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I Need Advice!
I Am a girl, almost 14 years old and I have had a crush on a close family friend for (way too long). My brother and my best friend know but I am afraid to tell him. When he is around my brother, my best friend, and I, he acts so NICE, and sweet and we always have so much fun together! But when he is around his friends he is always so mean and hanging out with slutty snobby girls. I really can't get over him and i don't know whether or not i should tell him. I am going to a new highschool next year and he will be there and I am afraid to see him in the hallway with a bunch of girls. Should I tell him? Should I try to move on? Should I ignore him?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There's two ways this can go with him and the only way for you to find out his true character is to spend more time hanging out with him. So it makes sense to tell him that you are attracted to him and would like to spend more time with him to get to know more of who he is as a person. Do not use words like crushing, I like you or I love you because all those make the other uncomfortable if they do not yet feel the same and there's always a chance that chemistry is different and the two of you may not click.
The possilbe reasons for seeing him as two very different people is that he is play acting, pretending, using a false personality in both situations but with different people for different reasons.
It is easy at this age to feel so concerned over how others think of you, and wanting so bad to be accepted that we are afraid to be ourselves for fear of losing respect, or being teased or shunned.
So either this boy really is the nice guy you see when he's with your brother and he is being fake around the popular kids so as to feel accepted or he really is the mean kid going down the wrong path and pretending to be nice, using your bro to get close to you to put on a fake show of being a nice guy to win you over. I can't say which it is but one will be his real self.
Heres a blurb I've written about the purpose of dating which may help you in deciding whether to date him or whether if you both do date, you stay with him or for what reasons break up with him.
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.
Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.
If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.
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