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Afraid to tell him I don't want to have sex again
Hi im 21/f and i need some advice. A few months ago my longterm boyfriend and i had sex for the first time and it was great. Ive recently developed a really strong bond with God and i know the bible says its wrong for christians to have sex before marriage... And i want to do things right. God has forgiven me i know but im afraid of telling my boyfriend we shouldnt have sex anymore... Im afraid of hurting him...
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You've gotten good advice from everyone so far. However one thing occured to me that i thought I might bring up in case it is true.
You didn't give exact dates and how many months actually in each case so your sex "a few months ago" and coming to have a bond with God "recently" could have variables. What I am getting at is that what you have written would lead me to believe it happened in the order you have written....sex first then coming to God. If so, the advice given works.
If its the other way around and You came to God first, and then you had sex with him knowing it was wrong according to your new beliefs, and now feel guilty, then you did the wrong thing in having sex with him if your beliefs are against it. You will owe him an apology, and yes in that case he will not just be hurt but also confused. If he is a believer in what the Bible says too, then he should understand your change of mind.
Good luck!
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Think you might have to tread carefully to avoid conflict. Remember that finding this bond with God is a personal thing. But does he share anything like such a strong bond, and hence will he have anything like your level of conviction that sex before marriage is not acceptable? He may not actually feel that the act of your having sex together previously is something he wants to be forgiven for. Or indeed anything that needs to be forgiven at all. I should think that your most convincing approach to the subject would be to state (tactfully and with understanding) that even if it is not really an issue for him, it IS an issue for YOU and since it is, you need him to comply out of respect for you and your beliefs and values. In a way, shift the focus. You do not want to as it compromises your love and respect of God. You want to get him thinking he doesn't want to because if he insists he is compromising his love and respect for YOU (ie. in effect, leaving his relationship with God out of his reckoning and making it a matter of respect for YOU and your wishes). If he does not have that bond with God you have, trying to force it on him could in my opinion possibly end up a mistake you might quickly regret.
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I think I see your problem. Your new religious beliefs are causing you a conflict of sorts. First is the fact that sex before marriage is not condoned. Second you should not be doing anything that could hurt others. Both are very good rules to live by. When one comes in conflict with the other you follow the one that is most overriding and most meaningful to you that causes you the least harm in all respects.
In this instance you follow the no sex before marriage which is the stronger of the two conflicting rules, the most meaningful to you and cause you the least harm in all respects. What you say to your boyfriend is basically what you have said to us. Choose your own words of course but you want to convey the fact that you have found comfort in god or Christianity on what to follow the churches teaching. You tell him you love him, if that is true, but sex before marriage is one of the strongest beliefs of the church and you have decided you will not engage in sex again until you marry.
If he loves you and respects you and has any intentions of making a life with you, he will understand. You say that you and he are or have been in a long term relationship and just started having sex. It is just possible if his intentions are to marry you that your decision to follow gods teachings may be just what he needs to make the decision to ask you to marry him. It is also possible that he will not want to live a strict religious life and this will cause him to want to break up with you. Not knowing wither of you I really can’t say.
What I can say with a certain amount of confidence is that you have to honest with him. If this is the life you want you have to tell him directly and not make excuses for not having sex with. It is the right thing to do and it is with in the teachings of you newfound religion.
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