fears than wonderful pleasant or perfectly ordinary non threatening things???
Mine too. Not always cus I am working on it...but it still happens.
If you and the partner are not close enough to share everything with each other, then you will have to understand that there is nothing you can do. If the two of you have broken trust before or haven't been together long enough to build trust between each other, then be patient and don't go stirring up trouble where there may not be any. Time will eventually tell whether its something of concern or not to you, whether there is cheating occuring. Right now, you dont know that due to lack of confirming information. If the courts found all people guilty based on circumstantial evidence such as you have here, without a clear link proving a person is guilty of something, then the prisons would be a lot fuller than they are now and lots of innocent people would be locked up in jail.
Right now the dreams mean nothing. Its just your fears and imagination working things out in dream state.

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It's been eight months that I am with my guy , and we love each other but we argue every single day!We fight over things we have said to each other , and silly reasons mostly.We try to fix ourselves but we end up fighting again.And he has this one problem , he just never admits it when it's his fault and that leads to a bigger fight.I also lost my virginity to him and it means a lot to both of us.And it has been a long time since we didn't have sex because we don't have a place.And he is always horny and I am not.He tries to do stuffs in public but it is very uncomfortable because people in my country stare even if a boy and a girl is holding hands.And when he starts talking about things like sex or kissing each other , I start explaining him why I don't do it.He gets it , but we end up arguing again.
I love him a lot and I don't want us to end.We were so happy.My friends envied our relationship cause wee went through a lot and we are still together , but it looks like a tragedy now.It became our thing , arguing every single day.
And I know he feels the way I do , cause it seems that he also loves me a lot.But I really don't want us to end.Please help

You want a magic mix to stay together even though you argue every day and are not perfect for each other? Why? Do you realize you are settling for less?
There is no magic thing to do to ensure the two of you stay together despite the facts that neither of you is right for the other. I will explain soon what I mean.
You have two minds dear. We all do. Right now your conscious mind is the one writing us and telling us of all the things going on that are wrong with the relationship and why those things would lead to a natural end to the relationship. The subconscious mind, where all our emotions and feelings come from has developed an emotional attachment to him whether from the sexual part of relationship solely or from other area's tool It is these feelings that cloud our ability to clearly see our situation.

Reasons why a couple might fight every day?
One may be a perfectionist, or have mental illness of some sort and will always be prone to start an attack while the other falls into the trap of defending their self in argument which only adds fuel to the others fire and so it continues.
Or both people are very immature yet and inexperienced in how to relate to other people, how to control their selves and their feelings and actions.

I have a feeling that you are not only speaking for him and that what you are stating is how he feels is only your guesses by the choice of your own words written to us. Here's one: .I also lost my virginity to him and it means a lot to both of us.
Does it really mean something to him in a sentimental way that he was the one to take your virginity? If he spoke those exact words and was treating you in a way that backed up what he said, I could believe it. Since he is engaging in sexual stuff in public, my guess is that he is more in lust than in love and a female looking for attention and love can easily mistake where the guy is coming from and believe he loves her.

Here's another: I start explaining him why I don't do it.He gets it , but we end up arguing again.
No he doesn't get it. He may say he understands or says Im sorry but those are only words and words are cheap. Its ones actions that will prove whether he really 'got it' and since he launches right into fighting immediately after saying that...my guess is he either doesn't get it, or he does but doesnt care!
And lastly you say: And I know he feels the way I do , cause it seems that he also loves me a lot.

You stuck the word 'seems' in there which is probably your subconscious mind trying to tell you something. Not everything is what it 'seems' on the surface. Seeming to love you and professing and treating you as if he loves you is two totally different things. The first is your
hope that it is so and just guessing. The other is you knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Here's another part I must comment on. "My friends envied our relationship cause wee went through a lot and we are still together."

I want to clarify what you are obviously thinking is a strong point in the relationship. I should know because I have experienced this. My first husband was abusive and there was so much we did not have in common. Younger couples in church were eventually saying they wanted to be just like us cus we'd been together for a long time and gone through many many things together and were still together. The only reason we were still together was NOT because he was treating me well and I liked the abuse, it was because I had not yet woken up, or realized I was settling for less and loved myself enough to ensure I got a better chance in life for real love by leaving him. It took a while but eventually I did leave him and get divorced. He didn't agree to a divorce at first, I had to leave.

Some people thrive on negativity and drama and those are the only things keeping two people together. So be honest with yourself. So say things that are not totally true just to convince yourself that things are really better and there is love. My ex could say the words 'I love you.' but shortly before I left him, a counselor friend of ours addressed him point blank when he witnessed hubby mistreating me in front of him and his wife and also having said disrepectful things to his wife. He asked if my husband was "in love" with me. In love is much deeper than just saying love. I love pizza and icecream but that is a different kind of love, I hope you see that. So at first he spouted off all the things he felt were wrong with me much to my embarassment. Nothing of what he said was true and these people knew it, it was just his way of trying to avoid answering. He was asked again and he answered, "I love her as the mother of my children." He was pinned down and asked again and finally admitted, "No, I have never been in love with her." And this admittance came after 30 years of marriage after we'd been through a lot of stuff, mostly his mistreatment of me and my stubbornly staying with him, and he didn't even lust after me as your guy does. So no love, no lust, no good sex. But being the object of a mans lust without love isn't much better.

I have learned that two people can feel sexual attraction but have nothing in common or have that new relationship energy, like the excitement a kid has at Christmas over a new toy, which will fade over time, like a few months. Also it takes having a spark or chemistry together and same kind of sexual likes and same libido to make the sexual part of a relationship work. You dont have that. You said, he's always horny and you are not. Theres nothing wrong with either of you, just the fact that you are trying to force the two of you to work in that area. Also a man can show a woman that he desires her and flirt in ways in public that are appropriate. A man who won't do so has no concern what others think, or whether it will cause problems for you, for your reputation, and has no care for your feelings.
I am of the idea, not knowing your ages, that he at least must be a young man, teen likely who has the raging hormones that any healthy young man has but is not willing to hold himself in control and is wanting to go anywhere that he can get away with getting the sex he is wanting to take care of his urges. Some guys will pretend to love a girl to get sex, and if she doesnt give it up to him will start to pressure her and talk almost of nothing else. I don't mind talking about sex but I want there to be good flow of conversation with my man, able to talk about many other subjects, things we have in common.
I think you need to step away and take a closer look at what you really have.

If you really think there is something worth saving still, then perhaps counseling is something to try, not for one but both of you. Usually its only married couples in trouble who go for counseling but there are just as many non married people who are having the same issues and need help to see what their issues really are and both be willing to take responsibility to begin to change things.
But know this, that nothing you say or do and nothing a counselor says can make him change. Change doesnt come from external influences. It can only get a person to focus their attention on what their issue is and make a decision internally to change for the better. If your guy does not make a decision inside himself to change for the better then your relationship will not get better.

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how can i tell if i peed or if i ejaculated when i Jack-off?

The male body has a system that keeps it from being able to ejaculate and urinate at the same time. During sexual arousal, muscles at the base of the bladder contract in order to close off the passageway from the bladder into the urethra, the tube through which urine and semen leave the body. This makes it impossible for urine to be released during ejaculation.

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I'm one year into transition from M to F,had an orchi in December,been living as a female since.I've had my gender marker changed {social security,insurances,titles and deeds,driver's license,credit cards,etc.}I show significant growth in breasts and hips.I still get called Sir often and get stared at and called names (99% of the time by males of all ages}.I try not to show how hurtful these things affect me and try to exit bad scenes as fast as I can without crying {blood in the water and all that}.I often fear for my safety and am constantly looking for escape routes and safe places.My female friends say this is all part of the female experience and to get used to it.Now I wonder if I'm brave enough to be female,I never considered that being trans was always living in fear.What should I do now? I'm finally happy with myself and now I'm scared to go on.What do I do now???

The only people who can understand fully your position and be the best support and at least to start for now, a positive group of friends would be any in the same position as you, a support group for trans people. Razhies right about what females in general have to put up with. However I think you are more concerned with people still calling you Sir and not recognizing you as female. There have been plenty of times in life that I have come across women who are not trans gender and look like men and are wearing clothing that hides the body and are maybe overweight so I cant tell or the voice sounds deep enough to be male and I just assume without thinking that the person is male and have sometimes addressed someone as Sir only to be told she was female and then I am horribly embarassed. You don't have to admit to anyone that you are trans. For all they know right now at this point, you are just one of those females whose body or voice reminds them of male. Sorry I didnt see this earllier, I try to scan for new messages but they dont always pop in at top of list with other new ones for me and fall somewhere further down the list so I accidently found this now.
It takes a lot of bravery to have gone as far as you have already. And you know in your heart you will never be happy if you backed out now. Living the rest of your life as a male is not the answer.

Yes, there will be people who figure out that you were born into a male body orginally and shun you or bully. People get bullied every day for various reasons. It isn't right. Often the bullying is done by immature people who dont know any better...you'd think they would with all the media to be tolerant of all sexual preferances and identities but it takes a long time. People also tend to be afraid of and don't know how to respond to someone like you if they must interact withyou and will usually botch it up by saying and doing the wrong thing, sometimes unintentionally.
All I can think of is if you would consider educating the rest of us. Be one who joins in to educating the masses on transgender by starting a blog, sharing your stories and others, how you have feelings, the common mistakes non trans gender people make with you. What you wish people wouldn't do. You might find if there is a newspaper or local talk radio that would share about what you are doing to gain more notice for your blog and begin to make a difference in your part of the world.
Good luck dear.

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So I joined color guard a while ago and I am finally getting really good at it. I just started high school color guard with 7 other freshmen and I'm the second best freshman on our team. Yeah, SECOND. The first is my friend Jen. She is so perfect. She can spin a quad on a rifle already. She also is all of the upper classmen's favorite. Even my color guard partner likes her more than she likes me. I'm really jealous of this. So when band camp started this week, I always skipped my lunch hour and practiced drill and the work the whole time. I also came 1 1/2 hours early to practice rifle and other work. Plus I've been trying to learn really hard tosses like a 45 and scoop tosses. Plus when I get home, I practice for 2 hours. I just want to be good like Jen soon so when I'm a junior, I get to be co-captain, and my senior year team captain. The thing is, I'm not at all the type of jealous person. I'm the kind of person who worries about other before myself. I also ALWAYS say sorry. So this is kinda a weird feeling of being jealous at my friend. But I mean, she is better at everything than me. Besides guard, I do theater and I have done it for 3 years and this year I was supposed to get a good part. But no. Jen decided to try out for the first time this year and she got the MAIN ROLE. I got a lower role and I hated it. Plus, I have been doing competitive swimming since I was 8, I hold state records in my age group. But this year in summer gym, she beat my best time by 3 seconds and she has never swam competitively before. I get so mad. I work so much harder than her in color guard too. Like 10x harder. She doesn't practice unless she's with her color guard partner. But me, well I already said how much I do. I just want to be as good as her. It's so mean, but what do I do? I can't tell her because she will be mad at me and tell the rest of the team and they will all hate me. I'm so confused that it's hurting me inside. Please help.

There is always a first time for jealousy even if you've never experienced it before.
Some people happen to have a natural talents they are born with, many...so that whatever new thing they try, they are instantly a pro and do great. The rest of us to be just as good have to work really hard at it. Doesnt mean we can't ever achieve the same results, just that it takes longer.
I know it doesnt feel fair but thats just life.

Of three daughters, one of them is like your friend Jen. First time she tries something new, she does like a pro, people don't believe she has never done it before. This comes out in all creative area's, art, drama, singing, writing music, dancing, playing instruments. She learned flute in school but every wood wind type instrument she's picked up since, she can be playing after a few minutes of experimenting. Her sisters however don't have any such ease at doing great. They have to work hard to learn to do all the same things that come easy for her. But there are areas in which her sisters excell over her. The younger is better at handling a relationship with a boyfriend, the older is better at communicating well, sharing whats on her mind and asking questions and researching information so communication and information is something she excells at.
This is just life hon. Can't explain why it works out this way, it just does.
I can think of only one thing if you and her have the exact same skills why people would notice her over you...cus I had the same issue not being noticed when I was young, it was due to me not being sure of myself, not comfortable in my own skin, not liking myself enough, having shyness and a low self esteem, and low self image. People won't know that you have these issues if you do. But its something invisible that all people can sense, its like a different kind of energy. Perhaps Jen's energy is such that it draws people to her, it energizes them and makes them feel good so they notice her much more easily.
I can say that once I learned to deal with these issues in myself, and overcome shyness and gain some self esteem and confidence, my world changed and I began to be noticed more often for my talents, and my personality and began to make friends more easily, although it took me until my graduating year in high school to begin to make these kinds of changes. I am wondering it this may be partly what is going on for you? You do need to stop comparing yourself to her or anyone else. Do not join any sport, hobby or other thing just because she partakes in it and you want to compete. Only take part in things that interest you and do your best as far as skills go, but what is even more important is learning to let your natural personality show through in whatever you do and you will begin to be noticed.
This is actually a very common thing for many teens. As teens we worry so much about how we appear and want so much to be accepted..these are the most important issues for any young person and even into adulthood. So you having issues with this is not odd, its natural but it can become different with a different view point for you, of not comparing yourself any more, not competing and working on letting your friendly, outgoing unique personality show through stronger, that I know is more important when seeking people for acting roles than their looks or previous talents because a person with presence as far as their personality goes will be noticed better in a role on stage than another would. This is also what has me believing it may be more of your presence or lack of it that is at issue, not a lack of talent. I wish you the best dear.

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I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months now (we're both 16 by the way) but we've not even kissed yet. We see each other at least once a week and get on so well when we're together. We'll hug goodbye but that is pretty much the only deliberate physical contact we have.

I would really love for things to go just slightly further than they have but I can't tell if that's what he wants. I realise that talking to him would be a good idea but whenever I approach the subject he just talks about something else (he's quite a shy/awkward person as am I).

Basically I have no clue what to do.

If its not shyness and just a fact that he sees you as a best friend but there's no spark on his part, then you both will know with the kiss. Since he is not willing to talk about it, but he does want to remain your boyfriend, then I see no other choice than you making the first move.

When both are shy, it takes one making the first move. If you over-think it, you will never act upon it to make the first move. The longer you think about it, the more nervous and anxious and maybe fearful you will become of his reaction or whatever. So next time the mood hits, just go for it. Even some experienced older men will be polite and leave it up to the woman to make the first move for first kiss and sex, not because they lack any desire, but they want the woman to either signal when she's ready for it or just make the first move. My 2nd husband is not a shy man. But he was like that with the 1st kiss and with sex, i had to make the first move, but once I did, I could tell it was very welcome.
Let me know how it works out.

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We are very lucky to have a place to stay tonight but I am not sure where we are going from here. We are homeless & don't have that much money. My parents, brothers & I been staying in the car & we don't have anyone we can stay with. I have been applying for a job like crazy. We live in Texas. What do we do?

I'm in your situation kind of. Living out of our van while we seek permament full time jobs and take day labor work in meanwhile. And saving up to get into an apt.
We went to the dept of social and health services. They do want a street address for you though to get food stamps. We signed up while staying with a relative for whom it was just a short temp. help staying there and used their address. Perhaps you can use the address of any family you stayed with for a few days who is willing for you to use it when applying.

If there are no young children to get help with emergency housing, I know of people who are working but homeless and use some of their money to pay for a unit in one of those pay by the week motels. I and others who are currently homeless have also used the local pool for showers. There should be rates for pool use and just use of showers.

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Recently, I've auditioned for a musical at a local theatre, and I got a very bad role. Judging by the age/skill of the other people there, I was one of the top three in voice skill, and the best at acting in general. When we got the parts, this camp (Read: CHILDREN'S CAMP. Nothing professional.) gave roles almost perfectly to those who looked the part. I really hate going there, and I feel like I should drop out, but I would also feel bad if I did that. What should I do?

When a person auditions for a local theatre, there is no guarantee what part you will get. Just because one role sounds better than another to you doesn't mean you can go in expecting or demanding a part and if not getting it, then drop out. What if a play of Cinderella had every girl auditioning wanting the role of Cinderella and if they didn't get it, they would drop out? The director would be hard put trying to find enough actor/actresses to fill the parts. Take what is given to you and do your very best to take a minor part and make it shine, a performance that has the director taking notice of you if they haven't already and given you that part for a reason.
Good luck.

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Hi im 21/f and i need some advice. A few months ago my longterm boyfriend and i had sex for the first time and it was great. Ive recently developed a really strong bond with God and i know the bible says its wrong for christians to have sex before marriage... And i want to do things right. God has forgiven me i know but im afraid of telling my boyfriend we shouldnt have sex anymore... Im afraid of hurting him...

You've gotten good advice from everyone so far. However one thing occured to me that i thought I might bring up in case it is true.

You didn't give exact dates and how many months actually in each case so your sex "a few months ago" and coming to have a bond with God "recently" could have variables. What I am getting at is that what you have written would lead me to believe it happened in the order you have written....sex first then coming to God. If so, the advice given works.

If its the other way around and You came to God first, and then you had sex with him knowing it was wrong according to your new beliefs, and now feel guilty, then you did the wrong thing in having sex with him if your beliefs are against it. You will owe him an apology, and yes in that case he will not just be hurt but also confused. If he is a believer in what the Bible says too, then he should understand your change of mind.

Good luck!

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Hello everyone,

I don't know if I there is actually an issue in my relationship or if I'm creating trouble so I'd rather ask for advice before taking a decision. (btw english is not my mothertongue, please forgive my grammar mistakes...)

I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 months now. We are both 20.

A month ago, he confessed to me that he broke up with his ex girlfriend not 3 months before we got together (as he had told me) but... 2 weeks after ! (She lives in another town, where he used to live before he moved to our current town ; he said he wanted to break up face to face so he waited for the holidays and went back there to tell her, he says that in his mind, their relationship was over a long time before that...)
Of course, I was really upset, I wanted to break up with him, it was really terrible. I spare you the details, the drama, etc. Anyway, we are still together but his ex girlfriend happens to be his best female friend...

He never talks about her, it is as if she doesn't exist but the other day, he called me on the phone and talked about his 4 days of camping vacation with his friends from high school and I realized that among the group of 5, she was there... I was upset he didn't tell me she was going to be there... I haven't met any of his friends since they all live in this town far from where we are now.

I talked to him about the fact that I was ill at ease with this situation, he told me there's nothing between him and her anymore, that she is also in a relationship now and that she is happy, etc. He tells me he loves me and he even asked : "do you prefer if I stop seeing her ?". Well, obviously I said no because she is his best friend and I don't feel it would be legitimate for me to ask this but I'm really unpleased with the situation. They had been together for 5 months and they had sex (his first experience was with her). I'm saying this because I'm still a virgin... Except about this secret around his ex not being his ex the first two weeks of our relationship, I have nothing to reproach to him : he's very gentle, kind, he always want to please me and we even spent a week only the two of us in another country this summer.

> What is your opinion on this ?
> Should I ask more questions about his ex ? (I'm afraid to look paranoid but I really feel there is a trust issue since he had lied to me about her until a month ago...). I don't even know how she looks like, if they text each other, etc.

> Do you think they can still be genuine "best friends" ? Personally, I always feel uncomfortable when I'm near my ex, or even a guy who had confessed feelings for me, so I can't imagine how they are able to camp, talk and laugh together as if nothing had happened !! Especially since she was his "first", and since they were still together 4 months ago...

Thank you for your advice !

There are two things important as a base for a relationship, one being best friends and the other having that spark romantically or its also called "having chemistry" here in the U.S.

Many who are best friends will never try to see if there may be that romantic spark. But those who do try, if its not there, acknowledge that fact and go back to being just best friends. I know its possible to have been sexual with someone even and then go from the relationship ending and being with another and not feeling awkward around the ex. Its a bit different if a girl or boy dumped the ex when the ex still had feelings for them.

You know this isn't the case. He said she is happy with a new boyfriend and he has declared that he loves you. He has demonstrated this by offering and being willing to not see her anymore, as much as it might hurt not to keep contact with a good friend. One doesnt make such an offer lightly, but only when they really care about your feelings.

What you feel like around your ex is not going to be the same as other people will process it. We are all unique and will feel differently.
I feel that women can be very territorial when it comes towards other women and their boyfriend/husband. They can feel threatened and jealous because their mind is imagining more than there really is to any situation. Basically a lot of assumptions from 'theater of the mind'.

Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of loss or doing comparisons in your mind and believing you don't match up or hold a candle to her. You mentioned something a couple times and I believe (tho I may be wrong) that this little fact is what irritates you. You said: "his first experience was with her). I'm saying this because I'm still a virgin..." Down at core, you are worried about him making comparisons between you and her in all areas of the relationship, especially sex, and afraid he will find you lacking. I have never known any sex partner of mine to have been exactly the same as the other. All have been uniquely different, so tho the basic actions of sex are the same it can feel different. Different isn't bad. It wont be that one is better than another, just different.

( think of ice cream flavors. There isn't one BEST flavor of ice cream, they all have their own unique differences that make them great. The mint and choc. flakes in Chocolate chip mint isn't any better than the marshmallow and nuts in Rocky Road, and so on. )

Your concern is that you were not his first, because if you had been his first sexual experience, your mind could say, now he can't compare me to any other.

The best way to erase any fear is to face it. So ask him questions about her. I know all about my 2nd husbands ex's. Have several of them as facebook as friends for friendship...not to check up on them. He and I know each others ex's pretty well. The one child between them wanted to go with dad when they split. So she had come several times to visit and stay with us to see her daughter. He cares about her as a human but theres no desires any longer for her sexually. She has none for him and has made that clear. And has used the words "your husband' to me when refering to him. The object of dating is when moving on to the next person is to always improve in the relationship. Someone who listens better, has more in common with you, doesn't treat you badly, have same tastes and libido in sex. Its not a match if the girl wants sex often and he due to a lower libido is happy with twice a month. It doesnt mean there is something wrong with a person b eing different like that, just that they weren't right for whom they were with, or not right enough. If there are things that make you a better match for him, then obviously no other woman, even her, will have any effect on him. In my case, he cares and loves the ex more like family, like a sister and will call her hon on the phone and be there as moral or emotional support, but once off the phone he'll turn to me and say, "God am I glad I am not married to her anymore. I was willing to put up with lots of things in her that weren't the best match for me and didn't actually think there could be anything better until I met you. But with you, life is so easy, it's a joy, you're what I've always dreamed of and I love you." When one hears that kind of thing, you know your man has no eyes for or desire for another.
If you need a little more reassurance for now early in your relationship, ask him for it, and ask what things about you is it that he loves.

Guys can be weird about fearing a girl becoming jealous, suspicious or any other kind of emotional outburst, crying too. So they try to not offer any info that might cause an issue. So either he doesnt know you well enough to know it wouldn't have bothered you to tell you he just broke up a couple days ago or two weeks ago, or he feared you would think he was just going for you on the re-bound, someone to take his mind off her. Lots of girls would assume the latter and that is why lots of guys are not forthcoming with the truth at first and only share it later.
Because of how I am picking up that you are feeling, a bit insecure, its no wonder he didn't feel comfortable sharing that up front and if he had, it wouldnt have gone well with you. You may have rejected him on the spot? Well, only you would know what you would have really done.
If in getting to know him, he really is the kind of guy you are looking for and can imagine being in long term, life long relationship with possibly, then enjoy the relationship and forgive his not sharing the details up front. If however a lying pattern begins to reveal itself as time goes on, you'll have to decide whether you will settle for less or move on to find someone a better match for you.

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hello
I'm a loyal type of guy one women
men and I'm in love with one of
mine senior
friend she know i madly love her
but
i dont know what she feels because
she
did such a things with me which
makes me depressed and always
hurting me not talking properly
always in rude manner but
sometimes she talk in very
soft and in polite manner and
whenever we use
to hangout together she is always
observing my expression what I
feel
when she says that she like
someone else she share all her past
secret but not telling the name of
guy (currently) to whom she like
aur loved(dont know any other guy
is in her life aur I). she is not fully
ignoring nor fully
allowing mee I am quite no totally
confused what she feels ...??
and always saying to me juss move
on and
concentrate on your future..! If i
guess she loves me but not
showing her
feelings because she feels dat I am
diverting from my goal and path
due to her
thats why she do this type of things
to
get me on
track. (only predictions not
confirm) And before she said to
her friend that when nobody
supports me Than he supports me
in my bad days. i don't why she is
behaving like this with even if she
knows that i supported in her bad
days...?? and when I ask her friend
that does she feel something for
me, she replied yes....!! (do she is
selfish type..?) one day I was out of
control of my feelings just want to
talk to her, so i ring but she said
she is buzy than i called to her
friend and i told everythng which
took before after half and hour her
friend called me and said she don't
like u she like someone else and if
this type of madness is continued
than she will break friends with
you...!! this sounds strange....?? for last 2 months we didn't talk properly only 'hi' and 'hello' type..!!
what to do...??

If you are getting mixed signals, then the interest in you that she has that you are hoping are the s ame as yours, just are not.
She may like you only as a friend and see you as nothing more because she doesnt feel that romantic chemistry with you, the kind for both to want to become boyfriend/girlfriend. That would explain why she has talked with you about another guy she likes.

When the chemistry is not there between two people, there is no way to make it happen. I was married 30 years to a man that neither of us has chemistry with each other. Because of our religious beliefs we tried to make it work. But I didn't know back then that if it isnt there in the beginning that extra effort will not make the difference and magically make it happen.

So what can you do? Stop pursuing her. Look for someone who does have this spark/chemistry with you

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***I'm not sure who this question was initially sent to when I wasn't logged in, but I wanted it sent to the entire pool, so if there is a duplicate, please delete the other, wherever it landed.***

My husband travels a lot for work and is currently away for a few months. We've always talked several times a day whenever he's been gone, but 3 days ago, he said he needed a break to focus on work, but since he's still using his personal email a half dozen times a day--I know because it syncs w/ our home computer so I can see what he does, but I didn't look at it until it had been nearly 60 hours since hearing from him--I know he's not THAT busy because he's emailing plans for a big drinking/strippers party with his buddies. Originally he told me to save the date so I could go to an event that same weekend, but he's writing everyone else that no wives are allowed.

So we did have a fight, which is undoubtedly the real reason he doesn't want to talk. He claimed I "wasn't on his side," in a conflict, and it drove him crazy that I didn't think my friend was wrong.

My husband constantly asks me to look up other guys on dating sites to sleep with to make a sex tape for him, and I'll help him fantasize about it and say filthy things, but I've never actually gone looking or taken it seriously. He suddenly contacted two people on my behalf without asking me, which is really embarrassing, because we know them. One is a friend of his, who politely declined, but to teach my husband a lesson for pimping me out to his friends, I sent him a series of texts that made him think it happened for six minutes, during which time he was going crazy with jealousy and fear, so I thought it was over. Then, when I was planning on visiting my friend and his wife (the center of this conflict), my husband got the idea to propose to him he make a tape with me. So the offensive thing my friend said was he would do 1st & 2nd base, but nothing below the belt--and since he "told" my husband what would happen rather than collaborating; whereas I felt my friend & wife had their own limits, and since they were well below what my husband was requesting, he was merely asserting how far he was willing to go. Husband said the tone showed he was trying to move in and alpha-dog him, so I can't be friends with them. He's never made this kind of rule, and it would have been awkward for me anyway, so I didn't visit them.

I want to make my husband happy; I don't know what drives him to these powerful, almost obsessive fantasies of me cheating on him whenever we talk dirty, but I know for sure he doesn't want it in real life and neither do I. I actually worried that he was cheating because being cut off is so unusual. I asked about other women and he said no one could hold a candle to me, I was being insecure. I believe him with about 98% confidence, but I still feel shut out, even if another woman's not the reason.

Last time we talked, my husband threatens/jokes about being celibate, because he says that the only fix for one extreme is another. I feel like he's being unfair, but I don't know how to make him see/care that he's not treating me well when he plans juvenile parties, tells people to sleep with me, and cuts me off instead of talking it out. Also, if my friend was wrong, I'd like to be convinced so I can agree with my husband and make him feel better.

He's letting his fantasies go way out of control so that they control him and make him lose better judgement. I am okay with fantasies as long as BOTH partners want to do it and both get a charge out of it.
He is being selfish, thinking only of his needs not yours. And how long have you been married? This kind of thing doesnt show up in a person overnight and all of a sudden become an issue. I am guessing its been there all along and he finally went too far for you. Setting dates without your permission is a good example of not caring about how you feel and is a very controling way to act and yes I can see it as abusive conduct too.

The problem here is there is imbalance in this marriage. You said,I want to make my husband happy. thats the problem. You can not make him a happy person. Happiness is a feeling based on happenstance, experiences and if those events don't go the way you want, you keep striving for more and more extremes cus you find yourself still unfulfilled. Thats what your husband is doing. Now joy is something that no one can take away. Joy comes from within you, from your core, and it not affected by outside influences, therefore a person who is truly joyful doesnt need to be made happy. A joyful person has a never ending amount of joy, like an overflowing fountain that touches all those around them and cheers them as well.
I believe its going to take an outside source to make him see that he is doing destructive things to you and the marriage. Go see a marriage counseler. If he wont go, you'll need to decide if you are willing to continue to settle for less in a marriage. I dont know if there are children in the marriage, if not..nows the time to run. If there are, think about the effect this will have on them in time. Kids are all eyes and ears and believe me, they WILL pick up on whats going on and then you'd have to worry if your son will think dads behavior is normal for all males and learn to do the same.or a daughter watching you believes its her role to serve husband and put up with whatever he wants. Kids if you have them deserve better than that. If counseling doesnt help or he won't go, you just may have to leave.

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How do you revamp yourself? Last year I made a bad decision and I was friends with a mean girl and fell into that group though eventually I left and one person from the group wants to still be friends which is great but al so with her which is okay but me and the mean girl had a major falling out. I'm scared when I go back that I will be alone or that she will turn everyone I try to befriend against me because that's what she did at the end of last year. I'm tired of all this fighting. But I refuse to give in for her to step all over me and give the satisfaction. I want to change my reputation and possibly find a new group of friends. In school I was shy but loud and spastic and funny with the people I knew and always made them laugh. How do I find the balance? How do I walk in on the first day and be nice to everyone but also look for a new group? At my school I'm in all enriched classes so I'm mainly always with the same people.

Doesnt sound like its about revamping yourself but how to make new friends, a better group of friends. Did you have anything in common with the other kids?

No one can turn anyone against you who is a person who thinks for themselves and makes their own decisions. I remember my first day at a new school and all the popular girls approached me and told me to not associate with Twila. She happened to live next door to where we'd moved. I did not listen to them but checked her out myself to see if I had anything in common with her. I didn't. But there was nothing wrong with her. Eventually I found my own friends that thought and acted more like me and liked doing the same stuff. Think on what some of your favorite things are. Do you like a certain sport. If you were on volleyball or girls basketball for example, you'd try to make friends with someone who likes the same sport. If you are taking drama, then make friends with kids who are into drama, see this way you already have something in common with them. I am not sure what enriched classes are but if these are advanced studies for the faster learners with the higher IQ's then you already have that in common, start conversations by complimenting someone on their grades, their outfit or choice of music if you happen to hear that and then ask a question perhaps related to a topic around what you complemented or made a comment on and then share with them how you have the same in common if that is the case. Theres some skill to knowing how to navigate socially. But lots of it is basic and all you need to do is practice it to get better at it.

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My husband left my children and I July 2013. He walked out took the car. Junked it so neither of us could have it. During the marriage he stole from my father and from my son. For money. He'd lie about it. During the time we have been separated he meet a girl lived with her and her 2 toddlers and 1 infant. They didn't work out. I ended up having to move up north for support. I didn't have any family were we lived. I filed for divorce. Recently the last 2 to 3 weeks he wants to get back together he loves me and the kids he wants to be a family he'll go to church counseling find a job and keep it work hard. He says he's changed he's sorry I ask why he did the things he did he says he was stupid. He says I won't regret taking him back he wants to prove to me how much he loves me how much he's changed I don't know what to do.

What?! It's only been a year that he has been gone. Do you honestly think a person can change that drastically in a years time? AND somewhere in that year he was living with a girl and her 3 young children. Likely she was the only one who gave him a roof over his head and food to eat. I'm guessing it got old with her too not being treated well and supporting him so he has no where better to go so he's only wanting back so he can continue to take from family financially and have someone who will take care of him so he doesnt have to do anything. My friend found a guy like that who walked away from wife and kids and began a pattern of looking for women who would take care of him and he never worked. She finally got rid of him and last we heard, he found himself another sugar momma to take care of him. Some guys don't need a really rich women but one who is foolish enough to believe that it will get better. No it won't. If you take him back, this time you'll be kicking him out and he will look for another woman who will take care of him so he can continue to be lazy. He's not a man, he's a kid in a man's body. You already have children, you don't need to add one more. Go through with the divorce. Wish him well in the counseling and going to church. Then watch and see if he goes through with it for long if at all. The moment he sees that you don't soften when he plays church and plays repentant husband, he'll dump the routine and leave again to find a better deal where he can either steal the money or get a woman with money to spend it on him.

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I Am a girl, almost 14 years old and I have had a crush on a close family friend for (way too long). My brother and my best friend know but I am afraid to tell him. When he is around my brother, my best friend, and I, he acts so NICE, and sweet and we always have so much fun together! But when he is around his friends he is always so mean and hanging out with slutty snobby girls. I really can't get over him and i don't know whether or not i should tell him. I am going to a new highschool next year and he will be there and I am afraid to see him in the hallway with a bunch of girls. Should I tell him? Should I try to move on? Should I ignore him?

There's two ways this can go with him and the only way for you to find out his true character is to spend more time hanging out with him. So it makes sense to tell him that you are attracted to him and would like to spend more time with him to get to know more of who he is as a person. Do not use words like crushing, I like you or I love you because all those make the other uncomfortable if they do not yet feel the same and there's always a chance that chemistry is different and the two of you may not click.

The possilbe reasons for seeing him as two very different people is that he is play acting, pretending, using a false personality in both situations but with different people for different reasons.
It is easy at this age to feel so concerned over how others think of you, and wanting so bad to be accepted that we are afraid to be ourselves for fear of losing respect, or being teased or shunned.
So either this boy really is the nice guy you see when he's with your brother and he is being fake around the popular kids so as to feel accepted or he really is the mean kid going down the wrong path and pretending to be nice, using your bro to get close to you to put on a fake show of being a nice guy to win you over. I can't say which it is but one will be his real self.
Heres a blurb I've written about the purpose of dating which may help you in deciding whether to date him or whether if you both do date, you stay with him or for what reasons break up with him.

Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.

Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.


If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.

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I'm a 14 year old girl and I want to dye my hair. In order to do this I would have to first bleach my hair (my hair is so dark that it's almost black so I have to bleach it for the due to show up) and then I'd dye it purple or blue. The problem is convincing my parents. They wouldn't even let me dye the ends with kool aid dye last year when I asked, and that would've only lasted a week, but now I want to dye it all. I'd still be willing to compromise and do it with kool aid and just renew the dye every week until the bleach wore out (is still have to bleach it no matter what method of dying I use). I don't know if they're worried about me looking stupid or damaging my hair or what but I guess I can sort of see where they're coming from with not wanting a daughter with weird hair.... But I still want this, so how do I ask so they'll say yes? It's not going to last for ever, probably just the rest of this year (4 months).

Stripping the hair totally of color is a harsh process followed by another harsh process of re coloring. So yes, they may be concerned for the health of your hair. I once burnt my hair by doing all this stuff myself and I Panicked when I could not comb or brush my hair afterwards without chunks breaking off. I never colored again after that. So perhaps if this is the main issue with them when you talk, you might consider seeing if they feel differently if a licensed hair professional was doing it so that this doesn't happen. If they have an issue with the 'unnatural' hair coloring, there is no magic thing to say to a parent because until you are 18 and considered an adult, their decisions regarding your welfare and any decisions in raising you and boundaries are within their rights.
If it didn't go well for koolaid dye to tips, then it may not go well for this either but it doesnt hurt to ask. I see nothing wrong with it cus its not permanant like some other stuff people do to their bodies. One of my daughters had my help dying her tips when she was your age. After a year, she tired of it and we just cut it off. Asking for doing the whole head rather than just tips is a big step for them if they couldn't handle tips a year ago. About the only thing I can think of is talking to aunts or grandma's or adult sisters/female cousins who are adult to see if they will side with you as far as it not being permanent and nothing to worry about and approaching our parents to talk to them on your behalf. Sometimes, it is easier as a parent to hear all the facts and given things to think about from another adult, that they might not have considered if their child approached them with it. Good luck. If its still no, you can do the coloring when you turn 18.

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a man i thought i knew is playing games with me and im pregnate with his child he wanted and i moved into a house he dnt want to be there he rather leave and now im pregnate he dnt want to spend no time he tells me we will be together 1 day i call his mom she lie an says he sleep he call when he miss me too many mixed signals tired of crying and being alone

At this point as has been said your only two options are abortion or having the baby as a single mom.

The unfortunate thing is you can't undo what he did to you and people do not change overnight, actually sometimes not even in a lifetime. There is nothing you can do to make him grow up and become mature and willing to keep whatever promises he made. Change must come from within an individual. Because God gave us all 'free will' the same free will that you have to do what you want, is also the same free will that he has so it means no one, even you...can Make him change. I suppose you were hoping that there was some way to do this and be your 3rd option. Sorry, no third option.
Contact Planned Pregnancy, cus they even handle situations like yours, unplanned ones and changed plans. They can talk to you about both options, carrying the child or having an abortion. If keeping they will hopefully have contacts for other agencies in your area in your state that help unwed mothers. Check with your own family for support. No matter who the father was and what he turned out to be, they may be excited to help support you and the new grandchild,niece/nephew.

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Hi there, f/16
Me and my boyfriend had sex today.
It was his first time but it wasn't mine.
It was really rushed and we didn't use a condom because we didn't have one.
Since it was his first time he didn't last too long but that's ok. What I'm worrying about is the fact that I think he pulled out a second too late and he might have gotten some cum inside me...
I'm absolutely freaking out! It happened today,17/8/14, and I have no way of getting the morning after pill.
I also am not on any birth control pills but I am on anti depression ones....I really need some help.
Please don't judge.
I am not emotionally, physically, emotionally ready for a baby! Either is he!!!
Please, if you have any ideas or options please please please tell me.
Thank you so much!

Check with Planned Pregnancy for the morning after pill. It can still be effective if taken before 5 days after which is the lastest statistics. Planned pregnancy do take in teen clients and are bound as other medical practitioners to the Hippa law which protects your right to privacy so no one including parents can know you received help from them without your permission.

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my boyfriend made another facebook account hidden from me and the cover photo was a picture with this girl whom i do not know. i accidentally saw their pictures on july 2 2014 and i confronted him but he said that its not what i think thats why i decided to ask the girl..she said that my boyfriend was his boyfriend and she is pregnant. i ask him to choose and he said that he cannot leave the girl for the meantime since her pregnancy was quiet dangerous. he said that he was sorry and ask me to give him a chance to fix the mess he made. i ask for an explanation and he said that he met this girl on facebook march 2014 and courted her for fun. they ve been in a relationship on may 8 2014 but personally meet on june 2 and had sex. they meet again june 20 and had sex again. but now he is not sure if the baby is his thats why he is pulling away from the girl. and said that he is starting to fix the mess that he made. he also deactivated the facebook account that he temporarily made to prove to me that he wants to fix our relationship. i love him so much that i think i cannot live without him in my life. is it possible that the baby`s father is my boyfriend if they had sex on june 2 and june 20 only, and the last period of the girl is may 16-20? i have 3 things in my mind right now (1). move on and start all over again (2). give him a chance if the baby is not his because this is the first time he cheated and i think he deserve one last chance though i wouldnt give him a chance if the baby is his because our life would be complicated with the mother and his baby around (3). give him a chance and let him prove himself for a year or two that he is worth another chance. and also to test him if he can now be faithful to me. if he was able to that then i will marry him. what do you think is the best thing to do? we are in a long distance relationship.

How about I ask you a question first.

Does a person with an addiction to alcohol learn to not drive drunk the first time he/she gets into an accident while drunk driving?

The majority do not because their addiction is so strong and they find it hard to kick or they don't want to kick it. So they repeat the same mistake.

Does a person with an addiction to gambling, find the resolve to simply stop because creditors are calling all the time asking for payments and they have spent all their money gambling? Nope, most find it hard to quit.

Likewise, a man who may be addicted, or maybe not to checking out and dating and having sex with as many girls as he finds attraction to, may not.

Just because this was his first time cheating while with you....IF he is telling the truth on that, does not mean he will learn with his first indiscretion because others will their various vices never stopped after their first time either. Because there is something at core in his character that needs him to deal with first, whatever emotional, or selfish feelings/issues or whatever need to be personally dealt with before he can be trusted. Otherwise he can have all the desire to stop and think he is putting all his willpower into never repeating and fixing the mess he made but will fail until whatever deeper hidden inside mental/emotional programming is running and over-riding his will power and promise to change. He may mean well, but you can't be 100% sure because of what i just said that he will not repeat the same transgression.
Razhie had good things for you to think about. It doesnt matter if the baby is his or not. There are many couples who face the same issue. The biggest thing will be him providing child support. Then both he and you will need to decide who is the best person suited to each of you to be in a long term relationship with.

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I’ve had cystic acne since I was in the 3rd grade. My acne bumps are painful. I’m constantly teased and people screw their noses up at me when I walk in a room. I get really nervous when I'm around people because I'm afraid they'll make fun of me, some do. Even family members make fun of me. People call me "pimple face" and "zit face". Laugh at me in my face. I’ve tried so many things like Proactiv, neutrogena, every acne product in the store, putting lemon on my face. None of it works & my skin gets oily. I hate when people look at my face for fear that they are thinking terrible things about how ugly I am. Even in school people look at me like Im a freak and I'm alone. I can't afford medicine that costs hundreds of dollars. I can't afford a dermatologist either. The past doctors I went to said I have the worst kind of acne.

I really get sad about this because I dont think no one deserves to be teased. it really hurts that people call me names & talk about how gross my face is.

My skin gets bad like this: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RTzbYFEAlCY/T4wjsKPfsAI/AAAAAAAAABs/xXq3h-2kD8M/s320/cysticacnetreatment.jpg

my next school is a big school and I am by sure going to get people saying horrible stuff about my skin! Any advise?!

So far it sounds like you are self treating. When you have something as bad as you do, it's better to be seeing a dermatologist. They are experts on skin problems and solutions. I will say that everyone is unique though so what works on one person won't work as well on another. I also realize that in many cases, the medical community can get narrow sighted and only look at one side or area for a solution rather than holistically. So it may also be a good chose to check if there are any naturopaths/homeopaths covered by your insurance. Treatment of the skin, and a prescription of pills may not clear it up well if there are other problems within your body that all add up to contribute to the skin problem. Its not as easy as finding one culprit.
One thing I have come across is teachings of how to work with your lymph gland system to help be healthier overall body wise but it also can help ones complexion. The lymph nodes are located throughout the body just under the skin. I am providing a link:
http://www.thelymphnodes.com/locations/

My daughter knows a natural health practitioner who teaches people to daily massage their lymph nodes to keep up our health because the lymph nodes help filter out dirt and debris and also supply nutrients throughout the body and is often an overlooked part of our body's systems.

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