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Need Advice
I am 20 years old girl.I am from Bnagladesh. 2 years ago I met a boy on facebook.He was from the another city of my country.I never add unknown people. Actually I was searching someone from his company. And I sent friend request to him. But after chatting I came to know that he was not the one. I decided to remove him. But from his old status I came to know that he lost his mother last year. I really felt bad. And decided not to remove him. We became friends. We used to chat for long time. He shared a lot of things with me so did I. He was a nice boy. He cared for me. I forgot to take my medicine. He asked me everyday that I took my medicine or not. He asked my opinion about his business card. I mean he gave me priorities. But after 2 months don't know what happened he started to change. He didn't reply me back like before. I didn't ask why. And I started to realize that I like him. I felt bad about it that how I fall in love with someone on internet. I decided to move on and not to talk to him anymore. But that time it seemed very difficult to me. I decided to remove him. One night I knocked him and told him something about my family and then told him that I am going to remove him. He said please tell me the reason. I told him and removed him.but still I used to message him and he replied me. That time I came to know from other source that he hided things from me. He didn't told me that his father got married few days ago. He told me that he had a girlfriend for one year but he never loved her. But I came to know that after that he also had a girlfriend almost for 3 years. But he didn't tell me anything about it. After one months I added him again. He accepted friend request and talked to me like nothing happened. Everything became normal again. I gave him my number. We started to chat on whatsapp. Almost like before. It was my birthday. I asked for gift. He asked what I want. I told as your wish. He told me to ask for something. I told him that you won't be able to give me. He asked me what. I didn't want to tell him. But he forced me and requested me to tell what I want. I told him that I liked him seriously and I really wanted to spent my life with him. He told me that we didn't meet each other ever so we shouldn't think about it. After that I didn't knock him. After one day he knocked me and told me that he added me on his new facebook id.in which he refused me to add before, he told me that this account was for his family.one day i called him and we talked for the first time. That day he told me about his father marriage. We talked for 20 minutes. And he was nice. After that we used to talk. His birthday was coming I decided to send him a gift. I asked for his address but refused to give it to me. But I knew his addressed already so I sent the gift. And he accepted it. There was his another female friend. She also liked him. She also send him gift but he didn't accept it. I came to know from someone. And on his birthday he called me and said that I am crazy. But he was happy.every thing was going well. One day I knocked him on whatsapp and after sometime he replied. Like he always does. But I felt something is wrong. Don't know why!!! But my mind telling me that something is wrong. I felt that he was not replying me. Someone else was doing it. And the person tried to insult me. I knew that he couldn't talk to me like that. I end the conversation. I was so upset that he allowed someone to reply me by his phone. After 7 days I knocked him and asked about the matter. He told that it wasn't he. I asked who it was. He told it was his colleague. But he didn't tell the name. I got very angry. He tried to explain me that it wasn't international. But I didn't pay any heed to his talk. I asked him how could he allowed someone to message me. He said that his colleague borrowed his phone for some work and I knocked that time and she replied. She also deleted the message but told him what she wrote. And she did it for fun. I was so angry. I shouted at him. And told him not to contact me ever. At last he also got angry and told me that I was just a facebook friend to him nothing else and he never thought about me.
After that I found out the girls name. She is 1 year older than him. She also proposed him. But he said no. Before that happened I contact him again almost after 3 months. He also did. One day he called me we talked for so long. And after one day the girl tried to commit suicide and admited hospital but he didn't go to see her. When I heard about it I really felt bad. Its been 6 months. We don't talk like before. He doesn't reply like before. I also ask him that if he has any problem to talk to me he can tell me directly I won't contact him again. But he says he has no problem to talk to me. But still he doesn't reply every time. I also don't knock him like before. I come to know that the girl come back in his life.they talk to each other.but they are friend. He never tell me anything about it ever. I found it out from another source. I still miss him. Want to talk to him. But when I remember about the girl I stepped back. And didn't knock him. Don't what to do.
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I can't say what his problems or issues are. But I see that you have a hard time making a decision and sticking with it.
I don't blame him for not replying to you as he did in the past. Your inability to stick to a decision very likely has him thinking you were leading him on, and that means pretending an interest in him when there really wasn't any.Of course, you are 20 and still young, even though you may feel grown up. So you don't have much experience yet.
The first problem I saw was that as soon as you saw you had the wrong person, you intended to stop talking to him and remove him as a friend on facebook but that is not what you did. You have a caring heart and felt sorry for him because he lost his mother. But trying to befriend someone or having a dating relationship with someone based solely on the reason that you felt sorry for them, is not a good base to a relationship. He may be a nice guy but both of you made errors that will hurt a friendship. I always tell people that on line friendships or relationships are very limited and a poor imitation of the real thing face to face. I suggest that instead of trying to make friends on line first with a guy and then try to make him into a boyfriend, that you meet guys in person first.
But even before that dear, you really need to know what the purpose of dating is before you'll even have a clue as to how to act in a relationship.
At your point in age, the object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.
Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.
If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.
Good luck dear.
Oh by the way, it is likely that a girlfriend of his intercepted your calls or messages and messed with you.
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