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My husband left my children and I
My husband left my children and I July 2013. He walked out took the car. Junked it so neither of us could have it. During the marriage he stole from my father and from my son. For money. He'd lie about it. During the time we have been separated he meet a girl lived with her and her 2 toddlers and 1 infant. They didn't work out. I ended up having to move up north for support. I didn't have any family were we lived. I filed for divorce. Recently the last 2 to 3 weeks he wants to get back together he loves me and the kids he wants to be a family he'll go to church counseling find a job and keep it work hard. He says he's changed he's sorry I ask why he did the things he did he says he was stupid. He says I won't regret taking him back he wants to prove to me how much he loves me how much he's changed I don't know what to do.
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I wouldn't believe him. It seems like your doing good without him. I wouldn't put my kids and myself through it again. I think you and your kids deserve alot better.
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Yup, like the other poster i have to say ive watched this exact same situation go down before too. Child like men who want to be taken care of and not have to take care of their own family by working a steady job and bringing home the bread.
I have personally always said a mans soul job in life is just to WORK and take care of the family! why is that so hard?! they dont have to give birth, and do everything that mothers HAVE to do thats just unavoidable. but if a guy cant even work a at the very least bring home the bacon then he is not a man. (obviously not counting disabled or ill people who are incapable of work)
Also if he stole from your children and dad what makes you think he wont do it again? hes obviously a very irrational person too if hes going to go and junk your shared car just to be spiteful. thats absolutely terrible and no one should have to put up with that. It was totally juvenile of him to do.
I say stay seperated for a while, and let him prove this stuff you spoke of FROM A HEALTHY DISTANCE, of course still allowing him to see the kids and visit but NOT stay. Tell him you want to see that he is capable of being independent before you make any moves towards taking him back. and see how long he can go without pulling something ELSE immature. For me personally stealing for his own children would have been the last straw. who takes money from a CHILD? lol. thats just ridiculous and i would have made him return that money ASAP.
good luck. i think in your heart you know what needs to be done here, but the ball is in your court and you have to put on your big girl panties and make the next move.
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I can't tell you what to do. Because some people DO change, and they only appreciate what they had when they lose it. But then again, some people do not change, and as soon as they are given a second chance, and they go back to their place, they get too comfortable again, and misuse the chance you gave them, and they go back to doing exactly what they used to do and even worse. A person who could once lay his hands on your son's money, and your father's as well, can definitely do it again. It's the idea that his heart and mind actually told him at one point that it was okay to do that, it is very likely for him to do it again. A relationship, especially marriage, MUST be built on trust,and with trust comes honesty and loyalty and faithfulness. If your marriage was lacking that, then it was built initially on wrong grounds.
I think that he did you wrong, really wrong, and that you deserve much better. I can't tell you what to do, because only YOU know him, and you know how you feel about him, and only you can help yourself and tell yourself what decision to make. I can only tell you that if i were in your shoes, I would let him learn his lesson, continue to learn it, and if he really is sincere about counseling and working, then he'll continue to do that, and he will keep trying to make things right with you. I mean, if you tell him that you don't want to get back with him, you might find him giving up on the job idea and the counseling, because he wasn't actually sincere about that, if he really wants to change, he'll change for himself, not just for you. He will want to be a better person for himself, not just to make things right with you.
If you DO decide to get back with him, I suggest you take it slow and gradually, let him find a job first and secure it, and actually have a source of financial funding for himself, be self-dependent. And just don't rush into this again, don't trust him, don't believe everything he says. And think that it's not only your decision, it could also be your children's decision, I'm not sure how old they are, but if they are grown up enough, you should talk to them, listen to their opinion, their opinion matters, because he is a father figure to them.
Let me know if you would like to talk about this more, feel free to inbox me.
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well,how do you exactly feel about this? you see, no advice is as good as the one that's in your heart right now.obviously, you still care for him for you wouldn't be confused as to what you should do if you don't.and only you can tell if he's sincere or not.but if you want us to explore the pros and cons here, then let's start with the pros:if you give him a second chance(i take it that was a first offense with regards to leaving you)then there is a possibility of mending what he has broken a year ago, of having a complete family again, of having the man you love with you again.and the cons:the finality of divorce, well, that could be drastic on you both, not to mention the impact it could have on the kids.and of course, what if he is lying,what if this is just a ploy to get you back again and do much worse? but then, who are we to tell the future? no one's been there yet.and the only things that we can rely on in times like these are our emotions(which like the currency is fluctuating)our intuition and of course, there is FAITH. if you have the last one, i think a decision wouldn't be so hard to arrive at.God bless and good luck
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What?! It's only been a year that he has been gone. Do you honestly think a person can change that drastically in a years time? AND somewhere in that year he was living with a girl and her 3 young children. Likely she was the only one who gave him a roof over his head and food to eat. I'm guessing it got old with her too not being treated well and supporting him so he has no where better to go so he's only wanting back so he can continue to take from family financially and have someone who will take care of him so he doesnt have to do anything. My friend found a guy like that who walked away from wife and kids and began a pattern of looking for women who would take care of him and he never worked. She finally got rid of him and last we heard, he found himself another sugar momma to take care of him. Some guys don't need a really rich women but one who is foolish enough to believe that it will get better. No it won't. If you take him back, this time you'll be kicking him out and he will look for another woman who will take care of him so he can continue to be lazy. He's not a man, he's a kid in a man's body. You already have children, you don't need to add one more. Go through with the divorce. Wish him well in the counseling and going to church. Then watch and see if he goes through with it for long if at all. The moment he sees that you don't soften when he plays church and plays repentant husband, he'll dump the routine and leave again to find a better deal where he can either steal the money or get a woman with money to spend it on him.
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