adviceman49's advice column | Page 227

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

140961

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

13f bisexual my best friend doesnt want to hang out with me any more it seems.Shes so nice and beautiful and I secretly have a huge crush on her.Shes bi too.I love her as my best friend but she only wants to stay home and chat on the internet instead of seeing her real friends.I am crushed when she talks about how much she loves them.We hang out a lot but she seems to have an issue with twitter and i miss my buddy :( How can i get her to treat me lke a sane person becouse afterr she started that apparently im crazy and theyr all perfect.im not jelous but i miss the girl that would stay up for hours to talk about everything.I dont want to date her,that would mess up our friendship.

I really can't answer your question though what I would like to do is cation you about putting labels on your sexuality at such a tender age.

Your 13 just starting puberty. while there is nothing wrong with being bisexual many of your teenagers of your age and older will not accept you because you have come out on your sexual preference as other than straight.

Then there is the fact that at 13 you are just starting to explore your sexuality. It is way normal to see yourself as other than heterosexual. It is even normal for teenagers to experiment with other forms of sexuality during puberty.

To label yourself though is wrong and could even cause you to be bullied, teased or physically harmed at school. So I would suggest you, for the next 5 to 7 years keep your sexuality close to you.

What do you do when you're in love with someone so much that you you don't ever want to loose them. When you know they can be happier with someone else but they choose you. But when they choose you they choose you with tears in thier eyes. Because they know they could of been happier with someone else but they still choose you. And then you feel as of the whole world has fallen on top of you. Because he chose you with tears in his eyes and not joy. But that person tells you they love you. and you feel as if it's true. That person tells you they will change even tho they have told you that since the beggining. Even tho you've been together for over a year. But yet you still belive them. Even tho they been cheating on you since the start, more then once with multiple different people. Where they got to the point of even having sex. But you still see threw all those flaws and mistakes because you love them. What do you do, when they've hurt you so much even tho you don't deserve it, because you've been faithful to them since the start, because you know you've tried your hardest.. What do you do? Do you let them go to be with someone else.. or do you belive they will change and hopefully start fresh? :'( please help... I'm 17 years old female

He's not going to change. Your his safety net. Your the one he can come back to who will be there waiting for him when he has no one else to satisfy his needs.

Is this what you see yourself as, a vessel for his spending of his urges when there is no other. I Believe you have more dignity that that. If he loved you, he would love only you and sleep only in your bed by your side. That is what true love is. He will not change as long as you are there for him.

My advise is simple. You need to decide if you wish to be a vessel or if you wish to honored and cherished the way a women should be. If you pick the latter, which I hope you do. Then tell this guy to find someone else willing to be his safety vessel and to take a hike. That your going to find someone who will truly love you and respect you. Someone you can build a life and family with.

As my mother always told me. "There are many fish in the sea and the perfect fish is out there for you." Throw this one back he doesn't deserve you.

Ok I have a boyfriend who is in jail and we have a 1 yr old together. And lately he has been asking me question's that have alot to do with cheating or when was the last time I talked to a guy on the phone stuff of that nature. And he had recently made a comment of how he is the same person and has changed as well as making a comment of when he come home and a guy call my phone he would hate for our son to his mother get the fuck smacked out of her. This is making me just wanna like call it quits and run for the hills, because I refuse to introduce this type of life to my son. I have seen and been throw it before. HELP WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Your instincts are correct. You need to leave before he is released from prison and could harm you and your child. You should also inform the prison authorities of his threats and when they were made. All outgoing calls from prisoner accessed phone are monitored and or taped except to their lawyers.

Once you inform the prison officials they will inform the parole board or you can as well before he comes up for parole. The tape can be retrieved and played for the board and used to deny him parole. Meaning he serves his full sentence.

Doing this allows you time to leave where you are, change you name if need be and start a new life somewhere far from where he is presently incarcerated.

ok,i am 13 in my class loads of people are in a relationship. im what you could say a black sheep,i dont hang out in a huge group i move about. I get called a lezbian cus i am a tomboy and i dont have a boyfriend,kinda unfair. I'm not classed as ugly i got offered places at child modeling studios and what not but i just can't get a boyfriend the boys i did have crushes on all said no when i gathered the courage to ask them out. please hel, any advice on what to do??

The previous two advisors pretty much took care of the boyfriend situation. I'll address the bullying problem.

There is no reason you need to put up with being bullied or being called names in school or out. Right now bullying is very high on school administrators agenda. Bullying is a zero tolerance problem. What you need to do is tell a teacher or your school principal you are being teased and bullied and by who. They are required to put a stop to it.

There are many different ways the school can handle this. IF the teasing and bulling doesn't stop then you can ask you parents to step in and have a talk with school officials, or you can just go to your parents first and let them handle it.

As for being a Tomboy; that's no big deal at your age or older really. You may as you get older become more feminine in the way you act and dress or you may not. This is what makes us a unique animal our differences. As the saying goes different strokes for different folks. Just as long as you know who you are and are comfortable with who you are is what counts.

Just so you know there is a difference between being a tomboy and being a lesbian. Being a tomboy does not mean your a lesbian. Some of the kids your age may not know this. You can be a tomboy and still be straight. You can be a tomboy and be a lesbian there is nothing wrong with this either.

I'm 15 and a girl. I masterbate almost every night. Is it bad? My parents don't know I do but I'm always scared of getting caught.

Relax you normal. Masturbation is perfectly normal as long as it does not become an all encompassing part of your life. Meaning that is all you do. Masturbating is a safe and great way to relieve the sexual tension which puberty brings on. It is also a great way to learn about your body and how you like to be touched; your likes and dislikes.

Parents today are more tolerant of masturbation then your grandparents were. In fact according to a recent survey 85% of us, this includes adults like your parents, masturbate. Masturbation, although it is called mutual masturbation is part of foreplay when having sex. Oral sex and fingering and handjobs all fall into a form of masturbation under mutual masturbation.

Masturbation is still one of those subjects parents tend not to discuss when having "THE TALK" with children. I am fairly certain your parents are aware as a hormonal teenager that you might be masturbating. Just make sure you keep your door locked. Should they accidentally walk in on you while you are doing so I would not expect them to off on you. Most likely they will be a bit embarrassed, excuse themselves and leave the room.

If I was your parent and that happened. I would give you time to finish and collect yourself. Then I would ask to talk to you and explain that you were doing nothing wrong and this was normal behavior. I would ask that you just make sure you lock your door when you feel the need to masturbate so you are not disturbed by me,your mother or younger siblings.

Your parents may be different but as you are 15 unless they are ultra religious I doubt it. By the way most organized religions, including the Catholic church do not condem masterbation. They may not condone it but they do not consider it a sin.

Can you get arrested or filed as a sex offender if caught having sex inside your car In california?

Having sex in a public place and being a sex offender are two different parts of the law. Having sex in a public place is generally considered to be a misdemeanor. Something the officer would most likely give you a ticket for and you may have to appear in court. The ticket would be for Lewdness, public indecency or something of that nature.

A sex offender is someone who commits a sex crime which include crimes considered to be against nature. These would include Rape, sexual assault and Sodomy. Child Pornography and the distribution of.

While it can be thrilling to have sex in public places, the penalty for doing so is not so thrilling. At one time sex in the back seat of the old mans Chevy parked in some lovers lane was a given and the cops just made you dress and leave. Today we are not as tolerant of this type of behavior. The fines for this can be big and community service hours can be many. Rarely though does anyone go to Jail.

Just a note of interest. In LA back in the day the favorite place to have sex in a car or to make out was up on Mulholland Drive which was a favorite lovers lane. You can't do that today.

Hi this is a quick question.

me and my boyfriend are planning a family, he already has a child with a woman who he never see's because of the mother and whose tried to split us up numerous times. He knows I'm not fond of the thought he has a child (I've never met him and don't want to either that's not the issue.)

The issue is well there's two.
One: I'm worried he'll always compare our child to his, as in I've read lots of comments from parents saying nobody could ever give them the feeling their first born did, the other kids had to earn the affection and that thought tears me apart since it'd be my first child and then the other thing I think is since he rarely gets to see the other kid it would have a lot more meaning to him when he does, while the child we have who he would see everyday might seem so much more trivial... ontop of everything else theres a huge questionmark over whether the first is even his since they look nothing like each other and the ex slept around alot and was sleeping around when it would of been concieved

The other question I need is we have a clash of oppinion. his first kid has his name as a middle name and he told me if we had a son he'd want our son to also have that name. I feel like that's taking the piss though, parden my french, my child will be mine I don't want them to have any association with the other one at all especially not to share a name! I think he'll take that the wrong way but as I have brothers myself, my eldest got the privilege of having my dads name, and in my eyes that's what it is, a privilege that another has already gotten. If you could maybe help me find a way to explain this feeling to him it would be greatly appreciated as I don't think I've said anything wrong in my opinion. and no comments about how horrible I am to dislike a child, that's my own feelings and we already talked that one through, he's fine with it.

Your a real piece of work. You hate a child you haven't even met because he is a child of your potential child's father. You need to face the facts that his first born is and always will be his first born whether or not the child is in your lives.

The naming issue is a minor one. Your child can still be named a Junior or a II (second) if you prefer. You can also choose to give the child the name of your father should you wish to.

I don't believe your boyfriend is fine with this issue of you disliking his first child. I believe if he is any type of father to that child then he is placating you. If he is not then you may want to give second thoughts to this man as fathering a child for you.

By law he has certain rights and privileges where his children are concerned even if he does not live with them. He is also required by law to supply certain support for those children. If there is any question as to whether that child is actually his he has the right to ask for a paternity test. The test is non invasive and the mother can be forced to comply.

Should the child not be his then then naming problem becomes mute. The child is not his so the name regardless is not his even if it is the same name.

My advice is: If there is a question of paternity get a paternity test. If need be he can get social services to get a court order. You need to get some therapy for this issue in case the child is his. You need to learn to deal with this or not have children with this man or you will end up being an Ex and worried about the next women he has children with. This is not healthy.

Well okay.. i was dating this guy 4 over a year. V belonged 2 different religions 2 begin with.. and he had lots of other issues. I thought i was in love and i was blind 2 some extent.. But he was into me madly. When things weren't working I tried 2 ditch him which resulted in him cutting himself.. I met another guy.. fell actually in love and moved on.. But his mom died and i left him within 6 months of that mishap. Somewhere down i feel guilty as he is still no over me. Should I apologize ?? :(

Apologize for what. To apologize means you have done something wrong. Have you done thing wrong? From what I'm reading I do not see that you have done anything wrong. To apologize at this time would be to give him some type of false hope that you two might get back together which I do not recommend based on what you have written.

If his mothers death has been recent then the polite thing to do is to send him a condolence card. You could if you want write something nice in the card about his mother saying something about how much you may have liked her. Other than that I would suggest you have no further contact with him and get on with your life and let him find his own way in life.

if you do slept with 10 more guys is it possible that you can have an infection or possible infections in your vagina?

You can contract an STD unprotected having sex with just one person. While a condom doesn't prevent all STDS it does protect against many STDS. Then their are also other infections you can contract that are not sexually related such UTI.

My advice is if you think you have and SYD then get tested. IF something is bothering you see a doctor.

Ok so I need advice Because the girl I'm talking to, her parents don't trust me cause they don't think I'm a virgin. But I am the reason the may say this is Because I'm 16 and I act very mature in front of her parts and not play around. I am a virgin also I just need to know how to show them I still am so that they will trust me with there daughter. And also I'm a guy and she is 14.

There is no way a male can prove his virginity.

The biggest problem I see is the 2 year difference in your ages. This is where her parents have the trust issue. Numerically the difference between 14 and 16 is not a lot. Between the two of you the difference right now is great in their eyes. In 4 or 5 years this age difference will be meaningless.

At 16 they see you as older, more worldly and more mature than their daughter. Someone who could easily take advantage of her.

This is really not a question of your virginity but a question of trust. Trust is something you earn, it is not a given in all situations. Trust is a given when a police officer comes to your door because the officer is doing a sworn duty. The same person without the badge does not get the same instant trust and respect. It is respect for the office not the person. I hope you understand my example.

How you gain someones respect is by being respectful of them. Not knowing them I cannot give you any specific recommendations. I have a feeling from what you have written you know how to gain their respect. That you are a respectful young man who's interests in their daughter are honorable. This is what you need to show them.

I've been having a really hard time at school and I feel like my mom doesn't even love me anymore..I just want my world to end, but I don't know what I should do

The problem with the world today is we all don't seem to have enough time to do the the things we want to which includes spending time with our kids. I'm positive your mom loves you she is just not showing it in a way you realize.

If mom is a single parent of if mom and dad both work outside the home then mom may not have the time to express her love for you in a manner you would like. It happens more often than you know and your definitely not alone in your feeling this way.

I wish I could explain it better but I cannot. I think we would all like to have the story book life with the little house with the picket fence. Where dad goes off to work in the morning and mom stays home and makes breakfast, packs our lunches gets off to school and is there when you get home with milk and cookies. When dad gets home everyone sits down at the table for a dinner mom spent all day cooking.

At one time this is what life was like, not all that long ago. Today we all have busy schedules. Moms have careers or need to work to help support the family. Children have many after school activities because they can no longer play sandlot games without getting in trouble. Everything a child does these days has to be supervised.

What I would like you to do is when school opens next week is to talk to a trusted teach. Not only about any problems at school. Which would include school work and any teasing or bullying but any problems at home. If not a teacher than your school principal. If there is a problem at home they or at school they will solve it or help you get it resolved.

Okay m a 18 year old gal.. Everything in my life is falling apart.. !! My parents have grounded me.. taken away all my freedom.. which includes my cell being confiscated and i cant even go to college alone. All this crap has taken a toll on my relationship.. i really love this guy but m afraid because of my restrictions he might leave me.. I juz wanna die.. Wanna know ways how to do dat since m crying all he time asking god to take my life.. What are the best ways to die ??

None of us will tell you how to die, that is not what we do here. We will help you live and resolve problems as that is what we do here.

I don't understand how your parents can do what you have written they have done to you. Legally speaking at 18 years of age they can't do that. You are an adult now responsible for yourself. The flip side of that coin is that they are no longer responsible for you either and no longer have to house you, feed you or pay college expenses.

They can also not control you with the threat of disowning you and taking away your freedoms if you don't do as they say. For that is the same as holding you against your will a felony in most states.

Both you and your parents have to be mindful of the law in your relationship with each other especially your parents as you are in the eyes of the law an adult.

For instance if your cell phone is in your name and you pay the bill for it, even if it is from an allowance they give you. Then they have not confiscated your cell phone they have stolen it. The value of most cell phones is in access of between $200 and $500 dollars making this a criminal charge and could also be a felony depending on the law in your state.

Now don't go calling the police and filing charges, I don't think this is what you want to do. I believe the police will probably see this as a domestic situation and refer you to civil court if you did call them.

What I believe you need to do is talk with your parents and advise them or remind then you are no longer a child and they can not treat you this way any longer. There are laws to protect you just as much as when you were a child in their care.

If this is all over a boy you are seeing who they don't care for. There is nothing they can do about it other than get themselves in trouble should they continue to hold you hostage and steal from you.

Your parents need to understand you are an adult entitled to all the privileges of an adult just as they have. You still need to be respectful of them and to take there concerns into consideration when they have then. Understanding that they are far more worldly then you are and will see things you don't see.

In the end though you are the one left to make the choices. All we can do as parents is try to point you in the right direction and be there for you when things go wrong and help you get back on your feet and headed in the write direction.

This is a big adjustment for many parents as we have spent the last 18 years telling you what you can and cannot do. It is hard for many of us to suddenly just switch gears and give advice and not have it taken with nothing we can do about it.

You need to have a talk with your parents to make them aware of this. Possibly with another adult of their age acting as moderator.

i am 13 yrs old,i am a girl. i am in bombay and i have a friend his name was ranjith we are just a frirnd. but one day he proposed me. since i liked him acepted it.once he gave me a gift inside there was condom.he asked me shall we have a sex.i am intrested to have sex with him.but i don't know what are the effect of having sex in 13. so i am confused.i need advise

Every culture is different but one thing is not different between cultures. At 13 your body is not ready for sex. Yes your body may have taken on the form of a women but you still need time to mature both physically and mentally.

The fact that you are confused says you are not ready for sex and probably not ready for marriage either, though as I said every culture is different.

Bombay is a more modern part of India. While certain cultural and religious beliefs may exist in Bombay as well as the more rural parts of the country. My advice would be not to accept this boys proposal or at the very least not to marry until you body is old enough to perform marital duties which will be at least 3 to 4 more years.

You need to mature mentally as well. While you may have the beginnings of a womanly body at 13 you still posses many child like qualities that need to mature. So you need to wait a few more years before thinking about having sex.

I lost the only thing that matters to me my girlfriend and feel like i want end my life cause i can not live without her my heads confused i feel horrible inside and i can't help but want end it to make things better for everyone

I hear you and I believe I can say that most if not all of us feel your pain for at some point in our lives we have been where you are now.

Yes it hurts, it is suppose to hurt be it your fault or hers for the break up. This hurt will pass in time. You two may even get back together depending on why and who is responsible for the break up.

You are entitled to feel bad and to hurt for a day or week. Then you need to pick yourself up and get right back in he pool. As my mother would have told you; "There are plenty of fish in the sea." "What you need to do is bait the hook and go fishing again." The right girl is out there for you and you will find each other.

My mother would have also told you everything happens for a reason. I cannot tell you why what happened between you and your girlfriend happened but for whatever the reason was it was suppose to. Now you need to get back out there and find the girl you are meant to be with.

So have yourself a pity party for a day or two. Your entitled to one. Then pick yourself up and go fishing.

12,,F

Hi. I'm sick (Just a cold, nothing severe) and I woke up and I felt fine. But an hour later, I puffed out my cheeks and my ears hurt! This never happens! It sort of feels like when you're traveling somewhere and your ears pop, I guess.

If I press underneath my ear, it sort of hurts. If I don't do these things, my ears don't hurt at all. I thought this may have something to do with my cold? I don't know. My mom doesn't come home until like 7 more hours, so I can't tell her yet.

I don't want to go to the doctor! They'll give me a shot! And also, I can hear perfectly in both ears. But I've ALWAYS had terrible hearing.. But nothing seems different with my hearing. Please help me as soon as you can!!!

None of us are doctors so we really cannot make a diagnoses.

Whatever is bothering you does need to be seen by a doctor and treated most likely by an antibiotic medication. Treated early there is no reason for a shot.

Shots are given for a number of reasons. One of which is to get medication into a person in a direct manor fast to start fighting an infection. It is a step before an IV delivery and possibly hospitalization. You don't sound sick enough to need either of these.

If I was to take a guess I would say you have some type of sinus issue that is pressing on your inner ear. An over the counter decongestant may help relieve the symptoms until mom can reach your doctor. You need to wait until mom gets home and let her decide how to treat this.

Hope you have a Happy Christmas.

I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 months and she had asked me to move in with her. Everything is great with her but her friend and her boyfriend live with us and needless to say her friend is driving me nuts. She gets mad at everything and recently called me yelling and screaming because I had to leave early in a rush to spend Christmas with my family and i did not have time to clean the house. But the problem is her and her boyfriend are so bad to live with me and my girlfriend do not even go out anywhere in the house we always stay in our room so I do not be leave I should clean a house I don't even get to use. They are driving me up a wall but I don't know what to do because if I move it's going to hurt me and my girlfriend but if I stay this girl is going to drive me nuts.

When people share a house there must be clearly defined rules, in writing, that everyone signs off on as to just what is expected of everyone. This list would include financial responsibilities and chores. What is expected of them in how common areas of the house are used.

One thing that must be clearly understood is that if you make a mess you clean it. House cleaning chores are general house up keep such as dusting, vacuuming and the taking out of the trash.

Use of common areas is to the general acceptability of all. In other words unless you all are in to group sex, sex and making out is confined to your respective bedrooms. Snuggling on the couch while watching a movie would probably be acceptable.

If these rules are not acceptable then the party who is not primarily the responsible party on the lease or is the not the homeowner needs to look for a new place to stay.

Rules such as these help keep arguments to a minimum. IF the roommate still is hard to live with even after the rules are put in place then the only practical answer is that she be asked to move out. This is something you really need to discuss with your girlfriend.

Basically you tell her you would like to move in but the girlfriend drives you nuts and why. Offer the house rules as a way to minimize the arguments. If this doesn't work would she be willing to ask the girlfriend to move out to save your relationship.

Yes I think it is just that simple. Rather than jeopardize your relationship by moving in. You stay the way you are and visit. Limiting your contact with the girl friend.

My house is located on the corner of two streets. Lets call them A st. and B st. So image a capital T and A street is the short horizontal line and B street is the long vertical line. It's right at the corner. My house address for example is 4323 B Street. but my mailbox is located on A street. So, from a more logical standpoint, the address should have been listed as 4323 A Street, why in the world my mailbox is on the wrong street, I don't know. But how do I fix this problem? My packages go to the house across the street from me, and it's troublesome to run over and pick it up. There have been some packages that weren't delivered even though it was marked as delivered, and there's no saying that the house across from me stole my package or not. Would it be inappropriate for me to begin labeling my address as 4323 A Street without paperwork? The local mailman knows where my mailbox is, the only issue is when Fedex and UPS delivery come in. What do I do?

The problem you speak of goes all the way back to when your house was built and the plot plans were filed with the city or county. They in conjunction with the Post Office are the ones that assign the street addresses.

While you could speak with FedEx and UPS about this problem directly this would be only a short term solution. Each route pays differently based on the number of packages each route delivers on average. This means that drivers are always bidding for better routes to gain better pay and better hours. Nothing says that your current driver will inform the next driver of your unique situation.

I suggest you speak with the city or county planning office and the postmaster for a more permanent solution to your problem.

Iam Miss.Manasa (20 years old). Iam from India. I was suffering from itching at the region of vulva and vagina area. What type of problem I have? What type of treatment is needed to me? Thanking you.

Rea-Chan is right. None of us are doctors so we cannot make a diagnoses. No two people even though they may have the same symptoms may be suffering the same problem. Only a doctor upon a physical examination can make a diagnoses.

Itching in that area can be caused by a number of things. Anything from shaving to close to a bladder infection or yeast infection are three things that come to mind. The last two require a doctor to make a determination, especially if you have not suffered a yeast infection before.

So make an appointment to see a gynecologist or your family doctor for a proper diagnosis.

So I've had the same dream for 3 nights in a row now and it's really starting to scare me. It feels so real, but of course when I wake up, I'm fine.

So basically the dream goes along the lines of this guy who rapes me in my house. He gives me a needle with some kind of disease in it and then dashes off. I've never seen this guy in real life, and actually he looks almost like a cartoon, but he's a real man. Orangle hair, dark black moustache and he likes to disguise and travel everywhere to avoid the cops. So basically I tell the cops, and they go searching for him, but for some reason we're searching inside my house. So I wait in the closet where it's safe, but the cops totally miss him as he sneaks in my room, into the closet, rapes me again and almost kills me. And it keep happening in every dream.

There is more too it, but it would take forever to write every tiny detail. What does this mean? A dream of rape, does it mean something? It's freaking me out, someone please help.

Relax your normal. Many women have this dream. There are many ideas as to why women have this dream. Some might say it is a way of experiencing a rape fantasy. I think that is BS but what do I know I'm male and we males generally do not have such dreams.

It is something that happens in your sleep so it is more of a subconscious thing that for some reasons has been brought into your conscious being. Don't put any more value on it than it really deserves which is none. IT's a dream and only a dream. Stop worrying about it in the conscious world and it should stop bothering you in your sleep.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, everything was great until about 2 years ago he started being mean and getting angry about every little thing I did that he thought was wrong and kept bringing up my past with all the guys that I was with call me every name in the book, which always brought me to tears. The way he is now and him belittling me all the time, and living together he basically treats me like a slave, my family has been trying to help me out, telling me that I should just leave, but I know I'll still be in pain because he doesn't own a car to get himself to work and I don't know how to ask him to (we have joint bank accounts)sign his name so he's the only main person on the account so I wont get in trouble if he does overdrafts. The way things are right now and even close to Christmas he isn't easing up on anything and I just feel ending my life i'd be a lot happier, and would just like some advice on how I can get out of this bad situation.

Rena-Chan has given you good advise which I can expand upon a bit.

First; The joint bank account: Since it sounds like a checking account I would go to the bank and close the account. As one of the owners you should be able to do so without him. Open an account in your name only and put the funds your entitled to in that account and have checks printed in your name only. For the funds that are his have the bank give you a bank check in his name for whatever that amount is and you give him that check. This avoids any confusion over you being responsible for any check he writes after you leave.

Second: Go to the District Court House and file for an order of protection from him. This will keep him from coming near you for the period the order is in effect. Once he has been served by the Sheriff you can then request a Sheriffs escort to remove your things from the home you share.

Filing for an order of protection requires that you be in fear of him. Mental cruelty is as bad or worse than physical cruelty. You should have no problem getting an order of protection.

How he gets to work is his problem not yours. So this is something not to be concerned about.

It sounds as if your parents are willing to support you. I would suggest you pick a day that he is working. Take a vacation day from your work if need be. Go to the bank and close the account. Go to the court house and file for the order of protection. Go home, leave the check and the cards to open the new account on the table where he will find them with a note that the joint account has been closed. That the check is his portion of the funds.

Pack a weeks worth of clothes into suitcases and leave. Don't tell him where your going. He will most likely assume you are going to your parents. Go to your parents house. Don't answer their phone. Get a new number for your cell phone. Tell you cell carrier why you need on and they should not charge you for the change.

He will most likely beg you to come back swearing he will change. Don't listen to him. Make it a clean break and get on with your life.

There is also this number you can call for additional help. It is a hotline for an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for: Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. This number is answered 24/7 365 days a year. The people who answer the phone are in your own community and can put you in touch with the proper people who can help you. That number is 1-800-656-HELP.

PS: You might want to place the following ad in your local newspaper. "Having left the bed and board of ____________ I will as of this date no longer financially responsible for him." You place this in the legal notice section of the paper.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>