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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I am female and in college, first year. Not from the US. I suffer from a low level hypothyroidism for which I am taking my medications - reason why the condition has not escalated or gotten worse. I do however, have costhocondritis now. I have inflammations on various parts of my chest area. Sometimes the pain can de quite painful, sometimes it just goes away and doesn't do much. Mostly its stress that triggers it but recently I have been doing much more exercise tan what I am used to and the pain started coming back again today. I am unsure as whether it is healthier to stay in the sport I am, or leave it - the physical exercises we do are pretty serious (pushups, running laps around a huge building, running up and down stairs, and a bunch of other "fun" stuff). I like it, because I relieve some of my stress there, but... I just don't know if I should keep going. Also, I'm starting to suspect that I may have sleep apnea because no matter how much sleep I get, I'm always sleepy during the day.

Sorry but only your doctor can answer your questions. Obviously since you're on medications, you've seen a doctor before. Sometimes, it can be that a certain medication stops working for you and he/she needs to prescribe a new one to see if its more effective. And the Dr. will have a better idea if your exercises are contributing to it or not. Also the Dr. can refer you to a sleep specialist to be checked out for sleep apnea. Its a simple stay in a hospital sleeping overnight with monitors going to check on your breathing and depth of sleep. Pretty easy. good luck.

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So there was this guy, and we used to have a thing for each other three years ago.
We were "seeing each other" for about a year and stopped after that due to him having commitment issues, and his parents not being accepting. Needless to say, there were some bad yet, good memories created in that relationship. After the year mark, he told me that we should probably not continue this relationship anymore because things were getting complicated, and that we should be friends instead , and that we should meet other people, and that maybe in the future if things are the same we could get back with each other. Of course i was furious and sad that in the end we stopped talking to each other all together for about a year and half. Although i've met other great guys, things were just never the same. I guess unconsciously i have been scared and have always compared the guys to my past, and because none of them lived up to my expectations, I've never been able to be in a relationship since then. A year and a half later of not talking to each other, i decided to say happy birthday to him, and after his birthday he said happy birthday to mine ( a month later) and called me by my nickname that he used to call me when we were still together. I know it all sounds silly, but that gave me hope, so i messaged him and asked how he was doing.And i'll admit the conversation was a bit awkward and kinda short, but in the end he said that it was nice to catch up even though it was kinda short, and that he had to go because he had to study. After that, i thought i was kinda rejected so i decided that was probably the end of that, and so i moved on. 2 months later, he messages me and he tells me good luck on my first year of university!;), and i was really surprised and taken off guard, we catch up for a bit, and then he ends with "haha ok, good luck w school" and i reply " thank you ! and good luck with applying to dentistry!". but then he never replied back, and so now I'm feeling like on a hang cliff.....
i feel really silly to be reading into things so much, but i don't know how to feel. i'm feeling hopeful, but at the same time I'm telling myself that its nothing...should i honestly not think too much of it and that he probably just wants to be friends?? what was the point of him messaging me ? when he said that maybe we could get back in the future, do you think he really meant it? or should i just stop with these mixed emotions and just move on ????? Because deep down i know that there will always be a part of me that misses him.

Your guy was the one confused...either that or he was lying to himself or too chicken to tell you the truth.
Let me explain. The reason for dating, once there is initial attraction and surface level interest, is to get to know the person better, to find out if this is someone you can see yourself with for long term in a love relationship.
When the person you are dating is not the right person for you (you need to have an inkling who the right one is by a list of needs and wants in a partner) then you break up on friendly terms, and then move on.

Your guy said: should probably not continue this relationship anymore because things are getting complicated, and that we should be friends instead , and that we should meet other people, and that maybe in the future if things are the same we could get back with each other.

Things complicated? Unless he can spell that out, as to what he saw being complicated, it was a cop out. If he saw you falling in love with him and he was not ready to fall in love or plain old never in love, never saw you as more than a friend, then he should have been honest about that. The fact he said you should jjust be friends is a clue he doesnt want anything serious.
When he says you both should get out and meet other people, he see's no romantic possibility with you for whatever his reasons and is encouraging you to go out and find your perfect sweetheart and date him.
Here's the confusing part, maybe in the future you could get back together if things are the same. Wimpy line meant to lessen the blow to you, give false hope.
Think about it, if you really did meet others and found the love of your life, there would be no getting back together with you for him. Like expecting you to keep hanging, remaining single waiting for the day he decides he's ready to come back and commit to you cus he's ready to fall in love now? Even guys who were not looking to fall in love, when they meet the right girl for them, they are not going to be willing to let her go because they know they couldn't face a life without her if they didn;t commit to the relationship now and hope instead she remains single so that in case he doesn't find anything better out there, he can come back to you, his last choice. Wow, doesn't that make you feel special? Nope.
Even if this confused guy comes back to you, wants you back, remember that he doesnt have a clue what he is looking for in a female and not able to recognize it when he see's it...so how is he going to be able to support your passions and strength and talents and love those special things about you if he hasnt got a preferance to begin with. You want him to love him for more than skin deep beauty cus it changes as you grow older but your personality should stay the same. Is he is love with that? Remember that he found it easy to leave you. It would not have been so easy if he was head over heels in love.
Could he have left at all? Yes.
I had a boyfriend ask for some time to hisself when the relationship was happening so fast that the speed of it scared him. He needed time away from me to clear his mind and know whether he was just filling a space, enjoying company or falling for me. After just a week of no phone calls or getting together, it was enough time for him to realize he wanted me and was no longer afraid, willing to own up to his true feelings including his panic. It might take a few weeks, a month at the longest but i dont think so, if there are strong feelings for you, that are not being mistaken for sexual urges and lusting instead, then a guy won't be gone long and he'll come back right away and tell you why he was gone and be ready to commit to a dating relationship.
You are the one who made first contact after a yr and half. He didn't. His interacting and being nice and friendly means nothing more right now than wanting to be on friendly terms, not have any enemys. Use of a nickname needn't mean anything at all, its just a habit to call you that. Even the word love, without the love feeling behind it means nothing, has no value when a person says I love you. Its just a word.
Dont get caught up with words or willingness to converse. It's the actions that will prove when a man is in love with you.

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I am having hair fall like crazy!!My hair also became a bit thinner.I am having Vitamin E-cap , doing my oil massage properly , eating Nutritious foods , Using anti-dandruff shampoo , using anti-hair fall shampoo but it just doesn't stop!!
Please help!!I am so worried!

My sister has this at times. It usually happens when she is more stressed, chunks of hair fall out. It is a condition called Alopecia in case you don't already know about it.
If you've seen your doctor and these are the treatments he's given you, then go back and tell him/her its not working.
If you haven't heard of it:
Type in Alopecia in your web search bar and you'll get many hits. There's lots on info out there. What you will want to do is go see your doctor about it. For women, sometimes the condition can be caused by their changing hormones, especially older women. Whether bare patches or just thinning hair, there are different types of alopecia. In my sisters case, as soon as she got over her stress, her hair grew back healthy again.

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Am I sick if I like to sniff my dirty underpants when they're hot and sweaty

If we're talking underpants, male or female, your own musky scent should be pleasant. So thats not odd, it's part of you. It's something you can't make go away, no matter how often you bathe. Too many young people are afraid of their privates smelling bad to someone else or think there is something wrong when they cant make their musk scent go away. Its normal.
If you're just into the sweat smell, don't worry, our own sweat smell is often not offensive to us at all. If you like the scent enjoy at your own leisure. Just keep in mind that not everyone you come into contact with in public is going to like or at least not mind your own natural scents.
If two people find they like or dont mind each others natural scents, then you've found someone with whom you have chemical bodily likeness. there's such a thing when dating, finding someone with whom neither likes the musk scent of, it's actually offensive and the sweat scent even more so. Keep that in mind.

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I'm 19,M. I broke up with my ex about a month ago, after being with her for over a year. I started talking to another friend for a bit. We planned to hang out and whatnot. Movies, park, etc. She was out of state visiting family. We ended up sexting and planning to do a bunch of sexual stuff when she got back. I was really horny (I've never had sex before, or anything else beyond kissing and grabbing) She gets back and says we can't do anything or even hang out because she wants to focus on school and doesn't have the time, and that she's been in love with this other guy for a while. She'll say she can't even hang out for a bit, yet she has time to sit at home and be on netflix for 6 hours. I feel bad cause I kind of made her feel guilty. We still talk but I was looking forward to all the fun she said we were gonna have, even if we were to just hang out at the park. If she was in love with some other guy, why was she making plans with me and sexting me? I really liked her but now I don't want to talk to her. We've been friends for well over a year now, but this was the first time we talked sexual and in such detail. I was working all these weeks sometimes up to 76 hours, looking forward to being with her on my time off, for nothing. Do I have the right to be mad? I know it's her choice and I'm not gonna try to make her change it, but why'd she do that to me? I was already feeling kind of crappy before we were talking anyway. I work midnights, sometimes it's dark and I'm alone, sometimes I'm in the same spot for 16+ hours, I would always think about her, and now being confined in a spot for so long, all you could do is think, and I can't stop thinking about uselessness, death, having no purpose, and giving up my dreams. And now it's like I have no life. A few months ago I was happy, going out with my gf, bike riding, working out, hanging out late with friends, jamming guitar with other people, and now, all I could do is work doubles all week since I have nothing better to do, the little fun I have is at work. But I don't wanna be there for the rest of my life, I want to be successful and actually do things.

I'm going to start at the bottom and go back up. Now remember, I am here only to help you reach for the best in your life and make the best decisions which means something, you need another perspective and realizing the often our problems in life come from negative thinking.
Not trying to be mean or anything.

But can you answer me, (you don't have to really, this is for your own benefit) what you hoped to accomplish...what result you were looking for by telling her you were going to use prostitutes and live at work. Warning...don't lie to yourself...be honest. I say this cus we all lie to ourselves at times. Whats the truth here? I can guess and toss out some answers but only you know.
You wanted her to feel sorry for you? Not good. Do you really want her only cus she feels sorry for you but doesnt love you? That gets old pretty quick and is not satisfying.
You wanted to find a way to punish her? Unless she is in love with you, which she likely isnt because most people are monogamous not polyamorous, what ever you say to her is not going to punish her and hurt her. The only one you end up hurting is yourself. Cutting all your normal activities out of life that were there BEFORE she came along, is not going to affect her. Is she going to miss seeing you at the gym or at jam sessions with your buddies,or whatever else you did before she came into your life. No, it won't affect her.

So, again...I ask what the purpose of your statement was? At your age, your brain isn't fully done growning at least the prefrontal lobe isn't, not til mid 20s onward. This part of the brain is responsible for making good decisions, understanding things better, better perspective, being able to run through a problem and see all possible outcomes, use reasoning, see possible consequences. The exercise I just took you through, asking you about that statement of yours is to show you that due to age and brain maturity not being quite there yet, your statement is not a solid adult reasoning, it is immature...not in a way of dissing you, just a matter of human growth science wise.
So it is a good thing you are reaching out for advice. It is the right thing to do at your age, even though the ultimate decision in the end is still yours.
Now for a reality about dating and relationships:
There is no guarantee that a person can find the right mate for life with the first one or two they date and especially rare at your age. Now i married at age 20 to a christian guy. One would expect it should be a great relationship, right? Nope. We were both young and immature and not knowing ourselves let alone what we wanted and needed in a partner. So I married someone where neither of us felt sexual chemistry together at
all. At to that, he had a mental illness that got worse over the years. That and his frustration over lack of satisfaction due to us being sexually mismatched, he began to verbally abuse me the whole marriage. But thats not the point i'm going for, only that when I was young, we did not really know what we Should be looking for in a partner. After a divorce later in life, after children, I began dating. I found my 2nd husband, but not before learning through mishaps and hurts in life.When you date, you will experience disappointments. You will experience heart ache and broken heart. It's a given. I did. and I was experiencing these things in my forties!

What you are doing is trying to protect your feelings, protect your emotions by putting up a wall to guard from further hurt. It's a move our subconscious mind does to self protect but your conscious mind can override that action with logic. So what kind of logic overrides this wall you built to cut yourself off from all people, all social stuff? Putting up a wall, keeps others out. But that also keeps out any other person who may be the perfect love partner for life because they can't get past the wall you've erected. So for that reason, the wall needs to be dismantled. The wall to protect you from others, will not protect you from yourself. You still have memories of love and of hurt and your negative feelings continue to fester behind your wall. If its not helping you mentally get to a better place, the wall has no purpose, take it down.
This means going back to the few things you know to give you some pleasure, hanging with buddies, working out, bike rides. Try even pursueing some new things you've been curious about.

Now on to opening yourself to a possible new relationship in the future. First, at this age range, the girls are going to be as inexperienced as you at relationships...no long life track record of experiences you've learned from yet. And we are all likely to make mistakes along the way, intentionally and unintentionally due to immaturity or inexperience as I have tried to make very clear to you. Do not let these two problems hold you back from moving on in life. Yes, you have no life now because you are choosing that. There is life without a girlfriend. Life is just way better when you find a love partner to experience life together with. If you can find someone who loves you so much they don't care if it's just doing chores or running errands together, as long as they are with you because life is more enjoyable with you at her side, and for you with her at your side, then you will likely have found your love partner for life. Someone that nobody could pay any amount to get them to leave you, because the money means nothing, it's being totally in love with you. Yes, that is possible, its out there cus I found that guy for me and its' exactly as I just described such a relationship. Neither of us have eyes for anyone else.

Now, in the beginning, we date to discover what we like and don't like in the opposite sex, we are still exploring and trying to figure things out. Some of us discover who and what we are looking for, long before others do. So dating relationships can be short or a person is dating several people at the same time. Flirting and all that goes with is part of spreading our wings and learning what we like. Not trying to explain her actions away. I wont know if any was intentional to hurt you or just a result of her exploring and not knowing enough. It is okay to date a couple people at the same time, though it shouldn't take a year. And if planning to date a few at the same time honesty if needed with each date to know that you have not made a commitment to them, just dating for a while to decide which person is more of what you are looking for.

So you need to know what you are looking for. Of course you'll want a lady whose you are attracted to visually. You will find many that you are attracted to visually but a whole lot less that you are attracted to, feel that sexual draw to and yet enjoy the personality traits and character of, the stuff below surface level of only skin deep beauty. So make your self a list as you date girls, use the experiences to put down what your needs are. A need is a deal breaker, if she isn't this, then you will not consider being with her. The moment you come across something you don't like or cant see living with day in day out for the next 50 years, even if you dont plan to marry for 10 years yet, then she's not right, break up nicely and move on. Make a list of the things you don't like, perhaps insecure girls, annoying qualities to you, and what it looks like in a girl so you can spot those things early when meeting someone so you either avoid getting involved or cut it off as soon as it becomes obvious which is about 2 months into a relationship, the point when both people stop putting their best image forward, a false identity pretty much, and feeling comfortable that they have you hooked, lapse back to their real self. When you date, and find someone that seems to meet all the requirements on your list, you choose to make a commitment to her, this means dating her exclusively.

I hope this all makes sense to you. If you don't really need the money of the double shifts, cut that down and find time for yourself. take time to figure out who you are so you could sell yourself like a salesman to the right girl, lets say in a dating profile. If you had to write a de scription of yourself, what would you say about yourself. This is actually a more important step than you may think. You dont have to go to dating sites but that first paragraph or two of how you describe your attributes and personality are the thing you want to give examples of in conversation with a girl you meet so she can know if you are the kind of guy she is looking for.
If you need help with this part, just ask me.
Otherwise, good luck sir. You are young and you have lots to live for. This is not somethin to be depressed over for life or want to end ones life over. You'll be fine. I know it cus you were intelligent enough to ask for helpful advice on here. Let me know in the future how things go for you and refer to this letter so I remember you.

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I know that you can't tell me what is the right thing to do or how to act on this situation with Michelle but I just need someones opinion. And since you know about my complicating relationship with her I just want to ask, what I should do next?

I am afraid of losing her and she is afraid of losing me too, she never addressed it that she feels that way but her insecurity shows it. So how can I approach her about this? Should I say something when she becomes jealous again? Or flirts with me or what?

I know that she may never give me the romance I want in a relationship but I just would like to know her thoughts about this, if she is aware of her insecurity and emotional attachment she has on me.

You already mentioned shes not aware of the fact that she's flirting. Jealousy is lots stronger emotion. That is what i would use. See, you pretty much have the answers already yourself.
Here's something for you to know about jealousy so you can explain it to her.
Jealousy comes about only through an underlying emotion of fear. It's actually a fear of loss, of losing something. So jealousy is nothing more than an indicator that one needs to look deeper inside to discover what their fear is.

Jealousy is like the indicator lights on the car dashboard that something is wrong that needs to be addressed. So jealousy isn't something like a black mark on ones character, an embarrassing thing to deny or attempt to cover up. If you ignore the light in your car's dashboard that say's oil or gas is low, you end up in trouble pretty quick. Same with jealousy. Things can only get worse if the fears behind it are not addressed, brought out into the open, admitted and talked about so both people can reassure each other. A trap some people get into is lying to their selves because they are afraid to discover what their fears really are, so they deny or make something up that doesnt sound bad to them.

That's like covering a wound with a bandage without cleaning it out and sanitizing it . . . what happens? It festers and becomes infected and pus filled.

So what happens is you give her a chance to explore inside herself and give you the answers as to what she is fearing a loss of. If she can't come up with any, thats when you share with her what you already suspect and know. It may take her time to accept that is what's really going on in her so don't worry if she initially rejects it. Keep calm, keep calm inside. What can help is that when you confront her, it is done with your heart in the right place. That means it isn't feeling upset with her, frustrated,coming from a stand point of wanting to show her that she's wrong. Instead, this I already know to be how you are, a heart filled with love and concern and wanting her to have the best life possible, and a step better would be for some healing in the area of jealousy. But you could be having a bad day yourself. If so, wait until you're in the right frame of mind but the feelings inside you can be heard louder than the words you speak.

As for what to say when it comes to reassuring her... there are some bonds in life that can be tighter and stronger than those of the family we are born into...it's those who we choose to have become family to us. Family you choose or adopt will be people who treat you ideally the way family should but don't always do.

So reassuring confessions to her could be: Michelle, I've never told you but you are family to me, even closer than blood relatives, I could never cut off relationship with you. You are closer than a sister to me. You will be a part of my life til the day I die. You won't be my only top priority but you will be at the top along with whomever I find to be my mate and any children I have.You will be welcome by my mate and loved and accepted as family by her or I will not marry her. I will only hook up with someone who values the strong family type bonds same as I do.
If Michelle cant be reassured with those kinds of words, I don't know what will work. As I said once, she may need counseling. And if she still displays insecurities after you share something like that with her, you could share your concern that she still is feeling that way and tell her that you are not equipped as a professional is to help her and then urge her to see a mental health counselor as soon as that can be worked out.

Of course, don't tell her you learned this all from an advice person on line. I'm sure you know that. If you want to use anything I explained about jealousy to her word for word, tell her you researched on line and then wrote the information you found in a letter to her. Then read off my explanation exactly or in your own words on a sheet of paper to her. Keep in touch and let me know how everything goes.

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We all sit on the floors in the hallway for lunch and i sit across the hall from this absolutely gorgeous guy and he is a sophomore while I am a freshman. We make eye contact a few times everyday but I honestly have no idea if he is interested or not. I'm fairly sure he doesn't have a girlfriend but any advice anyways? I'm really scared to talk to him... thanks for any help at all.

Okay, you've got the first two important steps suggested, smiling and saying Hi. Those two things show an interest as far as surface level attraction. You and he both don't know enough about each other yet to know if you're going to like each other. the best way to do that is to become friends rather than just start dating and dating is where more of the fear and awkwardness is because the two really don't know each other.
So how to find a way to make a conversation opening statement, is to make comments or pay a compliment.
It can be the smallest thing, you think the shirt he's wearing is new to his wardrobe. Make a comment "Is that a new shirt for you? It's a good color on you. "Thats comment and compliment" If all you get is yes and thanks in response without more said, he may still be nervous and shy so on the topic of clothes use it to ease into other topics. Theres a trick to this, practice at home. Write down like a story what you might comment and what possible responses and how you find any word or topic to use in telling a short story to him. If you dont give up so easily, he will be more intrigued realizing you really have an interest in him and will start talking in response.
Using the clothing angle, "ask if he chooses his own wardrobe or the parents still choose for him. tell a story of something mom got you to wear once when you were younger that you thought was dorky ...any personal experience story that might make him laugh is a good thing.
You could say if you have a male brother or cousin who dresses way worse than him, that your brother dresses like a homeless person or something no sense of style like him. (another compliment. Since you mentioned brother, ask then if he has any siblings. Dont stop at a yes or no answer. with yes, how many? with no, you must be lonely at times. Or do you have any cousins that live nearby? He talks about cousins and you can share then that yours live too far away for you to see more often. Keep the conversation going in like manner until lunch is over. At the end tell him you enjoying talkng with him very much and would like to do it again. that leads up to exchanging phone numbers and social network site you use to keep in touch with people. dont get stuck there on line for long, just long enough to find if it seems u have something in common. Focus on the similarities for example both like swimming, ask if he'd like to go to the local pool with you on Saturday. Pick a time to meet there when a swim session is starting, take a bus, walk there if close, ask a parent to take you, and coordinate so if one has a parent giving a ride and the other does not, ask the other parent to pick up your friend to go to the pool. Good luck dear.

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I am married for 22 years but my mental health declined and i went voluntary to a mental health unit the day i went in there my wife stopped talking to me and sent abusive texts to goad me in to killing myself i was in there for. 4 months and my wife who i adore has refused to have me back or even talk to me we have two daughters together and whilst i was in the unit she told our eldest daughter to leave which made OUR daughter homeless which i never understand how she could do this thankfully my daughter has now goto somewhere to live . The thing i struggle most with is that i am still so in love with my wife and don't want to live anymore i know that is selfish because of my daughters but i can't help the way i feel i just don't understand how my wife has turned so against me whilst together i THOUGHT we was happy doing things that family normally do holidays celebrations and so on i just don't get it

Doing things that a family normally does, even having family and holiday traditions while important for the nurturing of the kids and that make family time more fun and special and memorable, does guarantee that there is a great solid love relationship between both partners.
I should know . . .I've been there.
My ex was 24 when he married me. Unbeknownst to me, he had mental illness and it soon became apparent. Being christian I didn't believe in divorce and endured verbal abuse all my life. At the end after a new friend of ours I;d confided in heard that he had gotten progressively worse over the years, talked him into seeing a counselor, I broke up with him. Not because he was going for help finally. But because right in front of me, he admitted to the friend that apart from his illness, he had never been in love with me...only loved the fact that I had been a good mother to the kids. A marriage can go on for years for whatever reason with one partner not being quite in love like the other. Perhaps that is what is happening for you. She may have been a best friend but that is not enough in a husband wife relationship yet many people settle for that every day, which is really settling for less.
If she could't handle you going to a mental health unit on your own, it could be as adviceman said, or it could be she never really loved you as a wife, as scarey as that may seem.

That is no reason to want to kill oneself, to not go on with life because ones mate no longer wants you. If one of you, her in this case is not in love with you, this releases you from a marriage that was never what you assumed it to be. At this point in life, you can go on to find and experience a real true love. I did after 30 yrs marriage. My 2nd husband is the love of my life, something I never had with the first and now that I can see the difference, I realize that what I had before, pales in comparison.
I know, not comforting to you at the moment. There will be grieving to go through. Make sure you get proper grief counseling for this loss because having suicidal feelings in this case is an indication that you are getting stuck, feeling lost and not going throught the stages of the grieving process properly. Let your counselor know.

I don't know if your mental health issues had anything to do with emotional or physical abuse of the wife.

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I'm female, only fifteen, but sometimes I catch myself wanting a child of my own. Sometimes it's random, like I'm just laying in bed thinking and the thought comes around, and sometimes it's because I see someone with a baby. But either way, I'm freaking out about it in my head and I can also feel it with my body, like an urge or a deep longing. Not for sex, but I can feel in my body the longing for a child that shares my DNA. Is this natural??

Also, it may be because my dad was kind of a crappy father figure, but when I picture myself with a child, it's always just me, no father in the picture or even any thoughts about a daddy. Any ideas on that?? Thank you in advance for your responses!! (:

You may also have a stronger tendency to nurturing traits than others, especially if girlfriends dont share the same thoughts about having babies.
My passions in life are spurred on by my two personality strengths, nurturing and creativity. My nurturing caused me to be a better mom than most and now grandmother age, I still love interacting with children. But I also love gardening, and nurturing comes out in the tending of young seedlings, weeding, replanting. My creativity comes out in the garden too, with crafts, singing, writing and I wouldn't be here on advicenators if not for my two passions that drive me.
Find other ways to allow your nurturing trait to flow in your life for now, other than having a baby. Your time will come one day, hopefully there will be a father that you have a healthy relationship with also. You can volunteer working in a church nursery, doing baby sitting, get into gardening at home and perhaps if you really develop the green thumb, offer garden planning services to neighbors and relatives.
I dont think having a bad father image is going to cause you to fixate on urges of having a baby. Having bad parents can go two ways, you become like them or if smart, you decide to do the opposite of what they did with you and you become better parents.
Take care for the future to find a man you truly have a very strong romantic chemistry with. After the newness of the relationship wears off in a month or two, then is when you'll really know how strong an attraction you have. You'll need this strong love and desire for him because after having a baby, too many women get too absorbed in the baby, never carving out time for the husband. A man left out like that will either want a divorce or go have affairs. It can happen as soon as with the first child or his patience wears out when he see's the same thing happening, a pattern, with the 2nd kid, and there you are left to be a single mom. Don't let having a bad dad keep you from having a good relationship with your someday mate first most, and the children will grow up secure having two parents that love each other.

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My ex texted me out of the blue a couple of weeks ago. We were supposed to meet up and then something came up and I texted him to let him know, he seemed fine about it and texted me a few days later. I was busy that day and he told me to text him when I was free, I told him to text me instead because I forget. I haven't heard from him in a week?

If you and your ex discussed remaining friends after breaking up as a couple, thats fine to visit with him but he will not have a top priority of fitting into your life anymore. If you need to hear from him every couple days or even once a week, then perhaps you are not through with him the the two of you parted over issues that instead of unsolvable were things that could have been conquered. Only you would truly know if that were so.
As for good manners with people you are close to, though you don;t own an explanation to anyone when you say No to something, a great many humans have curiosity like a cat as to why they got a No or a turndown. And most people do not explain their thoughts actions or response, and I have found that more often than not, when I did explain, they admitted to wondering why and thanked me for explaining. I always assume that most people if not at the moment, will have questions in their mind as their mind begins to think about all the scenerios that could possibly have kept you from meeting, including that you are bored with them, upset with them, etc... People always imagine the worst when we lack full information. I know I do it. Everyone I know does it. So do you and your friends.

On the other hand, perhaps he's figured that you have found someone else to date and he doesnt want to intrude and is giving you your space. If the calls always had to be one way, from him to you...thats not a balanced friendship let alone relationship. There is no reason why you should have to wait to talk to him. Just do not call too often. Guys like their private space and 'cave time' which doesnt need to be interrupted by constant calls from someone they dont even date anymore. Keeping in touch can be once or twice a month thing and be enough. But you'd have to ask him how often he'd like to keep in touch and what might be too much for him and respect his wishes.

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Ok, so at this restaurant I go to, the host is wicked cute. He always sneaks glances at me and stuff. Anyways, I really want to talk to him, but I'm too scared. I haven't talked to him before. I don't know anything about him, and I don't even know if he's too old for me (but he's young, it's not like he's 20s). I just don't know how to go about doing so, especially bc he's at work when I see him.

teasing in a nice way is a good way to open a very short convo with him.
Since, his glances at you are pretty obvious you could find opportunity to get near him when no one else is in earshot and say something like, "You know, your eyeballs are going to get whiplash from glancing over at me all the time. Just teasing, but I noticed the attraction and I find you cute too but wondering if you are even single." If he says he is, Then ask if he'd like to exchange cell numbers and talk sometime to see if you can spend enough time together to find if there's anything beyond the attraction like friendship and maybe more. Make sure you have your cell# already on a slip of paper with your name and hand it to him, asking him to bring you his when he has a chance.

When you know nothing about and have nothing in common that you know of to talk about, the least awkward way of starting a convo is by latching onto something you have seen or experienced or over heard him saying to someone, patron or co worker.

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The advice you gave me about my friend Michelle and her relationship with her father is very true. I always thought about this for a while now and ever since I known her and her family they have a highly religious house. Michelle is the black sheep of the family, she claims she is anti-social and never connects with her big family. Family oriented, they are all close but to her she feels like they don't understand her. That she feels pressured and suffocated and doesn't feel accepted for who she is in her family. The only one that she told me so far that does understand her is her aunt from her mother side of the family.

She has a close connection with her more than her older sister and her parents. Michelle's aunt likes the same things she does, fantasy, dark themed stories and things, books, and fun carefree attitude. Michelle never felt at home with her family she loves them and will obey the rules of the house but she doesn't want to be part of it. Well she acts that way, a "I don't care" attitude.

Her older sister has two young boys and is married to her best friend. Their parents have all of their attention on her sisters family more than Michelle and her life. She constantly complainsabout her parents and how they spoil the boys and let them take over her old bed room (Michelle is now living on her own with a roommate/classmate).
I think she feels suffocated, trapped, and uncomfortable living with them. She just doesn't feel free because they the whole family takes over everything in the house.

This is why she likes to be independent. Michelle wants her own life and her own way or nothing at all. She is asexual and aromantic (not romantically attracted to others). She doesn't want kids or a husband/wife. All she wants is herself and many many animals. She doesn't want to be chained down, she doesn't like being controlled and that's why she likes to feel in controlled. However, she doesn't like to be alone.

Michelle and I knew each other since Jr. High, I met Michelle through a classmate and she was friends with them before me. She and I never acknowledge each other when we first met, we didn't feel connected with each other...yet!
I don't remember how it started but one day during our lunch she was being annoying and very hyper and I was irritated with her so I called her a name (pet name) that is now actually her nickname/petname and she bursted out of laughter and thats when the flirting/teasing/playful games began.
We have a bond that no one will understand but us hints the other question you also replied to that is title "Do you think she was referring this to me?"
Anyways, we have a love/hate dark humor platonic relationship. And she LOVES to tease me aka torture me just for fun. Her famous lines when we play fight with each other is "I want you to suffer!"

Yeah...I know.

And funny and crazy enough I actually fell in love with her after years of attention, flirting, and caring about her for who she is. Michelle had a rough childhood because she went through a liver transplant and she been on meds since day one. She went through pain and sickness like no other. She had a tough teenage life and a dark one at that because she use to be suicidal.
I saw how broken she was and all I ever wanted to do was make her happy. So I gave her my time and TLC everyday and I still do.
I am the closest person she ever got (that i know of) and I feel like she is afraid of losing me.
So anyways I am the strong one in my group of friends. The one with the advice, level headed, brave, loyal, and caring best friend. Every one in my group goes to me, so I really am the leader of the pack. Lol
Michelle is attracted to that because she fellows me than her other friends. I mean not in a lost puppy kind of way but as in a she knows who to go to kind of thing.

Well even though she is close to me she still wants her solo life and isn't interested in me in a romantic way so I don't know what to think of why she is jealous or want to keep me close and flirt etc etc. its hard when someone you deeply love wants you but you want them more than they want you.

Sounds like you may have a mission as a soul to be 'in service' in this lifetime. That would mean that you will find people throughout your life that need your help as Michelle does. A Pastor is in service, a counselor, a caregiver, etc.... someone that another person is counting on to make it through daily life.
Michelle seems to need to keep you within reach and does it well. Her need could be because any time she's feelings stress or some kind of crisis, she remembers how you gave her time and TLC in the past and subconsciously though she may not be aware, she fears losing her 'support system' one day if you were to move on, get married(male or female) and then raising kids (your own or adopted) as your main priority.
She senses that things would change, you wouldn't be available on call, right at the moment of her own crisis when one of your kids has the croup and your taking her to emergency that evening. Your kids and mate will come first even if she still has a pretty high priority in your life.
I can't say whether the thought scares her or not, but I am guessing there is some level of insecurity there.
I am not suggesting you to cut her off from your life, but as long as you are in it, she is not going to learn to stand on her own two feet and learn new ways of her own to be strong enough to handle whatever comes up in her life, like other adults have to do. It's what is called Enabling another person to remain stuck.

There's nothing wrong with having people in your life to use as sounding boards to bounce your ideas off of, get different perspectives, gather advice and then make the decision on your own. That is what we all learn to do after leaving the nest. If she is still living at home...that probably adds to her problems and frustrations.

I am sorry to hear about her rough past growing up. She may not feel strong enough herself to make it through the course of life without help at her side to her dying day, but there was a reason God allowed her to be born into a family where their religious and sexual beliefs, to start with, differ from her own. I felt weak at one point in my life but the day came when God told me I was stronger than I thought and ready to stand on my own two feet and make my own path. I am betting that God knows that there's an inner hidden strength in her, just waiting to come to the surface. Even if she seems strong to you, I am talking about something much more astounding.

But before that can happen, she likely needs healing from rejection, shunning, humiliation and such, whether it actually happened or she just felt it in her own mind. Although there could be another reason for her jealousy and wanting to keep you near by...this scenerio makes the most sense and from what I've seen in my life of human nature is the most logical one.

I find it interesting that she would say things like 'I want you to suffer' meant in play but can't help but wonder if its coming from deep within, wishing you also knew what it has felt like for her to suffer, to really have lived in her shoes, so to speak.
It sounds like she may have interest in things that seem dark or of controversial or opposite belief to Christians. The born again Christian and the Amish type of beliefs are the strongest about family values, a close knit family but also that you are expected to follow the church beliefs as the only way to live, really implying that one does not have a choice at all to make their own decisions that differ from the either blindly accepted rules and doctrines or the taught from childhood belief system. Religious groups like this are not likely to be open minded, I used attend the 'born again' type churches. I am still a Spiritual person who still has a relationship with my creator, but there is the freedom in my path to seek to define who I am, my personality further with all the things in life there are to explore. Each step of the way, I have asked God's guidance if God didn't mind me getting into "Harry Potter" for example...the church forbid that, reading about the similarities of Christianity vs Paganism (any study of any other belief was forbidden-why? Did they think in comparison we'd see that Christianity wasn't without it's spots and wrinkles and doctrines for which there was no explanation, just blind faith required. If I wanted to dress more Gothic style or what was considered showing too much skin even If I believed my dress to be modest...and the list goes on. In looking back now that I walk my own path, I see there was more oppression, depression and suppression in the Christian church members than i ever found among the so called pagan beliefs. I have since come to understand and support choice of sexual orientation or being born that way whereas the church does not.
Michelle is not going to be truly happy until she can pursue or explore the things she truly wants to do and not feel like she had to make excuse or apologys to people who dont believe the same as her, including family. If not yet 18, it's tough because the parents are doing what they do in raising her not to be mean per se, but because they love her so much and truly believe their beliefs that this one life is the only one she's gonna have to get it right or else she'll go to Hell. that belief system has messed up more lives than it has helped. It may seem a good many believe but I have found the majority just wanting somewhere they feel that close knit family feel of the family of God and yet they don't believe alot of what is being taught and are told not to question it, so they go on in fear 'pretending' to believe, leading a double life and that can tear up a person in side. Once she is 18 or if she already is, it's a good time to thank the parents for their training and upbringing but be firm and explain tell them: I'm no longer going to pretend to be something I'm not, just to please you. I love you but the path in life I've chosen is .....and you may not agree. Once you are over your grieving and shock and ready to have me in your life again, just come knocking cus my door will always be open."

She can pretend to be happy on the outside but it won't go beyond skin deep if she doesn't find herself a group of people and associate and hang out with them who are more of her beliefs and outlooks on life. Widening her support system is another good way to go. She can find support groups on line for any type of sexual orientation, asexual's too, others just like her. Tho they wont be the type of friend as you've been, she can connect and find understanding from others in the same boat. Same thing goes for what ever belief system spiritually she leans towards.

Perhaps in time once you're in relationship with a love partner because everyone seeks that love relationship, you may be able to see Michelle without feeling so devastated for not being able to pursue that part with her.
Hope this all helps a bit more. If you want to share any of the ideas I've written in your own words with Michelle, please so.
Blessings!

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I would like to continue my story to you because I really like your feed back about my situation.

I haven't used email in years and hardly ever check emails on there anymore. It's just for the odd thing or two that require you to provide an email.

So I don't give it out for personal contact anymore. Using the Advicenators system works f
ine for me.

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So my best friend/crush and I like to role play sometimes, I always make jokes that she is evil and she goes with it and says things to me like "I want you to suffer!" When we play fight with each other. I go along with it and act like I'm scared because I play as a victim and call her evil. Well this one time I saw this post on Facebook that I thought it was funny so I shared it to her. The post said:

Can we cuddle?
In our underware, so our skin will touch. Can I hold you while you wrap yourself around me? I'll play with your hair and drag my fingerstips across your skin. You'll peck my neck while I laugh and ask you to stop. We could whisper cute things to each other. Then I'll pull out my hunting knife and sacrafice you to the mighty dark lord Satan, while chanting sacrafical hymns.

She replied: "hmmm...ideas...thanks!"
I repleid: "Scary 0_0"
She said: "You started it"

Was this like flriting?

Yes, it's probably a version of flirting between you two. Not everyone would flirt in dark tones, Love for me is lots more light hearted and cheerful.
Expressing one's sexual fantasies is part of a relationship when one or both in a relationship want to become sexual together or already are.
You only said crush...nothing about going beyond the friendship zone. If both of you are too afraid to come out and admit you have feelings, that may exlain you're playing around, although when you love someone, you don't sacrifice them, you sacrifice yourself 'so to speak' for them, by putting their needs and wants first. But it cant be one way, they need to have the same attitude and be doing the same for you. So it would seem to me that perhaps you need to ask her if she would become your girlfriend. the successful relationships are ones where the couple is best friends first but also have attraction and chemistry with each other.
I am guessing that you both are young yet and still exploring your sexuality. So it may be that even tho not engaging in sex yet, the flirting and talk leans in a direction more of Master and slave, S and M, that sort of thing but its what catches the attention now and may not be the style you settle with for life as you learn more in the future. So if you are shocked at her response, likely you dont have to take her seriously, unless in askng her she admits to being part of a Satanic cult. If pagan, Wiccan or witch is what she labels herself, the people I know by those labels are not Satanists, it goes against their nature...so no worries.

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By the way I am a lesbian. And my friend Michelle is asexual. And she and I are best friends. Never had a romantic relationship.

Anyways, I understand what you were saying about my situation and I've been dealing with this for many years. What made this hard was that she flirts with me and gets jealous when I get involved with someone close. Her jealousy always been happening since we became close friends and her flirting never stops. Sure its just her and I playing around but there are many signs of her flirting that showed more than friend like. So my question is, how can I ignore her flirting and not take it seriously? Her defence of why she flirts is because she is oblivous to her actions that she isn't aware of what she is doing or saying at the time. I kinda believe her but I feel like it is a excuse.

Well, if anyone had to have a bad habit as she seems to be passing it off as, at least its not harmful to her like smoking, drinking or gambling. Only problem is it affects others, like you.
Let me guess, that when you become friends, she made the first contact. If not, I'd have to guess she tries for making first contact by way of flirting, not someone starting a convo. with her. There's a chance that there is some deep seated need in her subconsciously to be noticed, validated, because her father never allowed her to be her own person but controlled her all her life. So the subconscious mind is always trying to make our fears, predictions, desires come true but it's not always the best way to go...kinda like letting a toddler/child make all the household decisions instead of the parents. or the conscious mind, so yes its possible she isn't aware of what she is doing but more likely she know's what she is doing, just doesn't understand why she is doing and not curious enough to find out find she is doing it, especially if it gets her destructive results in relationships or just yours. This way she is getting the attention she craves that makes her feel good about herself and that feeds her inner need. See, the thing is, everytime she flirts, you play around with her and respond in some way, even with just a smile. If you stopped responding to her flirts and smiles, I'll bet she'd notice and be upset because she isn't getting what she needs from you anymore. Well, it is a good theory anyway and not hard for you to test. She'd either get angry at you or want to break up the relationship....and that is when you can hit her with the theory that this 'flirting' she does with you and is unaware of is her inner self crying out to be validated as an individual cus her dad squashed that in her by being controlling over her. No one likes to hear the truth if this is the case. If its not true for her, she wont over react, simply tell you its not so. If its true, her subconscious will hear and react and you;ll know if you've hit home. If my suspicions are going on for her, it might be good for her to begin seeing a therapist, a counselor and it will take years to become a healthier, happier, freer person. But there's no easy way to tell a person to try a counselor...and since to the general public, her flirting doesn't look like an issue at surface level, no one including herself will see the need to get help. Having a controlling person in your life does damage. I know, my ex was so. I pretty much stayed strong emotionally due to a faith in God but the stress took it's toll physically. Perhaps for you, just understanding why she does it will help you to overlook the fact she does it. Just don't take her seriously.
If she were to lose you tomorrow due to an accident, she'd have to replace you in a hurry if she is flirting for attention. tHE One person she wants a good relationship with, her dad, she's unlikely to get cus at his age,most people don't change anymore and will remain set in their ways. Hope this helps a bit...I am no psychologist but just a basic understanding of some pyschology, reading books on the subjects around it, and some life experience is what brought the theory to mind. Good luck dear.

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2 years ago my friend tried to set me up with his friend because his friend liked me but I had never talked to him. He asked me how I felt about him and I said I didn't like him I liked someone else (which I didn't know he liked me). Anyway, we started talking a lot, late nights, all day. Then we stopped talking for a whole year because I gave his number to his ex (which again I didn't know about). A year later and I like him but we still don't talk I see him at school all the time just don't know if I should approach him or not. Should I forget about him or try to be friend and see what happens?

sounds then like a misunderstanding is the reason that he stopped talking to you about handing out his phone number without his permission, or perhaps after a year of chatting with you with no signs from you that you were interested in him, he gave up. He doesn't see any need to go out of his way to approach you in school if you are not attracted to him and wanting to date.
I think the best way to get past this is to just come out and confess that you were a bit confused back two years ago. Be specific if there are things you may have said to him that was a true rejection. Your letter didn't clearly say that you said anything to him after a year of chatting to reject him. If it was the first guy to take interest in you, you can tell him you had never dated and had no experience in how to build friendships with guys and date and such. You can admit to making some assumptions and know now that you were wrong. You apologize for anything you may have said or done to hurt him. He once showed an interest in you. From watching him from afar, you're developing an interest in him and would like to get together with him. If he isn't dating, you would like to have the chance to date him.
" I invite you to hang out with me and see for yourself that I have changed lots in the past year."
If he's not dating and still has interest in you, he will respond favorably.

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I know it's not quite that time yet but it's really pretty today and it's made me sleepy, especially how much cooler it is today (I live in Wisconsin) and i feel like it should be fall. I want to see the trees blazing orange, I want to go walk through the woods back home in Missouri and sit by the stream. But what I came on here to ask was if someone knows what I mean when I say I need music that sounds like fall, feels like fall. I associate music with feelings, as well as emotions, memories, seasons (not like Christmas carols), events, practically everything. And right now I really need something that sounds and feels like autumn, that has autumn in it. I think I'm feeling acoustic guitar. I may be thinking Mumford & Sons, but can anyone point me to any other artists?? I hope you understand what Im saying. Im a young musician, five years of French horn in band, and I'm deeply in touch with music, it's my passion. Anyways, thank you sooo much in advance! Hope I make sense (:

I know what you're talking about but my interpretation of what I feel and see in my mind when I hear certain songs might not be the same for you. There is a song called "The Giving" on the album 'Change' by David Templeton.
What I see at the beginning is the first few leaves falling off a tree, to later stages of lots of leaving falling until at the end I visualize black bare branches. It evokes a nostalgic feeling, also a feeling of sadness for seeing the tree's lose their leaves, the death of those leaves. Here's a link I found on line for you to listen to it.

https://play.spotify.com/track/0Wdx7nNIcsfraO11Bi1OpY?play=true&utm_source=open.spotify.com&utm_medium=open

Another, short but sweet makes me think of end of summer, as in all great things must come to an end. I love many songs in the soundtrack of the Movie, Tuck Everlasting...you can find more soundtrack on you tube. Here one fav. song "Winnie's choice"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z96jt7OAvos

A pianist with talent to put feelings into song is Korean artist 'Yiruma' Look him up on you tube. A favorite of mine is "Maybe", reminds me of colored leaves dancing like little kids as they're whipped around by breezes as they fall.
Here's a link to the one song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9E6TFb6QRk

I know that there are others, but I cant think of them right now. Hope you get lots of good leads from others.

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F/18 ive been nervous about letting my boyfriend ...go down on me... Because im afraid he might think it looks ugly down ther (i think its ugly!) Or im afraid it might smell bad or taste bad for him ...do guys like going down on girls? And what should i do considering the hair...? Shave...? Wax...? Or dont guys mind? Im so scared he thinks its gross...

Let me try to guess what you mean by what you wrote cus I took it two different ways, Number one: he's already been giving oral sex to you. If he hasn't made any comments then he probably has no issues or problems with you just as you are. You can ask him if he likes the hair, would like you to try trimming a bit or waxing. When you end up with your life long partner/husband, if both of you prefer the totally bare look, then you might want to look into laser hair removal. They do it for the pubic area and a female will do the work on you. Just a thought for the future. Its not necessary and its a bit expensive but worth it for a married couple, after a few treatment, hardly anything grows back at all.
Honey, guys love the scent and taste of their sweetheart. The only time it won;t work well for either of you, with you not liking his scent and taste, even the taste of his kisses/saliva, is when the two are not a good chemistry match. They may enjoy some of the sex but not like each others musk smell or kisses or even scent of sweat. I have only one come across a guy who once the clothes were off, I couldnt give him oral as his musk smell made me gag and it wasnt because he hadn't washed.
Dip your own fingers down to your privates and get used to your own scent, what it smells like daily. That is your natural scent. Every female has a scent, so does every male.
Now compare your natural scent with the smell you catch when on your period, you know...that sometimes fishy smell, which is caused by oxygen getting to the blood once it exits the body and being kept warm by being close to your body.
If you are familiar with your healthy scent, then you will know when something smells a bit off or real bad, like something fishy that died, or like something rotting in a garbage can...and would mean you likely have an infection like vaginitis and need to see your doctor.
If you ever think you smell something other than your natural scent, ask your partner if you smell off to him down there and tell him you are willing to go use a wash cloth to wipe yourself.
As for being clean internally, your body does that all those weeks when you don't have a period, you know that clearish liquid that ends up in your panties dried on? thats your bodys cleansing system working. If you dont use douches or other cleansers or sprays inside or near the vagina, then you'll be okay. Use them and you rinse away the good bacteria that keeps bad bacteria (the ones that smell rotten) from multiplying. If you wish to do anything at all to freshen up down there...then in your shower once a week while washing, insert a couple fingers and swish them around. If there is anything that hasn't drained out on it's own yet, it will be on your fingers. You can take a sniff to see if that was the odor you picked up. Maybe twice a year I find a slight off odor that way. ..usually cus i was dehydrated and hadnt drunk enough water.

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I thought I was free and away from my heart ache that I've been dealing for 13 years. Until that one night I woke up from a nightmare which spoke to me that I haven't completely gotten over her.
I asked myself "Why did I have this dream? I thought I had already gotten over this?"

The nightmare was telling me:
"You need to deal with your emotions in order to move forward in your life. You need to find some sort of a resolution. Alternatively, it represents completion, a fresh start and new transition."

I wasn't happy with what I read, I kept denying it and saying to myself "Why do I still feel this way when I am not in love with Michelle anymore?" I even told her over the phone in April that I am no longer in love with her. Just so I can be brave enough to hear it from my own words. Unfortunately, I was lying to myself...

I just can't take it anymore that I now put my guard down and give up...its like I am defeated by something so strong I would never over come this.

3 months ago Michelle and I haven't seen each other since the conversation I had with her in April. We were too busy with our own lives to keep in touch and hang out like we use to many summers ago. I was upset that she never try to make time for my birthday or any other days when I invited her over. I knew life was going to get in between us so I was half sad and glad that I didn't see her as much. I am trying to move on with my feelings for her and she is aware of it. I started to hang out with new friends, family, close friends, hobbies and even try out online dating. I had a set schedule everyday just to keep myself away and busy.

That schedule eventually broke after Michelle and I got back from our vacation we planed together last year. Spending those 5 days with her alone open my eyes that our friendship haven't changed, we still continue our normal playful fighting a bond we shared ever since we knew each other. The playful fighting is what got us closer to each other. We never hesitated about our flirting if I should call it that. Its so natural to us that we never stopped or question it its like we don't want to break that bond between us.

Michelle was the one who continues it, she may not be aware of her actions so she goes forth with it without acknowledging on what we are doing. We like to banter with each other over the most silliest things. We would call each other cute names or possibly worse names and it always ends with her laughing after she gets a annoyed reaction from me.

Most of the time we will play fight with each other but I end up backing out the most of the time because I am to shy to go any further. I also noticed that she'll find excuses to touch me. On the shoulder, arm, hand; putting her arm around me, comparing hands, and slapping each other. Or even grabbing my hand will tight until I cry out for mercy and she'll smile in a pleasing kind of way.

Michelle will always try to grab my attention if I am in a conversation with somebody else. She would laugh out loud or giggle while covering her face and looking at me when I make a stupid joke or say something funny. She loves to be in control with me when it comes to playing around or deciding something together. Like if she has a plan she will stick to it and wants me to follow, if I think other wise she'll let me go and do it on my own but she'll be unhappy with me by giving me a "I don't care" attitude that is easily read that she is too stubborn to face the fact that she does care.

Knowing this about her I understand her now than before, we are 27 years old and knowing her family since high school I can see were she gets this from. Her father, that she constantly bump heads with because he takes control of her life as well.

Before our trip Michelle and I had a argument, I was upset with her when we were deciding to live together that it all went down hill when she wasn't being up front with me about her thoughts of me bringing in another friend to be our 3rd roommate. Michelle never said this but I know she just wanted it to be the two of us however I knew I couldn't handle it with her and I because of my feelings for her.

I was trying to be a adult about this tried to look beyond my feelings for her and just be two friends moving in together with another new friend. That totally back fired when I question her about her real thoughts on the situation. Michelle was being stubborn and being difficult as to why she wouldn't explain herself. Well it finally came to me that she didn't care for my new friend and she didn't feel comfortable living with her. I said to Michelle that she was acting jealous, her response was "I'm not so much jealous I just don't know her".

Of course that is perfectly fine that she didn't like my friend but lying to me that she was fine with it and she wasn't bothered by it it pissed me off. I told her "I don't want to live with you if you are not going to be honest with me. I asked you if you were alright with it, making sure it wasn't going to bother you but you lied to me. I knew you were uncomfortable with it, I saw right through you and I was upset that you my best friend couldn't tell me your thoughts. I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to do. We were in this together and you are now making it more harder for me to move on with my feelings for you. What if I started dating and bring over a girl would you be okay with that? How would I know if you wont speak to me and keep things from me because you were afraid you would upset me? I would like you to be open with me if anything is bothering you. Thats all I want from you, this is a emotional subject for me that I just can't take it anymore. When you asked me to live with you it was literally after I told you that I was still struggling with my homosexuality to my parents and my feelings for you. I just wanted a friend to talk to I wasn't expecting anything from you, I know you only see me as a friend and thats all I wanted but when you asked me that day what was I supposed to think?" I stated to cry over the phone and she was silent, I continued "Remember when I asked you if you were okay living with me? Your responds was "It's not like you are going to jump me, if you do I would punch you" that hurt me, why would you ever think I would do that to you? That isn't like me, I am not touchy feely like you! I respect you and your space I would never do that to you! Its not like me to do that!" Again silence, I wanted to continue but I couldn't stop crying. It hurt so much that I can never have a adult conversation with her about this. It is always a one way thing like I am talking to a wall. She didn't know what to say she couldn't get the words out. As much as it pain me that she couldn't explain herself and all she said was a small sorry I just took a deep breath and kept myself from continuing. Because I knew I was wasting my time with her. Through the years of this non stop cat and mouse game we have together no matter what I do or say it will never change.

So just last week on our vacation open my eyes that she still continued her bad habits with me. I know for a fact that she doesn't do this flirting with anyone else but me. My sister who knows about my struggle with Michelle sees that she is a flirt who is very oblivious to her own actions. My sister told me: "just keep to yourself and ignore her. Don't let it get to you because I don't want you to get hurt again. Michelle isn't acknowledging your feelings she is being a selfish bitch! Don't let her get to you."

My sister was right, that I need to ignore Michelle's actions and move on. That she will never realize what she is doing that I am just wasting my time.

After our trip, I saw Michelle's apartment for the first time that she just got with her classmate, I felt a little sad that it didn't work out between us. And what made it even more harder for me was seeing her dog that I found for her. He was so happy to see me! The last time I saw him it was 6 months ago, he was so happy to see me that he couldn't stop giving me kisses. Michelle showed me around her apartment and also vented that her apartment has been taking over by her roommate. Half of Michelle's space that she thought it was hers was taking over by her roommate without asking. I mean the whole visit was all about how her roommate has unnecessary furniture and things that bothered her already. It hasn't been a month yet and she is already bothered by her roommate's decisions. I think its because she can't take control over her like how Michelle is to me.

The rest of the visit was more of us poking fun with each other and me making her laugh and listening to our other friend who was there too talk about her ex. When we left the apartment and said our goodbyes I started to think about the what if's I was her roommate. Would I be happy living with her? Would I be free from my feelings or will I be holding myself back and wishing that someday she will see me more than just a friend? As much as I wanted to be with her as just close friends owning a apartment together I knew I couldn't do it. I knew I would be stuck in a imaginative world making me believe we are a couple.

My love for her is so strong that I would give up everything just to be with her. It isn't a healthy relationship and I need to see that. I need to think of me and love myself. I need to move on.

Her asexuality doesn't bother me, I respect her. I never wanted to force a relationship on her. When I found out my love for her I just wanted to tell her and move on. I was too afraid to jeopardize our friendship if it ever became something more. I love her for who she is and all I ever want is her to be happy.

I am not a selfish person, I keep trying to make others happy but myself. I tend to avoid myself, I put myself in these situations that I forget that the only way to love someone is to love yourself first. But how can you do that? How can you love yourself? I never know how to do it they make it sound so easy which it isn't...

And why haven't I moved on from my love for her? Is it because her somewhat flirting makes me think that there will be some hope of a asexual romance between us? Or is it that I am lonely and that I haven't had any luck finding a girlfriend?

For the record I never had a relationship before. Sure I dated some guys in high school but it was nothing but dating nothing more. She had one date in high school though she dated him out of pity and broke up when he was too touchy feely. Michelle is my first love I haven't meet anyone like her no one that will erase my love for her. I guess I will be forever in a unrequited love...

Could it be that your two minds are at war with each other? Your subconscious and your conscious minds? I find in your letter that your conscious mind/the awake mind has already figured out what some key problems or concerns are. You need no help there. Your subconscious mind is where the emotions and feelings are stored. Your subconscious mind doesnt want to follow along with the fact that you are broke up from what I could pick out, mostly due to the fact that she is a controller. I think your subconscious mind is what has you still visiting with and seeing her (as a friend) after splitting up. All you end up doing is torturing yourself. It's like the kid whose out of work dad doesnt have the money to get that special toy the child wants sooo bad for christmas. But the kid finds every opportunity to go visit the department store toy aisle to play with it or at least look at it even though he/she already knows that they will never be able to get it. That's torturing oneself and what it sounds to me like you are doing unless I missed something in what you wrote. It was long and some of the thoughts were'nt clear. When I first started reading, I thought that this was a girl that left you 13 yrs ago and that you are a male and still mourning the loss of her. As I read on, I became more confused. Now I am thinking that perhaps you may be a female. And flirting is mentioned but from what you have written I can't be totally sure that it wasn't a sexual relationship as well. If you are female, you may be gay or bi sexual. If you are male, you could be bi sexual, but not gay. No matter what sex, you made be hetero sexual in your makeup but desire and need to emotional relationship with someone of the same sex, nothing more. i am not sure how to advise you further.

The one and only thing I can tell you is that for a relationship to be healthy and long lasting, it needs two people who are on equal ground, both working side by side, not one taking a superior position to the other, telling the mate what to do and vetoing everything the partner suggests. There need to be a middle ground and both partners putting in equal work and effort to make the relationship work. This was not happening for you. So as far as I am concerned, it was an unhealthy relationship.
The only two ways you can gain control of the situation is to 1:severely limit the amounts of time you continue to see her or cut that out altogether...or you can go on life long and still be mourning for her when you are old and grey and have had a miserable life because you torture yourself with what you can't have and also shouldn't have.
2: Become aware of every thought that comes to your conscious mind, cus its being sent by your sub conscious mind. Any time it's a thought of her, tell yourself(your sub-conscious mind really) aloud, "No! I am not going to dwell on her. She is not the best choice for a healthy relationship, in fact there are too many serious flaws that she is not a good choice at all. You can keep sending these memories, thoughts and desires for her to my conscious mind, but I am going to reject them. I am going to mark them like a piece of mail "Return to sender". It will be a pain in the butt because thoughts of her will come up every few seconds, minutes, every hour, several times a day, once a day, and keep dwindling as you be firm about it with your subconscious. Again, it won't be easy...but I see nothing else that will help you.
Once you are healed from the situation and can honestly be glad that you are no longer seeing this person or in a relationship, only then can you go over the good memories every once in a while without them hurting you or opening wounds. I know it's possible. I have an ex who verbally abused me for 30 years. I can think back on the few good memories sprinkled in between all the bad and smile as I recall. I don't dwell on the bad ones and it doesn't hurt me or anger me.
If there's anything I can better help you with, please concisely write of one concern at a time. Once we've gone over the one issue, then write the next email. Thanks

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My ex and I broke up 4 months ago. He started dating someone shortly after and so did I. It was going fine (if you call breaking down crying weekly being "fine"). I was slowly getting over him then I get random text in which I reply, and I never hear back from him (SHOCKER)... well this continued for 2 months every other day I would get a "hey" or "my name" nothing interesting so I would spontaneously reply every now and then and still... nothing. I'm not an idiot I know when someone is just taunting me so of course it upsets me but I have a boyfriend so I just blow it off. Well about 2 weeks ago I decided to break it off with the new beau because he was just not keeping me interested enough if I still kept becoming affected when my ex would text me. Well a week later I can just feel myself breaking down a lot.. I mean a lot. Like I can't even be driving home by myself or there it goes.. I remember being sad at the beg. but this is on another level.. Idk if it's cause I was using the new beau as a crutch to not have to deal with my emotions (even though I had those breakdowns) or what... I thought I was past this sadness so why am I now resurfacing all those feelings? My ex clearly doesn't give a flying crap about me so idk what to think...

there are 3 kinds of breakups:

A break up where both come to a mutual understanding that it isn't working out, will break up but remain friends and

A breakup where you initiate it, which will not be as devastating to you. You may know its for the best because he isn't right for you.These kinds of break up's aren't going to be as hard on the girl so I am guessing that the last scenerio is yours:
When the guy wants to break up and the girl doesn't want to see it end, then she will be devastated. All the memories and feelings, your subconscious mind will keep re-playing over and over again, making it hard to move on.

No one person's grieving process is the same as another's. There are several steps to the grieving process and some person get stuck on one of the steps not progressing through for a while, and some near make it to the end of the grieving process which is needed for total emotional healing to occur. Those who remain stuck whether for a while or forever, are going to experience a lot of negative feelings.
Your situation isn't helped by recieving texts from your first ex's cell phone. With a phone call, we have a voice to verify that it is truly the owner of the cell phone making contact. When it is just a text, especially a constant Hey or name and nothing else, that doesn't sound like the action of a guy, the emotional mind games, poking at your wounds playing this kind of game. It sounds more like something a female would do. I can't say this is what is happening. If he is capable of this treatment, then it is good he's no longer with you cus this behavior would have come out sooner or later and the relationship would have been unhealthy one or broke up.
I am guessing that since he started dating another immediately after, this new girl perhaps worried that he might still think of you and like you more. Insecurity and lack of self confidence could cause a girl to feel this way. It wouldn't have been hard for her to get a hold of his cell whenever with him. But she wouldn't have enough time to send long messages to bug you...so therefore just the Hey or your name....hoping that you would call only to have him of course wondering why you keep calling him. If doesnt mean he wants to be with you again. If someone wants to piss you off enough to never want to get back together in case he changes his mind and wants you again, it could easily be this girl.
But imagining this all won't help. If you really want to know why you keep getting one word texts, then call him, dont text. Hear his voice and know its for sure him and hear the explanation. If he has no clue, you could ask if his girlfriend has access to his cell and ask her to stop bugging you.

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