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He makes me want to kill myself, but I don't know how to get away from him
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, everything was great until about 2 years ago he started being mean and getting angry about every little thing I did that he thought was wrong and kept bringing up my past with all the guys that I was with call me every name in the book, which always brought me to tears. The way he is now and him belittling me all the time, and living together he basically treats me like a slave, my family has been trying to help me out, telling me that I should just leave, but I know I'll still be in pain because he doesn't own a car to get himself to work and I don't know how to ask him to (we have joint bank accounts)sign his name so he's the only main person on the account so I wont get in trouble if he does overdrafts. The way things are right now and even close to Christmas he isn't easing up on anything and I just feel ending my life i'd be a lot happier, and would just like some advice on how I can get out of this bad situation.
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You need to leave the relationship
You are causing yourself misery by staying with him. Until you leave him you are prolonging your pain and allowing yourself to be held back in his control. Nobody owns you or has the right to control you.
You go to the back and close the account. The money can be taken out and transferred into an account in your name.
End this now, first step close the joint account. You are in control of your own life and you owe it too yourself too be happy in life. You live once
Cut contact with the bastard
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Rena-Chan has given you good advise which I can expand upon a bit.
First; The joint bank account: Since it sounds like a checking account I would go to the bank and close the account. As one of the owners you should be able to do so without him. Open an account in your name only and put the funds your entitled to in that account and have checks printed in your name only. For the funds that are his have the bank give you a bank check in his name for whatever that amount is and you give him that check. This avoids any confusion over you being responsible for any check he writes after you leave.
Second: Go to the District Court House and file for an order of protection from him. This will keep him from coming near you for the period the order is in effect. Once he has been served by the Sheriff you can then request a Sheriffs escort to remove your things from the home you share.
Filing for an order of protection requires that you be in fear of him. Mental cruelty is as bad or worse than physical cruelty. You should have no problem getting an order of protection.
How he gets to work is his problem not yours. So this is something not to be concerned about.
It sounds as if your parents are willing to support you. I would suggest you pick a day that he is working. Take a vacation day from your work if need be. Go to the bank and close the account. Go to the court house and file for the order of protection. Go home, leave the check and the cards to open the new account on the table where he will find them with a note that the joint account has been closed. That the check is his portion of the funds.
Pack a weeks worth of clothes into suitcases and leave. Don't tell him where your going. He will most likely assume you are going to your parents. Go to your parents house. Don't answer their phone. Get a new number for your cell phone. Tell you cell carrier why you need on and they should not charge you for the change.
He will most likely beg you to come back swearing he will change. Don't listen to him. Make it a clean break and get on with your life.
There is also this number you can call for additional help. It is a hotline for an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for: Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. This number is answered 24/7 365 days a year. The people who answer the phone are in your own community and can put you in touch with the proper people who can help you. That number is 1-800-656-HELP.
PS: You might want to place the following ad in your local newspaper. "Having left the bed and board of ____________ I will as of this date no longer financially responsible for him." You place this in the legal notice section of the paper.
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It's always painful leaving someone you've been with for so long, even if they do treat you poorly. Trust me, I've been there. With a previous relationship, it went great, until after time he started taking me for granted, saying horrible things, even hitting me. And to be perfectly honest, I wanted to kill myself. I wasn't sure what to do, I was lost and confused, for some reason, despite the way he treated me, I still worried. But you have to realize, that a relationship like that is nothing to kill yourself over. Your life is valuable, as is every life. I know it'll be hard, but you have to be happy too. It'll take time, but you'll feel better in the end. I know I did.
Anyway, first off, go and speak with your bank *or call them*, and ask about how to remove yourself from the joint account, and get what information you can from them. Each bank has different policies, so it's best to get information from them. Some banks require you to close out the account, and just have the one party re open it in their own name, while some allow you to remove yourself completely from it. It's just easiest to speak with them and get the information needed.
Second, to get yourself out of your current bad situation, you have to be strong, and willing to go through with calling off the relationship. No matter what he says or does, your family will be there to help you if you need it. Just set a time and/or day and tell him that you feel things are no longer working out at all between you two, and that you feel it is best that you go your separate ways, and if the accounts do require him in anyway, tell him you'd like to be taken off the account.
Third, if you fear for your own safety due to him, *I have no idea if he has ever been physically violent with you* then have friends or family members wait for you outside, or even beside you while you tell him. This way, should he lash out, you have some form of security, if anything should happen, they can or you can call the local officers for help.
In a time like this, you HAVE to be strong and you HAVE to really take into consideration your well being. Your happiness should be more important to you than the happiness of others. Unless you're a mommy, then of course, you have to worry about your bab(y/ies)first. And if there is/are a/any child/children involved, you really don't want to stay in a relationship like that. You don't want them growing up thinking that is how all relationships are meant to be, and then they end up staying in a sad/miserable/painful relationship.
So, be strong, and everything will turn out alright. I truly and sincerely hope that everything turns out for the better in your life.
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