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Things are getting so complicated
It's been eight months that I am with my guy , and we love each other but we argue every single day!We fight over things we have said to each other , and silly reasons mostly.We try to fix ourselves but we end up fighting again.And he has this one problem , he just never admits it when it's his fault and that leads to a bigger fight.I also lost my virginity to him and it means a lot to both of us.And it has been a long time since we didn't have sex because we don't have a place.And he is always horny and I am not.He tries to do stuffs in public but it is very uncomfortable because people in my country stare even if a boy and a girl is holding hands.And when he starts talking about things like sex or kissing each other , I start explaining him why I don't do it.He gets it , but we end up arguing again.
I love him a lot and I don't want us to end.We were so happy.My friends envied our relationship cause wee went through a lot and we are still together , but it looks like a tragedy now.It became our thing , arguing every single day.
And I know he feels the way I do , cause it seems that he also loves me a lot.But I really don't want us to end.Please help
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Being in a relationship for that long, is hard in it's own sense. Especially because you shared such a huge moment in your life, such as your virginity. But you do have to look at all aspects of your situation.
You said you 'were' happy. and your friend 'envied'
These are both post tense words, meaning that things have changed.
Now change can be scary, But fighting every day is not healthy for either of you or for your relationship. As for the public display of affection, if you don't want to, then he should respect that in you.
I strongly recommend taking some time, to figure out if this is really what you want. don't talk for a few days (yes i know wth, that is not do-able) But you definetly need to find out what you want for you, and if he isn't right for you because you have grown apart then you will be better off.
Hope this helps;,
All the best<3
*Jasmine
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You want a magic mix to stay together even though you argue every day and are not perfect for each other? Why? Do you realize you are settling for less?
There is no magic thing to do to ensure the two of you stay together despite the facts that neither of you is right for the other. I will explain soon what I mean.
You have two minds dear. We all do. Right now your conscious mind is the one writing us and telling us of all the things going on that are wrong with the relationship and why those things would lead to a natural end to the relationship. The subconscious mind, where all our emotions and feelings come from has developed an emotional attachment to him whether from the sexual part of relationship solely or from other area's tool It is these feelings that cloud our ability to clearly see our situation.
Reasons why a couple might fight every day?
One may be a perfectionist, or have mental illness of some sort and will always be prone to start an attack while the other falls into the trap of defending their self in argument which only adds fuel to the others fire and so it continues.
Or both people are very immature yet and inexperienced in how to relate to other people, how to control their selves and their feelings and actions.
I have a feeling that you are not only speaking for him and that what you are stating is how he feels is only your guesses by the choice of your own words written to us. Here's one: .I also lost my virginity to him and it means a lot to both of us.
Does it really mean something to him in a sentimental way that he was the one to take your virginity? If he spoke those exact words and was treating you in a way that backed up what he said, I could believe it. Since he is engaging in sexual stuff in public, my guess is that he is more in lust than in love and a female looking for attention and love can easily mistake where the guy is coming from and believe he loves her.
Here's another: I start explaining him why I don't do it.He gets it , but we end up arguing again.
No he doesn't get it. He may say he understands or says Im sorry but those are only words and words are cheap. Its ones actions that will prove whether he really 'got it' and since he launches right into fighting immediately after saying that...my guess is he either doesn't get it, or he does but doesnt care!
And lastly you say: And I know he feels the way I do , cause it seems that he also loves me a lot.
You stuck the word 'seems' in there which is probably your subconscious mind trying to tell you something. Not everything is what it 'seems' on the surface. Seeming to love you and professing and treating you as if he loves you is two totally different things. The first is your
hope that it is so and just guessing. The other is you knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Here's another part I must comment on. "My friends envied our relationship cause wee went through a lot and we are still together."
I want to clarify what you are obviously thinking is a strong point in the relationship. I should know because I have experienced this. My first husband was abusive and there was so much we did not have in common. Younger couples in church were eventually saying they wanted to be just like us cus we'd been together for a long time and gone through many many things together and were still together. The only reason we were still together was NOT because he was treating me well and I liked the abuse, it was because I had not yet woken up, or realized I was settling for less and loved myself enough to ensure I got a better chance in life for real love by leaving him. It took a while but eventually I did leave him and get divorced. He didn't agree to a divorce at first, I had to leave.
Some people thrive on negativity and drama and those are the only things keeping two people together. So be honest with yourself. So say things that are not totally true just to convince yourself that things are really better and there is love. My ex could say the words 'I love you.' but shortly before I left him, a counselor friend of ours addressed him point blank when he witnessed hubby mistreating me in front of him and his wife and also having said disrepectful things to his wife. He asked if my husband was "in love" with me. In love is much deeper than just saying love. I love pizza and icecream but that is a different kind of love, I hope you see that. So at first he spouted off all the things he felt were wrong with me much to my embarassment. Nothing of what he said was true and these people knew it, it was just his way of trying to avoid answering. He was asked again and he answered, "I love her as the mother of my children." He was pinned down and asked again and finally admitted, "No, I have never been in love with her." And this admittance came after 30 years of marriage after we'd been through a lot of stuff, mostly his mistreatment of me and my stubbornly staying with him, and he didn't even lust after me as your guy does. So no love, no lust, no good sex. But being the object of a mans lust without love isn't much better.
I have learned that two people can feel sexual attraction but have nothing in common or have that new relationship energy, like the excitement a kid has at Christmas over a new toy, which will fade over time, like a few months. Also it takes having a spark or chemistry together and same kind of sexual likes and same libido to make the sexual part of a relationship work. You dont have that. You said, he's always horny and you are not. Theres nothing wrong with either of you, just the fact that you are trying to force the two of you to work in that area. Also a man can show a woman that he desires her and flirt in ways in public that are appropriate. A man who won't do so has no concern what others think, or whether it will cause problems for you, for your reputation, and has no care for your feelings.
I am of the idea, not knowing your ages, that he at least must be a young man, teen likely who has the raging hormones that any healthy young man has but is not willing to hold himself in control and is wanting to go anywhere that he can get away with getting the sex he is wanting to take care of his urges. Some guys will pretend to love a girl to get sex, and if she doesnt give it up to him will start to pressure her and talk almost of nothing else. I don't mind talking about sex but I want there to be good flow of conversation with my man, able to talk about many other subjects, things we have in common.
I think you need to step away and take a closer look at what you really have.
If you really think there is something worth saving still, then perhaps counseling is something to try, not for one but both of you. Usually its only married couples in trouble who go for counseling but there are just as many non married people who are having the same issues and need help to see what their issues really are and both be willing to take responsibility to begin to change things.
But know this, that nothing you say or do and nothing a counselor says can make him change. Change doesnt come from external influences. It can only get a person to focus their attention on what their issue is and make a decision internally to change for the better. If your guy does not make a decision inside himself to change for the better then your relationship will not get better.
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